Twas The Night Before Christmas in da' hood

Twas da night befo' Christmas and all in the hood,
Not a homie was stirring, cuz it was all good.
The tube socks was hung on the window sill,
and we all had smiles up on our grill.

Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib,
in the back bedroom cuz that's how we live.
And Mom's in her do-rag and me with my nine,
had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine.

All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by,
Bumpin phat beats cuz the system's fly.
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas',
Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's ass.

I yelled to my lady, "Yo peep this!"
She said, "Stop frontin, just mind yo' bidness."
I said, "For real doe, come check dis out."
We weren't even buggin, no worries, no doubt.

Cuz bumpin an thumpin' from around da way,
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a choice cherry sleigh.
Da beats was kickin, da ride was phat,
I said, "Yo red Dawg, you all that!"

He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
"Ay yo, give it up, let's make us some noise!"
"To the top of the projects and across the strip mall,
We gots ta get goin', I gots a booty call!"

He pulled up his ride on top a da roof,
and sippin on a 40, he busted a move.
I yelled up to Santa, "Yo, ain't got no stack!"
He said, "Damn, homie, deese projects is wack!"

"But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz,
I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz."
Out from his bag he pulled 3 small thins,
a credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin.

He slid down the fire escape smoove as a cat,
and busted the window with a baseball bat.
I said, "Whassup, Santa? Whydya bust my place?"
He said, "You best get on up out my face!"

His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold,
His sneaks was Puma, and they was 5 years old!
He dropped down the duffle, Clippers logo on the side,
Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.

A wink of his eye and a shine off his gold toof,
He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof.
He jumped in his hooptie with rims made of chrome,
Goin' back to dat booty waitin' at home.

And all I heard as he cruised outta sight,
was a loud ass holla, "WEEESST SIIIIDE!"

 

`Twas the night before DOOM,
and all through the house,
I had set up my multi-playing networks,
each with a mouse.
The networks were strung,
with extra special care
in hopes that DOOM,
soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of demons danced through their heads.
And my computer's processor it was so quick,
boy was I glad I bought that 486.
When out on the Internet there was a Usenet posting,
I dialed right in to see what it was boasting.
Off to the news reader I flew like a hound,
"Oh no," I cried! The news reader was down!
Frustrated, bewildered, feeling really low,
I leaned back to see what I heard out the window.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a group of 6 cars, driving 60 I fear!
With a big young driver, just look at him go!
I knew in a moment, it must be John Romero!
Over the speed limit, his band of cars came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Jay! Now, John!
Now, Dave and Kevin!
On, Adrian! On, Sandy!
On, Shawn and Maurice!"
To the top of the driveway!
Don't hit that wall!
Now stop your car, stop your car, stop your car all!
Leaving the car, he entered the house,
Walking quietly, so as to not wake the spouse.
He was dressed in a T-shirt, and a a pair of jeans too,
I was unsure of what he was going to do.
Boxes of DOOM he had flung on his back,
and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
Those boxes - how they sparkled! The shrink-wrap so tight!
The character was drawn on the front, just ready to fight!
The Chainsaw and Shotgun he held in his hand,
Where was the BFG9000?: The best gun in the land.
And then I saw it, strapped to his back,
Along with a copy of the "Official" DOOM FAQ!
A wink of John's eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Installed it on the network, then turned with a jerk.
And placing a hand into his jeans,
out came his keys - oh how they gleamed!
He sprang to his car, to the id team gave a whistle,
and away they all drove, like DOOM's launching of a missile.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"DEMONS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A HELLISH NIGHT!

 

Not cool k3po.

 

That's hillarious!

 

awesome

 

I am black myself, and I demand you lock this now.

 

sweet

 

Lumber, this isnt racist one bit. If it was, I would have never posted it.

 

I agree with K-3PO.

 

Many people talk this way, not just blacks, whites, or Hispanics. its ok, just a funny Joke.

 

Then why call it ebonics? Try more like RACIST TALK!

 

coming from myself, someone that came from the "hood" and speaks ebonics fluently, I think it's funny.

 

Yo, k3po! Dat sweet.

 

Absolutely hilarious!!! Sounds like a jigga' rappa' wrote that!

 

The language used in this is in no way different than that used in movies like "Boys N Da' Hood" or, more recently, "Training Day" or "Dark Blue".

While I can see why some people might be offended by this, I don't think k3po meant it that way. Personally, I thought it was pretty darn funny myself.

 

Ebonics is a type of language spoken in slang. I never heard it attached to a particular race.

 

Then why call it ebonics? Try more like RACIST TALK!

Racism: The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.

I sure do not recall him saying that his race was superior to any other race.

Besides, have you seen "Malibu's Most Wanted"? That's the way they spoke the whole movie ... and it was about a white guy.

 

I believe the proper term is African American Vernacular English (AAVE).

 

Ousley, the last line of your sig rules.

EDIT: The proper term is the destruction of English, or Ebonics.

 

Read between the lines.

 

umm I'm confused. Is lumberjedi a girl or black?

 

What about Vanilla Ice baby.

 

I'm a black girl.

 

umm I'm confused. Is lumberjedi a girl or black?

Neither.

 

vanilla ice ice baby. dun dun dun dun da da dun dun

Ebonics

An imaginary variant of English first recognised in California in order to avoid the task of teaching ghetto residents to speak proper English.