Beyond - Legends All These Broken Pieces (AU, Allana/OC, drama, dark romance, EtF sequel)

Title: All These Broken Pieces
Author: ViariSkywalker

Timeframe: 61 ABY, ten years after Enter the Foreign
Characters: Allana Djo Solo, Darth Festus (OC), Ben Skywalker, Darth Ferrus (OC), other OCs, and a few EC cameos
Genre: AU, drama, dark romance, angst, action

Summary: It’s been ten years since the decisive Battle of Bakura. The once mighty Sith Empire is no more, and lawlessness is rampant across many of its former territories. As the fledgling Republic government works to bring unity to the galaxy, the resurgent Jedi Order offers what help it can, sending its few Knights out across the stars in an attempt to bring peace and justice. It is during one such mission that Jedi Knight Allana Djo has an unexpected encounter with her old nemesis, Darth Festus, a Sith Lord who was once apprenticed to her father, and who has long harbored a personal grudge against her. When they find themselves trapped together, Allana discovers the secret Festus has kept from her all this time, and sets in motion events that will change both their lives forever.


Notes: All These Broken Pieces is the sequel to Enter the Foreign, an AU epic in which Anakin Skywalker traveled across time (and the multiverse) to help Ben Skywalker, Allana Djo Solo, and a cast of ECs and OCs in their struggle against a new Sith Empire. After sacrificing himself in the final battle, Anakin returned to his own universe, and Ben, Allana, and the others were left to rebuild their broken world. Unlike EtF, which featured an ensemble cast and a climactic showdown between the forces of darkness and light, ATBP is much more limited in scope, focusing mainly on two characters and their relationship to one another.

I owe a lot to this story. Without it, the second half of Enter the Foreign wouldn’t have been nearly as good, and the Enter!verse itself probably wouldn’t exist. I started writing it three years ago as a one-shot follow-up to EtF (which was only half-finished at the time). Even though EtF was Ben and Anakin’s story, I felt I had shortchanged Allana a little in the finale, so I decided to skip forward ten years and let her have a “win” of her own… and what better way to make that win meaningful than for it to be against someone she’d lost to in EtF? Enter Darth Festus.

Well, that one-shot quickly spiraled out of control, and I found myself drafting a novel-length fic centered around the messed-up pairing that is Allana/Festus. It’s not a story that I would have thought to tell until it barged into my brain and demanded to be told, but I hope you’ll give it a try and maybe even end up loving it the way I love it. It might not be a gleaming fairy tale romance, but there are knights and monsters and a (former) princess, and I can promise danger and excitement and moral quandaries and a little humor and some Force shenanigans… and maybe even something that amounts to love. What I won’t promise is a happy ending, because where would be the fun in telling you how this all ends?

tl;dr: This is a fairly simple story, about a brave girl who was once a princess, and a strange boy who will never be a knight.

Spoiler: select Enter!verse stories

It’s my hope that you’ll be able to enjoy this story without having read anything beyond EtF. However, if you’re looking for some Allana/Festus backstory, the most relevant fics are:

• Enter the Foreign (51 ABY) – the time travel epic that started it all; the Vjun fight is in chapter 11, and the other major Allana & Festus scenes are in chapter 20 & chapter 21

• Turn Ourselves Into These Ashes (51 ABY) – missing scene from chapter 18 of EtF, in which Festus obsesses over his failure to capture Allana at Haven

• Where the Waves Shatter (54 ABY) – Festus and Allana meet for the first time since EtF; aka the duel on the beach of Kordros

• Forces of Gravity (55 ABY) – Festus and Allana cross paths again on Ord Mantell

• What If This Storm Ends? (43-61 ABY) – Five times Darth Festus definitely wasn't in love with a Jedi princess, and one time she definitely wasn't in love with him; features the duel on Reialem

• In Dreams We Dwell (59 ABY) – Allana attends a lavish masquerade ball on the planet Kurin and deals with a dangerous uninvited guest

• Where the Black Sand Meets the Raging Seas (59 ABY) – After the events on Kurin, Allana wants to let go, and Festus contemplates drowning

• Our Weakness Is the Same (43-61 ABY) – She can’t escape his orbit, and he can’t escape hers

• Guardian (55-61 ABY) – Ben’s perspective on all the Allana/Festus weirdness over the years

You can also check out my comprehensive Enter!verse Readers' Guide for links to all the stories in this ’verse, as well as the timeline.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Star Wars, but the words and OCs are mine. My title comes from a verse in the song “The Lightning Strike” by Snow Patrol.

Endless thanks to @Gabri_Jade and @Mira_Jade for their unwavering support and many insightful comments and suggestions, and for keeping me motivated as I’ve worked on this story. Thanks also to Gabri for her excellent beta work, and to Mira for convincing me to finally post this thing.

Enjoy!

---

All These Broken Pieces

~~

PART ONE: THE CAVE

~~​

I. The Storm​

Allana Djo arrived on the planet Argeneen hoping to stay only a day or two. She would meet with the king and his barons to discuss the disputed border territories, and she would put on a serene smile as they argued their positions with sharp-edged civility; and when they finally came to an agreement without wanting to strangle each other, she would return home to the Jedi enclave on Meraine, another small crisis averted, another job well done.

That all went out the window with the arrival of the bounty hunter.

“What the hell does he think he’s doing?” Baron Valdos had flattened himself as far down in the passenger seat of the speeder as he could, and the wind whipping past the vehicle nearly carried away his panicked shout. Allana spared him only a moment’s glance as she maneuvered through the capital city’s narrow streets – just long enough to see him staring in horror at the destruction raining down around them. “Doesn’t the Bounty Hunters’ Guild have rules about this sort of violence?”

Allana thought about reminding the baron that it was his fault they were in this mess. Apparently he had gotten in deep with the Hutts and had a sizable price on his head, a fact he’d neglected to tell her until they were already caught in a deadly speeder chase. But she held her tongue, because the truth was that she was just as much a target as he was, if not more. As soon as she’d seen the bounty hunter’s face, she’d known they were both in trouble.

She glanced over her shoulder at the man pursuing them. “He’s not a Guild member,” she said evenly before throwing the speeder into a tight turn. She aimed for a steep road that led out of the city and into the surrounding mountains, and began to pick up speed.

“You’re insane, Jedi! We’ll never lose him up there!”

“I’m not going to lose him.” She steered through a series of sharp, narrow turns as fast as the speeder could handle, glancing down at the baron. “You are.”

“What?” he shouted over the wind. A boulder tumbled from the cliff above, nearly striking the speeder. “You’re going to get us killed!”

Allana ground her teeth together. “That wasn’t me.”

Valdos dared to peek over the back of his seat at the maniac chasing them. “What kind of bounty hunter is he?”

She took a sharp breath as she swung to avoid another boulder. There were Guild members, and there were non-Guild members… and then there was Darth Festus.

“The kind who won’t bother with you if he has the chance to fight me.” She unhooked her lightsaber with one hand and gestured toward the controls. “Take over for me. I’ll lead him away so you can head back to the city.”

Valdos looked like he might argue, but then he reached over and took the controls. “You’re sure about this, Jedi?”

Allana breathed in deep and did her best to adopt the air of invincibility that the rest of her family had always worn with ease. “Pretty sure.” She ignited her lightsaber, the cerulean blade shining bright amidst the dust as she climbed onto the back of the speeder.

“Good luck!” the baron called out.

Allana shook her head and smirked a little, imagining what Ben or Tahiri would say if they were here. She threw Valdos a hasty, two-fingered salute. “No such thing.” And with that, she jumped.

She landed as gently as she could manage, her lightsaber shearing straight through the engine of Festus’s speeder as it passed her. He’d already abandoned the vehicle, vaulting high overhead and landing on a rocky ledge above her. His speeder exploded against the mountain wall, sending up thick, black smoke that quickly obscured his exact position. Allana held her saber at the ready.

She heard a chuckle echo off the canyon walls, then the ominous hum of his lightsaber activating. A bar of crimson light split the smoke, and he leaped down from his perch. He stopped a few meters away from her, his form silhouetted against the fire from the speeder. Festus had filled out significantly in the ten years since their first duel on Vjun, adding both height and muscle to his once-wiry frame. He was still as pale as ever, and those eerie blue eyes of his still seemed to stare right into her; and even though she’d fought him enough times over those ten years to know she could handle him, she still found him more than a little intimidating.

“You’re in rare form today, Princess,” he said, passing his saber from right hand to left and back again. “Did you miss me?”

Allana kept her face composed. “Not in the slightest. I was actually having a pretty good day until you showed up.”

He twirled his weapon in a slow circle and grinned. “You just love to hurt my feelings, don’t you?”

Allana adjusted her grip on her saber. “Well, you’re always trying to kill me, so I think it’s fair.”

He shrugged and dropped his gaze a moment, but she knew better than to think him chastened. He nodded his head toward the mountain pass leading back down to the valley. “Do you have any idea who you’re protecting? People who crawl into bed with the Hutts aren’t exactly the upstanding or innocent type.”

She couldn’t help scoffing at that. “Who are you to comment on anyone else’s innocence?”

He shrugged again. “I’m not the virtuous and noble Jedi who’s sworn to defend him.” He took a step toward her, and she took a step back as they began to slowly circle one another. “Why don’t you just let me take him, and I’ll leave you alone?”

Allana glared at him. “You tried the same lie on Ord Mantell,” she said. “Didn’t work then, and it’s not going to work now.”

Festus smirked and rolled his eyes. “Well maybe if you’d handed the guy over like I asked, I would have left.” He heaved an exaggerated sigh. “Believe it or not, I actually have a job to do, and it doesn’t involve chasing after you.”

“That sure isn’t what it looks like from here.”

The wicked smile on his lips turned predatory. “Then maybe you need to come a little closer.”

Her gut twisted, and she noted the way he’d begun to draw nearer with each step as he continued to circle her, herding her further into the canyon and away from the city below. A distant rumble met her ears, and she glanced up at the sky, noticing for the first time the dark storm clouds rolling in from the west. Festus noticed the approaching storm, too, and he spread his arms wide and tipped his head toward the sky.

“Perfect,” he exhaled, eyes closing for a few seconds as he laughed under his breath. “Fate really does have a sick sense of humor, doesn’t it?”

Before she could decide whether to ask what the hell he was talking about, a boulder broke loose above her and toppled down the side of the cliff wall, and she sidestepped quickly to avoid it. She’d barely taken that step when she sensed movement and heard the deep thrum of Festus’s saber slicing through the air. She snapped her own weapon up a split-second before his blade reached her neck.

“You really haven’t missed me at all?” he asked through the mingled light of their sabers, his question punctuated by another resonant rumble of thunder.

Allana strained against the press of his blade. “Not… at all…” She thrust up as hard as she could and spun away from him, putting distance between herself and his weapon. He was still blocking the way back to the capital, and a quick glance at her surroundings revealed only a narrow path carved into the cliff several meters above, leading into a cave.

The wind picked up speed around them, funneling through the canyon with impressive force. Allana hadn’t been on this planet long enough to have any idea how dangerous or lasting its storms were, but the sky didn’t look promising, and she knew better than to stay out in the open. And yet, was she any better off taking shelter in an unknown cave, with a murderer in close pursuit?

She could already hear Ben warning her not to do anything impulsive, and she ignored that voice as she glanced up at the mouth of the cave again.

Festus was – as always, it seemed – one step ahead of her. “You don’t want to go up there, Princess.”

There was almost nothing she hated more than hearing Darth Festus tell her what she did or didn’t want. Setting her own impulsive nature aside, though, this probably was a better option than trying to fight him off in a storm.

Allana deactivated her lightsaber and vaulted up the side of the cliff, teetering a bit as she landed on the narrow ledge. Her eyes met Festus’s down below.

“Really?” he shouted up at her, fighting to be heard above the wind. “What’s to stop me from heading back down this mountain and taking that stupid baron guy right now?”

She took a step back, one hand reaching out to steady herself against the mouth of the cave. “Nothing!” she called back. “But I know you won’t, because what you really want is right here!”

She couldn’t quite tell from this distance, but she thought she saw genuine surprise on his face, followed swiftly by dark anticipation. Lightning flashed overhead, and he shot forward, sprinting toward the cliff wall. Allana’s heart leapt in her throat as she activated her saber and retreated into the cave. She only had a few seconds before he scaled the wall and caught up with her.

Her lightsaber illuminated the interior rock as she ran, casting a vibrant blue glow that splashed against the walls, and she realized it wasn’t a cave but rather a network of tunnels. She could sense them running deep into the mountain, intersecting and branching off in a myriad of directions. Even with the Force to guide her, they would likely be a nightmare to navigate.

Thunder crashed outside, rattling the air around her, and she heard the low vibrating thrum of another lightsaber igniting. She looked over her shoulder and saw Festus standing in the entrance of the cave, framed by the storm, his features bathed in blood-red light. For an instant, she remembered vividly what it felt like to be fifteen years old, facing off against him for the first time, completely and utterly helpless in the face of his rage, and how quickly he had disarmed her and overpowered her and…

She banished those thoughts and turned around to face him, holding her lightsaber in front of her. He didn’t move from the mouth of the cave, just stood there watching her, his weapon angled at the ground.

“You must be feeling pretty confident today, to lure me in here.” Beneath his usual flippant manner, there was an almost… giddy quality to his voice, one that warmed the pit of her stomach and twisted, one that she instinctively wanted to shy away from.

She straightened her spine and lifted her chin, summoning a mask of cool indifference. “You say that as if you aren’t exactly where you want to be.”

One half of his mouth curved up in a smile, and he took a step toward her. “You’re right. I am where I want to be.” He took another step, and another, slowly at first but picking up speed. Allana backed away quickly, extending her senses to feel her way through the tunnel. Stars, why did she think this was a good idea? Now she had even less room to maneuver and nowhere to run but a pitch-dark labyrinth.

