Saga - ST Saga - Legends The Cat, the Kylo, and the Wardrobe--A Legends and Sequel Mix

Title: The Cat, the Kylo, and the Wardrobe
Author: gizkaspice
Timeframe: During the Force Awakens
Characters: The Solo Kids, Leia, Kylo Ren, Han, Mara Jade, Luke, etc
Genre: Parody, Comedy
Summary: With the help of his trusty kitten, Blackie, Kylo Ren finds a mysterious wardrobe aboard the Supremacy and discovers the "Legends" world---a dimension where he meets his Solo siblings. The First Order must bring him back before he ruins the Universe.
Notes: gizkaspice had too much sugar/catnip, or a combo of both. The title is a play on The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, and has Legends and the Sequel trilogy characters. It has cats and probably nobody is in character or maybe they are, I don't know. Have fun! Tagging @AzureAngel2 for interest

Double note: Oops! I think this had to be tagged under "Beyond Legends" instead of "Saga Legends" and now I don't know how to fix it...

Chapter 1:

Kylo Ren was wandering around the Supremacy when suddenly he came across a janitor’s closet with a sign that read “STAY OUT” with an angry Snoke icon. Blackie, his black kitten, jumped off his helmet and began scratching at the door.

“No, Blackie,” said Kylo, pulling the kitten back. “Supreme Leader Snoke will be angry at us if we go inside..”

Still, the little kitten was persistent and he continued to scratch at the door until it opened, and the duo entered the mysterious room….

There they saw a broom, a broken iron droid, Snoke’s extra pair of golden slippers, an exclusive Millicent the Cat plush toy, and right in the middle of the room a large, cat-decorated wardrobe. The wardrobe was engraved with beautiful wooden cat artwork and looked ancient as spider webs covered it. Its doors creaked open and the kitten jumped inside.

“Blackie!” screamed Kylo, jumping after his cat. He momentarily got stuck with his butt sticking out as he tried to fit inside, and finally disappeared into a black void……

….. and landed head-first into some snow.

He sat up and held Blacke in his arms. “So, Supreme Leader Snoke keeps inter-dimensional things in his closets.” He kept his hand on his lightsaber upon hearing the sounds of three children nearby.

“Who are you?” asked a young girl who looked suspiciously like his mother, Leia Organa.

“And why do you have a cat?” asked a slightly older boy that looked suspiciously like his father, Han Solo.

“Stranger danger!” cried the youngest boy.

Kylo tossed off his helmet into the snow, revealing a handsome young man. “I’m Kylo Ren and this is my cat, Blackie. She’s black like the Dark Side and Darth Vader. It’s a cool color.”

“Pretty sure that cat is a guy,” said the older boy, rolling his eyes.

“Whatever, weird kid,” replied Kylo. "You're probably gonna fall to the Dark Side but will likely have a cooler backstory than me."

“I’m Jaina Solo,” said the girl, then motioned towards the two boys. “And these are my brothers, Jacen and Anakin. Where did you come from?”

“So, like, I was wandering around this huge ship and there was this closet my cat jumped into and then I jumped into it as well. And now I’m here. You know Darth Vader was my grandpa? I love him."

The children looked at each other. “He was our grandpa, too!”

“You must be our brother from another dimension!!” squealed Anakin, the youngest boy of the three children.

Jaina rolled her eyes. “That’s a bit extreme. I mean, I guess he does look like our parents…..a bit.”

“Han Solo and Leia Organa,” said Kylo. He deliberately said his father’s name bitterly.

“See!?!” cried Anakin, looking to his older siblings. “I told you so!”

Jacen glanced suspiciously to the man. “I sense the Dark Side within you… You’re conflicted... You need to return where you came from, Kylo Ren.”

“You know what? Once I tried to boil water and it caught on fire,” said Kylo randomly.

“Huh, neat!” said Anakin.

Jaina giggled. “I think he’s our special-needs brother.”

Jacen sighed. “Did you hear what I said? This guy has Dark Side written all over him. He’s probably here because he wants us to turn! It’s probably Palpatine’s trick again!”

“You know when I was a baby, Palpatine tried to take over my body,” announced Anakin.

“Palpy’s got issues,” said Kylo, shrugging.

“Hey, I got an idea!” said Anakin, taking Kylo’s hand. “Let's take him home and show him to mom and dad!” Jacen face-palmed.

“Also, your boy-girl cat is peeing on you,” said Jaina.

“It's a thing that happens sometimes,” replied Kylo as he was led away by the kids on a new adventure.

To continue...

 

A crazy, yet fun legends-canon crossover. Oh, I simply love it!

Our internet situation at home just got better a couple of days ago, but after almost two weeks with no internet, I was so used being off-line and doing RL things (such as baking cake & playing cards in the evening) that I did not miss looking around the JC boards.

But tonight I got currious and bang, bumping straight into this genius fanfic.

Your dialogs are so witty. And the chemistry of the characters!

Thanks for tagging me! It's a great pleasure reading this.

 

Thanks, Azure! Always great to hear from you and glad you like it so far! Life without internet for a while sounds like a great vacation! I think we all should disconnect once in a while and just enjoy the wonders of RL! I'm happy you like the chemistry of the characters and the craziness is just beginning....

Chapter 2

“Mom, dad, we found our inter-dimensional brother!”

Leia and Han stood up from the dinner table at the family’s get-away vacation cabin on the snowy mountains of Corellia and looked at the young man before them. Chewbacca roared in concern. Blackie sat on the man’s head and puffed up his fur in fear before merging with his black hair and looked like one entity with yellow eyes.

“Wow, dad, still wearing those lame clothes and mom still likes her cinnamon buns,” said Kylo, rolling his eyes. "Lame."

“Can somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?” asked Han, glaring to the kids.

“His name is Kylo Ren,” explained Jaina while Jacen rolled his eyes. “And he fell through the sky through a wardrobe. He has a black cat named Blackie who pees on him and probably needs to be neutered.”

