What if you died and discovered that the Norse Pagan Religion was true?

What if after a lifetime of adhering to the Christian doctrine of "Love thy neighbor as thyself," you died and found yourself in Valhalla alongside the Aesir just before the final cosmic battle of Ragnarok? Imagine how the brave einherjar warriors would laugh at your expectation that the afterlife was an idyllic paradise.

Or what if you were a devout Muslim and died, anticipating the peace of the grave to be followed by the Last Judgment and your own personal ascension to the Islamic paradise of Jannah? And instead you find yourself being awakened by Gullinkambi the rooster and having to march out to the great field of Idavoll in the heart of Asgard to fight in mortal combat. And after a day of nightmarish battle, Andhrimnir, the cook of the gods, has prepared a meal from the pork of Saehrimnir the boar. That's right, my Muslim friend, pork: it's what's for dinner. This is equally bad news for those of you of the Jewish faith.

Maybe you're an agnostic or an atheist, fully expecting death to result in the obliteration of your consciouness. Imagine your surprise when that heart attack hits and a few moments later you discover that you are in fact in Hel beneath one of three roots of the world tree Yggdrasil.

Odin-dammit, this isn't at all what you were expecting!

 

then I'd really need a crash course in Norse Pagan Religions, preferably very quickly

 

If you've ever said "Thank God it's Friday" - then you'll find yourself in Valhalla.

 

I'd worry about it then.

 

I'd be glad because just about every extinct pagan religion is a hell of lot more exciting than any of the major ones we've got today... except perhaps Hinduism. Polytheism FTW!

 

It has about as much a chance as any other religion to be correct, so I'd probably just be like "huh".

 

Then I'd be really pissed at the Norse Gods for letting their religion die out. I mean, seriously, how could an imaginary God kick their arse in terms of adherents?

Although still, it'd be pretty badass. As long as it was the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy version of Norse Pagan Religions, where they feast with beautiful Scandinavian wenches and then fight, then everyone's resurrected the next day. It's just like the internet! But instead of Mountain Dew you have wine, instead of Hot Pockets you have roast boar, instead of porn you have hearty Viking wenches, and instead of Counter-Strike you have Berserker fighting.

 

If I found out Nancy Reagan was true that would really suck.

 

I'd grab a shield, an axe, some armor, and start slaughtering baddies alongside my ancestors who did hold these beliefs.

OTOH, I wonder, for those of you who have beliefs that don't fall into the Judeo-Christian set, what if you were to die and wound up right in front of God to have Him looking at you and slightly drumming His fingers on the armrest of His seat as He discusses your life with you?

 

Too many religious terms, too few 42 virgin orgy references.

 

Well, what if you were to die and find yourself kneeling before a god that's a giant blue rat with a raspy voice that reeks of lung cancer?

Hmm?

WHAT THEN?! EH?

 

I'd ask him for his name, why he's a rat, and why he has that voice.

 

If I died and ended up at God's throne, I hope I'd have the balls to ask him why he didn't make a better case for himself.

This.

Scummy

 

I've ridden the Norwegian boat thing at EPCOT a bunch of times, so I figure I'm pretty well set.

 

[image=http://fatherstephen.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/guardian-angel.jpg]
This? or...

[image=http://www.wallpaperez.net/wallpaper/games/Valkyrie-Profile-Angels-1004.jpg]
this?

EDIT: fixed

 

THE HORROR!!

 

But....when there was only one set of footprints....the calls were coming from inside the house.... or..


wait...

nevermind

 

I'd ask for Berserker duty.

 

Same goes for Thursday.

Well, if this were the case, I'd pour myself some mead, grab a plate of roast pork, and (after feasting) shag myself a hot blonde Valkyrie.



Go n-ithe an cat thú, is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat.

 

Yeah, and Tuesday and Wednesday.

I chose Friday because that's what people usually thank god for. I don't hear many people saying "Thank God it's Tuesday."

 

I'd be way happier than any other religion, because the Norse gods are WAY more badass than any other gods.

 

Why do we even pretend we're not a pagan culture?

 

P
A
G
A
N
I
S
M

I
N

D
A

H
O
U
S
E
!
!
!
!