Saga The Hidden Journal Logs: Chapter 1, A New Hope (Humor) (UPDATE! 5/11-- the HJL of Artoo-Detoo.)

Necessities:


Title: The Hidden Journal Logs: Chapter 1, A New Hope
Author(s): Lady-Hermione
Timeframe: ANH
Characters: All original trilogy characters
Genre: Humor
Keywords:
Summary: Records of the thoughts of our heroes-- and villains-- as they fought for victory in the Galactic War.
Notes:



Author's Notes:

First things first: some Lord of the Rings fanfiction readers may find this format familiar. My inspiration was The Very Secret Diaries by Cassandra Claire. They are highly hilarious if you enjoy Lord of the Rings!

Now that that is taken care of...

I had made a creed to only post one-post stories; four days in and I've already begun to compose an ongoing story. I'm so weak. The following will be a set of journals taken from your favorite heroes-- and villains-- chronicling their short-handed views on their own adventures. Take it with a grain of salt and a smile. I have fun writing my stories and want you to have fun reading them.



Each time I update, I will post a new character's journal entry for the particular Episode. When I have completed this episode, I will start a new thread and begin the process for the next.

Feedback is so heartily welcome and pleaded for.

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The Hidden Journal Logs: A New Hope


The Hidden Journal Log of Luke Skywalker


Day 1: Farmed moisture. Killed womp rats. Fought with Uncle Owen. Tatooine sucks.

Day 4: Got kissed by Camie; got caught by Fixer. Got broken nose. Turns out Camie was just teasing. Hate my life.

Day 5: Saw a space battle. No one believes me. Nearly ran over an old lady. Biggs left for Imperial Academy. Find this highly unfair.

Day 10, Afternoon: Got stuck cleaning two new droids. Found recording of very pretty girl in astromech; girl seems oddly familiar. Girl talks about some Obi-Wan Kenobi. Hope that?s not her boyfriend.

Day 10, Evening: Just found out that astromech ran away. Kinda wish protocol droid had ran away instead; very annoying.

Day 11, Morning: Long morning. Went out looking for astromech; found Tusken Raider instead. Gaffi sticks hurt. Got revived by resident-crazy-old-man Ben Kenobi. Turns out he is Obi-Wan Kenobi. Never saw that coming. Learned about some type of force thing; was more impressed with shiny blue lightsword.

Day 11, Evening: Am very depressed. Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru murdered by stormtroopers. On bright side, can leave Tatooine now. Decided to do so and become Jedi so can use shiny blue lightsword. And because have nothing better to do. Headed off to Mos Eisley with Ben and droids.

Day 14, Morning: Met cocky pilot and scary giant furry copilot. Watched Ben cut an arm off. Headed off to Alderaan on pilot?s ship; not impressed with ship.

Day 14, Afternoon: Ben acting weird. Fought a remote with blast-shield on helmet down and finally felt Force thing. Still prefer shiny blue lightsword.

Day 16: Discovered Alderaan blown up. Headed toward small nearby moon instead. Found out wasn?t small moon after all and got sucked into battle station. Not pleased w/ change in plans, but maybe will get to use lightsword.

-Hour 3: Been hiding in dark storage compartments. Definitely felt groping hands; not amused. Decided to play dress-up as stormtroopers.
-Hour 5: Discovered pretty Princess girl on battle station too! Very happy. Discovered Princess is scheduled to be executed. Not as happy. Convinced Han to go rescue her w/ me; plan is foolproof.
-Hour 6: Invaded detention ward; found Princess. Not amused w/ her short jokes.
-Hour 6 and 1/2: Being assaulted in corridor by stormtroopers. No escape route. Confidence in plan faltering.
-Hour 7: Just got strangled by weird garbage monster. In trash compactor; walls beginning to close in. Turns out plan is not foolproof. Oh yeah-- Threepio!
-Hour 9:

 

This was very funny. Loved that Luke had a thing for the shiny blue lightsword and wanted that more than anything else!
I look forward to more with great anticipation.

 

I love stories in Journal like form. This was great. I look forward to more when you can.

 

Oh, definitely amusing! It makes me like Luke better. I cannot wait for more.

 

This is quite hilarious! I love it. It is so cool, and covered the movie in less than a page.... Still, I began to laugh and got weird looks. So, you get an A+++! I want more!

 

It's always nice to get a good laugh to start the day.

I want a shiny blue lightsword!

 

This was too funny! Do Han Solo and Kenobi! And Chewie! (also, where are the LOTR diaries located?)

 

Well done, nice, short humorous story. Looking forward to any more like this.

Mike

 

Day One: Found hilarious new story. Had me laughing out loud several times. Must make note to self to read everything that Lady-Hermione puts on these boards.

