"Stupidity for all Occasions-The Quotable Trioculus"

The Author wishes to dedicate this thread to three very exceptional people.

Paul and Hollace Davids: Without your outstanding contribution to the Star Wars pantheon this thread could not exist. Star Wars fans EVERYWHERE owe you a death--ER debt of gratitude. You will be remembered with Jeter...Hambly...Anderson..McIntire and other such respected Star Wars authors.

And to TEARS OF PALPATINE....For the title...And that night in Vienna...Thanks for the sausage...

_________

This thread exists so we can catalogue every stupid thing ever said by Trioculus the false Son of Emperor Palpatine from the Glove of Darth vader series of books by Paul and Hollace Davids.

This is to be the DEFINITIVE work on Trioculus..ANd when finished shall be buried in a time capsule NEVER to be seen again.

I shall begin..Feel free to join in...

And if you cant find some stupid Trioculus quote ANY quote from that series will do..And if you havent read that series just pick a stupid line from a Star Wars book you hate and enter it here. List the source.

Thank you

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CHAPTER ONE--A Poop Cried Booyaka!--


TRIOCULUS-- "My father, the EMPEROR, had many powers of the Dark Side, but without THREE EYES he could never acheive perfection It was known by ancients that a DARK LORD with three eyes has a secret strength possessed by none other. And so it is my destiny to rule over my fathers Empire and bring us the glory he never acheived!"

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Ooooooh the spine does tingle...The bowels do churn...NEXT!

 

I resally wish I could help[ you out now JS77 but I am so ineberated that I can't barely type.

 

You must be reading Prophets of the Dark Side. Poor bastard.

 

Yeah man I guess so.

 

Is it just me, or has this board become a lot rowdier since your return?

I like it!

Don't leave us again!

And i have tried to block those books from my memory, so i cannot quote for you. Sorry. Unfortunatley, i am not inebriated. just tired.

 

Not rowdier..Just back to its old perverted self..Theres one thing I havent told you..When DL left for vacation..I arrived...Weird huh..And then things got crazy around here..What is the connection between DL and me..That is right...I am his MOTHER!!

 

Omi-gosh, I can't stop laughing... - got...to...stop....(gosh it sucks to be a librarian, you can't laugh out loud without getting dangerous looks)

Heh, I guess it's time to dig out those books, never thought I'd do it again...



And right, it's back to the 'ol JC again with JS77, now to get DL out of his vacation..

 

"Keep the cruiser's eye sensors tuned to look for Space Station Scardia."

 

JadeSabre77 -- That wasn't us, it was a clone.

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"Is it so wrong to be a murderer? Or a liar? Or an inhuman monster? I may be all of those things, but I still have a heart."

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"She has a striking face. Strong features, but soft. Not at all unattractive, considering that she's a Rebel Alliance woman with only two eyes."

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*sigh*

Dialogue cannot possibly be *that* difficult to write.

 

Ooh...another moffin' good thread.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) I can't remember any quotes from the Glove series.

Oh barve it!

Keep up the good work ladies and gentlemen. You're all in the running for a Moffcademy Award

 

Unfortunately I could quote only from Hungarian translated version... It wouldn't make much sense for the most of you. Never mind here I dedicate the whole masterpiece to this thread.

 

Love this thread!

Ok, no Trioculus here, but what about this one?

Ken: Who lives in Jabba's palace now?
Luke: It's vacant, except for the Ranats that scurry around chewing on the furniture and drapes. You see, when Jabba died, they never found his will. So the government of Tatooine took possesion of his palace. For a while they turned it into the Tatooine Retirement Home for Aged Aliens. But there wasn't enough money in the budget to keep it open.

 

OOOOH, and does anyone remember when the Grand Moffs held their Mofference on the Moffship Lollipop?

 

Correction...you've forgotten the basic rule of the "Glove" series. Everything connected with the Moffs has to have the word "moff" somewhere in its name. The conference was actually held on the MoffShip Moffipop.

"The Moffship blunders on!"

 

What about this one?

"And stop kshhhhing in my ear", Ken added. "You do that every morning too. Just once I wish I could hear the bark of a dog, or the meow of cat, instead of the kshhhh of a mooka."

(I didn't think cats and dogs existed in the GFFA!)

And then of course there is:

"Memorize this code, Luke," Obi-Wan continued. "Its importance shall soon become clear to you: JE-99-DI-88-FOR-00-CE."

Geez. I wonder why the Imps never got into the Lost City of the Jedi...

 

cat's and dog's are mentioned in A New hope novel from what i hear.

 

I know dogs were mentioned (Luke apparently was thinking of an old dog he owned as the 'Falcon' left Tatooine) and so were ducks (Obi-Wan uses the adage "like a duck in water" or something like that). I don't think cats were mentioned...

 

ponies are on endor

 

They're called bordoks aren't they?

 

i have no clue but they look identical to earth ponies

 

To Moffell with Trioclous!

 

"Hey, a Rendili Navi-computer-controlled Boulder-Dozer! Made by the good ol'Corellian Engineering Corporation. I'll have to thank them."
-Han Solo, "Queen of the Empire"

"How would you enjoy watching Zorba the Hutt tossed into the Mouth of Sarlacc? Would it thrill you?"
-Trioculus, QotE
"Yes, please. And jump in after him, willya?"
-me


"...it was all too troublesome for a boy of twelve to dwell on..."
-"Mission From Mount Yoda" narration.
Then they're not making young Jedi like they did in Obi-Wan's day. Why, when he wasn't much older than you....

Seriously, that last one brings up rule number one of writing for kids ("Don't talk down to your readers!"),not only broken but blown to bits like a Death Star. In fact, JA and GoDV make great examples of how to and how not to write for young readers.

 

Those books SUCK!
I read them when I was eight and kinda liked them but now I am 18 and I re-read them when I was 12 and could not stop luaghing.
Hissaut on the Moffkettle.
Muzzer:Yes I fancy some Moffee also.

 

.... just right after the Mofference in the Moffship with the other grand
moffs - I'm moffed out

"A septapus once picked a fight with me, and he lived to regret it" - Han
Solo
*groans* Oh come on, a septapus?? Of all the animals to invent. Lovely. A
dodecapus might have been nicer.. - not.

Back to the topic at hand.. The quotable Trioculus. oooh oh, here's a nice
one: *heavy sarcasm*
-- Curse him then, and may the cosmic radiation of the Null Zone bake his
brain.

-- The very mention of Princess Leia's name quickened Trioculus' breath.
Trioculus longed to make Leia appreciate the ways of darkness and evil. And
when the princess understood and respected the power of the Dark Side, then
Trioculus would take her as his bride!

-- So you refuse to accept me (oh duh!), and you continue to scorn my
affection and noble intentions toward you

ouch.. this hurts

 

Yipee!!!!!!!