Post your favorite Jeff Foxworthy jokes here

"When people hear me talk, they automatically want to deduct 100 IQ points. 'Cause no one wants to hear their brain surgeon say, 'Wut wer gonna do is...saw off the top o' yer head like dis...'"

"The Olympics in Georgia...you know we're gonna mess that up. When they release them doves at the opening ceremony, there's gonna be guys in the parking lot with shotguns...'Got me a white one!!!'"

"Sophisticated people go to restaurants that require reservations. Rednecks go to restaurants that require that you drive through to the second window please. 'Could you super-size dem fries for the little woman? It's our anniversary.'

"Sophisticated people invest in mutual funds. Rednecks play the lottery. 'And when we hit the big 6 we're going to buy a bigger trailer so we don't have to sleep with Jim's daddy no more!'"

 

(Talking about guys wearing thongs) "Now i ain't saying it ain't pretty, Bob... but how you gonna fish in that? It's just gonna be cast... and tug.... cast... and tug..."

-Chris

 

(Talking about disasters in the South.) "They never get the doctor, or the lawyer. They always find the woman in the mumu with the rollers in her hair.

It was pandalerium! I thought we'd be killed or even worse! I looked out the window just in time to the the Jenkins house fly right over our roof. And all I could think was, Caroline still had my caserole dish."

 

You might be a redneck if...

You own a Wal-Mart credit card.

Your wife has ever said, "Dammit! Get in here and move this transmission so I can take a damn bath!"

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.

 

People actually like Jeff Foxworthy?

Huh

 

What's not to like??

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You might be a redneck if people ask to hunt in your front yard.

 

Yeah, what's not to like? Especially if you're guilty or know someone who is guilty of passing his redneck test.

"You might be a redneck if the most common sound heard in your house is 'Come in here and look at this before I flush it!'"

"You ever heard the Southern version of 'The Sound of Music'? 'Doe, a deer, I shot last month, Ray, the guy who pumps my gas, Me and him got in a fight, Fah, is where I kicked his ass...'"