P E O P L E Interviews, Issue XLII: Whitey (with a cameo from SLG)

Welcome to issue 42 of P E O P L E! This issue's main interviewee is Whitey. Hope you all enjoy (my questions will be in bold italics, his answers won't be).

How do you feel about being a part of PEOPLE?

IMPORTANT

Well, now I must ponder: are you a person with high or low self esteem?

I am a hideous, wretched being.

But all-in-all I feel better about myself than ever!

For reasons more than just being interviewed?

Sex.

How often do you get it?

*slap*

Ok, I obviously could have done better with that. Moving on, how is life going for you these days? Are you in school, out of school or have a job?

I am enslaved in the produce department of a local grocery store. I know how to core pineapple!!!

I'm also going to school for a two year accounting degree and I graduate next spring. Then on to either a real job or my Bachelors. Or both.

Are you going to pursue a career in accounting, or is just something to get a degree?

People get degrees just for the sake of getting a degree? How moronic.

Some people do, but a lot of people end up finding jobs/careers that are opposite of what they were studying to earn that degree. I imagine you?ve prepared for this possibility.

I have to prepare?

Don?t you think it would be the best thing to do? Plans never work out 100% the way you want them to.

I refuse to belief this is so.

Well, I hope it doesn?t happen to you (if accounting is your passion), but just be mindful in the future. Do you plan on getting your Bachelor?s degree out of state, or staying put where you live?

I hear UW Whitewater has a very good program.

ok new subject plz

What is something (other than being gay) that people don?t know about you?



Is there something about you the whole of the JC doesn't know about? (that's what I was getting at)



Never mind, next question. : Do you have a good relationship with your family?

It is nice wholesome family unit. That is slave to my will.

Any unsavory characters in that family unit?

Unsavory? Again with the food, I see.

Again? It?s the first mention of food, and you brought that up.

What. Oh. I just assume you like food.

I do, but that word can be used to describe odd/bad people. Now do you get the question?

I WANT MY MOMMY

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Moving on, seen a lot of movies this year?

Three.

Name them!

Fraternity Gangbang 2, World Soccer Orgy, and It Takes 12 (thank you Jacen)

Do you watch a lot of porn?

nooooooo

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure. What do you think of the fact that you?ve been on the JC now for 6+ years?

Oh god.

You got a highlight of your time here that you?d like to share?

Making out with Strilo.

Or egging kitty on. I miss her L

Anybody else you?d like to see post again?

The one who declares pizza. RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK L

I wonder if anyone will know who that is.

Andalite. He left us his email when he left, shmuck.

Well, many of a JC?cer share your point of view on him. What do you think of Dave?s promotion as a JCC mod?

I am pleased that the hat is steadily taking over. Soon, you will think our thoughts. You will be

 

And now, SLG's portion of the interview (before she pulled a Palin):

Unfortunately for a lot of us, you recently stepped down as a JCC mod. Do you think you'll regret that decision?

I'll start regretting my decision once I realize this is a professional work environment and I get my first paycheck in the mail.

What would you do with that theoretical money?

I would save it up until I have enough to buy theforce.net, then shut the site down.

That wouldn?t serve anybody any good, though.

It would annihilate a lot of phony egos and insecurities, as well as benefit my personal happiness.

Hehe. Well, what else makes you happy?

Reading about serial killers on the internet.

How did you get into that?

Well I was looking for self help one night, and Jeffrey Dahmer came up.

Anything else you do for self help that?s less ghoulish?

Are you implying that I touch myself?

Well, no. People do many things to make themselves happy??????like drinking!

I do not drink. I refuse to corrupt the body that the Lord has blessed me with.

You don?t come off to me as a religious person.

I am religiously tied with the practice of self worship.

Well, I know you like to draw. Do you do any self caricatures? Plan on being an artist someday?

If you mean self portrait cartoons by caricatures, no I don't do those. I am going into an art career of some sort. My undergrad degree is in graphic design, I will most likely go to grad school for sequential art or some form of illustration. The goal is to get a job in video game concept art, or comics/graphic novels, one of the two. I'm not picky. Worst case scenario I'll do web design or graphic design or something like that

Interesting. Where do you plan on going to grad school? What kind comic/graphic novels pique your interest (ie: ideally, the ones you'd want to work on)?

Well I cannot answer that first part because that would reveal my location. But, as far as the graphic novels... if we're talking best case scenario, I'd love to write and illustrate my own from scratch. Not based on any prexisting comics. As far as already existing ones go, my favourites would be Epilogue (currently my fav), Sandman, Hellboy/BPRD, Spawn...and random Star Wars ones. I pretty much read whatever I can in stores until they kick me out.

What is Epilogue?

It's a new series about a dude who's a badass vampire. Not the sparkly kind of vampires. The badass kind. The kind that tears your skin off and eats it. I think it's only 4 issues long so far, at least that's all I've been able to find. But the artwork is lovely.

How much of a following does it have?

Just me.

Better than nobody! Would you say vampires are your favorite genre of comic books/graphic novels, or is it something else?

No I actually can't stand vampires. This conversations boring. Let's talk about something else.

Ever have any near death experiences?

No. What kind of clumsy fool do you take me for. I am prepared for the worst case scenario no matter where I am. Nothing catches me off guard. Even when I sleep.

Nobody is accident proof.

Well I am. Next question. Come on, you've got to have something drama inducing, emotion probing, somethingorother.

Who would be on your, if you had one, JC enemies list?

Probably you. There were a lot of mods I couldn't stand, but I'm pretty sure I'd get a lot of angry pm's if I listed them too so we'll just stop there.

Well, you wanted drama! What about the JC do you like?