“Who needs to be neutered!? Kylo!?”

“Nope, nope,” clarified Kylo. “And Blackie is a Darth Vader cat.”

Han stared. “Alright, kid. Number one rule of the Solo House is we don’t talk about my father-in-law at the dinner table.”

"This place sucks," complained Kylo, folding his arms across his chest. Blackie copied his motions.

"And what's with the emo attitude and cosplaying, kid? Are you some kind of manchild?"

"Ugh!" whined Kylo. "You're so uncool, inter-dimensional dad. This is why we never get along! Why can't you just accept me for who I am!? The dads of the Knights of Ren think their sons are cool!"

"Who!? Knights of WHAT?"

Leia rolled her eyes and then she walked up to the young man. “I sense… you are my son from another world. But how did you get here. And why? And what is your name? You must have another name.”

Kylo looked to his mother, his other mother, and his facial features softened. “You named me Ben Solo." Then he saw a lightsaber at her side. "And you’re a Jedi here. I’m happy for you, mom. You completed your training."

Leia looked to him and saw tears in his eyes. She wanted to hug him, but she wasn’t sure if he would allow it. She sensed immense conflict within him. Something must’ve happened in his dimension that made him turn to the Dark Side. Now she was worried about her children.

"Isn't that Luke and Mara's son's name?" said Han, raising an eyebrow. "Sounds like this other dimension has some plagiarism issues going on..."

"Dad, can we keep him?" asked Anakin. "Please, pleassseee?"

"Han Solo Jr., he's not a dog we can just keep," clarified Han.

"Dad, I keep telling you my name is Anakin!" complained the child.

Suddenly, Luke Skywalker entered the cabin with some groceries. “Hey everyone! I hope I’m not late for that big party we're throwing for some reason. Mara's coming soon, just unpacking some things for us."

“You’re not late,” said Han, and then motioned with his eyes towards Kylo Ren. “The family drama is just beginning. Meet my bizarre inter-dimensional son, Kylo Ren.”

Luke stared with great uncertainty at the dark-clothed man. “Uhmm….Hi?”

“You look different here, Uncle Luke,” said Kylo as he put Blackie on his shoulder. “You look… like a real Jedi. In my dimension, I heard that you live on a planet with ducks and drink green milk from the nipples of these weird sea creatures.”

“What..?! I….. I think I’m mortified,” said Luke, widening his eyes in absolute terror. He turned to his brother-in-law. "Han? Somebody please tell me what's going on?!"

“And there goes my appetite for today,” mumbled Han as he sat down on a beanbag chair. "Thank you very much, Kylo."

"Yeah, and once you tried to kill me in my sleep," continued Kylo.

“What!” protested Leia, turning to Luke. “That doesn’t sound like my brother at all!”

“Yeah,” continued Kylo. “I destroyed his Jedi Academy. So he ran away on an island with ducks. Tough times."

“I’m a bit concerned here right now,” whispered Luke to his sister. "I think I should call Mara and warn her not to---"

And suddenly the cabin door burst open.

To continue.....

 

Wow, Kylo aka Benny Bunny really knows how to make an entrance. And immediately get into a conflict with the two men who died due to him. Han via a light saber stab and Luke due to heart failure after all that Force projection stuff.

At least Leia stays somewhat neutral and positive here.

I wonder what Mara will make of all this and of Blackie, of course.

But calling the keepers of the island ducks... really Solo junior?!?

 

Not gonna lie, this storyline already makes more sense than the ST!

I love the adventures of Kylo and Blackie, and how in every dimension he still insists that Blackie is a girl cat. Some things never change. And Jacen, Jaina, and Anakin's reactions are priceless!

LMAO!

THE HORROR!

I really needed a laugh, and I love this! Thanks for sharing.

 

Thanks for reading, Azure! Benny Bunny definitely is unable to get along with his male relatives..even in a different dimension... *sigh* If only they knew what he would do to them in his dimension! I would think Leia would see some hope in him.

Mara will NOT be impressed! Of course, she will be the only sane person in this story who opposes Kylo and the cat stuff---we always need that one sane person in every story

It's definitely going to have a beginning, a middle, and an end and is written by one author instead of 2 different ones

I'm starting to think Kylo deep down knows Blackie is a guy but is stubborn as a mule and refuses to admit it. Or maybe sex education in the GFFA failed him; it's a mystery

You're welcome! Thanks for reading and commenting! The fun is just beginning because...

....Mara Jade is here!

Chapter 3

Mara Jade Skywalker entered the cabin with a small boy. “Sorry, everyone! We had to catch up on some groceries along the way."

Han nervously turned towards her. "Mara, we need to tell you something----"

Kylo already glanced to the red-haired woman and pointed towards her. “Hey, you’re a ginger! You know I have this annoying coworker in my dimension that’s also a ginger. I think you’re totally his mom.”

“Excuse me, what? Whose mom!? Who is this guy and why is he just standing here shirtless!?” asked Mara Jade annoyingly.

Leia looked up from baking cookies in the kitchen. "Kylo, sweetie, people wear shirts in this house. Please put on your shirt!"

"Okay," agreed Kylo, but when he tried to put his shirt back on, it mysteriously disappeared as though he was destined to be shirtless forever.

Anakin pat the man's hand sympathetically. "It's okay, Kylo. Sometimes wearing shirts just isn't meant to be."

Jacen face-palmed. "Stop encouraging him!"

"Those are some wacky high-waisted pants," commented Jaina.

Mara grumbled under her breath about the shirtless doofus in the middle of the living room and turned to her husband. “Luke, please tell me what’s going on?"

“I just arrived and literally have no idea,” muttered Luke, shrugging. "I think he's supposed to be my nephew from another dimension and in his dimension I live on an island with ducks."

"Ducks?! But you don't even know what a duck is!"

".....he's mine and Leia's inter-dimensional son apparently," continued Han hopelessly, his words lost in the confusion and chaos. He sighed, and then gave up. "Oh boy, this isn't going to be good..."

