ST The New Rumor Intellectual Thread of Seriousness for Sophisticated Discourse

have you guys ever thought that most of the rumors were purposefully sent out to confuse everybody?

 

Ok, after trying to make sense of all the latest rumors, here is what I have. Please feel free to copy and paste, add or correct anything you see fit (looking at you MakingStarWars and Manabyte).


OPENING CRAWL.

LIGHTSABER FLOATS THROUGH SPACE AND ENDS UP SAVANNATYPE PLANET .

LIGHTSABER IS PICKED UP BY NATIVE “NAKA” WHO ACCIDENTALLY SETS VILLAGE ON FIRE.

EITHER THE TRIBE'S LEADER IS VICAR OR SELLS THE SABER TO DEALER NAMED VICAR.

POE DAMERON IS DISPATCHED TO PICK UP THE SABER.

KLYO REN/EMPIRE INTERCEPTS TRANSMISSION AND LANDS ON SAVANNA PLANET VILLAGE. VIOLENCE ENSUES.

POE PUTS SABER IN BB-8 AND TELLS HIM TO SHOVE OFF.

KLYO’S GROUP KILLS THE VILLAGERS, CAPTURES POE AND IMPRISONS FINN BECAUSE HE LET VILLAGERS GO BECAUSE HE DOESN’T WANT TO FIGHT.MAINLY BECAUSE HIS DIMINUTIVE BEST BUD GETS KILLED.

KYLO’S GROUP TORCHES VILLAGE AND TAKES PRISONERS BACK ONTO THE STAR DESTROYER.

FINN AND POE ARE IN THE BRIG ON THE STAR DESTROYER HATCH A PLAN TO ESCAPE USING A STOLEN TIE FIGHTER.

FINN AND REY CRASH TIE FIGHTER.

BB-8 FINDS REY AND SHOWS HER THE LIGHTSABER AND SHE CALLS HAN OR REY TAKES IT TO VICAR WHO CALLS HAN.

TIE FIGHTER CRASHES AND INJURES BOTH POE AND FINN. BOTH GET PICKED UP BY REY.

HAN SHOWS UP AND TAKES REY, FINN AND DAMERON TO REBEL BASE WHERE LEIA IS.

HAN TAKES REY, FINN TO BAR IN SOME EXOTIC CITY WHERE THEY MEET ROSE.

ROSE SHOWS THE GROUP A VISION OF LUKE’S ACADEMY AND HOW HIS STUDENTS WERE SLAUGHTERED AND LUKE LEAVING, R2 IS CRYING.

(WHOLE LOT MISSING)

HAN IS LAYING CHARGES AT EVIL CASTLE, CONFRONTS KYLO TO GIVE THE GROUP TIME TO ESCAPE, GETS CUT DOWN, CHARGES GO OFF, KLYO RUNS.

CHEWIE AND BB8 LEAVES, REY AND FINN GO AFTER KLYO.

GLEESON FIRES SUPER WEAPON AT REBELS.

KYLO FIGHTS FINN AND INJURES HIM WHILE REY FIGHTS HIM, FIGHTS A DRAW BECAUSE THE MOUNTAIN COMES DOWN AROUND THEM.

CHEWIE PICKS UP FINN AND REY AND THEY MEET BACK AT REBEL BASE, CELEBRATION, DROIDS DECIPHER CODE, REY, BB8 AND CHEWIE LEAVE TO GO FIND LUKE.

REY FINDS PLANET LUKE IS ON, WALKS UP STONE STEPS, HANDS HIM LIGHTSABER.

END OF MOVIE.

 

JJ Abrams hints at more Star Wars teasers | Irish Examiner

First of all, I’m always grateful that people would be asking. But the truth is it’s like we haven’t shown anything. There’s sort of an abundance of riches with the stuff we could put out so we’re just trying to make sure it’s as good as it could be before we put anything out. The disaster would be to race something out for the sake of making an impact and it being not as good as people deserve.

We don’t want to be coy but we have almost a year until the movie comes out, so we have to be smart about what we say and when. We’re always having conversations about it.