Festus crossed the remaining distance between them in the space of a heartbeat, swinging his lightsaber in a violent arc that just missed her head. She darted away, and his blade carved into the rock wall with an echoing hiss, leaving a molten scar in its wake.

“You’re still not gonna fight me?” he called after her, gesturing wide with both arms. “Come on, Princess. What’s it gonna take?”

He charged at her again, and she ducked and weaved her way around his blade, parrying only when she couldn’t evade him outright. She caught an overhead blow with her saber and felt him lean into it with all his weight.

“If you want out of here,” he said in a voice that was suddenly and jarringly grim, “you’re going to have to kill me.”

She swallowed hard and held firm, looking up at him through the brilliant cascade of light. “We’ll see.”

“No.” He shook his head, leaning into the attack. “You’re not hearing me, Allana. One way or another, this ends today.”

She shoved back at him with all her strength, adding the weight of the Force to her movements, enough to disentangle her blade from his and send him stumbling backward against one of the walls. He laughed in disbelief and let out an exasperated growl. “You can’t keep this up,” he warned as she slipped away from him again.

Rather than answering, she doused her lightsaber and retreated deeper into the tunnel. The truth was that she had no idea how she was going to get out of this, but it was clear that her refusal to meet him in unrestrained combat was getting on his nerves. Maybe if she kept it up, he’d lose focus enough to leave her an opening to escape.

Or you could just kill him, a small voice whispered from deep down. The sooner the better.

She ignored that voice and shoved it back down where it belonged.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He brandished his weapon, searching for her. “You think I won’t find you just because you shut off your saber?”

Allana backed away from the threatening gleam of that crimson blade and tried to focus on what Ben had taught her long ago about becoming small in the Force, so small that not even another Jedi could sense her presence. The war with the Sith had ended before she’d ever come close to mastering it, though, and she’d never really needed the skill after that. Her own mental shielding would have to be enough.

She reached out in the Force, letting it guide her through the tunnel. There was an intersection up ahead, and to the left, a cavity that opened up into something resembling an actual cave. If she could make it there, she might gain a bit more breathing room. She glanced behind her; Festus was advancing quickly through the tunnel, the light from his saber highlighting the frustration on his face.

“You want me to threaten you some more, is that it?” He stopped and cocked his head to one side, listening, and she could feel his dark energy swell as he extended his senses throughout the tunnel. “You want me to tell you what’ll happen if you don’t fight back?”

She entered the larger cave, staying close to the wall as she probed the surrounding rock for additional pathways. Her heart sank as she realized there were none, that once again she’d trapped herself in a space with only one exit, and that the way out was through her mortal enemy.

“I bet you can imagine it,” Festus was saying, his voice echoing eerily as he joined her in the small cavern. The light from his weapon barely filled the space, but it drenched what it touched in a haunting red glow. “You’ve seen what I’m capable of.”

Allana’s breath caught at his words, at the images that flashed through her brain in an instant, things he had done to others, things he had done to her…

His head snapped up as he turned in her direction, his eyes finding hers in the dark. “There you are.” He advanced on her too quickly to avoid, and she threw up a barrier of energy between them.

“I don’t want to fight you,” she pleaded, slipping a little on the uneven rock, struggling to maintain the invisible shield.

“You don’t have a choice, Princess.” He swung his saber, and she vaulted backward to avoid it.

“There’s always a choice,” she replied. “You have a choice.”

“Stop running away,” he growled. “What do I have to do to get through to you?”

He had moved toward the center of the cave, and Allana realized she was positioned slightly closer to the tunnel than he was. She might be able to beat him to it if she ran now.

The moments that came after were a chaotic blur. She took off at a sprint toward the tunnel, and he gave chase, his frustration and rage radiating out from him in a tangible wave of energy that violently shook the entire cave to its foundations. Ahead of her, rock and sediment tumbled from the ceiling, quickly filling the entrance to the tunnel, and as she skidded to a halt to avoid the avalanche, he caught up to her, grabbing her by the tunic and jerking her backward. She found herself trapped in his arms for one breathless, dizzying second before he flung her to the ground. His lightsaber shut off, plunging the cave into total darkness, and Allana raised her hands over her body to shield herself as debris continued to rain down around them.

When the destruction ceased and the dust finally settled, she activated her lightsaber and held it up to illuminate the cave.

The cavern had almost completely collapsed, leaving her in a space barely four meters across in either direction. She stretched out with her senses, trying to gauge the thickness of the wall of rock standing between her and her freedom, but it just kept going. Festus must have brought down nearly the whole network of tunnels. It would have been impressive if he hadn’t been trying to kill her.

An angry groan startled her, and she spun around, both hands gripping her saber as she searched for him.

He was on his back, a giant slab of rock crushing his legs. His left arm was outstretched toward it, trying to move it, but when the glow from her saber fell across him, he froze. She realized, in a dazed sort of way, that his legs were likely broken. She breathed in and out slowly, lowering one hand from her weapon.

Dark laughter filled the cave. His left arm dropped to the ground. “I’ve been trying to kill you for ten years, and you still won’t go through with it?” He closed his eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh. “Pathetic.”

Allana narrowed her eyes at him. “I won’t kill a defenseless—”

She cut off abruptly as he hurled the stone that had crushed his legs, sending it flying toward her. She sidestepped it, and as she did, she felt an invisible, vise-like grip on her lightsaber. The bastard was trying to rip it from her hands!

She resisted, straining to hold on to her weapon. Festus rolled onto his side, holding himself up on his elbow as he reached for her with his other arm. His grip weakened for a few seconds, and she thought he might tire himself out; but then the mental vise closed around her whole body, and he dragged her toward him.

His fingers wrapped around the hand that held her lightsaber, the blue blade centimeters from both their faces as he yanked her down. He rolled onto his back, his other hand grabbing a fistful of her shirt and pulling her against him. His eyes were as wild as she’d ever seen them. “Don’t think for a second that I can’t still kill you,” he growled.

Allana tried to tamp down her rising panic and remind herself of the times she’d managed to get the upper hand on him in combat, but all she could think of was their most recent encounter on Kurin, when he’d held her close like this and whispered bitter hatred in her ear.

Focus, she ordered herself, calling on the Force to quiet her mind. She couldn’t go tumbling down a well of painful memories; she had to remain in the present and find a way out of this. She had to think. He might seem strong, but he obviously couldn’t stand or he would have done so already.

Allana reared back and slammed her left fist into his jaw as hard as she could, then pushed against him with a blast of energy. She fell backward, free from his grasp. Another instant and she was on her feet, lightsaber angled at his throat.

In the sudden stillness of the cave, the hum of her weapon was deafening. She stared down at her enemy, at his pale face and his pale eyes, at once so familiar and so foreign. He met her gaze, unflinching.

“Do it,” he whispered.

She shook her head, taking a sharp, involuntary breath. It had to be a trick. Festus had always been unhinged, but never suicidal. She held firm, listening in the Force for his next attack.

“What are you waiting for?” he growled, a desperate edge to his voice. “I said do it!”

“No!” Allana snapped, saber still humming at his throat.

Festus glared at her. “Still weak as ever, Princess.”

A cold fury filled her as she stared down at him. “Do you want to die?”

He didn’t answer, and for the first time in years she saw a brief flicker of fear in his blue eyes.

Allana took two steps back and lowered her weapon. “Yeah,” she said, “that’s what I thought.”

Anger rolled off of him in waves, but she ignored it, retreating to the opposite side of the frustratingly small cave. She sat down against the wall, holding her saber with both hands lest he try to snatch it from her again.

Festus grunted as he propped himself up on his elbow, his eyes following her every movement. The roiling anger settled, and he rubbed a hand across his jaw. “I thought you were right-handed,” he said with a chuckle.

“I am,” she returned curtly. “Maybe you’re just losing your touch.”

He looked down at his useless legs and chuckled again. “Clearly.” He pulled himself upright, and she noticed he struggled for a few seconds before he turned his eerie smile on her. “Try not to enjoy this too much.”

Allana lifted her chin, ready to tell him that no, she didn’t enjoy watching another person suffer. But truthfully, she was enjoying it just a little.

He shot her a knowing smirk, then dragged himself to the closest wall and carefully propped himself against it. He sat directly across from her, his legs twisting in a way that made her cringe. She wondered how much it hurt.

He raised one hand just slightly off the ground, motioning at her. “You gonna keep that on the whole time?”

She glanced at her lightsaber, which was currently bathing the entire cave in a cool blue glow. “Maybe.”

“Why? You don’t trust me?” Even without the light from her saber, she would have felt the wicked delight on his face. “You’re not afraid of the dark, are you?”

She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of an answer, or of knowing that she didn’t want him out of her sight. But it did remind her that she had to find a way out of here, before she ran out of air or starved to death or fell asleep only to be gutted by the lunatic sitting across from her. She used the Force to probe the rocks around her, looking for fissures and voids, trying to find a path that could be manipulated to get her out.

A cold tendril of despair curled around her as she realized there was little chance of escape from the inside. They were buried so deep that any attempt to disturb the rock would almost certainly end up crushing them. Unless someone dug them out from the surface, they were both going to die in here.

Her earlier panic started to creep up again. How long would it take for the Argenians to realize they were in here? Would they contact Ben? Would they wait for him to arrive before sending help? By the time they did, would it be too late? Maybe she could go into some kind of stasis to stay alive, like a healing trance. Of course, to do that safely she’d have to neutralize Festus.

He smiled that smile she hated so much, the one that would have been dazzling on anyone else but just came off as terrifying on him. “Daydreaming about killing me, Princess?”

She stared right back at him, eyes narrowing as she tried to ignore how unsettled she felt. “I’m a Jedi Knight,” she said. “I don’t dream about killing anyone. Even you.”

His gaze darkened. “I suppose I should count myself blessed that Her Royal Jediness doesn’t wish me dead.”

“Well I wouldn’t go that far,” Allana snapped.

“So, you want me to die, but you don’t want to sully your own hands.” There was amusement in his voice. “Maybe you should be on the Hapan throne after all.”

She didn’t really mean to pick up the rock and chuck it at his head, but it happened before she could even think. He leaned to the side, barely dodging the projectile. It clattered harmlessly against the wall of the cave before falling into his lap.

“I struck a nerve,” he said softly, dangerously.

Allana kept her mouth shut and looked away. She refused to give him anything else to use against her.

“Or maybe,” he said, as though something amazing had just occurred to him, “you really are daddy’s little girl.”

And there it was. She’d wondered how long it would be before he decided to use her father’s memory against her. It was working, too, because now that was all she could think of: her father’s face and her father’s arms wrapped around her, dragging her toward the Embrace of Pain, and how much she still loved him and missed him even after what he’d done to her. She remembered how she’d wept watching his body burn on the pyre, remembered the cold sweats she used to wake up in for months and years afterward, remembered how no reassuring words from Ben could ever quite convince her that there wasn’t a darkness in her, waiting to spring forth.

As Festus held her gaze, triumph written all over his smug face, she decided for once to lean into that darkness just a little.

Allana squared her shoulders and tilted her chin up, and she raised one imperious eyebrow. “If I really was my father’s daughter, then you would have spent the last ten years bowing to me.”

His hands curled into fists against his thighs, and a strange look crossed his face as he inhaled. Their eyes remained locked, neither one backing down.

“I hate you,” he breathed out.

“I know,” she whispered back.

~~​

 

MIIIIIIIIIIINE

 

Superb start!

Their contest of wills and words is razor sharp! His inner conflict and her inner self-doubt are a stark counterbalance.

I am endlessly amazed and impressed at how you took the trope of someone who has succumbed to Darkness and yet they are so nuanced Festus is definitely that and proof positive of that is how easy it is to tweak some things and place him and Allana in a happier reality without sacrificing one iota of snark and romantic chemistry

 

@Gabri_Jade

Heck yeah it's yours




@Mira_Jade

The pterodactyl screech never gets old.

I wrote that line like two years ago and have been looking forward to being able to use it.

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

Thank you! As you know, these two have a ton of baggage to deal with, some of it individual, some of it not, and I just love digging into all that messy stuff.

It's been so rewarding developing Festus further over the last few years, and I've loved exploring who he was before and who he might have been, not just because it's fun to write different versions of him, but also because it all ties back into who Festus is in this story and this reality, and omigosh I can't wait to share more! Still plenty of snark and chemistry to come! (And plenty of Festus being a disaster, let's be real. )




Next chapter coming right up!

 

mild content warning for threatening behavior and non-consensual elements

---

II. The Knife’s Edge​

They sat in silence for the next hour or so, Festus pretending to doze off even though Allana could tell he was as alert as ever. She was the tiniest bit curious about how he managed it, what with his injuries. Jedi used healing trances and similar techniques to deal with wounds when medicine was in short supply, but she had no idea what the Sith did in such circumstances. Could the dark side even properly heal? Somehow she doubted it.

As if sensing the direction of her thoughts, Festus cracked one eye open and smirked. He was looking entirely too pleased with himself for no damn reason, and it was getting on her nerves.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” she asked, nodding toward his legs. She knew she was being petty, but she didn’t care.

He shrugged, although the smirk faded. “I’m used to pain.”

Maybe it was the matter-of-fact way he said it that got to her, but she felt the slightest twinge of pity. With his cavalier attitude toward violence and his penchant for chaos and destruction, he made it easy to forget that he’d once been a victim of the Sith himself. Of course, that didn’t absolve him of his many crimes or make him any less of a monster now.

Sometimes the dark side brings out what was always there.