“You know, Blackie, my cat?” continued Kylo while taking the kitten into his arms and accidentally showing the woman the cat's butt. “She’s called Blackie cause she’s black, like the Dark Side and Darth Vader. It’s a cool color.”

“That cat is a boy, you idiot,” snapped Mara, glaring at the manchild. “Did your parents ever tell you about the birds and the bees!?”

“Many have said that she is a boy, but they are all wrong,” declared Kylo, petting his cat affectionately.

Meanwhile, Leia and Han glanced to each other worryingly and silently as they wondered what they were like in this supposed other dimension Kylo arrived from where a sex education system apparently didn't exist.

Mara sighed and face-palmed. “No, kid, your cat clearly is a boy. He has those things my husband has. You know tes--"

“Mara…” warned Luke.

“What!?”

“Stop. Please stop.”

“Why!?”

Luke shook his head. “It’s not necessary for you to say that.”

Finally Leia stepped up to break up the argument between them. "Everyone, please calm down. Kylo is from another world and....things are very different there it seems and so he's a bit confused."

Mara picked up her son and grabbed her husband's arm. "Whatever this 'other world' is, Leia, I want nothing to do with it! Luke, we're out of here. Ben is crying and needs a nap."

"No, I'm okay," declared Kylo.

"I was talking about my son, you dingus. Ben Skywalker."

"But I'm also a Ben. A Ben Solo," announced Kylo.

"More like a Ben Swolo," whispered Han to Leia.

"Kylo, look, we have gummy-wookiees, your favorite," said Leia, motioning for her other son to sit with them on the big family couch.

"Okay," agreed Kylo, sitting between an angry Jacen and a smiley Jaina and Anakin. Blackie sat on the girl's lap happily.

"Mara, please stay," begged Leia as she turned to her sister-in-law. "We're making cookies for the kids."

The red-haired woman sighed and sat down with Luke and their son on a couch across from them. "Fine." Then she pointed at Kylo in warning and sent a fiery death glare."But he needs to put a shirt on."

Kylo glared back and then put on some groovy sunglasses. "Challenge accepted."

Blackie, who was now sitting on a special cat scratching post the Solo kids built for him, copied Kylo's motions and put on some tiny cool sunglasses as well in unison with his owner. He made some hip-hop style motions with his paw that looked like he was saying, "don't mess with the cat, yo!"

Mara narrowed her eyes at the kitten. "What....?"

"Aunt Mara, for your own sanity, it's better not to overthink this," suggested Jacen with a sigh.

Han sighed as he smacked his lips and turned to his other dimensional son and whispered to himself: “I’m beginning to wonder what other dimensional weirdo kids I have out there......”

To continue.....

 

Yay, more awesomeness! I love that Mara is the voice of reason, as much as anyone can be here.

All I can picture is this:

Spoiler: Kylo

I picture him being all serious and saying this as some deep philosophical statement.

I mean, honestly, this is some good life advice right here.

Fun update!

 

I really wanted her to be the voice of reason...I don't know why....Mara seems like a great fit LOL! She will continue her role in the next chapter

Also Kylo: "Why do people run from me?" proceeding with Blackie peeing on him.

This made my day, thank you

Glad you liked it! Thanks for reading! And here's the next chapter......

Chapter 4

Back at the Solo House, the family was trying to keep a shirt on Kylo.

"Alright, one, two, three!" cried Han as the family held him down and tried to dress him. The shirt bounced away as though repelled by Kylo. Boing!

"I think he is allergic to shirts," concluded Luke. "We could try some duct tape, perhaps? I heard it binds the Galaxy together."

Mara Jade sighed, watching the family try to put a shirt on the manchild. "You have all gone insane!"

"Look, we didn't say this was going to be easy," said Han as he turned to Mara and took Luke's duct tape, taping the shirt on the young man. "But we're giving it all we got."

"Family effort," added Leia.

"Can we all please acknowledge he's a complete moron and send him back where he came from before he destroys the Universe or something?" muttered Mara Jade.

The shirtless-ness was getting worse because, out of nowhere, the song "I'm too sexy" started playing in the background as the spotlight fell on Kylo.

I'm too sexy for my shirt

Too sexy for my shirt.....

"Maybe Blackie has something to do with this," mused Jaina as she put the black kitten on his head. Suddenly, the shirt they were trying to put him into stayed on him. The music stopped.

"Good job, Jaina! Blackie was the key to all of this," said Leia.

Blackie sat on Kylo's head and shifted his eyes suspiciously as the Solo kids watched him.

"Uh oh, looks like a spy kitten," whispered Anakin.

"Nope," protested Kylo. "She just has this shifty-eye condition. Vet said so."

Mara Jade glared. "And did this veterinarian confirm that Blackie was a boy?"

"Yep," said Kylo. "But the vet was wrong."

She closed her eyes in defeat as someone in the background played the "wah, wah, wahhhhhhh" sound effect to emphasize Kylo's epic fail. "Not gonna lie, the stupid is strong with this one."

“Kylo, dear," began Leia, "can you please tell us why you're convinced that Blackie is a girl when there's evidence that points to the alternative?"

"Of course. Mom--I mean you from another dimension--wrote this note that came with Blackie: 'Happy birthday, son. Hope you have fun with Blackie. She'll bring you back to the right path someday.'"

"Well, maybe this Leia---I mean me in this dimension---wasn’t sure of Blackie’s gender since he was very young and it was ambiguous….And perhaps now she--or he--or whatever-- developed the proper genitalia...."

Kylo blinked. "Are you suggesting that Blackie is like one of those fish that changes gender?"

Mara face-palmed. “Force save us.”

"Huh," said Luke out loud. "I think part of my brain is gone now from this conversation."

Anakin looked under Blackie’s tail. “Her or his butt is kind of furry so maybe it's just hard to see and be sure?”

Jacen shot a glare at his younger brother. "Anakin, don't become one with the stupid."

