Beyond - Legends Saga Beyond the Saga Two You Owe Me: Han/Luke Decathlon for the 2024 Summer Olympics

Welcome to my ten-fic tribute to the delightful friendship between Han and Luke. Other characters will appear on a regular basis, but their stories will be the main focus.

Without further ado, here is my first entry:

The Judges: Write a story of 100 to 1000 words from an outsider’s POV on your character, couple, family, or friendship.
Author’s Note: I was minding my own business during the work day and my brain invented a religion with disturbing ease. This was the result. The narrator is named for anthropologist Claude-Levi Strauss.

THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES

Clod-Li Vai was fortunate to be here at all. Surviving the war was a choice experience for someone who had barely made it off of Hoth, but he had been relieved at his gunnery station ten hours after the second Death Star came to a fiery end over the forest moon and found that the victory was still in full swing.

After his third lum, he found himself feeling thankful for everyone who had made it this far with him After sampling some of the local hooch with a decorative bark strip, he wept for joy at the sight of human and alien, young and old, sentient and mechanical coming together After his second strip of tree bark, he could have sworn the little furry guys gathered around him and told him stories.

When he woke up in the morning with a pleasant afterbuzz, he first mistook the weight on top of him for a warm blanket, but soon found out he’d been the informal mattress for six of the little ones. Blinking as he excavated himself, he looked around and found that there were still some people engaging in drinking games and a couple of couples dancing. It was still a beautiful sight, but nothing like the mind-altered magnificence of the night before.

And then he saw a shambling figure that he definitely remembered from the party. “OH MY GOD!”

“You called, sir?” See-Threepio answered, coming to a halt.

The buzz disappeared as he suddenly remembered the storytelling session. He didn’t speak a word of the local dialect, but he had gotten some very descriptive sign language.

“So I wasn’t making that up?” Clod-Li asked, stumbling to his feet with one final Ewok still clinging to his shoulder. “You’re really…. They really…”

The protocol droid straightened up proudly and gestured to the sleeping fuzzballs.. “Yes, sir, I am astonished to say that these heroes of the Alliance–or should I say, New Republic–consider me to be a divine entity. A most advantageous perspective, I’ll admit, as their devotion to my other followers led to their holy, albeit abbreviated crusade against the Imperial forces.”

“That’s amazing,” Vai gushed. “I remember the Tinorf clans on Alderaan had an ancient tradition that led them to pacifism and it is said that they had an influence on the humans who settled there in the third century of their fourth era…”

He broke off, blinking again as he came back to himself once more. Or, rather, he remembered the part of himself that had spent a sabbatical living in the wilds of Netroxis as he studied their plant-based justice system.

“You are a scholar, Lieutenant,” Threepio commented. “I have many stories of the Tinorf clans from Her Royal Highness Princess Leia’s homeworld. What are you doing here?”

“Shooting down TIE fighters,” he said. “But before I joined up, I was a professor of anthropology on Chandrila.”

Threepio enthusiastically began telling him about Mon Mothma’s preference for coastal traditions, but he held up a hand after the first story.

“I”m sorry, Your Holiness,” he said, suddenly deferential, “what do you mean by your other followers?”

—-


He didn’t wish to intrude too early in the morning, but as soon as his quarry had received other visitors, he made his way to the hut See-Threepio had indicated and knocked politely on the doorjamb.

“I’m on medical leave,” Princess Leia called over the chuckles of her companions. “Please address all questions to my personal aide.”

“You don’t have one,” Commander Skywalker commented as he came to the door. “Hey, Can it wait until after breakfast?”

It was technically afternoon, but he wasn’t about to disagree while asking for a favor. “I don’t want to trouble Princess Leia, but I hoped to speak with you and General Solo if you have a few minutes.”

At the General’s deep groan, he called out, “I’ll bring the breakfast.”

“Define a few minutes,” Solo grumbled, joining his younger friend at the door. “You don’t outrank me, so which one of the brass sent you?”

Clearly, Clod-Li was lucky to have avoided this kind of hangover or maybe the good General was always like this before certain times of the day.

“I’m not sure of his metallic composition, but I was told to speak on behalf of ‘Goldenrod.’”

Skywalker grinned and Solo muttered, “Yeah, that sounds about right. Except I outrank him, too, so tell him to wait on the Falcon and I’ll get to him in a couple of hours.”

“Actually,” Skywalker interjected, “I’m sure he sent you here for a reason and I’ll feel better when I know what it is. What does he need?”

Solo, having handed off the negotiation to someone else, retreated to the bench against the far wall and joined a different conversation with the High Princess of Alderaan. Never a fan of PDA, Vai looked back to Skywalker.

