Shaggy Dog Jokes

I have fallen in love with this humorous genre lately. In case you don't know, Shaggy dog jokes are really, really long tedious stories with no funny punchline at the end. Anybody have some really good ones? The longer the joke lasts the better.

 

I have one. Don't skip it; it might seem repetitive, but it's vital that you read it all.

A boy woke up one morning and went to school. He discovered he'd forgotten his library book, so he went to the library and checked out a book. His teacher asked him, "What did you do your book report on?"
"Well, I woke up this morning, I went to school, I discovered I'd forgotten my book report, so I went to the library and checked out a book."
"Well, what's the name of the book?"
The boy consults the cover. "The Bomb."
"The BOMB!? Go see the principal, young man."
Well, the boy's a little confused, but he goes to see the principal.
The principal says, "It's rather early. What did you do to get sent here so quickly?"
"Well, I woke up this morning, I went to school, I discovered I'd forgotten my book report, so I went to the library and checked out a book, then the teacher sent me to see the principal. So here I am."
"Well, what's the name of this book?"
"The Bomb."
"The BOMB!? You're expelled. Go on home."
Well, the boy's a little more confused, but he goes home. His mom says, "What are you doing home so early? School just started!"
"Well, I woke up this morning, I went to school, I discovered I'd forgotten my book report, so I went to the library and checked out a book, then the teacher sent me to see the principal and the principal sent me home. So here I am."
"Well, what's the name of this book?"
"The Bomb."
"The BOMB!? Go upstairs until your father comes home."
Eventually, the boy's father comes home, and comes in to see him. "So, I hear you got into some trouble today. What happened?"
"Well, I woke up this morning, I went to school, I discovered I'd forgotten my book report, so I went to the library and checked out a book, then the teacher sent me to see the principal, the principal sent me home, and my mom sent me upstairs. So here I am."
"Well, what's the name of this book?"
"The Bomb."
"The BOMB!? Get out of this house and never come back!"
By now the boy is thoroughly confused, but he does leave. Absently, he wanders down to the park, and meets a little old lady coming the other way.
"Isn't it during school hours?" she asks. "Shouldn't you be in school?"
"Well, I woke up this morning, I went to school, I discovered I'd forgotten my book report, so I went to the library and checked out a book, then the teacher sent me to see the principal, the principal sent me home, my mom sent me upstairs, and my dad kicked me out of the house. So here I am."
"Well, what's the name of this book?"
"The Bomb."
"The BOMB!?" The little old lady grabs him by the hair and drags him down to the police station.
"So," the officer asks, flipping open a note pad. "Why don't you tell me your side of the story?"
"Well, I woke up this morning, I went to school, I discovered I'd forgotten my book report, so I went to the library and checked out a book, then the teacher sent me to see the principal, the principal sent me home, my mom sent me upstairs, my dad kicked me out of the house, and a little old lady dragged me down to the police station. So here I am."
"Well, what's the name of this book?"
"The Bomb."
The policeman's face goes white, and he sets down the notepad. "You're going to have to see the governor, young man."
So, he's taken to see the governor. After being introduced, the governor asks him, "So, what, exactly happened to you?"
"Well, I woke up this morning, I went to school, I discovered I'd forgotten my book report, so I went to the library and checked out a book, then the teacher sent me to see the principal, the principal sent me home, my mom sent me upstairs, my dad kicked me out of the house, a little old lady dragged me down to the police station, and a policeman sent me to see the governor. So here I am."
"Well, what's the name of this book?"
"The Bomb."
"The BOMB!?" The governor falls backwards out of his chair. When he gets back up, he announces, "You're going to have to see the Pr

 

i know a few.. i call them ex-boyfriends..



ha ha... get it? yeah.

 

Thats a pretty good one Darth Snowball. I think the joke would be better if it just ended with him getting run over.

 

I'm not Darth Snowball...

 

Well you sure look like him.

 

BoringGuy, did I just read that whole damn thing expecting ti to be funnier than hell and you give me this???


I'm gonna hunt you down and make you regret that you posted that.

 

Actually, Darth Mulacki, this tends to be a joke that's funny forever. Try it. Tell it to someone else, and laugh at their expressions. Find someone else, repeat. Online it loses a lot of impact.

 

Oh, didn't think about that, I'll have to try that.

 

Sorry, really boring guy. I see that logo and automatically think Darth Snowball.

 

If anyone knows the "priest" (or "monk") joke, they can post it, but I have a better half hour to spend. It's much much better in person, as well.

 

Is that the "Only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars" joke?

 

I'm not Darth Snowball...


Well you sure look like him.

 

EBB: No, but I know that joke. I suppose I'll tell an incredibly shortened version of the priest joke here:

A man's car breaks down near a monestary, and he goes in and asks if he can stay the night and call AAA. The abbot says, "Sure, but if you hear a noise, don't ask about it." The man thinks, Okay, and decides to stay.
He gets woken up in the middle of the night by a noise, and he can't stop thinking of it. He asks the abbot, and the abbot says: "I can't tell you, you're not a priest. Well, I guess if you really want to know, come on down to the basement."
They go to the basement, and the abbot shows the man a yellow door. He gives him a key, and tells him that the secret is through the door.
The man opens the door and sees a vast desert. He starts walking, dealing with scorpions, camel dung, dehydration, sun burn, and bandit attacks. He finally gets to a wall and a BLUE door. He crosses the desert, asks about the secret, hears "I can't tell you, you're not a priest," and gets the blue key. He goes back, crosses the ocean, gets to a green door.

...and it goes on and on and on...

Without overusing details, he goes through a desert, forest, ocean, ice desert, mountains, each time hearing the abbot say "I can't tell you, you're not a priest." Fe finally goes up an endlessly long staircase and the final door. And the noise is louder and louder, and he finally opens the door. Guess what he sees, that's been causing the noise the whole time?

I can't tell you, you're not a priest.

---

That joke can last a good 45 minutes if you run through enough types of terrain, repeating all the little details each time, and they are soooooo pissed off.
[hr] You can also tell the "bear joke," where you have a bear chasing a boy all around, until 20 minutes later the boy is stuck up in a tree. The punch line is: "And the boy realized that the bear was just pulling his leg...just like I'm pulling your leg!"

Deliciously evil.