Fan Mail for the SWs Chars (Interactive Story)Updated: 12/10

This is an interactive story. You, the reader, can post 'fan mail' or PM them to me. Then the chars that you wrote to will respond as if they were on a show kind of deal. The chars may get a little OC, but I'll try to keep them in char. So send up those strange questions, obessions, descriptions of things you've written about them, anything, but we shall keep this PG, all right?! Let the fun begin, hopefully!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A young man is dragged in by invisible aids. They drop him and he looks around, then looks at the people already seated.

Young Man: Oh no.

NS: Shut up, Tobias.

Tobias: Couldn't Lysander or Nicholas do this? I am supposed to be dead.

NS: No, they have to deal with the LOTR verison. Now, get ready.

Obi-wan: Master, what is this?

Qui-gon: I do not know, Padawan.

Han: Can we go? Some of us do have things to do.

Tobias: No, we have to ender this torture! Now shut up! All right, viewers, send in those letters, and we shall be back!

 

Dear Master Yoda,

Exsqeaze me. But mesa been a wondering why yousa bein' talkin' all wierd like? Don't yousa know how to bein' speakin' english? Maybe yousa better bein' tinkin' about gettin' an english book or someting. It would be muy muy better if yousa bein' able to spek the language. Besida, what bein' the point of bein' muy muy smart if no one bein' able to know what yousa saying?

Your humble servant,
Jar Jar Binks.

 

Dear Obi-Wan,

You are the hottest guy ever, and I am you biggest fan!!! Everyday, I prove my loyalty to you by writing torture stories starring you!!

If I ever met you, I'd lock you in my closet and keep you there forever!!!

It wouldn't be so bad. At least you'd be away from Qui-Gon. I promise I'd feed you!

Would you send me an autographed picture please? I want to make all my friends jealous!

Signed,

Ima Absosed
*****
Short, but fun....couldn't think of anything else.

Up! another cool idea by Neon!

 

Dear Padme,

I know Anakin seems like a great guy now, but I have to warn you: Bad Things will happen. I have both film and textual evidence to prove it. Suffice it to say that continuing a relationship with him is NOT in your best interests.

You should come to Earth. I live in Dallas, Texas, a large city in the United States, a prosperous republic with free elections. Our state already has a female Senator and I think you would be a wonderful candidate for office. Unfortunately, although I'd vote for you to be President you are a) not a natural born citizen and b) too young and thus under current constitutional law, this is not possible.

Also, our planet is free of the Trade Federation, Seperatists, and the Commerce guild.

I must say you are an incredibly beautiful woman and if you heed my warning about Anakin, I'd be glad to take you out to dinner sometime. Earth food is pretty good and I know some great dining establishments here. Our opera and orchestra are also highly acclaimed. I am not a Jedi and I assure you I will NEVER turn to the dark side if any sort of relationship between us does indeed come to pass.

Will send photos if you want, am told I'm not a bad looking fellow.

-Tim

 

Padme,

PS The Republic is in GRAVE DANGER! If you want we could meet here and then I can go to Coruscant and explain the magnitude of the threat you are dealing with to a select list of trusted individuals.

-Tim

 

A letter comes flying out of nowhere and hits Tobias in the face.

Tobias: Hey! Neon, don?t be mean! Anyways, first letter is to Yoda!

Dear Master Yoda,

Exsqeaze me. But mesa been a wondering why yousa bein' talkin' all wierd like? Don't yousa know how to bein' speakin' english? Maybe yousa better bein' tinkin' about gettin' an english book or someting. It would be muy muy better if yousa bein' able to spek the language. Besida, what bein' the point of bein' muy muy smart if no one bein' able to know what yousa saying?

Your humble servant,
Jar Jar Binks.

Yoda: (Stands and points stick at Jar Jar, who looks rather unnerved.)

Jar Jar: Mesa didn?t write that! Mesa dona want to die!

Yoda: Insult my speaking you do? Fool are you! Speak well you do not!

Jar Jar: Mesa speakin as well as yousa are!

Yoda: (Hobbles over and wackes Jar Jar in the knees.)

Jar Jar: OOOWWWWSSAAA!

Yoda: (Hobbles back to his seat and sites down with a sastisfied smile on this face.)

