TPM needs a better fart joke

In my opinion, the SW saga's lowest point is TPM's fart joke.

But something always bothers me when people say things like "GL shouldn't have put toilet humor in TPM" or "fart jokes are stupid, Luca$ has sold out" or "umm why kiddy dumb fart? jarjar stinks lol".

Why discriminate against all fart jokes just because this one failed? Toilet humor can be great! Bodily functions can be hilarious!

Think of Pippin's gas attack in FOTR:EE!
Or the great fart joke in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back", where Chrissy farts and sets off the alarm after the ridiculously long break-in scene?
Or the wonderful fart joke in the first Halloween episode of "South Park", where the boys learn they're about to be killed by zombies... they're scared... scary music plays... then one of them farts and they all laugh? Or Terrance and Phillip's quality fart jokes in the "South Park" movie, for that matter?
Or the absolutely classic campfire scene in "Blazing Saddles"?
Or even the creature outside Jabba's palace in SW's own ROTJ, whose post-meal burp adds an amusing level of surreal humor to an otherwise boring establishing shot?


So this is what we're going to do in this thread, boys and girls. We are going to take over where Lucas failed. We are going to write a truly funny fart joke for TPM.


RULES
(1) You must use TPM as your base.
(2) The fart must take place in an existing scene in TPM. The closer you can integrate it to the movie as-is, the better.
(3) Farting must be involved. Natch.
(4) Maturity, intelligence and good taste are hallmarks of quality humor writing. Just thought you might like to know.


With that said, here are (IMHO) some great opportunities for fart jokes in TPM.


OBI-WAN: I have a bad feeling about this.
QUI-GON: I don't sense anything.
OBI-WAN: It's not about the mission, Master, it's something...elsewhere...elusive. (farts) And now it's gone.
QUI-GON: You see? You must trust in the living Force.

---

OBI-WAN and QUI-GON follow JAR JAR underwater. They swim.
An unusual cloud of bubbles emanates from JAR JAR's rear. OBI-WAN shoots QUI-GON an annoyed look. QUI-GON just faces forward, ignoring his Padawan.

---

JAR JAR: Ooh, maxibig da Force. Well dat smells stinkowiff.
OBI-WAN (immediately): It wasn't me!

---

QUI-GON: This is not a good idea. Stay--
(He pauses. Closes his eyes. Three or four seconds pass. He relaxes.)
QUI-GON: Stay close to me.

---

QUI-GON: Perhaps I killed a Jedi and stole it from him.
ANAKIN: I don't think so. No one can kill a Jedi.
QUI-GON: I wish that were so.
(Long, sad pause. Then QUI-GON farts.)

---

AMIDALA: I will not defer. I have come before you to resolve this attack on our sovereignty now! I was not elected to watch my people suffer and die while--
(She farts. It's massive. It freakin' echoes.)

---

ANAKIN: A ship. A cup. A speeder. A--
(*fart*)
KI-ADI: Okay, who did that?
(All vehemently deny.)
MACE: Surely it must have been someone here. I do not think one of us could have farted without the others noticing.
YODA (changing the subject): Hard to see, um, the Force always in motion difficult mysterious yes yes. Back to the Jedi training we go.
ANAKIN: But Master Yoda, you farted!
YODA: Only in your mind!
EETH KOTH: Dude! I can smell it over here!
YODA: From certain point of--
MACE: The boy has sensed it. He is the Chosen One.
YODA: He is too old.
ANAKIN: Did you fart or not?
YODA (embarassed): Rootleaf, I cook.

---

JAR JAR: Gungans no dien witout a fight. Wesa warriors. (farts) Dat why yousa no liken us, metinks.

---

BOSS NASS: Yousa no tinken yousa greater den da Gungans?! Mesa like dis! Maybe wesa bein friends.
(PADME smiles. All the people cheer.
The GUNGANS, meanwhile, launch into the most bizarre ritual of synchronized farting ever observed in galaxy real or imagined.)

---

(ANAKIN climbs into the cockpit of the ship. The bubble closes over him.)
ANAKIN: This is tense.
(He immediately farts.)
ANAKIN: Uh-oh. Not good.
(He stands up, tries to open the cover. QUI-GON sees him.)
QU

 

Well, we could always go for no fart jokes in TPM. How about burping jokes instead?

 

What about hiccup jokes? That's a whole area Star Wars has yet to explore! Perhaps George will redress the balance in Episode III.

 

The fart joke should have been placed somewhere else.



Darth Maul: "At last we will reveal ourselves to the jedi. At last we will have revenge."

Darth Sidious: "You have been well trained my apprentince."

