The original draft for Phantom Menace

Okay, i am trying to piece together the original draft that Lucas wrote for Phantom Menace. Bits and pieces of information are available, but there are a lot of blank holes that i am trying to fill in. As far as I can tell, the original script is pretty similar to the final film--the one major difference is the character of Qui Gon, who was non-existant.

Initially, Obi Wan carried the first half of the film, as Qui Gon didnt appear until the Coruscant scenes i believe. I am not sure if Qui Gon appeared in the opening sequence where they escape the attempted assination onboard the control ship. In any case, it is Obi Wan who travels to the surface of Naboo, meets Jar Jar, frees the Queen, lands on Tatooine and discovers Anakin. This actually makes more sense, as the OT Obi Wan speaks that he discovered Anakin and believed in his abilities, which is what it appears was originally written--Obi Wan discovers Anakin, gambles on the Podrace (Obi Wan was spoken of as being reckless in the OT), wins Anakin's freedom, battles off Maul, and everyone escapes to Coruscant. There, the Queen meets with Senator Palpatine, while Obi Wan meets up with his master Qui Gon and they bring Anakin to meet the jedi council.

Now this is where i draw a blank. What happened from here? Did the Prophecy and Midichlorians exist in this draft? Did Obi Wan believe him to be the Chosen One or did he just believe him to be gifted? Did he recommend to the council that he himself train Anakin, and if he did, was his request denied? Was he even a Padawan or simply a young jedi knight? And did Qui Gon accompany him back to Naboo and battle maul? Basically the whole second half of the film i cannot account for--the circumstances surrounding the decision to finally train Anakin are unknown, and this is what i am most interested in.

If you ask me, having Obi Wan be the central player and main father figure to Anakin would have been a better decision in the long run (as much as i love Qui Gon)...

 

I agree, actually.

It makes the relationship between Anakin and Ben, and Ben and Luke stronger, and it's simpler, more elegant.

Lucas still could have used Qui-Gon on Coruscant, possibly into AOTC and ROTS - he could be like a father figure to Obi-Wan, and still bring up the Chosen One stuff. And he could still be used as a foil against the Jedi Council.

And if Lucas thought it necessary, he could have joined Obi-Wan on Naboo and died (also if necessary).

Obi-Wan could have told Yoda he was going to train Anakin whether Yoda liked it or not, and everything would have jived better with the OT.

I'm not one who insists that the OT and PT must pefectly fit together, but I think this particular choice would have worked better.

 

I would like to read that draft, as well. It would be interesting indeed!

Obi Wan was spoken of as being reckless in the OT

They were talking about when Yoda trained Obi-Wan, which he did when he was a little kid.

Obi-Wan could have told Yoda he was going to train Anakin whether Yoda liked it or not

That's what he did, even though it didn't come into focus the way you would have thought. Lucas simply chose to focus differently and I think that's cool.

the OT Obi Wan speaks that he discovered Anakin and believed in his abilities

It's a matter of interpretation. I also thought that Obi-Wan would be more instrumental in the finding of Anakin, but it doesn't have to be that way just because Obi-Wan says:
"When I first met him, your father was already a great pilot. But I was amazed at how strongly the Force was with him. I took it upon myself to train him as a Jedi. I thought that I could instruct him just as well as Yoda. I was wrong."
Anakin was a great pod racer pilot and did show some talent for flying a starfighter. Obi-Wan was truly amazed when he saw the midi-chlorian count. He did take it upon himself to train Anakin, even though it was at the urging of Qui-Gon. He didn't say to anyone that he thought he would be able to train the boy just as well as Yoda would, but I have no doubt that he thought so.

It all fits perfectly.



Obi-Wan is a winner
/LM

 

^ Yeah all that stuff is truth depending on how you look at things.

 

Well yes, all of what was said of Obi Wan is technically true in the PT if you really want it to be, but it was clearly meant to be more along the lines of what occured in the original draft.

In any case, does anyone have any additional information on the draft? I know the Episode I Insiders Guide CD-ROM had a bunch of tidbits but i've never read/watched that set.

 

Don't take this to the bank but...I read a draft a few years ago about one of the reasons Obi-wan took Anakin under his wing was because his mother was in failing health and Obi-wan decided to take Anakin w/ him after she passed, seeing as how he had no one.

 

I always liked the idea of obi wan having qui gons parts in TPM. But the only problem i see then if there is no qui gon is then who would train obi and yoda to become one with the force?

I think i'd be cool of obi and qui gon were together the whole movie, but instead of obi being a padawan, it'd be better if both him and qui gon were jedi knights. Knights that were working together during this mission.

