The Australian cricket team must be stopped!

So the Australian's have won the world cup, again, what a surprise. In the process they broke the record for consecutive one-day international wins, furthermore I can't remember the last time they lost a test series and they have held the ashes since the 1980's. This is completely unacceptable. Cricket is a English sport and as such it is the god given right of the England cricket team to reign supreme. For us to be beaten, thrashed and humiliated time and again by a lowly penal colony is absolutely unacceptable. Australia has been a thorn in our side ever since we so generously granted them independance.

We must take urgent action and I propose a radical solution. Through increasing defense expenditure by 2000% we can build a massive army that will allow us to invde Australia and begin the restoration of the British Empire. Once we are in control we will ban all Australian's from using these fancy training camps and sporting academies that they are so fond of, those facilities will be for the sole use of British sports men and women. Furthermore the Australian cricket team will be picked by the British selectors and any player achieving modest success will be dropped. Any player who threatens to over shadow the performance of an Englishman will be jailed.

With these small measures in place England can once again reign supreme as the greatest cricket team on the planet and the ashes will be returned to the rightful owners. The cost of this scheme can be recouped over the proceeding years through punitive taxation of the Australian people and elimination of all Australian governmental expenditure on needless social programmes such as health care and education.

 

Why not? Bush owes us one after all!

 

Why not? Bush owes us one after all!

Imagine trying to explain the rules of cricket to Dubya

 

...and then impose a crippling wickets for food programme...

 

furthermore I can't remember the last time they lost a test series and they have held the ashes since the 1980's. This is completely unacceptable

They lost in India 2-1 in 2001. Won the firts test match by an innings plus. Then made india follow on oin the second test match. VVS LAxman hit a double century and dravid hit a century. Then Harbajan "hte turbinator" Singh took loads of wickets and INdia won. India then went on to win the last match to take the series 2-1. ENded there record unbeaten test match run.

I know cuz my dad was supporting india and i was supporting england. And after all my bravado and banter, he made me eat my words.

 

just ban cricket. that will stop them.

 

They lost in India 2-1 in 2001. Won the firts test match by an innings plus. Then made india follow on oin the second test match. VVS LAxman hit a double century and dravid hit a century. Then Harbajan "hte turbinator" Singh took loads of wickets and INdia won. India then went on to win the last match to take the series 2-1. ENded there record unbeaten test match run.

Yes I did remember that but it hardly counts because India have historically been invinciable on home turf, while useless anywhere else in the world.

 

You and what army, DarthKarde? Remember, 50% of US forces are situated in SE Asia. Any attempt by the UK to strike at the heart of the Australian Cricket Team would result in a deadly barrage of friendly fire, which I suspect is a left-over sentiment from the War of Independence.

Bring it on. We'll settle this like gentlement. Your football team vs. our football team. No, wait, that didn't work. Rugby? Don't make me laugh. Cricket.

You made us what we are, DarthKarde - a small Commonwealth nation of sporting giants!



E_S

 

Laugh while you still can Aussie scum. We are prepared to use nukes if necesary and last time I cheched you hadn't caught us up in that race

 

We house NIMA and NSA bases. You think we won't be under the umbrella, if when they eventually develop it?


You're wasting your time. You have the monopoly in Comedy, we have sport. The Americans have...well, they have cheese, hair and dirt available in spray cans. Oh, and Friends. Which, if anything, shows us why we must unite against them! Down with Friends!

E_S

 

An alliance with a bunch of convicts?

I think not!

We have seperate plans to deal with those annoying yanks and their pathetic excuse for comedy.

 

OK, so we're Brits who can handle their beer, so sue us!

E_S

 

Ah yes, Australian beer. Perhaps the only reason why we will have to be careful and not obliterate the entire country

 

Australian beer = piss

 

What's American beer then Az?

E_S

 

You know what they say about American beer..."American beer is like making love in a canoe...******* close to water!"

 

The only salvation when drinking beer in America is this rarely found but often very high quality beer called 'import'.

 

They're so lame, beer-wise. But so are you guys!

E_S

 

But so are you guys!

It's comment like that which are forcing this drastic course of action upon us.

 

Ooooh, we're shaking!

E_S

 

Ooooh, we're shaking!

I didn't think it was cold in Australia in march

 

You just need to get back to basics. Take a couple of tips from Boonie: big moustaches and beer guts are all you really need to play cricket. All of that fancy fitness stuff is just really a ploy to get on television and sell window tinting and air conditioners.

You have the beginnings of a good cricket team, but trust me on the tashes.

Oh, and just a small request from some err, girlfriends of mine. If you could see to it that Stephen Harmison is a permanent member of both ODI and test matches, that would be lovely.

Jolly good. Best of luck with the plan then!

 

Well, there you have it. If anyone knows cricket and beer, it's Silmarillion.

I love it though, DarthKarde. You can't get your "team" out here to wipe the Aussie Cricket Team out because 50% of the US army is in SE Asia! You'll never make it! They'll carve you up like the aggressive Chinese fighter planes you'll look nothing like!

E_S

 

Don't be so sure Ender. MI6 will shortly be planting evidence that an unholy alliance of communists and islamic fundamentalists has been formed in South America. With Dubya not being the sharpest knife on the draw he will believe this and will be forced to move vast forces into South America. With so many forces in the ME he will be forced to move forces away from SE asia leaving you defenseless.

 

All it takes is a few Patriot missiles and a couple of A10's.


E_S