She hadn’t wanted to believe Anakin when he’d spoken those words so long ago, but now she wondered if he'd been more right than wrong. It was hard to imagine Festus turning out any different than the flippant, deadly man before her. Maybe that wasn’t a very Jedi-like position to take, but right now she couldn’t afford to feel sorry for him.

He sighed and put his hands behind his head, reclining against the wall. “You don’t happen to have any food on you?”

The change in tone was so abrupt it left her stunned for a moment. The sheer gall, after what he’d put her through? “Why would I give you anything?” she said, unable to hide her disdain.

“Because I’m hungry, Your Highness.”

Allana mentally chastised herself for letting him get under her skin. “No, I don’t have any food.”

“I guess that’s it then. We’re going to die in here.”

She glared at him. “No one forced you to follow me. And you’re the one who trapped us in here.”

He lowered his chin and smiled archly. “I guess I just couldn’t resist you.”

Allana bit the inside of her lip as she held his gaze. It had never been a secret that Festus was particularly fixated on her, and for a long time she’d assumed it was because she was Ben Skywalker’s apprentice or Jacen Solo’s daughter, the living embodiment of those he felt had betrayed him, or that it was her royal blood he hated most, as he never failed to bring it up, or that he was just crazy. But as the years went by and she found herself running into him again and again, she’d begun to suspect his obsession was far more intimate than that. He’d never admitted as much out loud, and he’d never stopped trying to kill her either… and yet, she’d still grown complacent, despite the danger. Their last encounter was proof enough of that.

“Please,” she said, not quite managing the air of indifference she was aiming for. “We both know that isn’t true.”

He studied her for a moment, a peculiar expression on his face. “Are you still mad about Kurin?”

I think you’re distracted, Princess.

Five words, that was all it had taken. Five words to shatter whatever illusions she might have still harbored about his true nature. She’d tried so hard to put those events out of her mind and forget how stupid she had been, to believe for even an instant that he was capable of being anything other than what he was. She would never make that mistake again.

No,” she replied coolly. “I haven’t thought about that night in ages.”

The muscles around his mouth twitched – not a smirk or a smile, but something darker and more elusive. “Liar,” he said.

(his hands tight around her wrists, breath warm on her neck, too close, liar, liar, liar)

She fought hard to keep her voice steady. “I’m not the liar here.”

He leaned his head back against the wall, studying her through half-lidded eyes. “I knew you were still mad.”

She didn’t answer. It was all just a game to him, weaving lies alongside truth until she couldn’t see what was real anymore. It had been like that ever since Vjun, where he’d claimed they were childhood friends, even though her only memories were of a boy who hardly talked to anyone, a boy with whom she’d exchanged only a handful of words, exactly once. They were nothing to each other, and she wouldn’t be trapped by his attempts to convince her otherwise.

She watched the pronounced rise and fall of his chest as he breathed slowly and deliberately, and her gaze turned once more to his mangled legs. She could feel his eyes on her and an insistent tug of something at the edge of her perception, as if he was willing her—

(begging her)

—to look up at him. She inhaled silently and allowed her eyes to wander the cave, ignoring his psychic plea.

“Holding on to anger is not the Jedi way,” she said after a long moment, still not looking at him.

His own anger flared against her senses. “That’s a load of garbage, and you know it.” From the corner of one eye, she saw him lean forward. “I might be a liar, Princess, but so are you. Don’t try to tell me you don’t feel anything when I know you do. You can say you’re not still angry about what happened, but I can feel the truth simmering beneath that serenely royal façade of yours, just like I can feel how much you want—”

“Are you incapable of shutting up?” she snapped, her heart suddenly racing, unsure if she was upset by what he’d said or if she just didn’t want to hear how he might finish that sentence.

His jaw clenched, and he fixed her with a hard stare. “Would you rather I sat here planning how to kill you?”

She flung a hand in the air. “Aren’t you already doing that?”

He paused a beat. “Yes,” he admitted, quieter this time.

“Fine,” she said. “Then just shut up while you’re stupidly plotting my demise.”

That seemed to raise his hackles. “You’ve gotten pretty mouthy since the last time I saw you. Skywalker’s influence?”

She was sorely tempted to throw something at him again. “Stop acting like you know me. You don’t.”

The scowl on his face deepened. “Then don’t act like you know me, Princess.”

“Gah! Stop calling me that!” Her scream echoed in the cave, and she realized just how little control she had over herself right now.

Across from her, Festus was clearly delighted. “What are you going to do about it, Princess?” He stretched his arms wide on either side of him. “Gonna strike me down? Go ahead, I’ll give you a free shot.”

She gripped her lightsaber tighter, even though her fingers already ached from holding on to it for so long. “Nice try,” she said, “but I already know you don’t want to die.”

“I’m already dead,” he replied. “We both are.”

“Not yet, we aren’t.”

An ugly laugh bubbled up in his throat. “There it is, that insufferable hope.” His mouth formed the word like it was a curse. “I’ll snuff it right out of you.”

“Oh, of course. Why should I expect anything less from one of the butchers of Vjun?”

The words weren’t even out of her mouth before she regretted them, and she held completely still as the air went cold around her. Festus stared back at her, unmoving except for the slow and steady rise of his chest. His face betrayed nothing, not even a hint of rage or irritation or pain; but there was a hardness in his eyes that tore right to her center, and she felt as though she’d pulled back the dressing on a wound that would never heal.

He lowered his chin, eyes never leaving hers, and spoke in a voice so low it sent a shiver up her spine. “I only ever watched.”

She thought of the mission to Vjun, of the children huddled and frightened in the cargo hold of the Daybreak, of how long it had taken some of them to recover, how they still had nightmares a decade later…

“Right,” she said, barely finding her voice. “Because that makes it so much better. So you didn’t hold the knife yourself; you just stood by while that monster—”

“What do you think I should have done instead? Cried about it to the doctor, maybe appealed to his nonexistent better nature?” The neutral veneer slipped, and his expression turned dark and virulent. “You’re even more ridiculous than I thought.”

She shook her head. “You could have helped them escape.”

“And been brutally executed for my trouble? No thanks.”

“Typical Sith. Only thinking of yourself.”

“That’s how I’ve survived this long, Princess. It’s worked out for me so far.”

“Until now.”

“I thought you said we weren’t dying in here?”

“I thought you said we were?”

He looked away, and Allana felt a swell of bitter disappointment, so heavy in her chest she could hardly breathe. She’d done it again, she realized – looking for something in him that wasn’t there anymore. How did she keep allowing herself to hope when the truth was staring her right in the face, all sick and murderous and warped? Why couldn’t she just let it go?

“What made you like this?” Her voice shook, and she fought to get it under control, and wondered why the hell she was saying anything at all. “I don’t understand—”

“No, you don’t. And you never will.” A strange, mirthless smile stretched across his face as he turned to look at her. “The knight slays the monster and saves the princess, isn’t that how all those stories go? But you’re a knight and a princess. Savior and saved, best of both worlds. You could never understand.”

She fumbled about for a response, feeling so small. “I could try.”

“To what end? Wait, let me guess. You’re going to rehabilitate me, is that it? An hour ago you couldn’t have cared less, but now you think we can be friends?”

That mocking tone triggered every defiant bone in her body. “I never said that.”

His lips twisted in a smug smirk. “You basically did.”

“I do not want to be your friend. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

Her denial echoed discordantly in the quiet of the cave, and Festus settled back against the wall again, his smug expression fading as he studied her. “You look tired, Allana. You should get some sleep.”

She huffed dismissively. “And wake up with a lightsaber through the chest? No thanks.”

He put his right hand over his heart and frowned. “I’m appalled that you think I would make it that quick.”

“Oh, I have no doubt that you would want to savor every despicable second, my lord.”

Something in his gaze shifted. “You have no idea what I want.”

Her stomach flipped at the undisguised hunger in his voice, and she remembered their fight in the jungle on Reialem, years ago, when he’d held her pinned against a tree and looked at her like he was looking at her now. She remembered how for the briefest moment she’d wanted to respond to that hunger, to be drawn in and surrender, and how terrified she’d been of that feeling, of what it meant.

Look away, she pleaded silently with him, or maybe with herself, look away, look away…

Mercifully, his eyes left hers, roaming around the blue-lit interior of the cave. He exhaled slowly, and she might have imagined it, but she thought it sounded shaky. He didn’t say anything more.

She lost track of the hours that passed after that, but she could tell by the droop of her eyes and the blanketing quiet that had descended over the mountain that they’d been trapped for the better part of the day and were now well into night. The ever-present thrum of her lightsaber had ceased to be an intrusive reminder of the danger she was in and had instead become a sort of white noise, and she had to fight the urge to give in to her fatigue, to find a more comfortable position and close her eyes for just one blissful minute.

Allana called on the Force to buoy her faltering strength, but her application of such techniques in a practical setting was rudimentary at best. It was one thing to learn about those skills from a datapad or a holocron in the relative safety of her home; it was quite another to use them in the real world, where her success or failure might mean the difference between life and death. So while she tapped into the current of the Force for strength, she also reached for Ben, to let him know she was in trouble and that she needed help. But the distance between Argeneen and Meraine was vast, and she didn’t sense any response.

At one point she looked over at Festus and saw his eyes were closed again, and she wondered if he might actually be asleep this time. Though she’d caught him staring at her more than once over the last several hours, he hadn’t spoken to her again – a small mercy for which she told herself she was grateful. She continued to watch him, waiting for him to move or give some other sign that he was still awake; when there was none, she heaved a small sigh of relief and slouched a bit more comfortably against the wall, listening all the while to the gentle hum of her saber…

~~​

She has been here before.

The sounds of a distant battle echo throughout the cavernous room, repeat laser blasts percussing against her skull as she holds herself up on trembling hands and knees, her face damp with tears. The darkness reaches for her, a living thing that wants to shred and devour and consume, and she tries to shut it out, tries not to feel the way it demands entrance, the way it sinks under her skin and nestles in all the cracks.

Her great-grandfather scoops her into his arms, drawing her close to him, and she can’t help the sigh that escapes her as she closes her eyes.

“No, don’t fall asleep,” Anakin orders gently, rousing her. “You have to stay awake.”

He carries her away from that dark place, all shards of glass and stabbing knives and screams and pain and—

The storm recedes, and she sinks into him. So safe and strong.

“You should have let me do it.” Black smoke and red wisps of rage hover around him, but they are clearing slowly, slowly…

She curls her fingers in the soft folds of Anakin’s tunic, eyes closing again as she smiles. So safe now. So warm.

“No, I shouldn’t have,” she whispers into his chest. “You’ll thank me later.”

The storm recedes, the smoke clears, and if shards of glass cut deep, it’s only because something shattered first.

“Don’t fall asleep.” His voice is harder now, more urgent, coming from some far away ancient place. His blue eyes sear through her closed eyelids.

“Allana, wake up!”

~~​

Oh no, she thought as her eyelids flew open. No, no, no, no…

His face was centimeters from hers, awash in the cerulean glow of her lightsaber, which he held in his right hand. His other hand was wrapped around her throat – not tight, exactly, but unyielding all the same. He stared not just at her, but into her, and as she lay there with her arms pinned between his body and hers, trying to shake off the haze of sleep, she felt that every secret she’d ever kept and every fear she’d ever hidden away was laid bare before him.

After all these years – and without even realizing it was happening – she’d simply stopped believing he would actually go through with it, regarding his threats as some kind of twisted flirtation instead. Gods, how could she have been so completely and utterly stupid, especially after he’d warned her that he was planning to kill her?

He still hadn’t said anything, his chest heaving from the pain or the anticipation or maybe both. She tried to summon the Force to wrench him off of her, but he beat back every attempt with his own dark power. His fingers flexed around her throat, and she went still.

“Why?” she whispered, trying not to glance at the blue-white core of her saber humming so close to her face.

“Because you won’t,” he said through gritted teeth. His voice was horribly strangled, as if he were the one with a hand around his neck. “Isn’t this enough? What else do I have to do?”

His fingers flexed again, loosening and then tightening, and despite her best efforts, a faint whimper escaped her lips. His eyes went wide at the sound.

“You know I’ll do it,” he whispered. “Tell me you know that.”

A breath shuddered in her lungs as she struggled to calm herself, and she watched his gaze drift down to her mouth.

“Tell me,” he repeated.

She swallowed and felt the muscles in her neck flex uncomfortably in his grip. “You don’t have to do this,” she gasped.

He shook his head, eyes still fixed on her mouth, or maybe on the hand wrapped around her throat. “But you know I will, don’t you? You know I will.” He uttered a trembling, erratic little laugh that shivered through her. “I can’t be weak, Allana.”

The use of her name and the soft, shaking finality in his voice sent another flurry of panic beating at the inside of her chest. “Killing me won’t make you strong.”

His thumb pressed against her windpipe, and he bowed his head and groaned, his dark hair brushing against her chin. And even though she knew it was impossibly foolish to do so, she wondered if he actually was struggling with his decision to kill her. She felt herself on a knife’s edge – one wrong move and she’d be sliced open.

“Is this really what you want?” she choked out. “Do you really hate me that much?”

He jerked his head up to look at her. She couldn’t understand what she was seeing in his expression. Loathing and rage and giddiness and sorrow, but not in any way that made sense to her.

What? she wanted to scream at him. Say something!

He shook his head and leaned into her, burying his face in her neck. His breath was hot against the hollow of her throat, and she stared up at the ceiling of the cave, hyperaware of his body on hers, of how he was starting to tremble. He had to be in pain from his injuries. How long could he keep this up?

“I can’t be weak,” he repeated, his voice cracking as it wavered between frustration and desperation. He still held her firmly in his grasp, the lightsaber humming near both their heads. “I’m not— I don’t—” He blew out a forceful, angry breath. “I can’t…”

She swallowed hard as the realization she had spent years shying away from finally hit her.

“Wait,” she said between shallow, shaking breaths. “Do you think… Do I make you weak?”

