The Eddie Izzard appreciation society

This is a thread for all those who love Eddie Izzard. Feel free to discuss all aspects of this genius of comedy.

And remember:- Guns don't kill people, people kill people (and monkeys do too if they have a gun!)

Enjoy your stay!

 

Eddie Izzard?

Bloke in a dress, bloke in a dress, HA HA, Bloke in a dress.
I told him!

 

Hey Darling, you and me, you and me, you and me HA HA HA!

*Runs away*

She said yes!

 

Dude, you should check out my profile and sig.
All contain my favorite Izzard quotes!

 

You ROCK JJ!

 

And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,? but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that?



Awesome!!

 

How do you start someone to death?

*Gets starter pistol*

*Bang* *Runs away*

*Comes back*

*Bang* *Runs away again*

After the hundreth time you're abit upset!

 

Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, "arararar", and occasionally, they stop and go, oh, uh, ah, as if they're going, "Did I leave the gas on? No! I'm, no I'm a ******* squirrel!"



The guy is a whacked out crazy genius!
I wish the old Izzardite board was running. I used to hang out there all the time.

 

It's like someone zapped them with the Star Trek phaser on "Did I leave the oven on?" setting!

 

It's the rebels sir. They're here.

Good God man. Do they want tea?

No sir, but they have a flag.

That's dashed cunning of them.

 

Hey Lady your speeding!

Get lost I'm the Queen!

 

*Cake on head*

Dun dun dun ...
I am the queen, I live forever
I'll never die, I live to a million!

 

We lost the British Empire by saying "Oh do you think so?"

 

At least we weren't the Ottoman Empire.
We just sit at the end of a bed!

 

Cake or death?
Cake please.
Cake or death?
Oh, cake for me.
Cake or death?
Death...I mean cake
But you said death.
I know, but I meant cake.
Oh, all right.

 

You're lucky we're church of England. Cake or death?
I'll have the cake.
Sorry, we're out of cake. We didn't expect such a run on it.
So my choice is or death?
Yes sir.
I'll take the chicken then.
Tastes like babies sir.
Thank you for flying Church Of England. Cake or death?

 

I cannot believe there are other Izzard fans here!


I like my women like I like my coffee ... covered in bees.

 

I was lucky enough to see him in Nottingham on his Sexie tour. Frackin' awesome.

 

NO WAY!
That must have been cool.

I need to find out if he is touring again!
The guy cracks me up!

I am an evil giraffe, and I shall eat more leaves from this tree then prehaps I should, so that other giraffes may die.

 

Then they go to the transporter room. You knew if the original cast were beaming down then they would all be returning to the ship...but if a new bloke were beaming down with them.

Kirk - Who's this?
Sulu - Oh, that's Stevens. Stevens from Accounts.
Kirk - Didn't know we had an Accounts Department.

You'd get particularly worried about the new guy, especially if he was wearing a RED JUMPER.

Genius!

 

I saw the only UK performance of Dressed to Kill. A great evening.

 

*Then Stevens starts to wobble*

lo lo lo lo lo la la la la lo lo lo lo lo!

*The others just stare*

What are you doing?

I thought we were beaming down!

We have a machine over there for that! You just pull a lever!

So you just stood there and watched me do that!

 

//creates Eddie Izzard MP3 CD to listen to in bed

 

Your friends walk in and say "I think your cats drilling!"

And you say "Cat are you drilling?"

*Cat whips off goggles and peers around the couch*

No I think you have that mixed up with purring!

Oh okay then!

*Cat goes back to drilling*

 

We stole countries with the cunning use of flags.

Just sail around the world and stick a flag in. 'I claim India for Britain!'

And they're going 'You can't claim us, we live here! Five hundred million of us!'

'Do you have a flag?'



"After the war, there was this feeling of no empire no longer.

'Alright, come on Europe, give these countries back... Britain?'"

'What?'

"'What's that behind your back?'"

"'Oh it's India...and a number of other countries.'"