Titanic Episode II: Attack of the Ice (a parody based on spoilers)

Hi all! This is my sequel to "Titanic: The Ice-Cold Menace" found at fanfiction.net
Like its predessor, this came as the result of too much to do, with too little sleep.


TITANIC EPISODE II

ATTACK OF THE ICE

It is a dark time for the Atlantic. The floating death-trap, Titanic, must make a voyage to New York. Yet looming in the darkness is the specter of ice, a known threat that could spell doom for the liner. Despite numerous warnings about the intrinsic danger of ice, the conniving CALPATINE is trying to convince the crew of Titanic to continue its maiden voyage . . .

SOUTH HAMPTON--DOCK

The beautiful and outlandishly dressed PADME DE AMIDALA is on the Titanic's ramp, entering the ship, when an explosion occurs.

HANDMAID: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The handmaid runs and cradles the Senator in her arms.

HANDMAID: WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????

CALPATINE runs to the handmaid, who takes off her hat revealing the real PADME. It was her decoy who was killed.

CALPATINE: Hush, Senator. She died bravely.

TITANIC PORTER: What's her problem? That's her handmaid's job, isn't it? To stop bullets and such? Instead of crying like a baby, the Senator should give her an employee of the month award for a job well-done.

NOBODY LISTENS

R.M.S. TITANIC--PROMENADE SUITE A

Calpatine is sitting at a desk, addressing the CAPTAIN, PADME and her HANDMAIDS.

CALPATINE: Obviously the attack was made to stop this voyage, which must continue at all costs. No more debate is needed. Ice is a necessarry danger which we must face and accept.

CAPTAINa dazed look on his face) Yes. No more debate is needed. Ice is a necessary danger which we must face and accept.

PADME DOES NOT NOTICE ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS.
THE DOORS OPEN. OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN ENTER.

OBI-WAN: It's a great pleasure to see you again, milady.

PADME NOTICES ANAKIN

PADME: Ani? Gracious, how you've grown!

ANAKIN: As have you, milady. (everyone stares) Grown more beautiful, I mean.
(everyone groans)


R.M.S. TITANIC BOAT DECK

ANAKIN AND OBI-WAN ARE WALKING.

ANAKIN: Just being around her again is intoxicating.

OBI-WAN: And being around you is like watching a badly-written episode of "Days of Our Lives."

ANAKIN: You don't understand.

OBI-WAN: I believe I do, young Padawan. But remember, you've made a committment to the Jedi, one not easily broken.

ANAKIN: Unless you're the star of this movie.

 

LOL! This is hilarious!

PLease keep posting, this is great!

 

Funny! So far, I like!

 

Thanks for the comments. Here's some more.

CALPATINE IS BRIEFING OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN


CALPATINE: Young Skywalker, you must bring the Senator back to her home in frist class. Protect her with your life.

OBI-WAN: And remain is contact with me. Do nothing without the Council's approval.

ANAKIN: Sure Mr. I'll-train-the-boy-without-the-Council's-approval-if-I-must.


R.M.S.TITANIC FIRST CLASS HALLWAY

PADME AND ANAKIN ARE WALKING CARRYING TRAVEL BAGS. ANAKIN KEEPS STARING AT HER.


PADME: Don't look at me like that. It makes me uncomfortable.

ANAKIN: I'm sorry, milady.

PADME: And what's with this dumb 'milady' stuff? Nobody in 'Star Wars' ever said that before!

ANAKIN: Uncle George never tried to write a Harlequin Romance before either. There's a first time for everything!

 

Uncle George never tried to write a Harlequin Romance before either. There's a first time for everything!

LOL! Oh man, sad but true, I guess. Can't wait to read more, this is absolutely great. I haven't laughed this much at an Ani/Ami story in the longest time.

 

R.M.S. TITANIC--BOILER ROOM 6

OBI-WAN IS SNEAKING AROUND AND DISCOVERS THE SHIP IS GOING FULL-STEAM AHEAD, IN SPITE OF THE ICE. HE RUNS OFF AND IS FOLLOWED BY JANGO FETT. INEXPLICABLY THEY ARE TRANSPORTED INTO OUTER SPACE IN THE MIDST OF AN ASTEROID FIELD. THEY CHASE EACH OTHER BARELY MISSING THE ASTEROIDS

OBI-WAN: (from his Jedi Starfighter): We're in outer space racing though an asteroid field? This is unbelievable!

JANGO FETT (replying through his comlink): Not as unbelievable as the fact that George would rip off one of the greatest scenes from 'The Empire Strikes Back' and hope the fans won't feel cheated.

R.M.S.TITANIC--CRAMPED THIRD CLASS CABIN

ANAKIN IS LYING ON THE BUNK LOOKING ALL LIKE A FABIO WANNABE. PADME IS EXPLAINING TO HIM

PADME: I don't have time to fall in love.

ANAKIN: Trust me, the audience doesn't have time to watch this either. They're just putting up with this because they know a cool lightsaber fight is coming.

 

MMM. The "creative" process is a little dry now. I'll see if the Teaser will help.