He went suddenly, frighteningly still in response, and then his fingers loosened from her throat, dragging up the back of her neck to tangle in her hair, and just before he pressed his lips to her skin, she heard him whisper, “Yes.”

Her mind went completely blank as he kissed her, branding a trail from her throat to the underside of her jaw, each kiss more insistent than the last, and she tried to register what was happening, what was going to happen if he didn’t stop this. He moved from her jaw to the shell of her ear, and he moaned her name, and her brain finally caught up with her, not like this, no, no, no, no—

“Stop.”

The word came out in a quiet gasp, and he froze against her. As they lay there entwined, she listened to him breathe, and her heart hammered in her chest, pounding so hard and fast she felt lightheaded. He withdrew his hand from her hair and lifted his torso away from hers, but before she could form any kind of escape plan, he pinned both her arms with his left one and raised her lightsaber with his right.

“No, no,” she said, tears springing into her eyes as he positioned the blade over her neck.

“No one is coming to save you, Princess,” he said grimly, his jaw clenched tight. “There’s only one way to stop me. You know there is.”

“Don’t do this,” she whispered. “Please, don’t do this.”

He dipped his head close to hers, so close he nearly grazed the humming saber between them. “Then stop me.”

Stop him? But even as she tried to understand his strange entreaty, she heard a voice speak as if into her thoughts, barely a whisper but aching with regret, saying over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…

Allana blinked back her tears, and for a single instant, she saw him not as he was now, but as he had been long ago. She could still picture it, that moment he had kneeled in front of her and returned her stolen toy, and smiled at her. They won’t bother you again, he’d told her in a quiet, gentle voice. I promise.

(he got on a shuttle and never came back, and she missed him, and wept for him, and tried to forget him)

She looked up into his eyes, and he looked into hers. “Dorian,” she whispered, “please.”

The blade wavered, and he made a strangled noise in the back of his throat. “That’s not my name anymore.”

“Do you remember the day we met?” she asked, the words spilling out of her. “I do. I remember.”

He shook his head, but the lightsaber lifted away from her throat a fraction. “It doesn’t matter—”

“I was seven, playing by myself. Your brother and his friends stole my stuffed tauntaun. They floated it in the air where I couldn’t reach, but you stepped in and gave it back to me. Told me you were sorry, even though Veeran was the one always picking on people.”

He didn’t answer, but she sensed his turmoil bleeding into the Force. She kept going.

“You helped when you didn’t have to. You weren’t weak. You were never weak, Dorian.”

He flinched again at the name. “Yes I was,” he insisted. “I was weak, and I still am.” His eyes drifted to the blade of her saber, and she heard him take a ragged breath. “I’m not offering mercy, Allana, so if you don’t want to die—”

“Of course I don’t want to die!” she interrupted, roughly drawing his gaze back to her. “You know I don’t want to die, and I know you don’t want to kill me!”

“You don’t know that!” he roared, his face contorting in anguish and disbelief. “I could slit your throat or burn your heart out without even blinking. I’m a monster. That’s what I am – that’s all I am. That boy you knew is gone, and he’s never coming back!”

He raised his right arm to wipe something from his face – sweat, or maybe tears – and as soon as the saber moved out of her path, she reared up and headbutted him right in the face. That dazed split-second was all she needed to regain control. She slammed him up into the ceiling of the cave with a telekinetic burst; the lightsaber slipped from his grasp as he cried out in surprise, and she called her weapon to her hand and scrambled to her feet. Then she slowly lowered him to the ground, careful not to further jostle his legs.

He rolled onto his back, and she stood over him, igniting the blade and angling it at his chest. He let out an astonished little laugh.

“Nice,” he said, still breathing hard. “You got me.”

Her entire body trembled as everything caught up to her at once – the lightsaber hissing in her ear and his hand around her neck and the feverish kisses he’d pressed into her skin and what it all meant – and she felt a scream sticking in her throat. She clung desperately to the last shreds of her Jedi calm as she held her lightsaber over him.

“How long?” she choked out, hating herself for how her voice shook.

He looked up at her, a wounded animal caught in a trap. “I don’t know.”

“Liar,” she spat. “Tell me how long. Before Kurin?”

He nodded slowly, his eyes wide, and she felt a sinking weight in her gut as she thought back to every encounter over the years, every moment she’d been convinced he was trying to kill her. Taris and Reialem and Ord Mantell and Kordros and—

Her hands trembled around the hilt of her lightsaber as she remembered their first fight, ten years ago. His body pinning hers against the wall of that ruined ballroom, lips grazing her neck as he wrapped a hand around her throat and squeezed.

“Before…” She was hardly able to form the words, dreading what his answer would be. “Before Vjun?”

He swallowed hard and broke eye contact, staring up at the ceiling. “After.”

Instead of relief, she felt even more anxious for the vagueness of his answer. After? What the hell did that mean? After he felt her squirming in his grasp and realized he liked it? After he took her prisoner and had her completely at his mercy?

“How long after?” she ground out.

“I don’t know.”

“How can you not know? Are you really that insane?” The scream in her throat was perilously close to coming unstuck. “I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t do anything to you.”

“You saved my life.”

His response echoed eerily in the cave, and another memory returned, this one sharper, laser-focused and brilliant with color and sound and dread. His eyes as he stared up at her from his place on the ground… She would always remember those eyes, the way they had hated her in that moment, and something else, something more that she’d never been able to identify.

She fought hard to control the shaking in her arms. “Is that what this is about? Just because I didn’t want to watch my father murder you?”

He shook his head and let out a soft, incredulous laugh. “You say that like it’s some small thing.” He laid his head back against the ground, his gaze returning to the ceiling. “Maybe it is,” he murmured. “Maybe mercy doesn’t mean much when you’re the one handing it out, but—” He drew a shuddering breath and met her eyes again. “You saved my life in the temple, and on Vjun. You shouldn’t have, but you did.”

She couldn’t deny that her actions in the Sith temple on Coruscant had been intentional; she had been trying to save his life when she'd intervened that day. But Vjun was different; she’d only wanted to stop Anakin before he gave in to his own darkness. It hadn’t been about Festus at all. If she was smart, she would keep that information to herself – but then, she didn’t have much of a talent for lying.

“You don’t owe me anything,” she told him as coldly as she could. “Especially not for Vjun. I didn’t do that for you. I did it for him.”

Festus huffed out a short laugh. “I know. And I hated you for it. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, playing it over and over and over in my head, for days after, until you showed up on that damn shuttle—”

“You already hated me,” she said, cutting him off with a wave of her lightsaber. “You still hate me.”

He stared at the tip of the glowing blade, then up at her. “I hate the way you make me feel. I hate how badly I need you.”

He closed his eyes with a weary laugh, and she realized there were tears slipping down the sides of his face. For one fleeting moment, her traitorous heart beat in sympathy for him, before she forced it ruthlessly into submission. She couldn’t let herself be swayed or put off her guard in any way. She couldn’t.

His breathing slowed, and she felt his silence like a cresting wave. He opened his eyes to look up at her.

“Could you have ever loved me?” he whispered.

She tried not to let her surprise register on her face and felt herself losing that battle. Love? No… no, whatever sick, twisted thing had grown between them over the years, it wasn’t anything remotely resembling love, and how dare he ask her that? She wanted to tell him how ridiculous he sounded, that he didn’t even understand the concept, that he was deluding himself if he thought there was even a chance…

Except… except she knew that wasn’t true. It was dangerous to do so, but as she looked into his eyes, she allowed herself to think of the boy from her memory, of how shy and awestruck she’d been when he came to her rescue, kneeling before her and apologizing for his brother’s behavior. Smiling at her, so warm it filled her up, making her forget about all the kids who wouldn’t play with her because of who her father was. She allowed herself to imagine a world where he wasn’t taken by the Sith, where he grew up alongside her and her friends, becoming Jedi Knights together, toppling the Empire, rebuilding the galaxy…

She’d been so smitten with Geridan, for a time, but since him there hadn’t been anyone else, not really. Would it have been different with Dorian Starskip around?

No, she told herself. She couldn’t entertain those thoughts. That person didn’t exist, and it would be beyond foolish to pretend otherwise.

Could you have ever loved me?

“I don’t know,” she answered.

He laughed under his breath, a sad sob of a laugh. “Do it,” he said, closing his eyes. “No one will blame you.”

She raised a hand to her throat, fingers lightly tracing the path he’d traveled with his lips, and her eyes began to burn. Everything was wrong. All she wanted to do was run far away – from him, from the entire galaxy, from herself. For a brief moment, she tried to imagine doing exactly what he’d said, tried to imagine taking his life, but she couldn’t even manage that much. No matter what he’d done, she couldn’t strike him down like this. She didn’t want to, even knowing the danger he still posed to her.

She knelt down at his side and held her lightsaber over him, and he opened his eyes to look up at the blade. She heard him take a sharp breath before going quiet again.

“I’m no executioner,” she said in a low voice, “but I wouldn’t try anything if I were you.”

His eyebrows knitted together as he stared past the blade at her. She deactivated the lightsaber, plunging the cave into darkness. She sensed his confusion, which morphed into resignation as she pressed the emitter of her weapon against the side of his neck. Then she reached out with her free hand and found his face, brushing her thumb over his forehead.

He jolted ever so slightly at her touch. His skin was clammy, and now so close to him, she could feel the overwhelming pain from his injuries.

“What are you doing?” he whispered.

She closed her eyes, blocking out the cave, his fear, her emotions, everything but the feel of his mind and blood beneath her fingertips. She had never done anything like this before, only ever studied it; but in the Force, her path was clear.

“I’m saving your life,” she whispered back. “Again.”

Too late, he realized what she was doing. Before he could protest, he was out cold, deep in a healing trance that would keep him alive for at least a few more days. Allana drew in a shaky breath as she withdrew her hand from his forehead, then she crawled back to her spot along the wall and sat there in the dark, listening to the sound of her own breathing, and his.

It started with one broken little sob, one that she tried to suppress even though there was no one to hear her, and it quickly crescendoed until all she could do was sit there hugging her knees to her chest, weeping.

“Ben,” she whispered through her tears, reaching out across the impossibly vast distance between them. “Hear me. I need you.”

When her sobs finally subsided and her tears ran dry, she lay down on the ground and curled up in a ball; and the last thing she heard before sleep took her was a faint whisper at the edge of her thoughts:

Hold on, Allana.

~~​

Ben arrived a day later, along with an Argenian excavation crew. She awoke to the brilliant warmth of his presence and the sound of them digging into the mountain, and she listened for hours as they worked to clear the fallen rocks. When they finally broke through, sunlight spilled into the cave, nearly blinding in its intensity. She hardly cared, though, because she felt Ben’s relief wash over her, and before she could process her joy at that sensation, he was reaching down to pull her from her would-be tomb. She fell against him, laughing as he wrapped his arms around her.

“You came,” she whispered, sinking into his embrace.

“Of course I did.” His tone was light, but she heard a slight waver in his voice. “Who else was going to dig you out of there?”

She looked up at him, unable to resist smirking just a little. “Well, I’d have done it myself, but my master always used to say there’s more to being a Jedi than lifting rocks.”

Ben raised one eyebrow and grinned. “He sounds like an idiot.”

“Oh, he is.”

He rolled his eyes and pulled her close again, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. She smiled at the familiar show of affection. “Come on,” he said, “let’s get you home.”

An uneasy twinge in her stomach as the events of the last two days pushed to the forefront of her thoughts. “Ben,” she said in a quieter voice, “there’s something else…”

“Master Jedi! We’ve got another one down here!”

Allana turned away from Ben and found the crew member who had spoken, a middle-aged man who looked to be in charge of the excavation team. He was kneeling beside the entrance to the cave, holding out a glowrod to peer inside. Three other workers were hauling up a line, and the uneasy twinge grew stronger as she realized what they were doing.

“Please be careful with him,” she called out. “He’s injured.”

She sensed the instant change in Ben’s demeanor, cold anxiety overtaking his earlier relief, and she found that she couldn’t look at him. “Tell me that’s not who I think it is,” he said in a hushed tone, barely audible over the chatter of the excavation crew.

“You’ve been looking for a connection to the Sith, right? Well, I found you one. Or I guess he found me.”

She kept her gaze fixed on the opening to the cave and watched as the crew carefully hoisted Festus out of it and laid him on the ground. His head lolled to one side, and she had to fight back a sudden, inexplicable swell of emotion.

“Are you expecting me to take him with us?”

Allana tore her eyes from the unconscious Sith Lord. “We can’t leave him here. The Argenians would never be able to hold him.”

Ben inhaled deep, brow furrowing as he looked past her at Festus. “How long has he been out?”

“About a day. I used a healing trance.”

Her cousin arched one eyebrow and sighed. “What I wouldn’t give for a carbon freezing unit right now.”

“Ben. He’s injured.”

She saw him working his jaw, biting back the scathing retort that had no doubt popped into his head. “Fine,” he said after a long moment, his expression hard. “We’ll take him.”

Allana nodded, and she didn’t resist when Ben wrapped her once more in his arms and rested his chin atop her head.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” he murmured.

She closed her eyes and hugged him tight, and tried not to think of what he would do if he found out what had happened in the cave. “Yeah,” she murmured back. “I’m okay.”

Ben kissed her hair again. “All right, then. Let’s go home.”