I would say thank you for being interested. Thank you for your patience and honestly, I can’t wait for you to see the film.”

 

I still think you're either:

1. Missing certain call sheets

2. Being fed incorrect info

Mark Hamill has to have more than a minute in this film. It makes no sense otherwise. If he IS in the film for just a minute, great, I'll eat all my words when the film is released and that's how it happens.

However, I can't see that being the case when:

1. He lost about 20+ pounds for a scene they could've easily done with him wearing a big Jedi robe. No personal trainer necessary for that. Yet both he and Carrie got one.

2. Grow the beard and keep it for 6+ months. Again, for one scene.

3. Be at the script reading when all he does is silently pop up in the ending.

You were adamant about Luke and the tomb for a long time, as well as Gleeson being Luke's son, but now those are out. So you'll understand if this new bit you're sure about is taken with a grain of salt because of call sheets. I'm not doubting you personally, I'm saying you're only looking at part of a puzzle. How do you know that these are all the call sheets there are? How do you know what you have is even legitimate? Your previous sources seemed legitimate, but a lot of the things they've told you are out the window.

Like I said, if I end up being wrong, so be it, but based on how this has all gone down over the past few months, I'd bet that you're missing something here.

 

One thing to try to work in is Rey and Finn apparently stealing the Falcon and Rey flying it. That's what they surmised on the latest MSW podcast. I don't know how that fits in to the story.

And Michaea, I don't have any answers but you're doing a good job of cutting through the fluff and noticing the interesting contradictions from apparently credible sources.

 

You have all inspired me to take on a new project. To pick a handful of esoteric details from, say, Empire Strikes Back, and show you what sort of crazy-town horror show I can concoct using just those tidbits.

All this jumping to conclusions about how terrible the film is going to be based on a vision created in our own heads using only a scant handful of rumors *WHEN JJ HASN'T EVEN FINISHED A ROUGH CUT* is taking its toll on my faith in humanity.

Settle. Down.

Sheesh!

 

Happy to be an inspiration x

 

It's crossed my mind maybe once or twice.

 

Are you kidding me? I've been screaming it at the top of my lungs with duct tape over my mouth. For some reason nobody seems to pay me any mind.

 

I love you both. Let's get three-way married.

 

Yeah for 30 Secs, slap some loose fitting robes on, a fake beard, some makeup and maybe some CGI magic will make him look fine.

 

The trailers will clear a lot of this up. Not to mention official marketing train once it gets going.

Did anyone find it odd that Disney would release the teaser trailer, then almost immediately after, release the trading cards, then nothing. Absolutely nothing. You would think they would have delayed the trading cards till now when there is nothing to be had. That always stuck me as strange. Why rush that out.

 

TFA sounds like a really bad scavenger hunt or promotion. Rey finds the lightsaber, is the winner who brings it to the rebel base and the annie decoder pin lets her know that the ultimate prize is one minute with Luke Skywalker!

 

Hotels.com

You're welcome.

 

As do I.

 

Might want to try Priceline as well.

 

I think such an attempt at a synopsis is very productive. I would love for MSW to produce or edit an outline like this according to their interpretation.

Quick note: If Han dies, shouldn't there be a funeral for him or something?

 

No time for funerals, Dr. Jones.

 

It would be really helpful if MSW kept a running timeline on their site. A simple time line graphic, smack dab right on the front page, that would be updated with their latest discoveries and corrections. What they gave us this past week has been awesome and abundant, but truth be told it still confuses the hell out of everybody. Information overload without a mechanism for order and delivery just leads to chaos and turning people off to your message.

Hell, when die hard Star Wars rumor junkies on this BB are throwing in the towel because its confusing, it's time to step back and rethink your communication to your readership. Because truth be told the podcast isn't enough. I think we all walked away more confused than before it. We want to see MSW succeed and they deserve all the praise in the world, but helpful constructive criticism is also important. Jason and the crew need to deliver their information in a more cohesive, easy to understand time line of events that ebbs and flows with their conclusions.