So the kids next door have been instructed by their mother to call me a witch...

I was taking my washing off the line, and I could hear the family next door playing in their backyard (our houses share walls and are rather small, so that isn't so mean a feat)



Anyway, it's windy outside, so I was waiting for my washing to stop flapping around and I hadn't quite gotten to winding the hills hoist down to my height when I hear the little boy say

"Mum, why does the lady next door have so many black clothes?"

There is a pause.

Mum: "Well, you know how she has that little black cat you like?"

Boy: "Yeeessssss"

Mum: "And you know how sometimes you hear her swearing?"

Boy: "Yesssss..." (at this point I think, the kid just wants you to give him a throw away answer, mum! Don't confuse him!)

Mum: "Remember those women who were in the Harry Potter books? The evil one who did the mean things to Harry and his friends?"

(here I'm thinking WTH?)

Mum: "Well, that's what the lady next door is. She's a witch."






Not that I have any problem with being called a witch, but the fact is, the little boy started screaming and crying at this point, and because it had started raining (the sky was crying with the child at my wickedness, obviously) I had to wind the clothesline down and get my clothes, which made the family realise that I was there, which made the child cry more and well...The mother and I made eye contact. She smiled. I resisted the urge to hurl a curse at her.


All this because I have a black cat and I wear black clothes

 

That's messed up.

You should put a hex on them, teach them a lesson.

 

Humanity annoys me.

 

Maybe if you stopped sacrificing animals, stealing children, and ******* the devil they wouldn't say things about you.

 

Yes, well they don't KNOW I do all those things.


I am so gonna hex them (By that I mean, slash their tires)

 

Go and cast curses and spells of doom etc on them

and leave animals hair and limbs laying on their porch

 

Sure they don't KNOW, but you that doesn't make it any less true.

 

I say you give the kid a complex and perform some kind of evil ceremony in the back yard one night...preferably Halloween. Forcing the mom to pay years of therapy bills will be sweet revenge indeed.

 

Add a few red strobe lights to the nearest window they can see and leave them on for a while.

 

What have you got against witches? I hear they are a perfectly legitimate religion or something. You should convert.

 

I thought becoming a witch was a prerequisite to joining the MS. Didn't they sacrifice a goat at your induction ceremony?

 

We took off our pants and looked at goatse pictures. That's as close as it got.


Also: I have nothing against witches at all. I just don't want some kid screaming his head off everytime he sees me (which would be every morning and night, as the whole street tends to leave and get home around the same time). Nor do i like how his mum was stereotyping me as a BAD witch.


or something.

 

You should sooo be Belatrix Lestrange for Halloween.

 

And have a dirty, dirty mouth. Don't forget your dirty mouth.



I know I haven't.

 

Oh yes. The filthy mouth I have on me.


How ever will I learn to curb my filthy ways?

 

Or rather, when will you be able to filth your curby ways?

 

The frolicking about naked in the woods probably didn't help, either. Remember, that's what got everyone in trouble in the Crucible.

 

My curby ways are finely honed, thanks.

 

You're welcome!

 

Jess?

 

As the resident Grand Ol' Hag, I shall put an American curse on her. This will cause all objects in her house to invert and make her clocks run backward. Oh, and any remotely-accurate representations of the earth she possesses will become covered in unrecognizable shapes and cryptic runes--including trail maps of the nearest public park. Let's watch her go hunting for "the Iraq" next time she tries taking the kiddies to the swings.

She'll be sorry then. Yeah, buddy.

 

smh I'd have to go with Kartanym's reply on this.

 

You should go over the mothers house and slap her in the face! and say, "You tell your children to stop calling me a witch". Then sprinkle dead cat ashes all over her dress.

 

If you stop being a (emo?) goth and not wear black she would not have called you a witch.