Tobias: (Clears his throat.) Well, we need to move on? Next letter please? (Letter hits him in the back of the head.) Hey! Neon. (Growls slightly then reads letter)

Dear Obi-Wan,

You are the hottest guy ever, and I am your biggest fan!!! Everyday, I prove my loyalty to you by writing torture stories starring you!!

If I ever met you, I'd lock you in my closet and keep you there forever!!!

It wouldn't be so bad. At least you'd be away from Qui-Gon. I promise I'd feed you!

Would you send me an autographed picture please? I want to make all my friends jealous!

Signed,

Ima Absosed


All three Obi-wans go pale. Oldest Obi-wan aka Ben nodes to youngest Obi.

Ben K: Its all yours, kid.

Obi-wan: Great. Well?.. I think I should be flattered?. But if you are my biggest fan, why would you torture me?

Qui-gon: And I don?t believe I would let my Padawan be locked away in your closet. As annoying as he is, I do need him around?

Obi-wan: Thank you, Master? And as much as my Master can be mean, evil, or otherwise, I would like to remain by him for a little while longer. To protect him, as he is getting on in years.

Qui-gon: I am considering letting you have him. (Grins wickedly at Obi-wan.)

Obi-wan: (Goes even paler.) Please, Master, I?ll be good!

Qui-gon: We shall see.

Obi-wan: (Glances nervously at Qui-gon.) Well, on that, what did you call it? Autograph? I shall have to see?

Tobias: Well, we had best move on! Next letter, which isn?t going to hit me this time since it is in my hand, is for Lady Padme.


Dear Padme,

I know Anakin seems like a great guy now, but I have to warn you: Bad Things will happen. I have both film and textual evidence to prove it. Suffice it to say that continuing a relationship with him is NOT in your best interests.

You should come to Earth. I live in Dallas, Texas, a large city in the United States, a prosperous republic with free elections. Our state already has a female Senator and I think you would be a wonderful candidate for office. Unfortunately, although I'd vote for you to be President you are a) not a natural born citizen and b) too young and thus under current constitutional law, this is not possible.

Also, our planet is free of the Trade Federation, Seperatists, and the Commerce guild.

I must say you are an incredibly beautiful woman and if you heed my warning about Anakin, I'd be glad to take you out to dinner sometime. Earth food is pretty good and I know some great dining establishments here. Our opera and orchestra are also highly acclaimed. I am not a Jedi and I assure you I will NEVER turn to the dark side if any sort of relationship between us does indeed come to pass.

Will send photos if you want, am told I'm not a bad looking fellow.

-Tim

PS The Republic is in GRAVE DANGER! If you want we could meet here and then I can go to Coruscant and explain the magnitude of the threat you are dealing with to a select list of trusted individuals.

-Tim

Anakin: I think I had better answer this. Listen, sir, I wi

 

up!

 

Princess Leia--

I have always admired your hairstyles. The brashness to be able to wear danish-pastries on the side of you head is a quality I find wonderful.

Personally, I would recommend that you gather all that gorgeous hair up into an eopie-tail and center it on the top of your head, securing it with a scrunchie into a topknot look I call the "Pebbles Flinstone."

However, that is not the crux of my postcard. I have written to inquire about your mother. Recently, we have been witness to holotapes that reflected the history of the galaxy before your time. Your mother was simply gorgeous, and I notice that, when she was not wearing those ridiculous headdresses, some of her hairstyles rivaled yours (and may have been the inspiration for the TIE fighter). Is there a connection? Did the royall hairdresser for the Queens and Senators of Naboo get passed down to the Royal House of Alderaan when Obi-wan placed you with Bail Organa?

Sincerely yours,
--F. Reaky Guy, Hairdresser and Shampoo Vendor

 

up!

 

Neon, could u put 9 year old anakin in this show too? i mean, you got three obi wans why cant there be 9year old ani, the ani u got now, and vader. if u put 9 year old ani in here's my letter.


Dear Best damn podracer peroid.

Anakin, YOU ROCK! you are easily the best guy on tatooine! plus, you podrace very very well.

sign,
Mr. I. m. knuty
P.S. if you ever ever get a chance to visit earth, i know a few women who are closer to your age group and (between you me) are prettier than padme'!