"Alright," said Han finally, stepping between the madness, "can we all please stop looking at that cat’s rear end? It's getting weird."

"Why are you denying that your cat is a boy, you wiener?" asked Mara as she challenged the manchild.

"Why are you yelling at me? I think you got some anger issues, lady," huffed Kylo.

"Actually," started Luke smartly. "Mara Jade just finished a 12-week Anger Management program. I totally recommend it."

"Yeah and I think we're done here," said Mara, grabbing her husband and son and walking to the door as quickly as possible "Sorry Leia, I would like to preserve the rest of my brain cells and I would like my son to pass kindergarten."

“Okay, bye,” waved Kylo as they left and he sat with his Solo siblings and munched on popcorn.

Han sighed. "There goes that big party we planned with Luke..."

To continue....

 

Every. Single. Word. rocks with hilarity! Thank you for writing this. It's a total stress buster.

 

I am still alive and reading this. And this story keeps being priceless.

Mara's reaction towards Kylo was indeed great. She is a person of reason, wits & cat knowledge.

As for the intended party... dang!

Shirtless or not, Benny Bunny acts a high degree of doofus to every aspect of life.

 

Thanks for reading and commenting! Glad you liked it!

Thanks for still reading! Mara is the best Benny Bunny continues to be a doofus right here in the next Solo family chapter:

Chapter 5

"Kylo, tell us about your dimension," asked Jaina suddenly as the family gathered for dinner.

"Okay," agreed Kylo. "Well, mom and dad are old and grumpy and it's been 30 years since the Galactic Empire was defeated. But we have a new Empire called the First Order and recruit teenagers to do stuff, I guess. Also our parents aren't together, Uncle Luke is a hermit and hates everyone and I'm evil."

"Sounds like a huge mess already," whispered Leia to Han.

"I do enjoy collecting Darth Vader merchandise," said Kylo randomly. "I have a closet with his limited edition action figures."

"Weirdo," commented Jacen. "Anakin Skywalker sacrificed his life to save the Galaxy and you're worshiping his evil self!"

"Who?" asked Kylo. "No, I'm talking about Darth Vader. He's awesome! I love you, grandpa..."

"Darth Vader was Anakin Skywalker," reminded Jacen. "He sacrificed himself to save Uncle Luke and the Galaxy!"

"Pretty sure that's just badly written fanfic you've been reading online, bro."

"Stupido," mumbled Jacen.

"Mom, Jacen is being mean to me," complained Kylo outloud.

"Jacen, be nice to your older, other dimensional brother," warned Leia as she passed the mashed potatoes to Chewie.

"What about us?" asked the two other Solo kids.

"Well, you guys don't exist, obviously," explained Kylo. "I think mom said she wanted more kids but dad had a narrow urethra or something."

Han looked mortified and suddenly turned red. "Uh....is this really the most appropriate time to be discussing this, Kylo?"

"Yeah," continued Kylo. "I mean, I don't know what that even has to do with anything. She could have just ordered more children from the Internet."

"Uhhh....kid, did anyone ever teach you about biology?" asked Han suddenly.

"Hahaha," laughed Kylo and then suddenly cleared his throat. "Uh....no."

"That's crazy!" said Anakin. "Even I know where babies come from. It's like fixing a ship---you put some parts together and, you know, babies come out! It's called...umn...sex!"

Jaina face palmed. "Anakin....!"

Jacen rolled his eyes. "Are we seriously talking about this right now!?"

"Hahah....Uh...Huh," said Kylo while Blackie sat on his head shifting his eyes anxiously and suspiciously at the same time. He whispered to Jacen: "What's sex?"

Jacen sighed, stood up and cried: "Mom, dad, Kylo doesn't know what sex is."

"Dude! I was whispering!" muttered Kylo, folding his arms across his chest while Jacen smirked. "Geez!"

"Haha," laughed Jacen, flinging a pea at him using a butter knife.

"MOM!"

Han face-palmed. "Oh boy..."

Leia finally stood up to maintain control over the dinner table. "Alright boys. Time out! Now apologize and make up."

Jacen sighed and turned to the older man and muttered: "Sorry."

"Sorry," muttered Kylo back.

"Very good," approved Leia, before turning to the golden protocol droid. "C-3PO, where are those cookies you've been baking for us?"

"Right away, Princess!" replied the droid.

Han smacked his lips as he mused for a moment. "Wait, are we just going to ignore the fact that Kylo is a 29 year old man who doesn't know where babies come from?"

The family fell silent.

"Okay, so we're just gonna ignore that then."

"Don't worry, other Dad," said Kylo optimistically. "Nobody needs to know this stuff. The Force will tell me what to do."

"............That's not how the Force works!" Han stopped as he mused for a moment. "Huh.....Weird....I feel like I said this before in another dimension."

Suddenly, Mara Jade rushed into the kitchen to pick something up from a cabinet. "Sorry, I forgot my purse and---" She eyed the young man smack in the middle of the dinner table. "Oh my god. Is he still here without a shirt on?! Children, shield your eyes."

Jaina, Jacen and Anakin put on their special sunglasses which were designed to give the illusion Kylo was wearing a shirt.

"I'm going to find this wardrobe you arrived here from and kick you back into it, you half-witted wiener," warned Mara, pointing a gloved finger at him in warning before leaving the cabin again. "This is my promise!"

"Okay," agreed Kylo casually, giving a thumbs up.

Leia sighed as she face palmed before turning to her husband. "I can't help but wonder what's happening back in his dimension..."

To continue......

 

Terrific snark!

 

YES!

Chapter 4:

MAYBE SHIRTS ARE ALLERGIC TO KYLO! Also, because of the duct tape I'm now picturing Luke as Red Green of The Red Green Show. "The handyman's Jedi's secret weapon!"

This made me laugh so hard! I mean, this whole fic makes me laugh and I love it all but this line was like extra-funny.

I either hear this or say this literally every work day.