~~​

 

An intriguing story. Alanna and Festus/Dorian hate, love, depending on each other and even rescue coming for Festus and Alanna

 

Look at you finally posting this masterpiece

You'd really think she'd know better by now

I love how you write both Ben and Allana thinking along these lines, that they're faking this while all the rest of the family is just naturally invincible. How Luke and Mara would laugh at the idea

He's got a point It's also interesting how so much of what he says can cut either way: it could be condemnation of her or concern for her. Remember how I said when you first started writing this what a tightrope it would be? It turns out that Festus is a version of that tightrope in miniature all by himself, and by George, you've handled them both with nary a misstep all this time. It's well beyond impressive, you genius, you

Look at this bit of perfection

LOLLLL

Well, that just can't be good

You're really good at writing creepily claustrophobic scenarios, Vi

"tortured darksider's attempts at flirting are also genuine murder threats"

I am so serious, this is terrifying, excellent work

I feel like Ferrus might dispute this

I love this, I love it

And this, look at the perfect structure holding up all the pretty writing

Of all the unbelievably complicated ships you had to decide to run with, babe But my gosh if you haven't just knocked it out of the park every time

It is genuinely wild how much depth there is here for each of them individually and together and how you manage to convey the sense of that so concisely and poetically with such consistency

LOLOL

This summarizes one of my very, very favorite aspects of this story (and 'verse as a whole): sometimes there are no easy answers, and sometimes the truth is a nuanced thing. It is easy to condemn Festus for everything he's done - until you remember that he was a kidnapped and tortured child himself. But while that may excuse his actions then, does it excuse what he's done since? And even if it did, it's not like all the excusing in the galaxy is ever going to erase either the atrocities or the trauma, is it? People often tend to prefer black and white thinking and those elusive easy answers - look at how many fans get mad about Obi-Wan pointing out that what people call truth might be colored heavily by their individual perceptions. You don't bow to that pressure, you write life in all its dirt and hope and complexity and you refuse to water it down, and that is by far one of my favorite things about your writing

This is just so pretty

So claustrophobic

lol haha did I say that last pull quote was claustrophobic what was I thinking

AAAAHHHHHH

(stalkeriest stalker who ever stalked)

I love the emotional disconnect here, that he's tossing out a touché under these circumstances and right after what just happened

This really illustrates the difference between the two worlds they've grown up in, doesn't it? Because it really was just that unbelievable for Festus

WELP

But also? RUN, ALLANA, RUN

You know how we're always saying Ben is Mara's son? This right here is 100% Luke's son

Poor Ben, he really didn't need this today

Okay, there's Mara's son

I'm so proud of all your dark twisty elegant brilliance, Vi

 

Superb update! The what-ifs and could-have-beens collide with what-is being felt which is no simple thing but full of all sorts of contradictions.
A pivotal admission is that he think she makes him weak and her memories of him as well as knowing and thinking about what might have been makes her see him as he is but also something ... different altogether.

 

Hello! So I haven't ready any of the previous stories, but I read this one and wow, your writing is so elegant and visceral. The relationship between Allana and Festus is fascinating and I'm definitely going to go back and read more!

 

Replies, and then onto the next chapter! Also, most of these replies are just me going , sorry I'm not more verbose today, but your comments are the best and I appreciate you all!



@earlybird-obi-wan

Thanks for reading! I'm glad you're finding it intriguing!




@Gabri_Jade

Shucks, Gabri. It only took three years and a lot of prodding (and finishing up EtF ) to get us here - now to see if I can crank this thing out in a somewhat timely manner.

They never do

I imagine it's especially hard since neither of them can talk to those family members about their insecurities and realize that they were just as uncertain and vulnerable at times. Even when the people you look up to and admire are alive and able to tell you that they don't always have it all together, it can be a little hard to believe that they aren't those invincible heroes with all the answers you always believed them to be.

Well, I'm glad you think I've done a good job there. I do enjoy writing those moments when Festus makes a valid point, despite being a super evil agent of chaos. And I also enjoy walking that tightrope with his dialogue and finding ways to convey multiple and sometimes conflicting meanings with a single expressed thought.

(This chapter was definitely an area where having all those other side stories to draw from created so much more depth and nuance than there would have been otherwise, so I'm glad I ended up writing all of them while I was waiting to get around to posting this )

Why thank you *curtsies*

I'm not even sorry, that tag was the best, I had to steal it for my own purposes

(Although Festus has probably shifted from flirtation to genuine frustration at this point. )

SW has a history of scary hide-and-seek, I'm just upholding tradition (and I'm glad you thought it was terrifying )

I think you're right

I'm still so proud of this line.

That's probably one of the things that first attracted me to the idea of writing this pairing, that they each had enough baggage individually to fill up an entire storyline, but then their messy and complex histories were also tangled together in multiple ways, and omigosh I love it, Gabri.

I'm going to have to screenshot this comment so I can come back to it any time I'm feeling insecure about my writing. It means so much to me that you feel this way and that you even wanted to read my weird story back when I thought I might never end up sharing it. I have loved exploring Festus in all his very dark shades of gray; it's been so rewarding peeling back the onion on such a disturbing yet strangely relatable character.

Another passage that I'm still very pleased with and kind of amazed it came from my brain.

Mission accomplished

Uncomfortable UST!

lololll

(this is such an uncomfortable scene he's so messed up omigosh why did I write this )

It felt exactly right for him. He's such a disaster, Gabri.

Right? I mean, when we see that scene from Allana's POV in EtF, it's pretty obvious that she's going to intervene, because she's a good person and she believes in the Jedi ideals and she's the counterpoint to Jacen's darkness in the way that Luke was to Vader, and we're used to seeing the heroes make the right decisions... but Festus doesn't see those things through Allana's eyes, he sees them through his own distorted and jaded lens. After everything he's been through, and especially knowing what he did to her specifically, he can't even comprehend anymore the sort of mercy she asks for in that moment on his behalf.

Have I mentioned I love writing these two?

He absolutely is

No he did not

lol I love him

Aw, thanks babe! I've loved reading all your awesome commentary! More dark and twisty stuff coming up next!




@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

Thank you! I do love making things complicated and messy for our characters, and just because Festus has finally admitted his feelings out loud, clearly that doesn't mean things are going to get any easier between them.




@Mira_Jade

lolll Skywalker's Law sounds about right

I couldn't agree more!

To be fair, he's probably never been relentlessly pursued by a manic Sith Lord with no qualms about leaving destruction in his wake, and he's feeling a little out of his element. Plus, maybe not the sharpest tool in the shed, if he got himself in trouble with the Hutts.

Like I was saying to Gabri, she would probably experience this even if her family were all still alive, but how much more deeply does she feel it since they're not around to correct this notion? She's trying so hard, this brave girl.

Hee, I'm always glad to hear this!

I mean hey, this is the official sequel to EtF - even if it's much smaller in scope, it has to have some epic scenes, right? I'm really glad this all came to life for you in such a big way!

What was it you said about Allana once? She has such dainty manners, lol.

(It's a fine line to toe, so I'm glad you think I'm succeeding!)

Isn't it though?

I definitely didn't write them that way on purpose, noooope...

Allana has some pretty good zingers in this chapter.

Eternally bound in a celestial dance

Atmosphere, baby.

I'm glad it all read that way because that's exactly what I was going for.

Success!

welp

I'm glad you think so!

I feel like sometimes these sorts of details fly right over my head when thinking about how to write a scene, so I'm very glad when they do occur to me.

Skywalkers gonna be Skywalkers.

You know how much I love the juxtaposition of these extreme situations with more everyday normal feelings and reactions and dialogue.

She totally does

Aw, I'm glad you think so!

It's such an epically eerie image, isn't it?

I keep trying to find something profound to say in response to this and failing, so I'll just say that I'm always thrilled to know you feel this way and that you're enjoying these characters so much even with their very problematic past and present.

You honor me

Festus knows he's scary, and he knows how to use it, that's for sure. But then there's also that uncomfortable UST roiling beneath the surface, on both sides, that just complicates everything further...

He's pretty terrible at this, isn't he?

Me tooooo, it's such a contrast to her typical behavior, but still something inborn as much as learned.

Ngl, I was really happy with that description in particular. I'm probably never going to be adept at describing intricate fight choreography, but I do try to zero in on a few distinct and striking visuals in each action scene to give them immediacy and authenticity, if that makes any sense?

Very interesting indeed...

Yeah, I mean that's the thing, he shouldn't really have to convince her that he's capable of terrible things - she's already experienced it firsthand.

Hopefully quite a bit!

1000% is right!

lolol touché

Probably not his best move.

You know, it's funny, the moments after the dust settled were the very first things I wrote for this story, and right away I knew if I wanted to have these two snark at each other in a cave for a considerable length of time, Festus had to be immobilized for it. So that's why I broke his legs.

That's my scrappy son.

Poor Allana, she's just like really? REALLY??

This was essentially my thought process here. I kind of wonder if Force-users might low-key test out these sorts of moves in battle but are usually easily countered by other Force-users, to the point where a move like this ends up being avoided altogether and therefore actually would be a surprise for Allana. And then maybe it's also a little bit of Allana letting her guard down ever so slightly because she thinks Festus is backing down, not realizing that he means serious business even with both legs broken.

So, um, basically everything you already said. Festus doesn't mess around.

YEP

(definitely good tactics )

Even our empathetic Jedi princess is going to have her vindictive moments, especially when dealing with this trash lord.

He's such a chaotic troll, Mira.

She's a lot stronger than she gives herself credit for.

You know, in a way, having Festus to deal with might actually be helping her keep her head more so than if she was alone.

He really knows how to hit where it hurts, my gosh, someone shut this man up.

lolll HE IS

I love all these thoughts, Mira. All of them.

This, exactly!

Your reaction is just the best. I remain very pleased with that line, and Allana absolutely deserves to be stanned for it.

Right?

*curtsies* Why thank you! I can't wait for you to read more! And thank you for all of your excellent feedback!

@JediMara77

Hello, and welcome to the madness! I can't tell you how pleased I am that you took a chance on this without having read any of the other stories, and if you do go back to read them I hope you'll enjoy them, too! Thank you so much for the lovely comment!



Next chapter coming up asap!

 

~~

PART TWO: THE CELL

~~

III. Restraint​

Festus was brought into the Jedi enclave under cover of darkness, his presence known only to a handful of its residents, and for now he remained unconscious, deep within the healing trance Allana had placed him in. The enclave on Meraine hadn’t been built for long-term containment, and its infirmary was even less suited for that purpose, but that was where Allana found herself now.

She watched through a layer of transparisteel as Ben, Tredo Kohr, and Renner Nal laid their Sith prisoner out across the medical suite’s operating table. Between the three men and the medical droid, her view was mostly obstructed, and it wasn’t until the droid shooed Ben and the others away that she got a clear look at Festus again. His head was tilted away from her, his hair and skin and clothes still coated in a fine layer of dust from the cave-in. She glanced down at the grime covering her own clothes, trying not to dwell on everything that had happened.

The soft whoosh of an opening door caught her ear, and Allana looked over to see Kohr and Renner exiting the medbay, their expressions troubled. They parted ways without a word, Renner nodding awkwardly at Allana on his way out, and Kohr taking up a guard position just outside the medbay door. A moment later, the door opened again, and Ben stepped through, looking more stone-faced than he had the entire flight home. He traded a few whispered words with Kohr, then left to join Allana at the window.

“Everything okay?” she asked. Ben extended a hand to her, and she startled a little to see him holding a knife.

“Did you know about this?”

It was a crudely-crafted metal blade set in a simple wooden hilt that fit easily in the palm of Ben’s hand. Allana’s breath abandoned her for a moment. “Where did you get that?” she whispered.

Ben’s frustration simmered close to the surface. “Where do you think?” His fist clenched tight around the knife, his knuckles white. “You really didn’t know he had this?”

“Wouldn’t I have told you if I did?”

He hesitated only a fraction before answering, but she still noticed. “I hope so,” he said in that distant way of his, the one he used when he was pretending not to be worried about her.

She bit her lip to stop from blurting a response and turned instead to face the medbay window. The medical droid was inserting an intravenous line into Festus’s arm, and Allana held her breath, more than half expecting him to snap awake at any second.

He didn’t move.

“Where was it?” she asked, releasing that breath.

“Hidden in his left sleeve. He had a sheath strapped to his arm.” Ben held up his own forearm to indicate exactly where he’d found the weapon. “You said he lost his lightsaber in the cave-in?”

She nodded absently. “I thought he was unarmed. He—” She glanced up at Ben, catching his eye for only an instant before returning her gaze to the window. “He acted like he was unarmed.”

Ben was silent again; she could feel him watching her, and she wondered if he already knew the thoughts that were running through her head. Why hadn’t Festus tried to use the knife if he’d had it? Wouldn’t he have at least threatened her with it? Or did he hold back because she’d still had her lightsaber? She knew what Ben would say if she expressed any of those thoughts out loud, that she couldn’t assume anything about Festus’s motives other than pure self-preservation. And he’d be right; she knew that. Of course she knew that.

Next to her, Ben let out a weary breath. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Allana turned to face him, taking in the grim set of his jaw and the hard look in his eyes. “You don’t think we should have left him there? You know the Argenians wouldn’t have been able to hold him.”

“We could have left him in that cave.”

His words sank in her gut like stones. “Would you really have done that?”

“I don’t know,” Ben answered quietly, not quite meeting her gaze. He ran a hand over the back of his neck and stared through the window, frowning at the unconscious Sith Lord. “He’s dangerous.”

“We’ve dealt with dangerous captives before.”

He raised a fist, and for a second she thought he was going to slam it against the transparisteel. He stopped and lowered it, exhaling as he did.

“Why are you pretending this isn’t a problem?” Ben said, his jaw tight. “That… creature in there has had it out for you for the last ten years. How can you act like him being here isn’t a danger to you?”

Allana wanted to argue that he was being overprotective again, as he had been for most of her life. She wanted to argue that she was a grown woman and a capable Knight, that he had trained her to be so. But even the thought of those arguments rang hollow after everything that had happened. Ben’s fears were perfectly rational, justified even, and yet…

“Ben,” she said softly, taking his clenched fist in her hand. “I know he’s dangerous. I’m under no illusions that he isn’t. But we have an opportunity to root out the rest of the Sith and finally put that part of our lives behind us. Shouldn’t we at least try?”