 

Dear Obi-Wan,

I've always wondered, how exactly would you respond to the critics of your lightsaber technique? Some say you were simply fabulous in TPM, but then completely flat-lined in ESB (not to mention the comments regarding your less than stellar performance in AotC). I've always held that you must've been tired after fighting off that gigantic spider-thing on Geonosis, and that your whole strategy in ESB was only to distract Vader, not kill him. Anyway, it would be great if you could clear it up.

Thanks!
StarWarsJunkie

PS: While you have Qui-Gon in the same vicinity as you, whack him upside the head a few times while pointing out Vader, ok?

 

UP! Neon if you dont post I"'LL.....*sweet voice* Neon, how would you like it if i EMMBARESSED your pretty, little, XANATOS!?*end sweet voice*

HAHAHHAHAHAAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

Dear Master Kenobi,

I think you are the most profiecent of all the Obi wans. and......WANNA BUY SOME DEATH STICKS?

-Moneyless

 

pleasepost

 

I'm back!!!!
*****

Dear Obi,

Torturing a character is a compliment. *sighs* Get with it! I mean, if I didn't like you, why would I waste my time?

You'll have to SEE? Come on, what's that, nice talk for NO?!!! THAT'S NOT A LOT TO ASK!!! IF YOU WON'T COME WITH ME, THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS SEND ME A LITTLE 8 BY 10 PHOTO WITH YOUR SIGNATURE SCRIBBLED ON IT! *grumble, grumble*

Signed,
Angry Ima Absosed
****
One more and I'll leav you alone.
*****
Dear Padme,

Dude, what is the matter with you, girl?

Listen here. If I were with Anakin and he screamed in my face, "They're like animals!!! And I slaughtered them like animals!!! I HATE THEM!!!" the last thing I would do id kneel down to comfort him and act like it's an everyday thing!!!

That would have been a good time to cut off the realtionship, Padme.

No offense. You ruled your planet pretty well and seemed handy in the senate. But don't you think it time you gave your personal life some thought?

Signed,

A concerned fan

*P.S. Don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan, I just don't want to see you get hurt.
*****
Nee-nee...where a-a-re yo-o-ou?
*****
Remember, think Obi-Wan!!

- Jaci

 

Dear Luke,

I love you! You looked so incredibly sexy in your black outfit in ROTJ! I want you NOW!

~ Jay

(This is fun!)

 

neon isn't replieng to any of her fics.....
i say we rally and bombard her with pm's ordering her to post!!!!!!!!


ARE YOU WITH ME? AYE OR NAY!!!?

 

Dear old ugly palpitine,


you STINK! you are UGLY AND OLD! and you turned ANI! i should GRIND YOU INTO A PULP for that! AND....... YOU KILLED PADMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'!!!!!!!!!!!

peace,
Weir doe

 

My 200th post. yipee. neon didnt post. now i have wasted my 'that was good' post on telling you that she didnt post.

 

uppin

 

UP

 

Tobias: Back, sadly! Here comes the first letter, and no, Neon won?t hit me again, or she won?t get another story out of me!

That wouldn?t be too bad?

Tobias: Hey!

Just read!

Tobias: Mean one, she is.

Princess Leia--

I have always admired your hairstyles. The brashness to be able to wear danish-pastries on the side of you head is a quality I find wonderful.

Personally, I would recommend that you gather all that gorgeous hair up into an eopie-tail and center it on the top of your head, securing it with a scrunchie into a topknot look I call the "Pebbles Flinstone."

However, that is not the crux of my postcard. I have written to inquire about your mother. Recently, we have been witness to holotapes that reflected the history of the galaxy before your time. Your mother was simply gorgeous, and I notice that, when she was not wearing those ridiculous headdresses, some of her hairstyles rivaled yours (and may have been the inspiration for the TIE fighter). Is there a connection? Did the royall hairdresser for the Queens and Senators of Naboo get passed down to the Royal House of Alderaan when Obi-wan placed you with Bail Organa?

Sincerely yours,
--F. Reaky Guy, Hairdresser and Shampoo Vendor

Leia: Hmmm, I think I will take that as a complement. Though that idea for a hairstyle is rather intresting?