Chapter 5:

I don't know why but the image of them all sitting down to a nice family dinner amidst all the crazy kills me! The mix of nice normal domesticity and epic stupid on Kylo's part is just so great. I also love how Kylo sums up the sequels.

OMG is this what I think it is? A KING OF THE HILL reference? And now I'm imagining Han saying "That boy ain't right I tell you what!"

Clearly Kylo needs someone to provide the facts about sex in a frank and straightforward manner!

Yeah! You tell him, Mara!

I'm sorry for all the quotes and random tangents, I got a little carried away. But on a serious note, this story is just so much fun and it brightens my mood for real. Thank you for writing and sharing it!

 

Replying early since this story seems to make people happy

Thanks so much for the comment! More snark to come later....especially from Mara

That made my day, thank you! As a Canadian, I had no idea what the Red Green Show was until now and now I'm ashamed...LOL

Kylo is like the elephant in the room--everyone knows he's there but nobody wants to talk about the crazy, so let's have a nice family dinner and you know, ignorance is bliss or something

Yes and I was honestly not expecting anyone to get it, so kudos to you! I love King of the Hill and when I see Leia, Han and Kylo/Ben all I'm seeing is Hank, Peggy and Bobby and Han definitely must have said, "That boy ain't right I tell you what!" on more than one occasion. And instead of Bobby dressing up as a cheerleader, it's going to be Kylo dressing up as Darth Vader with Han going, "DANG IT, BEN! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU...." Hey, we need a fanfic about this! LOL

Kylo: Mommy, I'm scared.....

No need to apologize---I love all the random tangents! I'm happy this story brightens your mood as this is the purpose of its existence and, well, I'm also going through a hard time as many people are due to this pandemic so it really gives me something useful to do if it can make someone laugh.

OK--next chapter will be a bit delayed because I'm....uh....trying to figure out what it will be about. I know, I'm the worst.

 

As an American, I am ashamed of you, a Canadian, for not knowing what the Red Green Show was until now.

And for the record, because I have a weird sense of humor and other people don't always get it, that was indeed a joke. Duct tape forever!

 

I mean, I probably came across it at one point flipping through channels or something...but I was also preoccupied watching Saturday Morning cartoons, eh.

And I just found the next chapter lying around! The crazy continues...

Chapter 6

Back on the Supremacy, Supreme Leader Snoke addressed the triumvirate of power down to two before him. His voice rumbled across the chamber and as he stood up, a Millicent-themed balloon flew out from under his seat for some reason and drifted happily towards the ceiling.

“I fear Kylo Ren has accidentally stumbled into another dimension through my wardrobe deep within the forbidden janitor’s closet. You see, children, before you were born, there was another world and the Galaxy followed another timeline....but all that changed when a force split the worlds apart and I found a wardrobe that contained the only gateway to this past world!

Now Kylo Ren has the power to change the state of the Galaxy…the power to erase us from existence…. and to bring those that are non-canon into this world. He must be stopped!"

"Another dimension. How intriguing, Supreme Leader," commented Phasma.

Snoke watched as non-canon things now becoming canon started entering his chamber, like a green space rabbit dude and ducks. "Ugh. Already he's messing up the state of the Galaxy! You two need to go to this dimension and retrieve him---alive," ordered Snoke.

"I assure you we will bring back Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader," announced Hux bitterly as they headed towards the mysterious janitor's closet.

***
They entered the room and saw the wardrobe, still open, as though inviting new guests into its mysterious domain.

"Phasma," said Hux suddenly as he stared at the wardrobe with Millicent in his arms. "There's another world in there....and Kylo Ren no longer exists here...."

"Yes," she agreed. "In theory, we could just destroy the wardrobe....."

Hux finished her sentence. "....And he'll be stuck there forever! But...orders from Supreme Leader Snoke must be obeyed. Unfortunately." He fixed his attention to the wardrobe uneasily and turned to her with a small smile. "Well then, ladies first."

"No, please, General, after you," said Phasma and then kicked him in the butt into the wardrobe with a chrome boot.

***
When Hux, Phasma and Millicent arrived in the other dimension through the wardrobe, the orange cat immediately began playing in the snow. Suddenly, the spotlight fell on Millicent as a parade of strange Legends creatures surrounded her Bambi-style. Kushiban, hoojib, voorpak, gizka, and things few people heard of like the Bimmisaari tiga loreng, a gulginaw and a gurrcat kitten all sat together around the orange cat and stared at her in awe, wondering what this new being was and where she came from.

Millicent shifted her eyes uneasily and then gave out a loud roar that echoed throughout the forest and sent the creatures scrambling away in terror.

"That's right, Millicent, you show them who's boss," commented Hux and then put on a cat sweater on her, an officer's hat and boots.

"Where did you suddenly get a cat sweater?" asked Phasma suspiciously. "Please don't tell me you go around carrying this with you."

"Cat sweaters! Get your cat sweaters, right here!" cried a Mon Calamari merchant at a market stand that was literally just in the middle of nowhere. "Legends edition, right here! I'll take your credits--doesn't matter which dimension they're from!"

"Are you friggin' kidding me?" muttered Phasma. "It appears this place is more than meets the eye..."

Suddenly, something came up on her helmet's sensors: someone was coming towards them at full speed. "Whoa! Get down!" she cried, forcing them to duck low behind a tree. "Angry red-haired woman walking towards us and she doesn't look too happy...."

“Okay, okay. I’m going!” whined Luke as he was dragged by his wife towards their star ship. “You don’t need to get so freaked out about my weird other dimensional nephew.”

"That's the problem, Luke," said Mara as she turned to him. "Nobody is freaked out by him except me! Did you see what was going on in there? They were all having a nice family dinner like nothing was happening! He's a bad influence to the kids and is a complete moron!"

"You know, Mara, sometimes ignorance is bliss," said Luke, shrugging. "Besides he's just a manchild. What could he possibly do?"

