So just what is a "wine cooler" anyway?

While nursing on a bottle of Bartles and James (Fuzzy Navel...not that bad...not that great either, but really not that bad), I couldn't help but wonder--just what is it that I am drinking?

It's not a real wine--there's barely any alcohol in it.

But it's not really a spritzer, either--no carbonation.

How exactly do you go about classifying this thing?

*twists another open and waits for answers*

 

It's bullcrap, it's like "starter" or "training" wine or something. Almost as pointless as non-alcoholic beer. But, uh, yeah go ahead and enjoy it if that's what floats your boat.

 

YOU'RE UNDERAGE NO ALCOHOL FOR YOU I'M CALLING TEH COPS!!!!!!!

 

I don't know, because I've never had anything like that. All I know about them is that my parents used to drink them when I was little, but they don't anymore. [/random]

 

YOU'RE UNDERAGE NO ALCOHOL FOR YOU I'M CALLING TEH COPS!!!!!!!

Ah, the benefits of dating older women...


Besides, by the time the cops respond, I'll be 21 already (March 21), so the case is moot.

 

Yeah, I'm sure they even count as alcohol, but they do taste good.

 

Lee I hope you realize that drinking wine coolers greatly increases your chances of wearing womens' underwear later in life.

Have your woman bring you some good dark beer immediately!

 

I like the taste of a lot of them. You'll most likely feel bloated before you feel drunk, so there's not too much danger in them. If I want something with more bite, I go with beer, though it's easier to get drunk off of. If I want to get drunk by drinking fairly little, I go with whiskey or rum.
'Ha! A lightweight!' You say.
'Ha! Less money!' I say.

 

Well, I don't really know how you could classify them, Lee. It says beer on the label, but it's quite obvious that's not the case. Hmmm, good one.

 

Wine coolers were invented for girls who want to pretend they are drinking beer like men do.

It's a fact.

 

Lee I hope you realize that drinking wine coolers greatly increases your chances of wearing womens' underwear later in life.

Have your woman bring you some good dark beer immediately!

But, won't drinking dark beer increase his chances of becoming Irish later in life?

Wine coolers were invented for girls who want to pretend they are drinking beer like men do.

Isn't it also for guys who want to pretend to drink beer like men do?