What do you want on your tombstone?

No, kids, not the pizza. I am just using their clever advertising slogan as it will catch your eye and subtly lure you in here. So there will be no jokes about pizza, as they are all horribly unoriginal.

Some famous epitaphs:
Mel Blanc: "That's all folks!"
W. C. Fields: "I would rather be living in Philadelphia."
Jackie Gleason: "And away we go!"
Edgar Allen Poe: "Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore'."
Krusty the Clown: "See you real soon kids!"

In light of those, I have decided that I very much want my own morbidly amusing epitaph placed on my tombstone. Unfortunately, unless I'm famous and develop my own catchphrase, no one will ever know or care. Hopefully I have several decades to achieve such fame as well as coming up with something suitably clever. I'm sure many of you will suggest something along the lines of "Amazing" but that's no good. I think it would be amusing to have my epitaph written in very tiny letters so people have to get up real close to read it. And it will say "GET OFF ME!" Or maybe something like "Wish you were here," which is sort of sweetly morbid, depending on who's reading. "No big loss" might be good, but it sounds kind of emo. I like "We are richer for having lost him" but that's stolen from the Simpsons and I want something original.

Now, dear reader, you may be asking yourself your role in all this. How are you to respond? Well, I have several suggestions:

1. Comment on my hilarity.
2. Comment on my stupidity.
3. Both 1 and 2.
4. List other famous or funny epitaphs.
5. Suggest more epitaphs for me.
6. Tell us what you want on your tombstone. Now, I don't want anything serious or sad or anything, because that'll just bore everyone else. I want morbidly amusing. I think I may be misplacing my faith in some of you, but prove me wrong!

And remember, no pizza jokes. I can already see some of you rubbing your grubby little hands together thinking you'll get me good and post a pizza joke anyway, followed by that emoticon, you know, the fellow with his tongue sticking out like some sort of stroke victim. Don't do it. I have already ruined the joke, and the back-up "I'll do it anyway" joke. Anything more is just sad, which is why I fully expect it more than ever. You're a bunch of sheep!

Amazing.

 

I just want to have one word:

Amazing

 

I like Mel Blanc's epitaph.

 

Mine should say:
You're standing on my eye.

or...

Posted 'X' amount of posts on theforce.net, but at least he's not Bib Fortuna, Twi'lek, who posted 54,000,000 posts before his demise.

 

A Tolkienologist lies here. May Tolkien bless his soul.

 

I want...

Here lies lester Moore, shot by a .44, no les no more.

 

 I think it would be amusing to have my epitaph written in very tiny letters so people have to get up real close to read it. And it will say "GET OFF ME!

That is terrible

gravestones creep me out as do graveyards. you should be creamated and thrown into the Seeeeeeeaaaaaa

 

Lived Alone, Died Alone, Now Leave Me Alone!

 

Only because you told us not to:

Pepperoni and Sausage

Yes I am fully aware of my "sadness" and as to the sheep comment, all I can say is "BAAAAAAA"

 

1. Comment on my hilarity.
2. Comment on my stupidity.
3. Both 1 and 2.
4. List other famous or funny epitaphs.
5. Suggest more epitaphs for me.
6. Tell us what you want on your tombstone. Now, I don't want anything serious or sad or anything, because that'll just bore everyone else. I want morbidly amusing. I think I may be misplacing my faith in some of you, but prove me wrong!


1. You are very funny
2. You are very stupid
3 You are funny and stupid
4. I don't know any.
5. Amazing
6. Please eat pancakes on my grave, Dance if you would like.

or....

In case of dead tissue ressurection or zombie-like activity, previous owner of body is not responsible. See store for details.

 

Marco Largo LeGrande,
Hell on sea or land.
The good news is he's dead.
The bad news is that he's bred.

 

Here's some possibilities for my own Tombstone (because I'm very me-oriented in my thinking):

Here Lies Nat

He Always Loved Sleeping

Damned Kids, Stay The Hell Off My Lawn!

Now He Rests In The Arms Of The Lord. Poor Lord.

Warning: Zombies

Please Take Care Of My Turtle

All You Can Eat Worm Buffet, Borrowing Mammals Welcome

Of course, they're all pretty moot, since I'm going to be cremated anyway.

 

Here lies Darth_Smelly.....
Chances are he smells a lot worse now then he ever did while alive.

 

1. Comment on my hilarity.

You're hilarious!

2. Comment on my stupidity.

You're stupid!

3. Both 1 and 2.

You're hilarious and stupid!

4. List other famous or funny epitaphs.

Here lies Johnny Yeast, Pardon me For not rising.
Sir John Strange: Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange.
I was somebody. Who, is no business Of yours.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.
Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to go.
I told you I was sick!

5. Suggest more epitaphs for me.

It really is Amazing here.

6. Tell us what you want on your tombstone. Now, I don't want anything serious or sad or anything, because that'll just bore everyone else. I want morbidly amusing. I think I may be misplacing my faith in some of you, but prove me wrong!

She was worshipped by nerds and stalked with love.

 

Chances are he smells a lot worse now then he ever did while alive.

I beg to differ........

 

"I Don't Rot on Your Lawn, Please Don't Walk on My Grave."

 

Monkey Island quotes! JGM you are my hero for the day. Monkey Island rules.

 

Hmm, epitaphs...

I'd like to suggest "I'm Still Over You", but it's a bit too arrogant. Mine's going to be "Done!".

 

Suggestion for Amazing Tombstone:


"If this grave is a rockin' don't come knockin'"

or

"My OTHER final resting place is a mausoleum"

or

"My wife married into the mob and all I got was this rotten tombstone."

or

"Trying to top 'the Bib' in posting
only a few more did he lack.
He overclocked his computer boasting
now he's lying on his back."

 

" He had vodka flavored nipples."

 

Move on, Ed Gein, I'm not an old lady.

or

I finally found out who the Zodiac Killer was! it's...

 

Well, I intend to have a tree for my tombstone (ashes planted with a sapling) or become one of those cool artificail reefs (I want my mortal remains to serve some real purpous but I've seen a variation on this one near Seattle (where I live) In England (where I was born) and in New York which turned out to be way cooler than I ever thought it could be.

Stop as you,

Who'd pass me by.

As you were

So once was I.

As I am,

You soon shall be.

So prepare for Death,

To follow Thee.

 

I'm surprised no one posted the famous epitaph of Deforest Kelly....."He's Dead, Jim."

 

A "No Parking" sign.

 

Here lies an Athiest
All dressed up and
Nowhere to go.

Error 404: Epitaph not found.

Beat THIS David Blaine.