"Look, I just don't want to visit your family next time seeing everyone shirtless with cats on their heads, okay?" warned Mara. "His stupid is contagious. Even poor Anakin is starting to believe Blackie is a girl! The madness must be stopped---"

Luke sighed and put his hands on top of her shoulders. "Mara, trust me. The next time we visit the Solos, everyone will have a shirt on and there will be no cats. And if they don't have shirts on, I'd provide everyone a shirt and we can send the cats to an animal adoption center and find some nice families for them."

"Promise?" she asked hopefully. "Promise me I get to find those cats families if needed so none of them end up in someone like Kylo Ren's irresponsible hands."

"I promise," he replied with a smile and kissed her on the forehead.

Mara Jade beamed but then suddenly ignited her lightsaber as she sensed something nearby in the bushes and instantly prepared for battle. "We're not alone...."

To continue....

 

at the conversation between Luke and Mara and more "arrivals"

 

When you write Mara & Luke it´s like a dream has come true. Thanks for so much snark and wits!

 

Thanks for the comment! Yup, more dumb arrivals to deal with LOL

Thanks, Azure! I never wrote Mara and Luke before but it's been a blast and I'm glad you like their portrayal...now I understand why so many people write about them..... More snark and wits coming up.

Chapter 7

With a swift strike of her blade, the tree was cut diagonally and the spies revealed. “And who are you losers?" demanded Mara, seeing a young man and a stormtrooper clad in chrome. There was also a cat with them. "And why is that orange cat wearing a hat? Does she even have a permit?”

Hux stood up slowly and brushed snow off of his uniform calmly. “I am General Hux of the First Order and this is my partner-in-crime, Captain Phasma. My cat, Millicent, does indeed have a permit to wear a hat." He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and handed her an official hat-wearing cat permit.

She raised an eyebrow at how serious this guy took the request. "Um...Yeah....I literally just made that last part up....Wait, I get what's going on: you must be another weirdo from that other dimension, aren't you!? I better burn down that wardrobe before more idiots arrive!"

"I must admit your dimension clearly lacks luxurious cat hats," resumed Hux. "Millicent has a grand sense of fashion for hats and has a hat for every occasion. Would you like to see her dance?"

"Uh....sure?" agreed Mara, not knowing what to expect or what she was even agreeing to.

“Very well,” said Hux and clapped his hands authoritatively.

Suddenly, the spotlight fell on Millicent who was now wearing skates and was standing in the middle of a frozen pond. First Order stormtroopers performed the can-can in separate lines and threw orange confetti as they skated beside her. Star Wars Disco music played in the background when the cat began to dance. Some huge cardboard props of the Finalizer and Starkiller Base appeared out of nowhere behind her.

Mara and Luke glanced around warily as colourful laser lights filled the air which seemed to mimic a blaster fight. A disco ball appeared in the sky with the First Order symbol on it. Stormtroopers were now performing disco dance moves, Travolta-style.

A talented stormtrooper immediately began adding lyrics to the music in a deep masculine voice. “Millicent! She’s General Hux’s cat….of the First Order! Look at her goooo!”

“Millicent! She's the greatest cat... in the whole Galaxy! Watch out, mouse droids!"

The cat performed a perfect figure-8 before spinning in the air with some stormtroopers catching her as fake blaster fire resumed in the background to mimic an epic space battle. Mouse droids fled in fear as she chased after them in her special skates. Another stormtrooper was playing the piano.

“Millicent! She’s General Hux’s cat! She might leave poodoo….in your shoe!”

A choir of attractive female officers wearing orange cat ears started singing as she danced on ice. “And she’s the grandest of felines there could ever be! Don’t forget to subscribe to her newsletters!”

“You might just receive a complimentary fruit basket,” added Hux to the lyrics.

The stormtroopers saluted as she passed them in a gracefully feline way on the pond. “Yes, she’s Millicent! She’s Millicent! And Millicent rules! Millicent rules! Millicent rules!”

The music stopped as Millicent stood in her little uniform and hat and then there was a sudden POOF! and the stormtroopers and props mysteriously disappeared into thin air.

Mara face-palmed. "I totally regret agreeing to this..."

"Uhm....," mumbled Luke uncertainly. "Do you happen to belong to that franchise that has princesses and sings songs?"

"This must be your villain song or something, isn't it?" asked Mara.

"We have a separate song for that," replied Hux. "Would you like to hear it?"

"Say no," warned Phasma. "His singing is something akin to a baby screaming while playing a broken violin using sandpaper."

"Okay, then no, we don't want to hear your crappy singing, Mr. Hux," said Mara.

Hux narrowed his eyes at her. "Excuse me, it's General Hux! I didn't spend my entire life in the First Order Academy to be called 'mister,' thank you very much."

"Buddy, nobody cares here," whispered Mara.

Luke turned to her with great concern and said in a soft voice. "I care..."

The woman rolled her eyes. "Luke, you care about everything. It's not important to care sometimes."

"Wait a moment," started Luke, remembering the terrible cat song. "First Order? Stormtroopers? The Empire was defeated years ago.”

“And that’s where you’re wrong,” sneered Hux proudly. “You see, from the ashes of the old Empire arose the First Order, and thousands of Star Destroyers strike fear into those who oppose our military power. Our newest weapon, Starkiller Base, is capable of annihilating star systems using a powerful focused laser and is the size of a planet!”

“Soooo,” said Luke. “It’s basically the Death Star but…bigger?”

“And I bet you can blow it up with a single torpedo because it has a weak point somewhere,” whispered Mara to Luke, rolling her eyes.

Hux suddenly took out his comlink and showed them a picture of Kylo Ren making a silly face. “Now then, perhaps you have seen this manchild?”

She pointed backwards with a gloved hand. “Your manchild is in the cabin behind us. Please take him and yourselves out of our dimension promptly."

“Rest assured,” said Hux with a small smile as they walked towards the cabin. “We will remove him from your property immediately.”

Mara watched the losers leave and then turned to Luke with a smirk. "This I gotta see...I still need to kick Kylo's butt first though!"

To continue...