Padme: Truly.

Leia: But yes, my hairdresser did come from Naboo. I always heard she was my Mother?s personal hairdresser as well.

Tobias: Next!

Dear Best podracer peroid.

Anakin, YOU ROCK! you are easily the best guy on tatooine! plus, you podrace very very well.

sign,
Mr. I. m. knuty
P.S. if you ever ever get a chance to visit earth, i know a few women who are closer to your age group and (between you me) are prettier than padme'!


Anakin(young): (Beams) Thanks! Oh, no one is as beautiful as Padme!

Padme(young): (Smiles) Thank you, Anakin.

Tobias: (Bored) Keep going.

Dear Obi-Wan,

I've always wondered, how exactly would you respond to the critics of your lightsaber technique? Some say you were simply fabulous in TPM, but then completely flat-lined in ANH (not to mention the comments regarding your less than stellar performance in AotC). I've always held that you must've been tired after fighting off that gigantic spider-thing on Geonosis, and that your whole strategy in ANH was only to distract Vader, not kill him. Anyway, it would be great if you could clear it up.

Thanks!
StarWarsJunkie

PS: While you have Qui-Gon in the same vicinity as you, whack him upside the head a few times while pointing out Vader, ok?

Obi-wan(old): You have it right, really. I was rather tired after the fight in the arena, though I tried to keep going. And of course, I knew that I was old and my reflexes were not up to par with even Vader?s skills, so I tried my best to distract him from Luke during our duel on the Death Star. Oh, and as to that. I think I should. (Glances as Qui-gon.)

Qui-gon: Don?t even think about it, Kenobi.

Obi-wan(old) Nevermind.

Tobias: Next.

Dear Master Kenobi,

I think you are the most proficient of all the Obi wans. and......WANNA BUY SOME DEATH STICKS?

-Moneyless

All three Obis: None of us are a Master. Anakin never made it so we never became a Master.

Obi-wan(old): But if you mean me, thank you, I think. And No!

Tobias: Some fans. Next.

Dear Obi,

Torturing a character is a compliment. *sighs* Get with it! I mean, if I didn't like you, why would I waste my time?

You'll have to SEE? Come on, what's that, nice talk for NO?!!! THAT'S NOT A LOT TO ASK!!! IF YOU WON'T COME WITH ME, THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS SEND ME A LITTLE 8 BY 10 PHOTO WITH YOUR SIGNATURE SCRIBBLED ON IT! *grumble, grumble*

Signed,
Angry Ima Absosed

Obi-wan(young): Oh, Force help me. Torturing is a compliment?! Well, maybe I should be flattered?. Okay, I?ll send you one. In fact I?m sending you one now! Don?t hurt me!

Tobias: Force help the kid. Next!

Dear Padme,

Dude, what is the matter with you, girl?

Listen here.

 

Dear Xan,

I was just wondering,if you ever found yourself in posession of a certain really cute and charming twelve year old Jedi initiate what would you do to him?

I'm guessing fill him with candy and hugs but all my friends say you would torture and kill him in a slow and painful way.

Not that this would ever happen.I was just wondering.

Yours Truly,

Failed Padawan the Younger

PS: What's up with you not having a last name? Didn't your Daddy love you enough?

 

This is a brief post. Sorry for the realllyyy long wait. RL hasn't been pleasent the last few months.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Tobias: Back for a brief bit for one letter for Xanatos.

Dear Xan,

I was just wondering,if you ever found yourself in posession of a certain really cute and charming twelve year old Jedi initiate what would you do to him?

I'm guessing fill him with candy and hugs but all my friends say you would torture and kill him in a slow and painful way.

Not that this would ever happen.I was just wondering.

Yours Truly,

Failed Padawan the Younger

PS: What's up with you not having a last name? Didn't your Daddy love you enough?

Xanatos: (Seething) My daddy.. hum... Father, loved me! He just didn't love our last name... Yeah, that's it. As to what I would do to a certian twelve year old, (Glances to Obi-wan) I wouldn't do either. I would train him in the dark ways to contiue my revenge on Qui-gon. I wouldn't be cruel, but I certianly wouldn't be kind.

 

Hee hee. This is really funny! Great idea Neon!
Up!