Never tell me the Odds

Hey there Everyone.

I?m recently new to the boards and have been just lurking around a bit. It seems that this is a board were people are able to post their problems and you guys can give some advice so I was thinking of giving it a go.

Since around my first year of high school I?ve had this crush on a girl. However, my self esteem and courage were so low that I never tried to ask her out. Towards the latter years of High School a few of my friends found out and spread the rumors all around the school. However, I don?t think it ever got to her. Though at my end of High School formal, she grabbed me out of everyone and proceeded to pull me up onto the dance floor.

We barely saw each other the following year while at uni however on this one occasion I totally fell for her. It then took me four months to finally build up the courage to ask her if we had a chance. Unfortunately I only had the courage to write an e-mail i.e. I couldn?t ask her face to face. After a few days I received a reply which practically said: ?Sorry but no, I?m sure we?ll talk soon?. I sent a reply saying that it wasn?t here fault and that I?d always be here if she needed me.

About three weeks passed and I found out that somehow my other friends knew that I asked her. When I was tracing back how they found out, I discovered that the girl I asked actually already had a boyfriend.

It has been six months since then and I?m still totally depressed and upset. We have only seen each other twice since then and have only said hello. I?ve tried to let her go but I have found that it?s impossible for me to do.

Right now I?m trying to build up the courage to go actually talk with her and ask her questions like why she didn?t tell me about her boyfriend, why did she pull me up to dance and if we did/do have a chance. However I?m not sure whether it?s the right thing to do. I know she has said no but I can?t seem to be able to get over her. My track record with girls is non existent; no one has ever shown interest other then the girl in question (at least I think).

I would appreciate and I?m very grateful for any advice that you could offer.

 

Ho there, cowboy.

She asked you to dance with her, but that doesn't mean she wants to be boyfriend / girlfriend. That's one leap further.

And you have to let her go. Don't frighten her. Of all things, don't start asking her questions. Just do some work, don't focus on her; you'll meet another girl sometime and then it's all different, anyway.

Accept "No" for an answer, and move on.

 

Listen to Debo, he knows of what he speaks.

 

Debo puts it rather bluntly, but I'm afraid he's right. Girls sometimes flirt, sometimes feel really high and they do silly things, like grab a guy and drag them out to dance. Maybe she did like you a little bit, but she's moved on, unfortunately.

Don't even let the dance thing enter your mind, that has nothing to do with anything. Sounds like she's not interested. I would stay away from her, but if she breaks up with the bf, you have a chance. Then you gotta play it cool, though. Be friendly and all, but don't hang all over her, or pursue her or anything. Just be friendly.

But don't let it concern you now. As long as she's taken, she doesn't exist, and I suggest getting out there and meeting and possibly dating some others for now.

 

And comes the inevitable "There are other fish in the sea" statement.

 

Move on but keep your metaphorical foot in her metaphorical door. And always check back. It sounds like you get left out of the loop a bit if you didn't even know she had a b/f so make sure you'd hear if she suddenly doesn't.

 

I agree with Debo as well. Also, it looks like a lot of time passed between the dance and you asking her. She could have moved on herself in the meantime even if she was interested.

 

"Right now I?m trying to build up the courage to go actually talk with her and ask her questions like why she didn?t tell me about her boyfriend, why did she pull me up to dance and if we did/do have a chance."

Well, maybe she didn't feel comfortable telling you that she has a boyfriend over e-mail, and that's what she wanted to talk to you about when she said "Sorry, no, but I'm sure we'll talk soon." When she pulled you up to dance, maybe you did have a chance, and maybe she didn't have a boyfriend at the time. Right now, she's being faithful to her boyfriend (which, IMO, is a good thing), and maybe you'll have a chance if they break up. However, I do think you should think about moving on, and looking for another fish in the sea. Keep your options open, and don't miss another good catch just because you were too focused on a specific fish.

 

Girls have cooties....stay away from them.