 

!!! Dancing Travolta style, whee boy does that take me back to my fangirl days? Too too funny the whole exchange!

 

Mara has guts and unbelievable good dialogs here. Thanks a million!

You also write a jolly good Hux. He's evil AND extreme fun at the same time.

 

Thank you! Dancing Travolta style is the way to go Fun fangirl days indeed!

Thanks for the comment! Mara is a brave one---she holds no fear for these puny children Now I have plans for her to be the true savior of this story.
Thanks also for liking the way I write Hux--he's really fun to write (in case it wasn't obvious from the other stories )--he's such a sassy, sniveling, evil little weasel and it's a shame TROS just ruined him and made him just meh. I think villains need a dose of evil and fun to be a bit interesting.

Here is the next chapter as an early Christmas gift and then this will probably pick up in the New Year or before, we'll see.

Chapter 8

Back in the Solo House, the family was setting up the Christmas Tree.

"Kylo, help Anakin with decorating the tree, will you?" requested Leia as she was busy in the kitchen, still making cookies.

"Okay," agreed Kylo and then used the Force to levitate his youngest brother to the top of the Tree.

"Wheeeee," said Anakin as he flew towards the ceiling and put a special star on top of the Tree. It was a cat-shaped star and it glittered like a real star.

Han Solo suddenly heard a persistent knocking at his front door and answered it annoyingly. "Alright, alright, I'm coming!"

Han opened the door and saw two strangers, one clad in chrome armour and the other wearing a uniform reminiscent of the past Galactic Empire. "Um...May I help you?"

"I am General Hux of the First Order. I'm from a completely different dimension looking for Kylo Ren," explained Hux as he held Millicent in his arms. "Also, this is my cat, Millicent. You will speak to her with utter respect."

Han glanced at him from top to bottom. "Uhm....Aren't you a little young to be a General?"

"Supreme Leader Snoke demands Kylo Ren's immediate return," continued Hux, ignoring the question. "He has the power to destroy your world so I suggest you comply."

"Yeah, I don't know this Supreme Leader Snot guy," said Han before turning to Kylo who was munching on popcorn with Jaina and Anakin. "Hey, kid, some losers are here for you. You know'em?"

Kylo peeked out from the sofa. "Uh...nope......"

"Ren, you know who we are," hissed Hux. "Your little game of hide-and-seek ends here! Now be a good boy and come along with us unless you prefer to be dragged out of here kicking and screaming by Phasma."

Phasma slowly turned to the manchild and crackled her knuckles from under her gauntlets. Kylo gulped and disappeared inside the sofa with only his nose sticking out. Blackie was sitting happily on Jaina's lap before hiding inside the sofa with Kylo as well.

Suddenly, Leia came out of the kitchen with another tray of baked goods. "Kylo, are these your friends? What a convincing Imperial officer costume! You know it's Christmas, not Halloween, right?"

Hux was now trying not to explode in anger as he maintained his patience. "It's not a costume. I am a First Order General!"

"That's nice," said Leia, setting the cookies down. "Would you like some tea?"

"Why, yes, that would be absolutely delightful," agreed Hux.

"Mommmm," complained Kylo. "You didn't ask me if I wanted some tea...."

"Oh, Benny Bunny," said Leia as she took out the tea cups marked with a "Legends" label on them. "You don't even like tea."

"Momm," pouted Kylo again. "I'm not Benny!"

"Oh my god," sighed Jacen, rolling his eyes at his stupid elder brother. "Grow up, Benny."

Leia began pouring some tea from the special tea kettle. Millicent jumped onto the table and began making herself at home. "Well, that's a nice cat. Could you tell me about her, General?"

"Of course...." began Hux before taking out a tiny flash drive from his pocket. "In fact, I have this slideshow prepared already for this very occasion."

Kylo jumped out of the sofa in terror. "Don't do it, mom! He's literally never going to shut up and will make you hold your urine for 10 hours while he talks about his cat's birthday party. It's a trap!"

The manchild winced as a pea hit him straight between the eyes, shot by the retired Mon Calamari Admiral sitting at the table for some reason. "Only I get to say that!" cried Admiral Ackbar, waving his fist at him angrily. "Interdimensional whippersnapper."

"Alright, calm down, Admiral," reassured Han. "This isn't a battle. No need to shoot him with peas."

Anakin looked at the black kitten peeing on Kylo again. "Hey, Kylo. She's doing that again!"

"Oh no!" cried Kylo, wiping his clothes off with a towel. "Blackie, gross."

"That cat is a boy," cried Ackbar from the dinner table. "Even I know how to tell the difference between a mammal like a cat. This kid is an epic fail and the sooner you all realize it, the sooner we can kick him out of here!"

"Finally, even the Admiral agrees," said Jacen with a sigh.

Han sighed and motioned with his hands to the retired Mon Calamari. "Look, Admiral, everybody knows Kylo is an idiot. Just bear with us here until we find a solution, OK?"

"Dad, the solution is right here," said Jacen, pointing to the new foreign guests in their house. "These people want to take him back where he belongs. Let them do their job so we can all have a normal family holiday without the Kylo-drama!"

Hux was now getting impatient at the increasing idiocy. "Yes. Ren, are you going to come along with us peacefully or not? I have an important meeting and I don't have the time to babysit you."

"Wait," said Kylo. "When this documentary about Darth Vader ends."

Hux sighed and began grooming Millicent with a special brush. Suddenly, there was orange cat hair everywhere, everywhere except on his pitch-black uniform oddly.

Jaina pulled out a piece of cat hair from out of her mouth after taking a bite out of her cookie. "Ughhh....There's cat hair....in my food!"

"Everything tastes better with cat hair," reassured Hux smartly while Jaina glared at him.

"There's cat hair in my nose," said Anakin, sneezing. "Now I swallowed it. Am I going to turn into a cat!? Will I....will I still have my radiotransmitters?"

"Maybe. This is why I like that Blackie is black," said Kylo. "He fits with my style."

