JCC What D&D Monster Are You?!

Dare I ask what D&D is?

 

It is Satan's game! Do not be seduced!

 

I consider that a compliment.
But I meant the "Manager Emeritus" bull****.

 

You are a githyanki



You were the star of the original Fiend Folio. You were once human but now you live in the Astral Plane (I first assumed you moved there escaping from New Age gurus, but you apparently escaped illithid slavery). You serve the Lich-Queen, build your castles on the bodies of dead gods, keep red dragons as pets and mounts, travel the astral seas in massive battleships, and you are always more than happy to fight any adventuring party and use your featured move: severing the silver cords that link their astral shapes to the medula oblongata of their physical bodies (there's that New Age stuff again). Oh, I guess you are EHT 's mortal enemy now. Sucks.

 

The real monster was Spelljammer, amirite JoinTheSchwarz

Healer_Leona, you do need to acquaint yourself with Minsc though.



If anyone thinks this is the voice of Hondo from Clone Wars/Rebels, you're wrong. Hondo from Clone Wars/Rebels has the voice of Minsc.

Oh god. Reading this exchange from Throne of Bhaal, Minsc is basically Wocky.

Sarevok Anchev: Ranger, turn your rodent's gaze another direction! I will not be scrutinised as though by some ridiculous divining rod!
Minsc: Boo has an uncanny judge of character, but you... you give him trouble.
Sarevok Anchev: I'll give him more than that if this continues! I nearly conquered a nation! I will not be judged by a creature that stores nuts in its cheeks!
Jan Jansen: Hey! I resemble that remark.
Sarevok Anchev: Trust me, gnome, you do not want to partake in my wrath this day.
Minsc: Food storage aside, Boo controls himself far better than you do. Do you see him ranting about mere glances? Let's look.
Sarevok Anchev: What?
Minsc: See? No rant. In fact, now he is snuffling about for a comfy place to sleep. Admirable restraint.
Sarevok Anchev: I'm still in Hell, aren't I? This is insanity.
Minsc: Ah, finally a calming look comes across your face. Boo's handiwork, no doubt? Doesn't that feel better?
Sarevok Anchev: Let's... let's go kill something. Soon.

 

You are a goblyn



"Don't you mean a goblin?" No, a goblyn, totally different thing. You are not a little green bastard, but a hideous creature with a bloated head, a mangy mullet, and a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth. You live in the Demiplane of Dread, and are the result of a horrible spell that transformed you from a regular human into a violent creature that starts its attack by slashing its opponent's neck and then literally bites their faces off. Oh God what the **** is wrong with the Demiplane of Dread?! You were the focus of a much celebrated module, Feast of Goblyns (spoiler: the goblyns feasted on human faces)

 

Ah, that explains why I've always enjoyed Ian Miller's art. He must be my maker. If not him, then Guillermo Del Toro!

 

You are a noble djinni



You are a genie, and a powerful one. As one of the rulers of the Elemental Plane of Air you master powerful windmagics, including the ability of putting entire fortresses in suspended animation like you were the bad guy of some classic Disney movie. You pride yourself on being part of the élite of the djinn, and you enjoy wearing jewelry and rich clothes to distinguish yourself from the genie rabble and the "lesser" genie nobles. You are vengeful and never forget a slight against you, sometimes haunting a human family for generations because some poor dude put too much mayo on your sandwich. Harsh.

 

Rylo Ken: Sorry.

 

also requesting user title change.

 

Hello I am a Celestial Badger

 

You are a celestial dire badger



You are a very weirdly specific creature that became ubiquitous during the dark age of the fourth edition of the game, as it was the best creature that low-level clerics could summon. So let's take a look at you, piece by piece. You are a badger. Okay, easy to understand, honey badger don't give a ****, all that. You are dire, and in the game's parlance that means that you are larger and more vicious than a normal badger, like a prehistoric version of a badger... which honestly sounds scarier than any invented monsters, now that I think about it. And you are celestial, meaning that this one prehistoric badger was born in the Upper Planes, where good souls eventually find their resting place. I mean, I guess badgers can get born wherever the **** they want, Heaven included, so all in all, a great concept! Hi Pulsies!

 

Monster this old grognard.

Edit: Deities and Demigods certainly can be included - and I mean the original, with the Cthulhu and Elric stuff.

 

Hi Dave! I love this. It's the best.

 

If you were the Dungeon Master the few times I attempted to learn any of these games JoinTheSchwarz I would have been farther up the lore ladder than reading some Dragon Lance novels, and attempting to understand Warhammer 40k (Buggers off to click and whirl back into modron formation.)

 

wait those are the stats that came on one side of the D&D miniatures game stat cards!

I call bull****!

 

Me

 

oh you are so a gelatinous cube or soulreaper

 

You are a gnoll



But not one of these hyena-headed flail-wielding adorers of Yeenoghu that young'uns like these days, but one of the original creatures that Gygax swiped from Lord Dunsany: the unholy spawn of a gnome and a troll. You are clever and crafty, although Gygax didn't extend much on his description of you. "You know, they are kind of like hobgoblins, if only Lord Dunsany had been more specific, whatever, time to roam Lake Geneva and do some heavy drugs while threatening people with my gun, as my pretty hilarious FBI dossier will reveal in the future to a surprised audience." We know that you carry a handaxe and that you are evil, and also that your morale is superior to that of other monsters. The original game was, admittedly, a bit sparse in details, but hey: imagination!

 

best sounding fight in all of BG1, though tbf it liberates Dynaheir and Minsc likes this.

 

You are an einheriar



You are taken straight from Norse mythology and plugged into the game's multiverse, because public domain, *****es. You are dead (sorry) but your deeds while you were alive made your soul end up in the plane of Ysgard (Asgard's non-union equivalent), where you've become kind of a servitor of good. You were probably a good person in life, but also did enough drugs to end in Norse heaven and not in, say, Christian heaven with the angels and the defunct boy band members. You spend most of your time doing good deeds in the surprisingly-popular-for-living-people realms of the afterlife, but from time to time pesky humans tend to summon you to their worlds using their Horns of Valhalla to do their dirty work for them, but hey, what can you do. It's a job.

 

man what.

Soul Collector (Su): Living creatures slain by the Soulreaper immediately raise as subservient ghosts chained to the soulreaper by a black blood chains. They make no effort to fight their captor or to resist being dragged. If the chain holding a ghost is broken, that ghost is freed and vanishes. A soulreaper with at least one soul attached to it may cast crushing despair as a free action once per round on any target creature familiar to the soul attached. The ghosts can be commanded by the reaper as if they were dominated, altough the great pain and despair they are in make them staggered.

CRUSHING DESPAIR AS A FREE ACTION.

This contest is rigged as Richard.

 

Take that nu-D&D crap out of this thread. If I wanted to talk MMORPGs, I would.

 

I'm surprised Guy isn't a 1E Gnome illusionist...