(FART)

Darth Sidious: "They will be no match for you."



PERFECT.

 

Awesome thread. I totally agree with the idea that fart jokes in general, when placed right, can comedically enhance any situation...

Jar Jar: The Boss Nass will to terrible things to me, terrible things to me if me going back there!

Qui-Gon: (nods towards Obi-Wan) Do you hear that?

(Obi-Wan begins letting out a series of different sounding farts)

Qui-Gon: That is the sound of a thousand terrible things headed this way.

_______________________

Jar Jar: AAAHHHH! Monster!! ahahahah!!

Qui-Gon: Relax. (uses the force a little too hard while calming Jar Jar a squeezes out a whopper of a fart)

Obi-Wan: You overdid it.

_______________________

Queen Amidala: It is to be commended. What is its number?

Panaka: (looks down) R2... (squeak) D2, Your Highness.

_______________________

(Battle droids stand at the door of the gas filled room as robotic fart noises are heard coming from inside)

(TC-14 exits)

TC-14: Oh! Excuse me!

_______________________

Obi-Wan: There's a settlement.

Qui-Gon: Land near the outskirts. (lets out a slow fart that seems to last for at least 15 seconds) We don't want to attract attention.

 

When Qui Gon and Padme and Jar-Jar are having supper at Anakin and Shmi's. When Jar-Jar eats the apple and says "Excuse me". It could be edited so that he lets a huge one rip and says "Excuse me", then he does it again and Qui-Gon smacks him on the back of his head and says "don't do that in front of the ladies again".

What do you think?


Or to add onto the first joke

Saesee Tiin: "Was that you Adi Gallia? It really stinks I can smell it over hear"

Adi Gallia: "What in the Force are you talking about?"

 

Too
Much
Time
On
Adam's
Hands



Also...

Longest
Fart
Post
Ever

 

Come now Adam, don't you know only four legged animals fart in the GFFA?

Good one, Strilo.

 

How about when Darth Maul stabs Qui-Gon, does his little twirl to face Obi-Wan, and then farts?

 

Rewrite the fart joke in TPM? Two burps in ROTJ, a poo doo and fart joke in TPM, isn't that enough? Is this GL's way of getting to new generation into the theaters? That I would understand because well lets face it, the current generation of teenagers isn't exaclty lighting any flames of intelligence.

But seriously, enough with the voice of uptight, prudish, reason. I laughed my butt off in ROTJ when that critter ate the other critter and burped outside of Jabba's palace. And your right, we need a better fart joke in TPM.


Ani: I'm cold
Padme: You come from a warm planet, space is cold. (Fart) That should help.

 

Funny stuff!

 

BOSS NASS: (farts) PEACE!

----------

YODA: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to (Mace farts, Yoda looks at him) ...... suffering ......

 

...wow...

 

The 20Th Century Fox and Lucasfilm credits at the beggining are over, the words "A Long Time Ago... In a Galaxy Far, Far Away..." appear, the audience is dead silent with anticipation...


(HUGE fart sound)
*Star Wars logo appears*

 

You mean "A Long Time Ago... In a Galaxy Fart, Fart Away"

 

Bump, Adam this thread is freaking hysterical.

 

I think I lost count of the number of fart and poo gags in The Phantom Menace. There must have been, ooh, at least a dozen of them. Ruined the film, didn't they?

 

This is a humour thread. All in good fun. BTW, Im a member of the Fart joke defense force, its on page 21

Sabreman, its a good thing it happened on Tattoine.

 

Anakin farts

Kitster: Wizard, Annie.

 

Queen Amidala after her rousing plea to the senate about "attacks on our Soveriegnty" suddenly looks a little ill under the clown white make-up and a huge ripping sound eminates from beneath her ceremonial robes and rings with a mechanical echo throughout the senate hall. Lott Dod activates his Senatorial pod covering his ollifactory sensors "This is Outrageous!"
Palpatine sits there enigmaticly... was this the power of the dark side or not?

 

But that brings up an interesting question, are force farts a darkside, lightside, or neutral force power?

 

Dark Side if innocent bystanders are nearby.

 

Anakin lets out a huge fart as Padme leaves.

Watto
Clean the racks...then you can go home.

Anakin
Yippee!!

 

If Padme did it in front of him when they were alone on the Naboo Cruiser (just after they left Tatooine).

Anakin: "I made you this pursnipit so that you would remember me."

PadmeRip!!!) "I am sorry, I hope that you can forget that."

Anakin: "I don't think I want to be a Jedi any more."

 

luke: look out yoda there a re creatures in here
yoda: creatures there are here in here
creature: *fart*
luke: lol