Leia looked to him hopefully; the family gasped in excitement. "Kylo, did you just....did you just call Blackie a 'he'"?

"Sorry, I meant, 'she'", corrected Kylo. "This was an error on my part."

"General Organa of this dimension," started Hux. "You will find that no matter how hard you try to convince Kylo Ren his cat is a boy, he will not budge. I suggest you deal with it."

"I will only ever agree with you in this dimension, Hux," replied Kylo with a mouthful of popcorn.

Hux glared at him as though he was about to gag. "What an honour," he said mockingly and rolled his eyes.

"Uh....Yeah," mused Han, looking at them both annoyingly. "You guys argue often?"

Suddenly the door burst open, revealing the silhouette of a woman with ginger hair blowing in the wind. Mara Jade entered as she broke down the door with her boot in an epic way. "This party's over!"

"You know we have a door knob, right?" mumbled Han, worried about the increasing repair bills to his cabin.

To continue....

 

Kylo does still not get the Blackie thing.

Han, always on the practical side and seeing the financial costs of Force user clashes...

Once more in dark times the bright star of your humour shining down on us. Thanks!

 

This is definitely the running gag at this point The very essence of Kylo.

Everyone in every dimension: Blackie is a boy! Here is the evidence
Kylo: nope

Yeah, if Mara is the person of reason, Han is the down-to-earth guy that just doesn't understand why these Force users just don't do normal people stuff like he does!

Thanks, Azure! I'm really happy you think so. And have a happy holidays and a great (and better!) new year!

 

Might as well post an update. And another Christmas gift for @AzureAngel2 , @WarmNyota_SweetAyesha and @amidalachick and all readers who read this story since it's Christmas afterall Thanks btw to people who read! Very kind of you.

Chapter 9

Leia poured some tea as Luke entered after his wife. "Mara, you're back!"

"I had to return to bring sanity back into this family," she said and then ignited her lightsaber and pointed to the manchild. "He is a danger to us, to the Galaxy, and to every dimension out there! I will stop you!"

"I'd like to see you try," mumbled Kylo before standing up and igniting his crossguard lightsaber as he faced the red-haired woman. Blackie jumped aside onto Jaina's lap fearfully.

"What?" said Mara, almost laughing. "That's your lightsaber? You have got to be freakin' kidding me. It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Looks like a little kid made it."

"Oh, yeah! I'll show you, Hux's mom!" screamed Kylo as he broke a family vase and then clashed his lightsaber with the Jedi's.

Mara smirked and blocked his blow easily before glaring at the young man. "I'm Mara Jade Skywalker and I'm not his mother! Not all gingers are related in this Galaxy, you know."

"Why am I getting involved in this family drama?" muttered Hux annoyingly as he put down his tea cup while Millicent scratched the sofa. "Leave me out of it!"

"Because I momentarily forgot her name," explained Kylo as he ducked a blow.

"Kylo, if you just go away from here forever, I won't have to kick your ass," cried Mara as she blocked another slash from him.

Kylo glared. "My ass is unkickable!"

"I disagree," said Mara, and then sent him tumbling backwards with the Force into an entire cabinet full of weird vases. Kylo was lying in a heap with his Darth Vader themed underwear sticking out.

Han Solo just barely saved all the vases from falling, sliding on the ground to catch the very last one. "Hey, hey, watch it! These Lando-vases weren't free!"

"Way to go, Aunt Mara," commented Jacen. "Force wedgie."

"No way!" complained Kylo as he stood up. "She cheated. And now my butt hurts."

"Serves you right, you emo manchild," said Mara, folding her arms across her chest in victory.

"This is the best day of my life," whispered Hux as he wiped an invisible tear from his pale cheek.

"Here, I snapped a photo of him lying upside down in his underwear like a total loser for you," said Phasma as she showed him the picture on her comlink. "Uploading it onto Spacebook right now."

Jaina and Anakin hugged him while Blackie jumped back onto his shoulder as he snuffled sadly. "We love you, Kylo!"

"Awwwwwwww," cooed the background crowd.

"Thanks, guys," said Kylo, patting the children's heads. "This has got to be the worst dimension I've ever been in. Except that time I found myself in a Wizarding school and flew on a broom and waved a magic wand. Then I accidentally turned myself into a pickle and these punk kids laughed at me."

"Okay," said Luke. "But did they also mention that Blackie is a boy cat?"

"And if you think that's crazy, wait until I tell you the time I accidentally fell into another wardrobe and found myself in this place called 'Middle-earth' and the Dark Lord guy liked my cat. We had an insightful conversation about evil cat fashion."

"Okay," repeated Luke. "But did he also mention that Blackie is a boy cat?"

Kylo suddenly raised his hand and manipulated his fingers to display the Vulcan salutation. "Live long and prosper."

"Well, that's something different," said Luke, shrugging.

"Once I went back in time for some reason and met this guy named Mando and his weird, floating green leprechaun. Anyways, he was giving me a lecture about how even his kid was a guy cause it had radiotransmitters when he changed its diapers. Not exactly sure how this relates to Blackie but whatever."

"I really think people are trying to tell you something there, Kylo," commented Luke.

Mara Jade rolled her eyes. "You gotta be kidding me...he's not only teleporting himself to other dimensions but other universes and time periods?! How is this possible!?"

Hux sighed. "Supreme Leader Snoke, our leader, has very diverse and peculiar wardrobes hidden around our flag ship for reasons unknown to us that apparently Kylo Ren is stumbling upon too often."

"Well, now he needs to stop doing that and return back where he---"

A gust of wind suddenly knocked them to the ground and a great void opened in the middle of the living room.

"Kylo has been here too long!" explained Luke, now understanding what was happening. "His presence is merging our worlds together and---" He suddenly gasped, seeing his other self in ragged clothes with a beard, a beard with green milk spilled all over it. The green milk dripped eerily to the ground like a pin needle in a silent room. "Are....are you...me?"

"Oh, yeah."

To continue...