He didn’t look at all convinced, but his expression softened a little. “You know he’s not going to tell us anything. Maybe Ferrus would have, but Festus is too clever.”

“I think you’re giving him too much credit. And you’re not giving yourself enough.” She let go of his hand and punched him lightly in the shoulder. “If I’m not worried, it’s because we’ve got Ben Skywalker on our side. What could go wrong?”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Trying to tempt fate?”

“I’m trying to get you to smile.” She gazed up at him expectantly.

The corner of his mouth twitched even as he fought to look stern. “You’re so annoying sometimes,” he said, shaking his head.

Allana beamed up at him. “There he is.”

Ben snorted in response, then sobered as he glanced through the window again. “His legs will take a few days to fully heal. We’ll move him to the lower level when he’s healthy.” He met her eyes, brow furrowing. “You should get some rest.”

“I will.”

“Allana.”

She hadn’t realized her gaze was drifting to the window until Ben’s quiet yet firm address brought her snapping back to attention. He raised Festus’s knife between them.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” he said. “You can’t assume it does.”

She nodded. “I know. I won’t.”

Ben dropped the hand holding the knife and raised the other one to briefly touch her cheek. He leaned forward to kiss her forehead. “Rest,” he repeated. “I’m serious.”

Allana nodded again and watched him go. Once he was out of sight, she turned to look through the medbay window.

I hate the way you make me feel.

I hate how badly I need you.

She inhaled quietly, watching as the medical droid drew a partition between the window and the table, blocking her view of the operation. After she had stood there a while longer – far longer than Ben would have been comfortable with, she knew – the droid emerged from behind the curtain, dimmed the lights, and retreated to a far corner of the room, where it would remain on standby.

Gathering her courage, Allana strode over to the door and reached for the keypad. “I’ll just be a few minutes,” she said as nonchalantly as she could manage. Kohr, who was still standing guard, stared at her in complete bafflement.

“You sure?” he asked.

Allana nodded, and after a moment’s hesitation, Kohr stepped aside to let her pass.

“Be careful,” her friend warned.

“I will.” The door closed behind her, and she was once again alone in a confined space with a Sith Lord.

She stepped behind the curtain and approached the bed slowly, alert to even the most infinitesimal ripples in the Force – anything that might hint at a surprise attack. The room was quiet, however, and she sensed nothing in the Force from Festus, save for the strength of his beating heart. After a few strides, she was beside him.

It was incredible to her, how young most people looked when they slept, as if that restful state somehow smoothed away the burdens and experiences and knowledge, leaving them as close to innocent as they would ever again be. She’d seen it with Davin and Dolan, and especially with Roan. As much as they’d grown, all but losing any hint of baby softness in their faces, whenever they slept, she could see clearly the children they’d once been.

So it was, too, with Festus. The constant shadow that haunted his features was gone, and despite a few days’ growth of dark stubble along his jaw, he so resembled the boy she’d once known that it was disconcerting. She wondered how long it had been since anyone had seen him like this.

Her eyes were drawn to the hand closest to her, lying palm up on the bed next to him. The sleeve of his shirt had been rolled up past his elbow to allow for the intravenous line, which was providing him fluids and nutrients; but that wasn’t what held her attention. Her stomach dropped as she stared down at the web of scars that marred the inside of his arm – thin, raised white lines, nearly all of them uniform in length, save for a single long one that ran from the center of his wrist to the crook of his elbow. What could have caused that kind of scarring? He wouldn’t have— no, he’d never been that type, surely?

She reached out one hand, hesitant, fingers hovering centimeters from his wrist. His expression in the cave when she’d first held her saber over him… Do it, he’d whispered, and for a moment she’d really believed he meant it.

Allana took a deep breath, and she traced her fingers over his wrist, dragging lightly across the palm of his hand, the hand that had held hers on Kurin.

Could you have ever loved me?

How could she answer that question? It wasn’t fair of him to ask her that, especially not after what he’d done. How could she conceive of loving someone who’d tried to kill her? She couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

Allana withdrew her hand, holding it to her heart for a second before letting it drop to her side. She had to be clearheaded where Festus was concerned. She couldn’t afford to be taken in by him again, no matter how much she pitied him. That was all she had to give him, her pity.

It could never be anything more than that.

~~​

The bacta treatments worked quickly, and by the end of the week, Festus had been moved to a detention cell in the lowest level of the enclave and brought out of the healing trance. His presence was still known only to the Masters and a few of the Knights, mainly the ones who took turns standing guard outside his cell, and Ben said he wanted to keep it that way. Allana found that she agreed; there were, after all, several families living among them, and it wouldn’t do to cause any unnecessary distress, or worse, panic. Better not to spread the news of their prisoner.

The morning after the transfer, she made her way down to the detention area – a long, narrow corridor with only a small handful of holding cells – and found Kohr standing guard again, along with Geridan Ames.

Great, Allana thought as she approached the pair. As if this wasn’t already awkward enough. Even though she and Geridan had settled into a fairly comfortable friendship in recent years, she couldn’t help feeling strange about the idea of him watching her talk to Festus.

“How did it go?” she asked, aiming her question at Kohr.

Her friend shrugged. “Okay, I guess. I haven’t actually looked in on him yet.”

Allana nodded and squared her shoulders. “I’d like to see him, please.”

“What for?” Geridan asked skeptically.

“He was one of Krayt’s top lieutenants, and Ben thinks he could have information that will help us find the rest of the Sith. Give me five minutes?” She ignored the pointed look on Geridan’s face and fixed her gaze instead on the red energy shield that stood between her and the heavy durasteel cell door. Kohr sighed and took a step over to the control panel, tapping a series of keys.

The inner door slid open, and on the other side of the energy shield was Festus, on his knees with hands bound behind his back. He looked up at the doorway, and the sight of him made her gasp.

There were bruises along the left side of his face, and though his dark hair partially hid it, he had at least one black eye; but the most startling change since she’d last seen him was the smear of dried blood that ran from the corner of his eye down along his jaw. Rather than appearing defeated, he seemed energized by the treatment. The crimson tinge of the shield enhanced the threatening gleam in his eyes.

Those eyes locked on her, and she slapped the wall panel without thinking, closing the inner door.

“You okay?” Geridan asked, suddenly beside her, one hand hovering near the small of her back.

She looked up at him, trying to control the tremor in her voice. “What did you do to him?”

Geridan’s eyes narrowed a fraction. “It wasn’t me, Allana. I haven’t seen him since before he woke up.” He withdrew his hand, crossing his arms over his chest. “But thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Sorry,” Allana exhaled. “I didn’t— I was just startled.” She looked between Geridan and Kohr. “Do you know what happened?”

Kohr exchanged a troubled glance with Geridan. “Ben is the only one who’s been in there,” he said quietly.

Dread pooled in her stomach. “Ben did this?”

Kohr nodded slowly. “Do you want to go back?”

Allana took a steadying breath. “No, it’s fine. I need to get it over with.” Her hand hovered over the control panel as she smiled weakly at her friends.

“We’ll be right out here the whole time,” Geridan reassured her.

“Right.” She tapped the panel and watched the inner door open again. She stepped in front of the shield, waiting for Kohr to lower it.

“Five minutes,” he reminded her.

The shield came down, and she descended into the cell. As soon as she crossed the threshold, the energy shield reactivated, locking her inside.

Festus was leaning back on his heels, eyeing her with dark curiosity. “I thought you were running away from me again,” he said, a trace of his usual careless exterior covering an emotion she couldn’t place.

Allana took a step to her right, out of the path to the doorway. She’d heard of prisoners ramming their captors against the shields to get them to open the doors, and even though his leg restraints kept him in one place, she wasn’t willing to risk it. He watched every movement with that unnerving, icy stare. Now that she was here, she wondered why she’d ever thought she could get any information from him.

“I guess I’d run away, too, if I were you,” he continued. A smirk twisted his bloodstained lips. “Seeing me like this.” He raised his chin for emphasis.

Allana found herself shaking her head. “I didn’t know.”

He glanced away, still smirking, and shrugged. “He probably didn’t know he was going to do it, until he got in here.” Blue eyes found hers again. “I thought it would be harder to rile him up, but I guess he’s a Skywalker through and through.”

It was the same mocking tone he’d used in the cave, the one that made her feel so small and foolish, and her heart ached thinking of Ben, of all he’d suffered and persevered through and overcome. Of how good he was, in spite of everything. How dare Festus try to bring him so low? How dare he?

She crossed the tiny cell and stood before him. Then she slapped him hard across the face, across the bruises and the blood. He didn’t move to avoid it or to lessen the impact.

“You’re despicable,” she said, hurling the words with every ounce of disgust she could muster. Righteous fury filled her. “Ben Skywalker is so much more than you could ever dream of being, light or dark. But if you think it’s a good idea to try to wake that sleeping giant, you’re a bigger fool than I thought.”

He stared up at her, silent.

She noticed some of his blood on her hand, and yielding to a sudden, petty impulse, she leaned down to grab the front of his shirt, wiping the blood off on the dark fabric.

He made a strange sound in the back of his throat, and she realized then just how close their faces were and that the last time he’d made a sound like that, he’d been twining his fingers through her hair.

She snatched her hand away, stepping as far back from him as she could. The memory returned with force, and try as she might, she couldn’t stop feeling his lips on her neck, branding her over and over. It didn’t matter how much venom she threw at him; it wouldn’t erase what had happened in that cave.

“Kohr,” she called over her shoulder. “I’m done here.”

The energy shield lifted before she’d finished speaking, and she ran up the stairs, feeling a static jolt in the air as the shield activated behind her. She turned to look at him through the sheer red curtain. He was still staring at her, something unidentifiable in his eyes. She didn’t want to know what it was. She wished she could forget everything she knew about him.

The inner door closed, and she could breathe again.

~~​

Allana sat at the small dining table in her quarters, the nuna sandwich she’d prepared lying untouched as the space before her filled with a hologram’s blue-tinted glow. The source was a holocube, one that typically sat on her bedside shelf. She’d only meant to look at it for a moment before sitting down to eat, but once she’d begun cycling through the treasured holos, she hadn’t been able to stop.

The current image was an old one, captured during a time of relative peace for the galaxy, before the Yuuzhan Vong invasion and the second civil war and the reemergence of the Sith. The girl in the holo was framed by a beautiful waterfall with a sparkling azure pool at its base – Allana could just make out several people in the water behind her, swimming and laughing without restraint. But the girl was deadly serious, her copper-red hair arranged in many thick braids, her gray eyes focused on whoever was recording the holo. One elegant eyebrow was slightly arched – the only sign that she was tempted to smile. At least, Allana liked to think she was tempted to smile, just as she liked to think it might have been her father on the other side of that holo, trying to get the Princess of Hapes to laugh.

Everyone said she looked like her mother, but Allana still didn’t really see it. Tenel Ka Djo had been strength and beauty personified. Graceful without being frail; refined, yet fierce and uncompromising. She had died as she had lived: a warrior queen devoted to the light and to her people. She hadn’t allowed anything or anyone to stand between her and her principles – not even the father of her child.

Allana tried to imagine what she might say to her mother if she were here, but it was difficult. She’d only been six years old when she lost her, and she sometimes wondered if the things she remembered about her were more a product of the stories she’d heard than anything else. Would her mother be angry at her for endangering herself? For putting the entire enclave at risk? For not guarding her heart as she should have?

Would she be disappointed?

A chime sounded from the hallway, and Allana sensed a familiar presence enter her quarters – one that was tired, uncertain, and more than a little agitated.

“You didn’t wait for me,” a disgruntled voice said from the doorway.

She looked up as Ben stepped into the room. “I didn’t know I had to,” she replied. She shut off the holocube, and her mother’s face vanished. “I saw your handiwork.”

He shrugged and sat down across from her, silent as he tapped the fingers of one hand on the tabletop.

“That’s not like you, Ben.”

He gave her such a withering glare that she almost looked away. “It is like me, Allana. It always has been.” He blew out a bitter, frustrated breath. “Remember when Anakin and I came back from Tatooine?”

Even after ten years, she still remembered every detail of that week when her great-grandfather had mysteriously universe-hopped right into their lives. She also remembered how Anakin had returned from Tatooine with fresh injuries unrelated to his disastrous duel on Vjun, and that he’d refused to tell her what happened.

“I remember,” she said quietly. “I knew it was you.”

Ben nodded slowly, eyes focused on the tabletop. “I was so afraid back then, of falling to the dark side, of destroying everyone I loved. I thought I had it locked down deep, but Anakin brought it all roaring to the surface.”

A dull ache in her chest, familiar and almost as comforting as it was painful. “I miss him.”

Ben looked up at her and flashed a sad smile. “Me too.” He paused, rubbing his thumb along the edge of the table. “I don’t fear the darkness like I did back then. I know it’s part of me. It’ll always be part of me. But I shouldn’t have lost control with Festus, no matter what he’s done.”

She hesitated a beat, unsure if she really wanted to know. “What did he say to you?”

She could tell by the spike of tension in the air that he really didn’t want to have this conversation. “It was more what he didn’t say.”

“What do you mean?”

Ben was so obviously uncomfortable that she felt sorry for him. “He made a couple of backhanded remarks about me, but when I started asking questions he wouldn’t answer.”

“So you tried to beat the answers out of him?”

“No, I—” Ben shook his head and let out a short breath. “I questioned him about why he was on Argeneen and about what happened in the cave, and he just had this look on his face, and I kept pushing, but he wouldn’t talk… and I was going to give up and leave when he asked if you were here, and I just… I don’t know, I lost it.”

