The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.

I think we all remember the good old "Kyle Katarn is so tough" thread I started last year, and the sucess it enjoyed before it was brought down by the mods because of a slew of similar and totally unnessecary knock-off threads. I've tried on a few occasions to get the mods to unlock it, but being unsecessful in these attempts I think it's time to put the past behind us and start afresh the glorification of Mighty Kyle.

So let's get down to business.

Kyle Fact #1: Kyle Katarn is so tough that the very thought of him wiped out all the Jedi and Sith on Ruusaan.

Kyle Fact #2: Kyle has two ways of entering a room. One is to kick the door down and kill everything inside. The other is to let the room come to him. And it will.

And please people, no knocking this thread off. I'd hate to see Kyle's second chance spoiled the same way his first was. Many other characters are tough too, but Kyle is special, as we all know.

(BTW, the old thread can be found in a link in my sig)

Please redirect your inquiries to the Church of Kyle.

 

Right I'm off to start a Boba Fett is so cool thread...

 

[voice=Obi-wan]NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!![/voice=Obi-wan]

 

Kyle Katarn is so tough that he doesn't need a Chuck Norris thread.

 

Kyle Fact #4: "Taral" is ancient Sith for "Will be whipped by Kyle Katarn"

Kyle Fact #5: Kyle Katarn once visited the "Cloak of the Sith" region. It is now the "Cloak" region.

 

Kyle Katarn is so tough that mods can't kill threads dedicated to him.

 

Kyle Fact #7: Kyle Katarn's first lightsaber worked underwater. Not because Rahn built it that way, but because it was too damn scared not to.

Kyle Fact #8: Ever wonder why Jason Court didn't make a return appearance? Because NOBODY plays Kyle Katarn.

Kyle Fact #9: Kyle Katarn's beard has the death sentence in twelve systems.

 

Kyle fact #10: Kyle's beard is the death sentence in twenty systems!

 

Kyle Katarn is so tough that he Flow-Walked back in time to Obi-Wan between AoTC and RoTS and forced him to grow and fix his Beard.

 

Kyle Fact #11: Alpha-Red was not a bacteria or virus capable of killing off the Vong and all of their biots....it was the Code word for the Jedi finally unleashing Kyle Katarn on the invaders!

Carnage

 

These are what i can remember on top of my head:

Kyle fact #12: The Yuuzhan Vong are not a real species, they're just goo Kyle found between his toes.

Kyle fact #13: Cortosis disappeared because Kyle used it all to make a comb that didn't break when it touched his beard.

Kyle fact #14: Centerpoint Station didn't have any tractor beams, Kyle just drop-kickes planets to make it look that way.

Kyle fact #15: Mace could have survived falling out the window, but unfortunately he landed on Kyles beard.

Kyle fact #16: Jacen & Jaina isn't Han's children, they're Kyles. Leia became pregnant when Kyle looked at her.

Kyle fact #17: The Deat Star was a cover up, Alderaan was destroyed when Kyle force-sneezed through a wormhole he had opened out of boredom.

Kyle fact #18: Yoda used to have 3 strong older brothers, but they mysteriously wanished after pissing Kyle off.

 

The following facts contain references that some posters may find inappropriate:

Kyle fact #19: Tenel Ka learnt the hard way that you don't give Kyle Katarn a handjob.

Kyle fact #20: Malak learnt the hard way that you don't give Kyle Katarn a bl... actually, let's not go there.

 

Kyle Katarn is so hot, a Zeltron girl would fall for him and not vice versa

 

Ulicus:

 

Kyle Fact #20: Kyle takes his caf without suger, cream or even hot water.

 

Little known fact #21: Kyle's body naturally produces caf in the form of sweat, not that Kyle sweats...



...unless he wants to.

 

#22: The reason there is no full-length novel yet written about an adventure of Kyle Katarn is that the book would spontaneously combust and form a blackhole in its wake, due to the sheer awesomeness it contained.

The much less toned-down versions of Kyle's exploits, such as the Dark Forces stories, don't even scratch the surface of the truth.

 

Kyle Fact #23: Kyle Katarn gave Cloud Strife the idea for the shoulderpad and thus was the reason Sephiroth was defeated.

Observe:

[image=http://images.wikia.com/starwars/images/6/6d/Kyle.jpg]

[image=http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/50/Cloud_Strife_art.jpg]

 

#24: I heard he drank a gallon of whiskey and pissed laser bolts while visiting the Death Star, but for some reason Luke gets all the credit.

 

#25: Coruscant once honored Kyle Katarn by naming a street after him. It gets little foot traffic because no man crosses Kyle Katarn!

 

Oh man, that's bad. Real bad.

But leads to...

Fact #26: Fact #25 isn't even as bad as Kyle Katarn.

Carnage

 

Even as a three-year-old, Kyle Katarn was not a man you wanted to mess with. Observe:

[image=http://images.wikia.com/starwars/images/a/ac/Ani01.jpg] [image=http://images.wikia.com/starwars/images/4/43/Grievous_tank.JPG]

 

The only reason Obi-Wan was able to take on the Chosen One was because he decided to grow a beard. And where do you think he got that idea from?

 

The only reason Kyle Katarn agreed to the "reciprocal apprenticeship" with Mara Jade is because he thought it was a sexual position. Not long after so did she.