The Four Horsemen of the Fatpocalypse

White Horse - Pizza

-3 billion pizzas are sold in the U.S. every year
-The average family eats pizza 30 times a year
-Americans consume 100 acres of pizza a year, or 57 square miles
-Americans consume half of the world?s pizza

Red Horse - Soda

-soft drinks alone contribute more than seven percent of total caloric intake in the average U.S. diet
-Americans drink an average of more than 50 gallons of soda per person per year

Black Horse - French Fries

-Americans eat an average of 29 lbs of french fries a year
-90% of french fries are sold in fast food restaurants

Pale Horse - Ice Cream

-24 lbs of ice cream per person per year

Other horses that win, place or show:

-donuts and pastries!
-chicken nuggets
-cheese

No need for Mayan doomsdays with the fatpocalypse already here.

 

Soda (or "pop" to you culturally backward people from Illinois) is easily the worst. Whenever somebody mentions soda machines in schools I cringe a little. I also believe that French Fries, while bad for you of course, can be somewhat of a lesser evil when one opts for the bottled water that can be substituted for soda on your average fast food value menu. The corn syrup in soda is so abundant that it actually inhibits your body's natural ability to effectively digest all the fat and empty carbs you're getting in your meal.

If you're gonna eat delicious horrible fast food, at least forego the soda.

Baby steps, Amurrrca...

 

All I have to say about this is: "What did mothers do before fast food restaurants? They cooked!"

Of course, hamburger helper may be just as bad as pizza/soda.

 

Pizza is the one that is going to get me. There is never a time beer and pizza doesn't sound like a great idea.

 

This is why we need a "Like" button.

 

who said pizza

 

What, no gravy?

 

pizza

 

Nugget technology continues to progress by leaps and bounds in the fast food industry. The trick is to replace as much of the underlying food as possible with more batter/breading.

Hence McDonald's new McBites. The lure is "chicken breast meat" but the reality is more of the deep fried batter, and less chicken. I sense that the holy grail of the industry is a box of deep fried batter chunks sprayed with some kind of chicken flavoring.

Or better yet, a flavorless batter nugget that can be repurposed for any meal with a spray-on flavor or dipping sauce: pancake-flavored nuggets with maple syrup-flavored dipping sauce. Apple pie flavored nuggets with vanilla-caramel flavored dipping sauce. The secret: one nugget to rule them all.

But until that glorious day, the McBite comes commendably close. The old Chicken Nugget, or "Chicken Nugget Classic" if you will, is exposed as an embarrassment of surplus chicken, an unwarranted and unnecessarily opulent protein jackpot.

Also, I think there's a huge opportunity for a fast food restaurant that sells boxes of battered, deep fried pizza nuggets.

Many years ago there was an effort to market the deep fried cheeseburger nugget, but it never really caught on. Hard to guess why. The deep fried cheeseburger as a whole, however, seems to have found a niche.

 

P I Z Z A

 

All of those things are available at your average buffet. Looks like it's time to visit the buffet.

 

What about beer? The anti-christ?

 

Deep fried food is undoubtedly popular.

I think we should go down the Uncle Moe route and deep fry everything.


"Now that's Moe like it"

 

i think the key thing to fatdom is snacking. fatties are snacking all damn day. if you stick to breakfast, lunch and dinner, and cut out the random, unnecessary **** inbetween, you shouldn't put on weight. end of story.

 

You still sort of, you know, need a balanced diet too.
You can't just eat fast food every day and not gain weight (unless you burn calories at Michael Phelps rate), even if you stick to the 3 meals a day system.

 

sure, but let's say you use up 500 calories at breakfast. if you didn't eat anything else all day bar lunch and dinner, that's 1000 calories per meal. that's ****loads. that's a KFC for lunch and a pizza for dinner, for example.

obv this is reliant on using up 2500 calories worth of energy, and obv eating well has additional nutritional benefits besides not putting on weight, and obv you couldn't just keep eating fast food forever, but just sayin'

 

we should get pizza

 

let's get some of that white horse pizza!

 

TIL that I am not an average American. But I also learned that I could die happy if I was one.

Evil.

 

The calorie bomb of American pizza comes from the cheese. An authentic pizza margherita is dotted with modest lumps of buffalo mozzarella, not buried ankle deep in that fake shredded crap.

 

Where do Hot Pockets rate on the Fatpocalypse scale?

 

What is a Hot Pocket?

 

An extreme form of self-gratification in Alabama.

 

Ok, I image-Googled Hot Pockets. So, hopefully I'm getting this right, it's a pepperoni-stuffed Pop Tart?

 

They also have breakfast ones with bacon, egg and cheese.

And are known for royally messing with your digestive tract.