She’d refused to tell Ben what happened between her and Festus – how could she, when she still didn’t understand it herself, when all she wanted to do was forget? – but now a cold weight settled in her stomach, and she wondered how much he’d inferred from Festus’s silence, and from hers.

“What are you trying to say?” she whispered.

“I’m saying he’s obsessed with you, and I don’t know how to protect you from that.” Ben’s voice started to break. “I understand you don’t want to tell me what happened in that cave, but I’ve already driven myself crazy imagining the worst possible scenario.”

Her eyes widened as she stared back at him, at the pain twisting his features. No, she didn’t want to talk about what had happened, but she also didn’t want him thinking that.

“Ben, it wasn’t like that,” she reassured him. “He wanted to kill me. I defeated him. End of story.”

“Allana—”

“Ben.” Her tone turned hard. “I promise. That thing you’re thinking? It didn’t happen, and it never will.”

There was a flicker of relief in his eyes. “Yeah. Okay.” He stood up from the table. “I don’t think you should talk to him again.”

She quirked her lips in a small smirk. “Is that an order, Master Skywalker?”

“A strong suggestion, Knight Djo.” He still had that worried look on his face, but it had eased a little. He paused in the doorway. “You should talk to someone, Allana, even if you can’t talk to me.”

She nodded solemnly and watched as Ben closed the door behind him.

~~​

Out of respect for Ben’s wishes – and due in no small part to her own reluctance to return – Allana stayed away from the detention level, and for the next few days, she listened with increasing unease as her cousin grudgingly recounted every failed interrogation attempt. It didn’t matter who spoke to him, and it didn’t matter what they offered or what they threatened to take away; Festus flat-out refused to speak to any of the Jedi.

“He just sits there, staring,” Ben said one evening, after both he and Karanya Nal had apparently failed to elicit even a sound from the Sith Lord. “Or smirking,” Ben added, not even bothering to temper his disdain.

Allana tried to keep her tone even. “What did you offer him?”

Ben sighed. “Nothing we haven’t already tried. A fair trial, life imprisonment, a nicer cell… it’s not like there’s a whole lot we can give him. The only reason he’s here instead of an Argenian prison is because they agreed he was too dangerous to hold, and the only reason he’s not in a Republic prison is because they don’t know about him yet. We don’t have the authority to pardon him for his crimes, and even if we did, I would argue strenuously against it.”

There was something odd in Ben’s tone that caught her attention.

“Ben,” she said quietly. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

He rubbed both hands up and down his face. “Nothing. I don’t know, it’s just… he has this— this murky, evasive presence that makes him hard to pin down, even when you’re staring him right in the face. The only time he feels at all genuine is when he mentions you, and even then it only makes him marginally easier to read.”

Allana hesitated a moment. “You’re saying he’s not as guarded around me?”

A switch seemed to flip behind Ben’s eyes, and he looked at her with a sudden, frightened intensity, as if he’d seen what she was thinking before she could finish the thought. “No. Absolutely not.”

“You just said he’s easier to read when he mentions me.”

“So?”

“So, he’s been here nearly two weeks, and we’re still no closer to finding the rest of the Sith. But if I can get him to talk—”

“Yeah, like he wouldn’t see that coming from a parsec away—”

“If it gets him time with me, he won’t care—”

“—and setting aside your suddenly inflated ego—”

“This isn’t about ego—”

“Then what? Are you trying to prove something? That you’re not afraid of him? Because you don’t need to prove anything to anyone, and nothing you say to him is—”

“Will you just listen to me for a minute?”

Her words rang out raw, settling uncomfortably between them as he went quiet and stared back at her. Allana took a breath and continued.

“I am afraid of him, okay? I’m afraid because he’s so screwed up that he can’t have a single, decent emotion without twisting it into a reason to kill me. And for some reason, that’s more terrifying to me than any actual battle I’ve fought, including all the ones where I fought him. But I can deal with it if it means we get the answers we’re looking for. You faced your fears, and now it’s time for me to face mine.”

Ben gave a slight shake of his head, and his response was softer than before. “This isn’t the same.”

“Maybe not, but I still need to do it.”

“Allana, you’re too honest for something like this. Why do you think I left you behind when I went undercover all those years ago?”

“Because I was too young and you were worried I would get hurt?”

“And because you couldn’t lie to save your life. You still can’t. Festus will know right away that you’re trying to manipulate him. You think he’ll be happy about that?”

She met his skeptical stare head on. “I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it makes him like me more.”

Ben looked so deeply appalled by what she’d said that it was almost comical. “That’s not funny,” he snapped. She sobered quickly in response.

“Ben, I can do this. I’m asking you to trust me.”

“It’s not you I don’t trust, Allana.”

“Are you sure about that?”

She didn’t miss the hurt in his eyes, or the way his expression hardened a split-second after. “Fine. You think you can get him to talk? I’ll allow it.”

She didn’t bother hiding her surprise. “You will?”

“Yes,” he replied grimly. “But you get one try. If he doesn’t respond, if he doesn’t show any sign of cracking, that’s it. You’re done.”

Allana bit the inside of her lip and nodded. “Okay. One try.”

~~​

They met in the detention level the next morning. The mood was tense, and Ben exchanged a troubled glance with Geridan – who was standing guard over Festus’s cell – before turning to greet her.

“You know you don’t have to do this,” he said quietly. “We can find some other way.”

Allana looked up into his face and tried to give him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine. Besides, you’ll be watching over me, right?”

“Always.” He reached out and tapped her lightly under her chin. “Be careful.”

She inhaled and nodded. “I will.”

The durasteel door opened to reveal Festus in much the same state as when she’d last seen him. The dark stubble on his face had filled in a little more, becoming less patchy, and the purplish bruises around his eye had begun to yellow – and even though some of it had flaked off, there was still a fair amount of dried blood crusting his skin. But in spite of all that, he didn’t appear the least bit cowed.

Her heart raced as she met his gaze through the energy shield. After everything she’d said to Ben the night before, she couldn’t turn back now. Festus was their best chance at learning the whereabouts of the remaining Sith, and she was their best chance at getting him to talk.

She couldn’t start off being too nice or accommodating, or he’d know it was a trick. Force, he probably already knew it was a trick; he’d probably figured it out the moment he saw her. He’d always been far better at reading her than she was at reading him, and he knew it. How could she hope to match that? How did you play someone who knew you were trying to play them?

Think, she ordered herself. Your mother was a queen, and your father ruled the galaxy. You can handle one man.

The shield vanished and then reactivated behind her as she stepped down into the cell. His eyes never left hers.

“You got me here,” she said indifferently. “Care to tell me why?”

He shrugged, donning an air of earnest sincerity. “I’m trying to be a good guest, and yours is the only face that doesn’t make me want to murder everyone here.”

She eyed him carefully as she stayed near the wall opposite him. “How flattering,” she said, raising her chin just a little. “But you’ve already tried to murder me on more than one occasion. Try another lie.”

He dropped the guileless façade and studied her for a minute, his gaze partially obscured by the hair falling into his eyes. “I wanted to see you.”

That couldn’t be the only reason – if it was truly a reason to begin with – and she worked the various possibilities over in her mind. If he was refusing to speak to anyone but her, it was because he thought she could give him something the others couldn’t… or because he knew that he’d been able to deceive her in the past. She took a breath, pushing the memory of Kurin to the back of her thoughts.

“That’s all?” A hint of the impatient tone she’d heard her mother use so often when dealing with the Royal Court. The one that said, you would dare waste my time?

He took notice of that all right, straightening up as best he could, a dangerous gleam in his eyes. “What else should I want, Princess?”

For the first time in ages, she found herself actively drawing on her early training, lessons she’d learned among the cutthroat Hapan nobility. Show no weakness. Show no emotion. Be so far above them that they can’t even hope to drag you down.

If he wanted a princess, she’d give him one.

“I don’t care to presume what it is you want,” she said haughtily, “but if you don’t spit it out, I’m gone.”

She couldn’t tell if that made him angry or eager, or maybe both at once. He puffed out his chest – a motion exaggerated by the fact that his arms were still bound behind him – and nodded over his shoulder. “I wouldn’t mind sitting on that ledge back there instead of being bolted to the floor.”

She glanced at the narrow ledge extending out of the back wall of the cell. So he was tired of being on his knees. She wondered if it hurt.

“That’s not my decision to make,” she said. “But I’ll pass along the message.” She was about to turn to leave when a thought struck her. It was a risky move, one with the potential to backfire, but if she could maintain the poise her mother had been known for, maybe it would work in her favor.

She strode over to him and reached for his chin. He jerked away, suddenly wary. “What are you doing?” There was a definite warning in his voice.

She kneeled down in front of him, schooling her features into an indifferent mask. “You still have blood on your face.” She held her hands up on either side of his head. “May I?”

He was still suspicious; maybe he thought she was going to put him in another healing trance. She was about to reassure him when he leaned his head toward her.

She gripped his chin in one hand, turning it slightly to the side, her fingertips brushing against the stubble on his jaw. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation. She wet the thumb of her other hand with her tongue and rubbed at a bloodstain near the corner of his mouth, taking care not to touch his lips or look him in the eyes.

She wasn’t able to accomplish much in the way of actual cleaning, but then that hadn’t been the point. Beneath her fingers, the muscles of his jaw were taut.

She released him and frowned. “That didn’t help much. I’ll bring some water when I come back.” She was about to stand when he leaned closer, forcing her to look him in the eyes.

“You know I’m going to get out of here,” he said quietly, with a surprising lack of menace.

She inhaled a bit too sharply. “We’ll see.” She stood and walked up the stairs, waiting for the energy shield to open, and she felt his eyes on her until the solid inner door closed between them.

~~​

 

Will Allana be able to reach him? Is there still something good in him?

 

Super update. They are being business as usual with each other, holding each other at a wary distance, no surprise there. Eager to see where things go from here.

 

Great update. I don't know if i want to punch Festus or... nope, at this point all I want is to punch him.

 

And then there's just that hope and I want redemption and happiness and a hundred other impossible things that just may be ultimately impossible in this
'verse. But it's a credit to your writing that I want it at all for this pairing, dark and twisty as it is.

I ECHO this. I fought so hard not to find this pairing compelling. How COULD they make sense? But they do. And I do WISH they could have a happy-ever-after. That's why the fluffy AU is so fulfilling.

 

@Mira_Jade

This is always excellent to hear!

I angsted over this chapter quite a bit, as you know. It was really something to come back to the first two chapters after writing all the other related stories, and then weaving those character developments into what I’d already writtten… so I’m very glad everything works and that it’s good. *relief*

Also, just know that most of my replies are going to be in emoji form, because 1) that’s often the best way to express my reactions to your lovely feedback, and 2) it’s easier to keep from spoiling you if I don’t say anything.

Look, I just wanted to write the “trapped together in a cave” trope, and I needed these two to not be able to get away from each other and/or kill each other so that they could actually, you know, talk.

I’m nowhere near well-versed in how Force healing has been used throughout the entirety of the EU, Legends and canon alike, but I think my own take on this is very much influenced by my reading of Shadows of the Empire (an old favorite of mine not so much for its prose, but for its depiction of Vader… and I just realized some of Anakin’s last words to Palpatine in EtF might have been unconsciously drawn from SotE, oops, oh well), where Vader is shown using the dark side to attempt to heal his body, and it does work, but only for as long as he can hold onto his unadulterated rage. Once he feels even the slightest amount of happiness over being able to heal himself, it fails. And because he is never able to completely extinguish that part of him that is capable of feeling joy or love, he can’t use the dark side to permanently heal himself. So I guess, in a way, that jives with characters like Maul and Sion surviving on pure rage even after they've been cut in half and/or are literally decomposing? I still think those characters' situations are a tad extreme and ultimately unrealistic, even in a space fantasy setting, but it is what it is.

But then we also have the Legacy comics, where Cade actually did use Force lightning to revive people… and since I never finished reading those comics, I can’t really comment on whether his use of the dark side to heal ran counter to previously established lore. But then again, the NJO and later EU tried to portray Force lightning as a neutral skill rather than a dark side one, and I’m not sure I’m on board with that one, so honestly this is probably one of those “canon is what I say it is” things for me. In this ‘verse, and in this particular time period, I imagine Force healing is not as common as it once was, and those who are capable of it are generally not as skilled as the Jedi of old, or even the Jedi during the NJO. (I’m pretty sure Tekli was doing all kinds of crazy Force healing stuff during the mission to Myrkr, which… okay, fine, but that probably shouldn’t be the norm.)

…I think I’ve completely lost my point. I suppose the real question, in this particular instance, is whether Festus would even bother to use the Force to manage his pain…

(he probably wouldn't)

Yep, that sounds exactly right.

I think an actual honest answer would probably be similar to the answer Jacen gave Vergere in Traitor, that he was aware of the pain, he still felt all of it, but he didn't allow it to have control over him. Or maybe it would be like what Kyle Reese says in the first Terminator: pain can be controlled... you just disconnect it.

So yeah... practice.

I know I’ve told you before, but that line of his was my lightbulb moment, the one where as soon as I wrote it, so many aspects of his character and his past just suddenly crystalized, and I knew exactly how he got to where he is and what made him, and I had to keep writing to explore it more.

I do know

Oh hey there, darkest AU

He sure knows how to irritate people, doesn’t he?

That’s exactly what it ended up reading like, you’re right! I actually intentionally approached it that way when I was writing I Loved and I Loved and I Lost You and Guardian and Where the Black Sand Meets the Raging Seas. (Kind of like how I approached the duel on Reialem as a love scene more so than a fight scene, from a writing standpoint. ) Your thoughts are all excellent thoughts, and if the whole thing comes across as a tapestry carefully woven from so many threads, then I feel like I’ve done something right!