The JC makes me feel like I'm actually an intelligent person, because everyone else here is ******ed.

Even Jello?

No, but Jello is an emo which is so much worse.

Explain how he?s emo.

I've lost interest in that conversation. When you wait 24 hours in between each question, it doesn't make for very good answers.


And, POOF, end of the

 

lol. i was going to quote that as well, jp.

 

Why did you edit out the ending of our conversation. That was the best part.

 

I approve of the short answers.

 

So much anger.

 

Because the interview had already ended.

 

How did my smilies turn into L's?

Also my story about Cor became way lamer in editing than I anticipated

 

What story?

 

It ended when you threw a hissy with the Eeyore "I can't please anyone anyways" line.


Accusing me of pulling a Palin, psh.

 

Ouch.

 

WHERE'S MY INTERVIEW COROSCANTNTTTTTTT

ROPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Remember our interview and what happened between Cor and lexu? That.

 

here's the Whitey portion of the unfinished four-way OZK-Guy-Lexu-Whitey interview from way, way back... enjoy, everyone!

---

[blockquote]

[i]So, it's become well known lately that you are a gay JCer. One question that I'm sure is on everybody's mind is... how did you come to this point? Was it a discovery? Or was it a choice? When did you "come out", so to speak?[/i]

Choice, lol. Here's the non-boring version of my coming out:

Middle school:

Me: *thinks of girl by herself* Does. Not. Work.
*thinks of lesbians* Still doesn't work.
*thinks of guy and girl* Bingo.
*lesbians* Nothing.
*guy and girl* Bingo again. Huh. This might be a problem.

Freshman year:

Me: WHY AM I NOT ATTRACTED TO GIRLS?!!!

Sophmore year: Lolz I think I might be gay... Yup.

A few months ago:

Me *in a letter to my mom*: I'm gay. If you don't like it, **** off. lol
Mother: I might even love you more now. BTW your brother has known for a while. He saw you surfing some sights.
Me: [face_doh!]

January, the JCC:

Me: HEY EVERYONE DID YOU KNOW I'M GAY?!!! I AM, REALLY! SEE HOW GAY I AM!!! *lather, rinse, repeat*

[i]You never know. There may be that one person out of a million who's hetero but wants to be a homoooo.... Obviously not you, though.[/i]

Even?

[i]So, are you still a virgin, then? Gotten any of that gay, yet? If you had sex before with a member of the opposite sex, does that mean you can't be a gay virgin? Did you try to do it at all before January?[/i]

1) Like you even need to ask.
2) Not even kissed. [face_sad]
3) No. You can still be a butt virgin! k, did I just say that?
4) No, and not even since. I'm far too shy and socially retarded. I need to work on that.

[i]So, I've asked this of Even already, and will of OZK, but now I'll ask you:

What is the single most homoerotic experience of your life so far?[/i]

Being violated by my male dog. k not really.

Serious answer: giving my work crush a back rub.

Okay that only happened in my head. [face_sad]

The closest thing to "homoerotic" would be the time a school buddy wrote, "Luke, why do you deny our love? You know we have something special!" in my senior yearbook. He was only joking, and he's fug anyway. [face_sad]

I FAIL AT LIFE.

[i]So I've heard you talk about one brother and one sister. How many siblings do you have? Do you know and love all of them pretty well? How have they reacted to your sexuality?

What about a father?[/i]

Two brothers and two sisters. I love all of them, but liking them all is a different matter. My oldest brother lives to say the most ignorant crap just to annoy me, but he also didn't blab to everyone that I was gay after he caught me watching teh pr0n, so I guess he's all right. The younger of my sisters is bat**** insane and most likely bipolar, and we've had two catfights (lol) in the last few months, but we always make up. She's funny-crazy.

I don't think anyone really reacted to my sexuality at all, except my oldest sister who congratulated me (much to my embarassment). I guess they don't think it matters.

And yes I have a father. [face_tongue]

[i]So, you're a middle child, then?[/i]

The youngest actually. The youngest of my sisters is still two years older than me.

[i]Do you think you lucked out, having such a tolerant, loving family?[/i]

I'd say so. I honestly thought they'd react differently, to be honest. I had heard some questionable comments from all of them about homosexuality/race/religion/etc. My mother, for instance, would always say, "That's interesting," whenever a mixed-race couple on TV, as if it was such an odd thing.

Though to be fair to my mother, she once clarified that she always wanted to date the black guys in high school, but was too shy. Since she very well could have acted on her desires, and since once you black you don't go back, I can now say that I was almost half black.

OKAY JUST HUMOR ME.

[i]Have you personally experienced any homophobia yet?[/i]

I can't say that I really have. I'm only really "gay" around my friends, and not even around my family, really. IRL, I don't fit neatl

 

lololololol

 

Ah, I thought so. Just making sure.

 

*&(^*$^$^)^)Y(*Y*(Y*&T&^R%^W$%@#$%$E%^R&TY*(Y*(Y*(Y*(Y&*^&%&* COR

I refuse to read that abortion.

 

I wanted to be nice, because I didn't buy that 'short attention span' excuse.

 

The only part I remember about our loltastic 4-way interview (talk about abortions) was that OZK was your gay lover and, according to Cor, you were all virgins.

 

Oh lol. I forgot OZK's involvement. Why is that? eh, anyway, you and Evan were also obsessed with each other or something.

 

You and I and Evan were posting about some kind of orgy, according to my PMs. Clearly internet joking translated to real world intrigue. I guess OZK was thrown in because the three of us weren't interesting enough.

 

I miss being your and Evan's awkward, desperate third wheel.

 

I'm pretty sure we're all awkwardly riding unicycles in that analogy.