That was great L-H! My favorite bit:

-Hour 5: Discovered pretty Princess girl on battle station too! Very happy. Discovered Princess is scheduled to be executed. Not as happy. Convinced Han to go rescue her w/ me; plan is foolproof.
-Hour 6: Invaded detention ward; found Princess. Not amused w/ her short jokes.
-Hour 6 and 1/2: Being assaulted in corridor by stormtroopers. No escape route. Confidence in plan faltering.
-Hour 7: Just got strangled by weird garbage monster. In trash compactor; walls beginning to close in. Turns out plan is not foolproof. Oh yeah-- Threepio!

I can't wait for more of this!

 

Great story! Had me laughing all the time!

 

dianethx: Thanks for reviewing! So glad you enjoyed.

CrystalKenobi: I love journal stories too. Glad you liked mine!

Kettch_the_Jedi: Luke is my favorite character, actually! I can't wait to dish more out.

Laine_Snowtrekker: A+++? Thanks so much! Wish granted in following post.

RebelMom: Me too-- Luke surely
enjoys his! Glad you liked it!

GuerreStellari: Don't worry, I'll get to everyone! And I'm sorry, but I don't have a link to the LotR diaries. Try a search engine.

jedimike1: Thank you! Looking forward to writing them.

kayladie97: I laughed out loud at your review; I just loved it! I'm so flattered and happy that you are enjoying my works! And the sequence about the plan was one of my favorites too.

Lady-Kenobi: Thanks! Glad to give you a few giggles!


Alright, guys: new journal right away!

 

The Hidden Journal Log of Obi-Wan Kenobi


Day 1: Force-tricked passerby into giving me his credits. Not Jedi-like, but gotta eat somehow.

Day 3: Dune Sea hut so boring. Tired of watching over idiot boy.

Day 8: Jokingly visited Owen for afternoon tea; Owen not amused. Never had any sense of humor.

Day 11, Morning: Saved idiot boy from Tusken Raiders; reunited w/ Artoo-Detoo. Unfortunately, also reunited w/ See-Threepio. Should have hidden his head back on Geonosis. Tried to teach idiot boy Luke of Force; boy easily distracted by lightsaber. Lied to Luke about his father, but the truth will surely never surface anyway.

Day 11, Afternoon: Owen murdered. How sad. Oh well-- makes my plan easier. Off to Mos Eisley.

Day 14: Cut off alien?s arm. Enjoyed it a bit more than should have. Booked passage on moron pilot?s ship; finally got idiot boy to feel Force. Perhaps should have brought girl twin to Tatooine instead of boy. Woah-- big Force disturbance. Yoda must be taunting Emperor again.

Day 16 : Found Alderaan blasted to oblivion. Crap-- Bail Organa owed me money.

Hour 2: Can?t believe idiot boy thought battle station was small moon; obviously inherited father?s intelligence.
Hour 3: Hid in hamburger ship?s compartments; disturbed to feel wandering hands.
Hour 5: Ditched incompetent gang of boys, droids and oversized dog; work better on own. Off to disable tractor beam and get out of here. Boy oddly sad at my departure; not sure why, as will be back in a few hours.
Hour 8: Succesfully disabled tractor beam, but ran into Darth Vader on way back. Thought he?d be impressed by display of nobility; dead now, so apparently not.
Hour 10 1/2: Being dead not fun. Decided to haunt Luke for kicks.

Day 17: Found Master Qui-Gon on spiritual plane! Tried to convince him to join in Luke-haunting; Master disapproves. Jokingly questioned if Master still has hole in chest; discovered that death threat still popular rebuttal even in afterlife.

Day 19: Began telling Luke to ?Use the Force!? in hopes of driving boy insane; turns out aided him in destroying battle station by accident.

Day 20: Idiot boy gets all the glory. Also realized boy has thing for Princess. Heh. Skywalker family better than soap operas.

 

LOL! Great! Wheee, I love this series! Keep it coming! (Do Han Solo next! And Leia! And Chewie! Oh boy, and Tarkin!)

Succesfully disabled tractor beam, but ran into Darth Vader on way back. Thought he?d be impressed by display of nobility; dead now, so apparently not.

Found Master Qui-Gon on spiritual plane! Tried to convince him to join in Luke-haunting; Master disapproves. Jokingly questioned if Master still has hole in chest; discovered that death threat still popular rebuttal even in afterlife.

These were the best. And the groping, wandering hands as well.

These rock! Definitely my faves here on the board.

 

Love the journals and their shared experiences.

Can?t wait to read how the others enjoyed their days.

