Before - Legends Savin' Me - a KotOR2 2-part Atton/Female Exile fic

Title: Savin' Me
Author: SabyneAmberle
Genre: Angst, Songfic
Timeframe: KotOR, pre-TPM
Characters: Atton Rand, Kabrina Gamon (Exile)
Keywords: KotOR
Summary: Atton and Kabrina each try to overcome ghosts from their pasts, only to find themselves drawn closer to one another in the process.
Notes: This is a slightly different type of Songfic. I broke it into two parts to distinguish better between the two characters. The lyrics used are from the song "Savin' Me" by Nickelback.

***************************************

Prison gates won?t open up for me

Atton swore to himself as he opened his eyes for the tenth time that night. Around him, the other male crewmembers lay sleeping peacefully, which only emphasized his lacking the same luxury. Outside the walls of the ship, he almost swore he could hear the humming of the life that encompassed Nar Shadaa. It was a familiar sound, a sound that seemed intent on pulling him back into its midst, allowing himself to be lost among those who were lost.

Switching positions so he lay on his back, he stared up at the stark ceiling of the Ebon Hawk. He folded his arms placidly behind his head as he tried counting Pazaak cards in his head to force himself to fall asleep, his eyes starting to grow heavy with the effort at such a late hour.

Switch the +1/-1 card, you get 14, switch the +2/-2 card, you get?Atton, listen to me?

FRACK IT ALL! He sat bolt upright, a sheen of sweat forming on his brow. He slowly wiped the moisture away with a trembling hand before lying down to attempt sleep again. This time, the memories were visual; behind his closed eyes, he could see her green ones, pleading with him to listen to her, to let her save him?

Gritting his teeth in frustration, one clenched fist beat the mattress beneath him, as though blaming it for his sleeplessness. He shifted to sit on the edge of the bed, his mind filled to capacity with memories that threatened to strip away his sanity.

For all his other faults, he wasn?t stupid. He knew the real reason behind his sudden insomnia, knew why sleep was as difficult for him to obtain as a krayt dragon pearl.

It was her. The ghost of the Jedi he had killed so many years ago. She was haunting his mind, his memories, and had been doing so ever since he had confessed his painful past to Kabrina after their travel through the Refugee Sector. Every corner he turned he could almost see her hiding behind. Every brown-haired human female he passed caused him to do a double take, for they all resembled her in some manner.

He knew she was dead, had seen her die with his own eyes, had felt her die in his hands. Yet, a part of him wondered if she had truly died. For all he knew, she might have found a way to preserve her life even as he stole it from her -hell she might even be searching for him at that very moment. His mind knew such a thing was impossible, yet his heart wanted to believe it might be true, perhaps as a way of salving his wounded conscience.

He ground his fists into his eyes, trying in vain to banish his memories of her to their place in the darkest corner of his mind. Yet they continued to resurface, forcing him to confront them even as every fiber in his being longed to turn and run, to forget them permanently. The memories swirled in his mind like shapeless ghosts, and no amount of pleading or begging from him would make them cease their relentless tormenting.

On these hands and knees I?m crawling
Oh, I reach for you

Silently, his remaining rational thoughts screamed for Kabrina, pleaded with her to somehow hear him and come to him. Yet he kept himself from vocalizing those words, even as the relentless assault on his mind continued unabated. He still resisted seeking the aid of the Exile even as he dropped to his hands and knees, tears streaming down his cheeks as he struggled against specters he had no defense for. A part of it was concern for her; after all, why should she be made to carry th

 

that was really good, as usual!
i've never read a songfic before.. not familiar with that paticular nickelback song but reading that made me want to hear it.. the lyrics were good and you fit them into the story quite well.
always nice to see you post another kotor fic.... i look forward to more!

 

Glad you like it!

This particular Nickelback song is off their new album that just came out this last Tuesday. It's an awesome song that I really felt fit with both Atton and (in the next part) a Female Exile.

 

This was extremely well done SabyneAmberle. I never got a sense of creepiness that the Jedi he killed was with him, speaking to him. I have to admit not being readily familiar with KOTOR and must ask, is the dead Jedi and Kabrina, one and the same?

 

Y'know Leona, that's something for me to keep in mind for part 2. Maybe he's self-punishing himself for his past, and only Kabrina can help him see that...a good thought I shall address in the second part.

Now, about Atton...it's kind of a long story, but here's the abridged version. Atton was a soldier fighting in the Mandalorian Wars just before Revan and Malak led the Jedi. After the Mandalorians were defeated, Revan and Malak fell to the Dark Side (why is up for speculation, though many say their continued lust fot battle led to their fall), and many of the Republic forces they aided joined them.

Atton was one of the "special" forces who were trained to hunt down and either kill or capture enemy Jedi (LS Jedi, in other words). He was one of the best at this (in fact, in-game when you talk with him about this, he brags about being good and about the techniques he developed to do so). He continued doing this until a Jedi, whose name he never learned, sought him out to try and make him leave. She told him hints of what Revan was doing to those Jedi he was capturing. When he didn't believe her, he tortured her until she died, but just before her death, she opened him up to his own Force Sensitivity. He left soon after that and travelled to Nar Shadaa, where he stayed for a while before whatever events transpired to land him in the prison at the Peragus mining facility.

Here's a Wikipedia link that can tell you more about Atton: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atton_Rand

As for Kabrina? She was also in the Mandalorian Wars, only she was one of the Jedi who joined Revan and Malak. When she returned after the Wars to face the judgement of the Council, she was exiled. (Since you can choose gender and name for the Exile, I chose the name Kabrina Gamon and to make the Exile female). There's too much to tell on the Exile, but here's some info on Wikipedia. It's geared toward a Male Exile, but a female path is similar (except instead of the Handmaiden, you travel with Mical, the Disciple.) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jedi_Exile

I hope that helps you out some, Leona. If not, let me know and I can add to this. As always, thanks for reading!

 

Ahh, thanks for the info. It does help. I'll go peek at the link as well!

 

You characterize Atton very very well. I'm impressed. I always thought Atton would be very hard to write, but you did an awesome job.

He wondered what it might be like to stand on the side of good as evil was defeated. The thought had crossed his mind before, but it was an errant one that he chased away easily as being ?frivolous?. Of course, he thought that of anything that did not aid in either his Pazaak game or his Juma downing.

I especially liked this part. It seems very Atton, kind of wanting to be a good guy but not knowing quite how. And I liked the part about always wanting to be the hero rather than the fool, too.

In short, awesome!