And obi wan goes looking for the parts for the ship, and qui gon stays behind and protects the queen.

I suppose qui gon could still die, but since he wont be the main character would ppl believe he's the one who finds out how to become one with the force? (i guess if a few things are tweaked they could make it believable)

but either way obi should of had qui gons parts in TPM. I'd much rather Obi Wan BELIEVE in anakin and WANT to train him, rather then being ASKED to train anakin.

 

I agree with JMaster Luke.

 

Originally Lucas thought that Yoda and Ben learned some "trick" to become one with the Force.

Now, for no apparent reason, Qui-Gon has learned the trick.

There's really no reason why Qui-Gon HAD to teach it to Yoda and Obi-Wan, that's just the way Lucas decided to do it.

 

If you ask me, having Obi Wan be the central player and main father figure to Anakin would have been a better decision in the long run (as much as i love Qui Gon)...

But you just stated the problem right there.
As I posted in another thread Qui-gon was created because Lucas realized that Obi-wan could not perform those actions in TPM. In the OT Obi-wan was set up as the father figure to Luke and the friend/brother of his father Anakin. So he was more or less an Uncle playing father.
In TPM had it been Obi-wan it would have been unavoidable for Obi-wan to become the father figure of Anakin and that would have been strange considering the way their relationship was implied in the OT.
By doing as it was done he does in fact become the brother of Anakin who cares for and teaches him in the absence of their father. And more than that, Qui-gon becomes the spirit of the Dead father who watches over his sons, hence the spirit ability. It was a brilliant move!

 

No, I think Qui-Gon needed to be there. On the otherhand it would have revealed Obi-Wan was ready to become a Jedi Knight, and would have been more convincing then fighting a few droids then killing Darth Maul and would have fit better when he took Anakin as an apprentice.

 

I was a little disappointed in how Qui-Gon was introduced when I first saw it. However now I understand more of why he did what he did.

- He needed to introduce the relationship of Jedi Master and Padawan Learner. Obi-wan was far too young to have had a Padawan so far advanced that he could graduate to Master when he took on Anakin.

- Qui-Gon needed to die in order to give Darth Maul any credibility as a dangerous Sith warrior and his death would have made far less of an impact if he had only been introduced shortly before his battle with Darth Maul.

- Lucas needed a seasoned Jedi Master to give credibility to Anakin being The One. So he would need to have been on Tattoine to witness his powers first hand.

- Simply handing Star Wars fans excately what they expected would have been too easy and boards like these would be far less active .

- Finally I think great story lines don't always translate into great movies. Sometimes in order for a movie to work story lines need to be sacrificed.

 

all of what was said of Obi Wan is technically true in the PT if you really want it to be

That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that it fits perfectly, even if it's not what you thought it would be. Doesn't matter what was originally planned, because it is what it is.



The Force is great
/LM

 

Yeah, but that's not the point of this thread.

We're discussing how different TPM would have been if Obi-Wan had accomplished everything Qui-Gon had, and Qui-Gon never existed.

See, it's speculation.

Speculating that TPM would have had stronger ties to the OT. Yes, TPM obviously had ties, but they could have been stronger. I realize Lucas decided one way, we're arguing a different way.

 

Stronger? I don't see how. The ties wouldn't be stronger just because Obi-Wan would play the Qui-Gon part. You think the ties are weaker than they could have been because you would prefer to have it the other way.
I prefer to have a TPM that doesn't take the obvious route.



Surprises are good
/LM

 

The only problem that I see with no Qui-Gon in the first half of the film is that there would be no Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon dialougue, which tells us a lot about what it means to be a Jedi.

 

I started writing a rough draft of TPM (when I mean start, I mean I didn't get passed the TF ship, and when I mean rough it was about half a page long) with Obi-Wan already being a fully-fledged Knight, and Qui-Gon not being in the film at all. During this version of TPM however, Obi-Wan was accompanied by Bail Organa.

This idea brings up a lot of possibilites.

 

I personally after seeing TPM, enjoyed Qui Gonn..
But if i was rewriting TPM, i would make qui gonn a member of the Jedi council. Qui gonn would have still have been Obi wan's former master.

I would make Obi wan a little older say 35 in TPM. he would be a full Jedi Knight. I would give Obi wan a Padawan (not anakin). I would then have the apprentice die in TPM at the hands of Maul...

would do something that involved Maul vs Obi wan and his apprentice in Theed and have his apprentice die there...


Or maybe write a scene that made the death of his apprentice seem like it was due to Obi wan doing something wreckless...

I would have Obi wan be the one that went to naboo, helped Padme, go to tatooine, find anakin, etc..