 

This was wonderful. Loved the wandering hands from both vignettes - I wonder whose hands - Chewie's or Han's or maybe someone else's

Keep going. Would love to see how Leia perceives all this!

 

This was an excellent thing to come into work to read this morning. It was so funny. I enjoyed it very much.

 

Enjoyed both of these, especially Luke's. Very funny stuff. Looking forward to all of them.

 

This one brought a smile to my face and laughter to my heart. But, "moron pilot"? I can see that, I think. And what is it with the hands?

Still, an A+++++!

 

GuerreStellari:Your favorites? What an honor! Those were some of my favorite parts as well!

Altaira:Glad you are enjoying! Don't worry-- we'll see just what everyone thought of their adventures.

dainethx: The mystery of the wandering hands! Don't worry. It'll have some closure eventually. Wish granted below.


CrystalKenobi: I hope it brightened your work day! I'm glad you enjoyed it.!

Jedi-2B: Thanks for reviewing-- and thanks for the nomination, too. I feel so honored!

Laine_Snowtrekker: Love to bring you guys a good laugh! We all can use as many as we can get. And yes, the hands will be explained. Glad to make the grade again.

Okay, gang-- new journal coming up, served fresh and piping hot.

 

The Hidden Journal Log of Princess Leia Organa


Day 1: Formulated conspiracy against Darth Vader. Heh. Being a Rebel great fun.

Day 5: Captured by Darth Vader. In retrospect, being a Rebel not always so fun.

Day 7: Getting bored in barren cell. Would prefer even torture to eventless waiting.

Day 8: Tortured mercilessly. Discovered eventless waiting preferable, after all.

Day 11: Flirted with stormtroopers in attempts to seduce way to freedom. Unsuccessful; stormtroopers too stupid to grasp concept.

Day 13: Threatened by Tarkin; old fool claimed to do something rash. Still refused to reveal Rebel base location anyway; know Tarkin just blowing hot air.

Day 14: Alderaan destroyed. Tarkin not blowing hot air after all. Added Tarkin to official hitlist. Realized Tarkin was already on hitlist, so underlined name heavily instead.

Day 16: Stormtroopers very jittery. Not sure why.


-Hour 2: Heard very funny joke frm. stormtroopers about Darth Vader and possible offspring. Very glad is only a joke; would personally kill any Vader offspring as soon as look at them.
-Hour 6: Realized why stormtroopers so jittery; very short one busted into cell and rescued me.
-Hour 6 1/2: Short hero trooper did not plan well; being shot at by actual troopers. Good thing ventilation system not very effective and thus have smelt strange smells from lower level-- shot out grate and jumped into garbage shoot. Could tell short hero trooper and scruffy companion very impressed by display of Princess Power.
-Hour 7: Men not so impressed anymore; Shorty just near-strangled by garbage monster. Great-- walls closing in. Would rather be trapped on protrusion w/ one incompetent companion, being assaulted by stormtroopers than die here w/ Shorty and Scruffy.
-Hour 9: Must stop making idle wishes. Kissed Shorty for luck-- Shorty enjoyed bit more than would have preferred him to.
-Hour 11: Overheard Shorty and Scruffy exchanging jealousy over me in scruffy ship cockpit. Heh. Dream on. Am too much woman for either.


Day 19: Began adding shorty Luke to hitlist when switched off targeting computer. Not amused w/ unorthodox tactics. Shorty destroyed Death Star anyway, so decided to let it go.

Day 20: Gave shorty Luke and scruffy Han medals for bravery and assistance and other supposed assets. Was oggled shamelessly. Somewhat annoyed w/ stupid men?s futile advances; somewhat amused, also. Will be fun playing w/ foolishly hopeful hearts in years to come.

 

Yay! Another one! Oh, these are the best!

Could tell short hero trooper and scruffy companion very impressed by display of Princess Power.

Keep 'em coming! Do Chewie! Still no Han?

 

Very glad is only a joke; would personally kill any Vader offspring as soon as look at them. Gotta love the irony in that one. Love the concept. Can't wait for more.

 

Heh. Dream on. Am too much woman for either. Somewhat annoyed w/ stupid men?s futile advances; somewhat amused, also. Will be fun playing w/ foolishly hopeful hearts in years to come.

Some of my favorite lines from this post.

Again a nice way to start my day.

 

Loved that she used Shorty and Scruffy. Loved the thing with the hitlist and Vader's offspring!
Would love to see Leia's take after she and Han kiss... but it's not in ANH.... maybe you could do the other movies as well??

Very cute. Loved how this is going. Keep it up!

 

Shorty and Scruffy!!!! I loved it. It is probably what the Princess would think before she learned their names. Same grade as before, you extraordinary writer! But the grade will go down if you do not post another one.