“I’ve spent the last two hours chronicling the Ewok holy war against the Empire and their god told me it could be attested by his prophets.”

A sudden squawk of protest suggested General Solo had broken off the kissing abruptly.

“His what?” Solo blurted out.

“Their what?” Organa squeaked.

He could only see Skywalker, but the commander covered his face with a hand for a long minute before moaning, “I’m not anyone’s prophet.”

“On the contrary,” Clod-Li said. “Witnesses say that you testified of See-Threepio’s powers before the entire tribe and General Solo bore record of his divine influence while praying for deliverance.”

“I missed something,” the princess commented, sounding slightly dazed.

“I just want to record your conversion stories in their holy writ,” Vai explained. “Ten minutes. An hour at most.”

“Oh, I’m sitting in on this,” Organa decided, emerging from the shadows with a grin. “After all, this god was in my family’s service for many years. And his astromech counterpart will probably have valuable insights.”

Solo unnecessarily retrieved his blaster, but came along with a final “I should have left him in Mos Eisley.”

 

Oh, what the powers of a Jedi hath wrought to the legends and religion of such a small people.

I am pretty sure the blaster is necessary at this point. Goldenrod the god needs to be dealt with.

 

Clod-Li Vai is hilarious, being used as a matress for Ewoks and listening to Goldenrod. His comments to Luke, Han and Leia

 

Perfection!

The rest of the piece was wonderfully hilarious, but I have a particular fondness for Threepio, so that was a great start for me personally! Gonna be interesting to see further insights into the friendship between Luke and Han during this decathlon; seems to be a rarer focus than other relationships. Nice!

 

I don't think I've ever seen anyone explore this aspect of the post-Endor days before. Intriguing. I wonder if some of the Ewoks will now go out into the greater galaxy seeking converts, or setting up little temples wherever Threepio goes: "There is no god but Goldenrod, and Skywalker is his prophet...."

Presumably the Tinorf are fanon, as they don't seem to be listed at Wookieepedia or any other source. I'm always interested in other people's religion. Is there a summary somewhere?

 

Replies:
@Vek Talis They could all do without a day where they get a nasty shock and Leia finding out that Vader is her father, Luke is her brother, and Threepio is her god is a bit much. I agree. And I'm sure Han shouldn't shoot first and bear testimony later.
@earlybird-obi-wan Thanks. I love the image of mattress Clod-Li. I used to have a cat who would use my eyes as his personal mattress. It was annoying because I was mildly allergic to him and woke up with allergic reactions on a regular basis. Glad you enjoyed the commentary.
@Happy Sando "Perfect" (In Threepio's voice.) I have always enjoyed Threepio. Zahn covers Luke and Han pretty well, but so does Vonda N. McIntyre. I am more fond of Zahn, personally.
@Seldes_Katne I found a cartoon somewhere of Ewoks in white vests and ties, holding up a picture of See-Threepio and asking if the person at the door has a moment to talk about their lord and savior. As someone who has been a missionary, that just cracked me up. I'd love to see Ewoks developing a religion around this whole mess And my head is now hurting at "There is no god but Goldenrod..." Especially with how much Han gets a headache from dealing with him. The Tinorf are completely fanon. I made an anagram of FRONTIER and then removed a couple of letters. And as I said to Kateyddint, "Aw, crap, I just made up another Star Wars religion." (I have Princess Leia thee unwilling prophet in another fic)

Prompt #2: 110 Word Hurdle: Exactly 110 word story. As an optional bonus challenge, don't mention the name or names of your character, family, friendship or couple aren’t mentioned.

Note: This is obviously after the events on Dathomir.

Things were a bit awkward that night. The kid didn’t exactly give his blessing, but he could have said that they didn’t legally or philosophically need it. Mon Mothma might have something to say about breaking a treaty over something as mundane as love, but as far as he knew, they’d never gotten around to signing any treaties.

His fiancee–he couldn’t bring himself to call her something stupid now that she was answering to a title that made him grin a lot–didn’t have anything to complain about where their future lay.

Finally, his future brother-in-law said, “I’ll withdraw my objections if you never shoot her again.”

“Makes sense to me.”

 

love that comment about never shooting her again. Things sure are a bit awkward

 

Which part?

 

That Luke will only support a healthy relationship going forward. (Can only explain so much in 110 words. )

 

Super exchange in the second entry. Awkward is certainly a good description.

 

Repies:

@earlybird-obi-wan The weird ground rules that have to be said out loud to heal I roll my eyes at that entire decision. Thanks.
@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Thanks. Hope you're not tired of this subject.
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Sorry for the long delay. I got really busy and also had family and friends visit. I'm now enjoying a quiet morning, so here is my third entry: It's definitely inspired by the last one's themes. You'll see what I mean.
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AU Archery: A story of at least 100 words set in an alternate universe with your character, family, friendship, or couple.

