Saga Skywalker, Nexus Ranger (GWG Challenge response, humour, drabbles, crossover)

Title: Skywalker, Nexus Ranger
Author: bi0nic
Characters: Chuck Norris, various others
Genre: humour, drabbles, crossover
Disclaimer: I own neither Star Wars, nor Chuck Norris. Rather, he owns me. And everything else in the universe as well.
Author's Notes: These are mostly based off/inspired by the internet phenomenon of around 2005 surrounding Chuck Norris and the 'Chuck Norris Facts'. This is also my first attempt at doing drabbles (the opening 'Chuck Norris facts' not included in the word counts).

This in response to the August GWG challenge: to do a humour fic about the idea of an object or thing being used for something other than its intended purpose.



Skywalker, Nexus Ranger


Random 'Chuck Norris in the GFFA' Fact No 46: Chuck Norris was a Galactic Senator once. He made a rousing speech about the need for agricultural subsidy reform on Dantooine, before promptly roundhouse-kicking the Speaker of the House in the face. He received the longest standing ovation in the Senate's history.


Palpatine stood on the central rostrum of the Senate Rotunda, the silhouette of his frail body belying the awesome power there contained. Palpatine proceeded to sit down, fulfilling the GWG challenge specifications, as everyone knows the main usage for Senate pods is hurling them through the air with the Force.

Chuck Norris appeared.

?That?s not enough to satisfy the challenge!? Chuck roared, ?What?s needed is something like this!?

The ranger/cowboy/all-round ultimate ass-kicker sprang into action, beating the Sith Lord about the head with the River Severn in one hand and a physical manifestation of the number Seven in the other.


* * *

Random 'Chuck Norris in the GFFA' Fact No 93: Darth Vader holds the record for withstanding the highest number of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. Minus one.


Anakin Skywalker, infused with the raw power of the dark side after the bloodbath of Mustafar, stared distantly off into the . . . well, the distance.

Chuck Norris, infused with the raw power of Chuck Norris after the bloodbath of Mustafa Ataturk (the founder of modern, secular Turkey) stared down his own reflection in a nearby mirror.

Naturally, a fight then ensued.

Anakin struck first, flinging the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle directly at Chuck, hitting him square between the eyes. Or, not.

Chuck swung back with the Calvinist principle of predestination, scoring a killer blow, as there was no logical possibility of failure.

---

Thanks for reading. Any and all feedback appreciated. I will be updating with more if and when the mood strikes me.

 

That was funny. Definitely creative. I hear the boogeyman always checks his closet at night before bedtime to make sure Chuck Norris isn't inside.

 

Now Chuck Norris is not an expected crossover and yet after this, I can't imagine how I ever thought so.

Creative is right, excellent rise to the challnge!

 

that was hilarious!

very creative way to implement the challenge!

 

SkalenFehl: Cheers. Yeah, the boogeyman one is a classic, for sure, but I think my favourite of all time is the one about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles being based on a true story. Once upon a time, Chuck Norris ate a baby turtle, and when he crapped it back out, it was 6 feet tall and had learned karate.

Healer_Leona: I know, Chuck Norris is a slightly unconventional choice for a crossover sure, but all-the-more fun for it. Thanks!

SarkaVrae: Thank you very much.

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[i]Random 'Chuck Norris in the GFFA' Fact No 11: The accent over the 'e' in 'Padme' used to be grave, but it had to change as nothing seems grave next to Chuck Norris.[/i]


Padmè Amidala waltzed into her apartment, sporting the latest of her ridiculously over-the-top outfits, an extravagant ensemble including a full-sized grandfather clock perched delicately on top of her head, resurrected from one of bi0nic?s flights of fancy in the ?Give a Summary for this Title Above You? thread.

Padmè?s surreal choice of headwear gave Chuck Norris license to employ a devastating one-liner, ?It?s time for you to be hung, drawn and quartered-to-twelve.?

Defeated by the astounding wit of her adversary, Padmé accepted defeat, leaving her accent to point upwards towards the heavens like the erect ear of a startled rabbit.


* * *

[i]Random 'Chuck Norris in the GFFA' Fact No 17: When Chuck Norris became a Sith Lord, he didn't adopt the 'Darth' naming convention, as it's physically impossible for a name to be more imposing and pant-wettingly-terrifying than 'Chuck Norris' itself.[/i]


Count Dooku was pleased with his Sith name, Darth Tyranus. It was appropriately sinister, whilst thankfully avoiding the trend of being simply a word minus its 'in-' prefix.

[i]Sidious, Vader,[/i] Dooku mused. [i]What's next, Darth Timacy? Darth Come Tax? Darth Dustrial Action? It's all rather Darth Ane, I feel.[/i]

Chuck Norris miraculously appeared.

?Count Dooku.?

?Count? There?s only one of me,? Dooku replied, to the faint sound of a *ba-dum-bum-tssssh*, followed by crickets chirping.

In the ensuing fight, Chuck won by using his unneeded ?Darth? title as a primitive hunting-knife, conveniently wrapping up the drabble before bi0nic ran out of?

 

This is awesome so far, bi0nic. Keep 'em coming, or Chuck will have to roundhouse kick them out of you.

 

Thanks, E. You're right, he may very well have to, as I'm kinda running out of steam with regard to this. I dunno though, maybe there's a bit of life left in this here format, we shall see.