I would keep the lines of Obi wan sensing a danger in anakin.. But i would keep the scene in where anakin helps obi wan and Padme escape Tatooine.

I would have Obi wan stand in front of the Council and argue his feelings about anakin. Then i would have had Qui Gonn be the council member that argued for the acceptance and training of Anakin...

I beleive this would fit better with the OT dialogue...
It would show a stronger connect with anakin and obi wan

It would also allow for Obi wan age to fit the ANH character...

 

i liked the original draft of tpm alot better than what came out

 

so no one has any actual information on the draft? I've heard that Naboo was originally Utapu, a name which Lucas had been trying to use in the films since 1973, but i cant find a source.

 

look on the web for scripts of star wars i forgot which website it was on, any ways its not the real script just what was on the cd rom for episode 1

 

The early drafts of TPM are quite fascinating, but unfortunately we'll probably never see them. The best resource is the Episode I Insider's Guide, which takes you through the final script and points out what was different in other drafts. A while ago, I copied these annotations and put them together to make a summary of the revised rough draft of the TPM. Enjoy.

These are pretty much all taken word for word from the cd rom. (And again, it all refers to the revised rough draft, dated June 13, 1996.)

* * *

Before it was known as "The Phantom Menace," the working title of Episode I was simply "The Beginning." The opening scroll also underwent changes. In the revised rough draft, the scroll reads: "It is a time of decay in the Republic. The taxation of trade routes to the tiny planet of Utapau is in dispute. Hoping to force a resolution with a blockade of deadly Star Destroyers, the greedy Federation of Galactic Traders has cut off all shipping and supplies to the small, peaceful planet. While the Congress of the Republic endlessly debates the alarming chain of events, the Supreme Chancellor has secretly dispatched a young Jedi Knight to settle the conflict...."

Naboo is known as Utapau.

It is only Obi-Wan who is sent to investigate the trade dispute. Qui-Gon doesn't appear until much later. Obi-Wan's characterization was essentially what became Qui-Gon in the final film, having many of the same lines and mannerisms.

Obi-Wan is described as being about thirty years old and wears all black.

Daultay Dofine is described as being "short and fat" and the two Neimoidians are flanked by "two tall, thin alien aides and two floating protector droids." Dofine fears meeting with the Jedi, (just Obi-Wan in the revised rough draft), because of the mind tricks he might use to confuse him.

Dofine and Sidious have an argument, resulting in Sidious choking Dofine through the force. He then lifts the Neimoidian from the ground and says to the him, "You fool, my reach is far greater than the Jedi. Only a Sith Lord can the power of the Force over such great distance..."

The Nemoidians order a droid named GTR-7, one of the droids stationed on the bridge, to use a laser cannon to destroy the Republic cruiser. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan is meditating in the Federation boardroom while he waits for the viceroy. Suddenly, he senses that the Republic cruiser is in danger and contacts them in order to warn them, though the ship is destroyed before they can escape.

Rune Haako knows much more about the Jedi than he does in the film. He warns Gunray that he should probably flee the ship, as the Jedi is probably seeking out the leader of this operation.

Amidala's age is "hard to determine, but she is a young woman." While her planet is called Utapau, the people she rules over are referred to as the "people of Naboo."

The first conversation between Nute Gunray and Queen Amidala is much different. He tries to sow dischord among the "people of Naboo." He tells her that the Neimoidians are "reviewing request for aid from the liberation group with your governing council". According to Gunray, the "liberation group" is upset because of Amidala's unwillingness to resolve the blockade through an agreement or treaty. This has resulted in "chaos and starvation" for her people, according to Gunray. Allegedly, this group has asked that the Traders "send in troops to help quell the unrest." Amidala says he is lying and making excuses for an already planned invasion.

The Traders' army descends on Utapau. Included in their invasion force (in this version) are Platoon Attack Craft (PACs), Armored Attack Craft (AACs), and an Armored Comand Cruiser (ACC) which carries OOM-9. OOM-9 is assisted by a Commando Leader Captain called 22D-R.

OOM-9 gives this progress report: "We are marching on the city of Oxon. There is no resistance." Oxon eventually became the city of Theed in later drafts.

In the revised rough draft, since it isn't until later in the script that the character of Qui-Gon appears, it is Obi-Wan who rescues Jar

 

Thank you for compiling and posting those summaries!!

Couldn't resist this excerpt:

Valorum disagrees with the Malastare Senator, prompting that representative to "evoke the Mon order" and call for a "ni vote" on the issue.

Senator: "We will say "NI" to you............if you do not appease us."
Valorum: "Well, what is it you want?"
Senator: "We want..............a shrubbery!"

 

Thanks Borges! You just saved me about 5 hours.