Professional Agitators and how to deal with them

I am in a work place with a fairly active clique of employees that take a great amount of pleasure in agitating their fellow employees to their wits end. They will do the dumbest crap, and when unsuccessful with their intial attempts will endlessly attempt more creative and intrusive ways to get on their nerves. As of late I have become their latest target, and unfortunately they have seen fit to lock onto me as unfortunately I am the type of person who has a hard time hiding my annoyance or even anger at their antics.

The real problem is that it seems to be a no win situation. If I ignore it, they only escalate or change their tactics. If I react nicely and earnestly ask them to stop, they agree to my face, then when I turn around they go right on doing it. When I get angry, then they get pissed off that I am angry and then create an even worse public scene in which I look like the a$$hole for being so angry.

So no matter what I do it seems to be of no good and I am at my wits end on how to deal with them. And yes I am very bored, and they have gone home, so I have nothing better to do than seek advice over the internet.

So any suggestions? Any ideas on how to get it to stop, and even get a bit of pay back?

 

Glue their chairs to the floor.

<sigh>

If you ask them to stop and they don't I have a plan that involves 40 yards of duct tape a butchers knife and about 8 hungry pigs....

 

Give specific examples, please.

 

If you don't mind dishing out a little "friendly fire" to those who aren't bothering you, put some laxative in the coffee... a lot of laxative.

Same goes with the water cooler if you're sans coffee. But of course, you'll need a syringe of some kind.

 

I understand the butcher knife along with the 8 pigs, but where does the duct tape come in?

 

Hmmm sounds intriguing, please expound on that idea ....


With employees like this it is no wonder disgruntled employee incidents happen as they do.

 

I'd say get a bit of practice on some around here.

 

Do you by any chance work for the post office?


Well ender it sounds like there are several of them and it's sorta hard to kill more then one at a time, the duct tape is to keep the others securely tied up an quiet.

 

the duct tape is to keep the others securely tied up an quiet.

*smacks forehead*

Of course! I thought it was for taping a dorsal fin to the pigs to make them look like land sharks.

 

Hmm specific examples:

-Signing me up for odd product catalogues
-Giving out my email address so that I get tons of SPAM
-Interfering with my network connection
-Interfering with office LAN game that I host every Lunch for the last 2 years

The really bad:
-Placing homosexual bumper stickers on my car out on the parking lot
-Sending automated porn attachments in my email
-several incidents of posing as me and doing unusual things that i need to explain to the other person

Fortunately that is the extent of it, no permanent damage, and nothing that has really cost me any money, but who knows where it will go from here.

 

What type of work do you do?

 

Ask them to a bar, and punch them in the genitals.

It works when monkeys bother me.

 

Find a nice high-powered rifle you like and a clock tower nearbye to your place of business and watch the hilarity ensue.

 

Grab balls. Squeeze as if they were a couple of grapes. Repeat as needed.

If that doesn't work, the old crazy glue on the seat of the chair and the floor under their desk should do the trick.

 

Here's what I did to a roommate of mine in college. I took an old pair of tighty-whiteys that I never wore, 'cause I'm a Boxer Man, and then I put a few drops of Pepsi into the chode, and finally to finish it off I put a tiny drop of Hershey's chocolate sauce tight in the grundle. I then stuffed these tainted undies in his bookbag and waited. I figured he'd go to architecture lab and when he yanked out his books--W00T!--out would fly the Buster Browns! He was not happy about this. Try that on them. Or, squirt tooth-paste all over the underside of their car door handles. Good times.

 

I used to work with a few people who played practical jokes on each other. Each was mildly irritated when they got played, but it was all in fun.

I'll over-explain a couple things they used to do:

1. When they're not looking, place a small piece of scotch tape over the ball of their mouse. When they try to use their mouse, the ball won't roll and the cursor won't move. (This is an old trick, but it's still fun.)


2. This one requires that the victim have a cup of soda from a fast food restaurant at their desk. When they're not looking, pull the straw most of the way out of the cup, leaving about an inch inside. Then cut the straw about an inch above the lid of the cup. Hilarity ensues.

See if you can try one of these tricks out on your "friends."

 

Violence is probably not the answer. You could try these revenge-jokes but I fear that will make things worse, as they will just retaliate. Stupid jamooks.

How about telling their boss/supervisor/whoever is in charge?

 

I recommend reading The Joy of Work: Dilbert's Guide to Finding Happiness at the Expense of your Coworkers, by Scott Adams.