Sorrows, Drowned and Shared

Han wasn't in the usual place, though Luke could have guessed that. Fixing the Falcon was a form of therapy, but Luke thought that Isolder and Threkin Horm had been vindictive when they gave the ship an overhaul. "in gratitude for services rendered to the people of the Hapes Cluster” had been the line.

Just another slap in the face was how Han had taken it. Or how he would have taken it if Leia hadn't turned him over to the medical authorities the moment they got back to Coruscant. He came out of bacta probably feeling healthier than he had since Bespin and found the love of his life had officially accepted Isolder's proposal and he couldn't fix a single circuit board to cope with it.

On a suspicion, Luke tracked down the closest cantina to the Alderaanian consulate that didn't make Han violate his restraining order and found his best friend morosely staring into a cup of blue milk.

"Couldn't afford something with a little proof?" Luke asked.

"That jerk dropped the charges, so no."

That jerk had to be Leia's husband, since the Alderaanian Council was still consulting with a team of lawyers about what they could do that was both vindictive and legal.

"Bet Leia had something to do with that," he commented once he'd ordered a milk of his own.

"She's the one who changed her mind about the restraining order, but Abs-of-Steel over there is the one who decided I'd suffered enough." He took a long pull on the milk and swiped a hand over his upper lip. "Boy, did he get it wrong."

And that was why Luke was here, having ducked out of the reception as soon as he'd made a toast to the happy couple.

"She still loves you," Luke said when a few minutes and two more rounds had gone by.

"'This doesn't mean I stopped loving you, but he has a place in my heart and I can't honor both of you. But I love that he honors me and my cause and that is a place to start.'" Han sniffed at the recitation of what he must have been hearing subconsciously for weeks. "No, Your Worshipfulness, a place to start was coming back to save your collective backsides at Yavin."

Not having a reason to disagree with that sentiment, Luke sighed and signaled the barkeep again. "You're sure you don't want something stronger?"

"Sworn off the stuff. Last time I got black-out drunk, I won a planet in a sabacc game and we all know how well that worked out for me."

He sighed again and ordered a side of cookies for their milk. "I was looking forward to having you as a brother-in-law someday," Luke admitted, "but I'm not taking anybody's side here. What's next for you?"

"Can't go back to ordering people around," Han grunted. "Resigned all that before I shot the woman I loved. Ackbar tried to talk me back into the service since I took out Zsinj, but I can't go back. She's the one who made me believe in this thrice-damned hero stuff in the first place."

"I get it," Luke said honestly.

"Hell, I can't even be on the Falcon because of here right now. Chewie keeps trying to hug me and he usually does that when he thinks I'm dying. I'm not dying. I just colossally screwed up everything and I couldn't think straight in a place that still smells like her."

He ate two cookies while looking close to tears and drank the rest of his latest milk without stopping for air. He was probably going to regret this in the morning.

"They're going to have really attractive kids."

That was a genetic likelihood. Several holojournalists had been discussing the matter since the original proposal. After Endor, Luke had seen brown-haired kids with Leia's chin and Han's smirk and taken it as either wishful thinking or the Force introducing him to future friends. In his own version of self-care, he hadn't tried to imagine Leia's future with Isolder that concretely.

"I just want her to be happy," Luke informed him. "I'm not thrilled about what that means today because I love you as much as I love her, but I know you want her to be happy, too."

Han was too depressed to point out that he wanted her to be happy with several billion fewer credits in her joint banking account.

"Kid, you're a great friend, but I want you to seriously rethink any plans to be a therapist."

"Deal," Luke said, pushing away his empty glass. "Come on. Chewie found a burnt-out panel in the navcomputer."

Han looked up with bleary hopefulness. "Really?"

Not really, but Luke would sneakily set a fire to something if it made Han feel better. He could tell Chewie to un-fix something on the way back.

"Really," he said. "And while we're fixing that, we can talk about the ride you need to give me. I've got a lot of Jedi material to investigate and I'm pretty sure I can get the funding to hire you as my pilot."

He couldn't turn back time to slap some sense into his friend, but he could give him something to look forward to.

Han snatched the last of the cookies and nodded. "Let's put half the galaxy between me and Leia's happily-ever-after," he decided.

Technically, she was doing that herself by marrying into the Hapan royal family, but Luke wasn't about to discourage his sense of purpose.

"Attaboy."

 

Loved Luke's attempts at therapy. The unfixing thing and jaunting around after Jedi materials sounds like a good plan.

Leia with Isolder is just ... so ack!

 

Leia and Isolder eech.
But Luke is trying to help Han and will stay with Han and help him.
Nice to see this is an AU