And she says she never thinks about that night, pfft.

RIGHT?

It's very dangerous for her, and even though he might not be playing the game she thinks he is, the one he's actually playing at is potentially worse.

Ngl, I was really pleased with how this scene turned out.

(He might be a little bit of a liar… )

Ha! I hadn’t even thought of the cave aspect being a parallel!

Yep.

Right?

My work here is done.

If she only knew…

Why thank you

I love it so much, Mira

my precious empathetic cinnamon roll

look at him, trying as always to hide from what he wants

Aw, I’m glad you think so!

I legit snorted at this.

Exactly. It's easy to see why someone would be attracted to Allana - after all, she's compassionate and kind and brave, and it doesn't hurt that she's pretty, too. But what in all the worlds would make someone like Allana even the least bit attracted to someone like Darth Festus? A violent, sadistic, murdering liar who actually tried to kill her once upon a time. His only "qualities" (and I use that term very loosely) are that he's easy on the eyes and that he used to be a sweet kid. So if you're Allana in this situation, what are you left with? Is she just physically attracted to him, and if so, what is wrong with her? And if it's not just physical attraction, then what is it? Is it some delusional hope that the person he might have been is still in there somehow? (Not unlike what she hoped to find in her father... and we all know how that turned out. ) Or is there a darker reason behind it... maybe some flaw in her that's causing her to be drawn to the flaws in him?

I'm so, so glad you think so. There are plenty of stories that portray problematic pairings, some with more awareness and nuance than others. I didn't set out to write this story specifically to address the shortcomings in stories I otherwise love, but I do think this story was born from a desire to craft something that would fulfill me on every storytelling level, without sacrificing believability or glossing over the problems for the sake of having two characters kiss and walk off into the sunset. And I suppose it was also a challenge - can I write this pairing and walk this tightrope without falling off the edge?

It was interesting thinking about how the Jedi of her generation would learn with the more haphazard training they would have received.

And yeah, just in case anyone forgot or didn’t know how terrifying Vjun was, I thought I should give a little reminder.

Gotta include some Anakin and Allana feels in the EtF sequel

(I wasn’t being very subtle, was I? )

The Force does work in mysterious ways…

Yep.

I definitely went all in for this scene.

That’s true

It feels a little weird to say this, but... success?

(I rewrote this section so many times, Mira )

&

I spent so much time tinkering with this section, so I’m glad it still packed a punch and built up the way I wanted it to.

(but also, )

It’s like I told Gabri years ago: if I imagined for even a second that Festus was the type of person to just ignore and push past Allana’s protests, I wouldn’t have written this story. But that also doesn’t change the fact that he is twisted and sadistic and pretty terrible all around, or that Allana isn’t still in danger.

I fully support key-smashes and caps-lock.

He’s a very confused murder boy

lolll

murder dork

I’ve been very mean to her.

&

Yeah, this is a lot to deal with.

She had to wonder, didn't she? She had to wonder, based on the creepy intimacy of his attack on Vjun, if he was already attracted to her before then, and if so, maybe she's always just been a sick obsession for him. In which case, doesn't that make her feelings for him even more messed up? And even after he tells her it didn't start until after she saved his life that first time, she has to go through all the options, she has to figure out the truth of his feelings: is he a sick pervert who enjoyed having her in his control, or is there something genuine beneath it all?

That you feel this way means so much to me. I still can't promise anything good, but I hope you'll enjoy the journey nonetheless.

Right? Ugh, these two, Mira.

The best reaction I could ask for.

I'm so glad you could join me for this emotional devastation.

Almost like this was his aim all along…

She's not messing around

She deserves so much better, honestly

All the Ben and Allana feels

Aw shucks

I love them

I’m glad it worked, it was a lot to come down from. *relief*

That’s our Ben

And I can't thank you enough for all your awesome commentary and for your support for these characters and this story. I can't wait to share more with you!




@earlybird-obi-wan

We’ll see! It’s not looking too good right now, is it?




@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

Thank you! Yep, Festus may have shown some vulnerability in the cave, but being a prisoner of the Jedi changes everything.

lol, I knew back when I first posted Where the Waves Shatter that it would be a long shot getting anyone else invested in this pairing, so it’s gratifying to see that my work has borne some fruit. I’ll reiterate that I’m not promising a happy ending, but I do hope that you continue to enjoy the ride.




@JediMara77

Thanks! And you’re probably not familiar with him yet, but I’m sure Festus’s brother would agree with this sentiment 100%




I'll probably have the next chapter up this weekend, but I wanted to get these replies done while I had some free time and before the boards ate them.

 

~~

IV. Denial​

Allana returned to the detention level that afternoon with a handful of wet rags, and when the energy shield deactivated, she descended the steps slowly, watching for Festus’s reaction. He eyed the rags skeptically. “You didn’t bring any water.”

“These are already damp,” she said as she knelt before him and set all but one of the rags aside.

“You’re getting the floor all wet,” he informed her. “Don’t you have a bowl or something you could put those in?”

“And give you something to turn into a weapon?” she replied evenly. “I don’t think so. I’ve seen what you’re capable of.”

He shrugged, and without being asked, he tilted his head so she could work. “I’m flattered that you think I could use a bowl of water to escape a Jedi prison.”

She took hold of his chin, about to remind him that the Jedi didn’t have a prison, when she realized what he was doing. She raised the cloth to the corner of his eye and began to gently scrub.

“You’re pretty good,” she admitted. “Trying to get me to reveal where we are.”

A faint smirk. “You don’t need to say anything. I already know.”

She stopped, holding the cloth away from his face. Had she confirmed something without realizing it? Maybe the fact that she’d answered at all? Or was he just lying to throw her off balance?

“Where do you think you are?” She resumed cleaning, moving down along his cheek and jaw.

“I’m not giving up my advantage that easily.” He sounded almost amused; he really thought so little of her, like it was cute that she tried to play at his game.

She set down the first rag and picked up another. All that was left was the blood around his mouth and on his chin. She dabbed at his chin first, slowly, giving herself time to think.

The air in the cell changed, filled with a new tension. This was her advantage, she knew. Whatever strange feelings he had for her, she had to use them. Not too fast, she told herself. It had to be gradual.

She adjusted her grip and moved the cloth to his lips, brushing over them gently. She still wouldn’t look at him. Couldn’t look at him. When she finished cleaning up the blood, she pretended to examine her work.

“That’s better,” she murmured, letting her thumb drag along his bottom lip as she released him. She collected the other rags and stood up.

“Aren’t you going to ask me anything?” There was a rough edge to his voice, and his breath hitched ever so slightly at the end.

No weakness. No emotion. Don’t get dragged down.

“I just came to clean you up,” she said before turning away.

When the door was closed and he could no longer see or hear her, she let out a long, tremulous breath. Kohr stood silently at the control panel, watching her.

“Are you okay?” he finally asked.

She knew he was trying to be supportive and that his presence here was necessary, but she wished no one else could see her when she was in there. She took another deep breath and lifted her chin. “I can handle it.”

He nodded, eyes not quite meeting hers. “I know.”

She exhaled and looked up at Kohr, suddenly curious. “Were you friends with him? Before?”

He seemed surprised at her question. “We were friendly, I guess. Not really friends. We weren’t in the same enclave for very long. Maybe a year?” He scratched the back of his head. “It was so long ago. I have a hard time seeing him as the same person.”

“Because he’s so different?”

“Not exactly.” Kohr looked behind him at the cell door. “I mean, he is different, but sometimes when you’re in there, I can see a little of who he used to be. It’s warped, but it’s there.” He sighed and shook his head. “But I still can’t think of him as anyone other than Darth Festus. Not after everything he’s done.”

She twisted the damp rags in her hands. ”I remember he helped get my favorite toy back when his brother stole it.” She didn’t know why she was telling him that.

Kohr glanced down at the floor. “Sounds right. Ferrus always was kind of a bully. I was not sad to see him go when they got transferred.” She sensed a small twinge of guilt as Kohr raised his eyebrows and shrugged. “Festus kept to himself mostly, but he would step in sometimes when his brother was being a jerk. And Ferrus didn’t question him when he did. I always thought they were kind of strange.”

Allana turned to stare at the cell door. “What part of him is real?” A heaviness in her chest as she realized how badly she wanted to know.

“The sarcasm, I guess,” Kohr replied. “He was never mean about it, though. And he was usually too reserved for anyone to take notice of it anyway.” He hesitated, then pressed on. “And the way he goes quiet and watches you, like he’s really studying you.”

She nodded and offered her friend a weak smile. “I’m sorry you have to be down here so much.”

He shrugged. “It’s all right. Renner will be down later to relieve me, and Elias should be back tonight, so we’ll be able to shorten the shifts a little.”

A spark of genuine happiness lit in her at the news. “Does that mean the boys will be back, too?”

“Should be.”

Finally, something good amid all the recent darkness. She couldn’t contain herself as she flung her arms around Kohr’s middle.

“Whoa! Watch it—” He raised his arms in the air, and she realized she was still holding the dirty rags in one hand. She released her friend and smiled up at him sheepishly.

“Sorry, Kohr, it’s just… that’s the best news I’ve had in a while.” She turned and jogged lightly down the corridor, waving over her shoulder as she went. “I’d better go; say hi to Dira for me!”

“They’re not getting back until later tonight, Allana!”

“Okay!”

~~​

Allana was waiting for the Daybreak when it landed. She knew it was a little ridiculous that she should be so excited to see a few teenage boys, but she didn’t care. If they were even half as happy to see her as she was to see them, it would be worth it.

The ramp lowered, and she bounced up on the balls of her feet, wondering who would be the first off.

“I’m just saying, it doesn’t actually count as a win if you don’t follow the rules of engagement—”

“You callin’ me a cheater, cuz?”

“No, of course not! I only meant—”

“Because I’ll fly circles around you all day and into next week— oh, hey Allana!”

Her cousin Davin sauntered down the ramp, his bag slung over one shoulder. His brown eyes lit up as he saw her, and he jogged forward to scoop her into a hug. He lifted her like she was nothing, and she marveled inwardly – as she often did – at how fast the years had gone. It hadn’t been that long since she’d been the one picking him up for hugs, had it?

“How was your trip?” she asked as Davin set her back down.

The cocky grin on his face was so reminiscent of Grandpa Han and Aunt Jaina. “Fantastic,” Davin said. “Got to pilot a few of the new Incom fighters, and I was awesome.”

“Don’t you mean, it was awesome?” a third voice called out from the top of the ramp.

Davin turned back to the Daybreak. “No, Dolan, I mean I was awesome.” He smirked at Allana. “Sore loser.”

“But you did deviate from the rules set forth—”

Davin rounded on the shorter boy behind him and grabbed him by the shoulders, ruffling his dark blond hair. “Emperor’s bones, cuz! Lighten up about the rules!”

Roan extricated himself from Davin’s grip and scowled. Then his eyes landed on Allana. “Are you okay?” her little brother said quietly as he hugged her. Although he was shorter than the twins, he was still nearly a head taller than her.

“I’m fine,” she said, knowing that he wouldn’t believe her. Even though they hadn’t found each other until Roan was six, the bond between them was strong. He always knew when something was bothering her. “I’d rather not talk about it right now.”

“Okay…” He trailed off and looked over his shoulder as Dolan came down the ramp and joined them.

It amazed her how two people could stand in an almost identical fashion and yet come off so drastically different. Dolan had his bag slung over his shoulder just like his twin, but where Davin’s body language was bold and uninhibited, Dolan’s was deliberate and reserved. If there was one trait the Solo twins shared, however, it was their staggering confidence.

“Dav, if you spent half as much time practicing saber technique as you do running your mouth, you might have actually given me a run for my credits during our fight.” Allana didn’t miss the devious half-smirk on Dolan’s face.

“Hey!” Davin pointed his finger in Dolan’s face – another gesture that made him look just like her grandpa. “I’ll knock you on your a—”

“Okay!” Allana interrupted. “Who’s hungry? I know I am!”

Dolan looked back at the Daybreak. “Let me check if Master Cain needs us to finish unloading.”

He turned to head up the ramp when Elias Cain appeared at the top.

“You boys go on, I can handle the rest. If you want to come by our place, Arden said she set out some food. Hey, Allana!” Elias waved at her, but she saw a flash of concern in his expression. So Ben had told him. Great.

She was distracted from that thought as Davin and Roan turned to leave the hangar, still arguing about the rules of engagement. Allana smiled and shook her head as she and Dolan fell into step behind them.

Dolan looped an arm around her shoulders and leaned down to give her a quick peck on the cheek. “You’re being weird,” he said matter-of-factly. Like Roan, he could usually tell when something was upsetting her; unlike Roan, he was difficult to brush off. When she didn’t answer right away, he frowned and let go of her. “What happened?”

“I can’t talk to you about it,” she said quietly, not wanting the others to hear. “It’s a sensitive matter. Knights and Masters only.”

Dolan’s green eyes were as intense as ever as he looked down at her. “We’ll be Knights soon. You’ll have to start trusting us to handle the harder things.”

“I do trust you. But for now, you don’t need to know.” She was suddenly intensely afraid of what Dolan or Davin or even Roan would do if they had any inkling of who was being held prisoner down below or of what had gone on between him and Allana these last couple weeks. Oh Force, Roan. He might still remember Festus from his childhood with the Sith. She didn’t want anything dredging up memories of those awful years.

“What are you two whisperin’ about back there?” Davin looked over his shoulder and grinned.

Dolan composed his face quickly, all cool confidence. “Just telling Allana about how I beat you inside two minutes and took your lightsaber.”

“What?”

“You did?” Allana couldn’t help being impressed at that.

Dolan smirked. “Oh yeah. It was glorious.”

~~​

The Cains’ apartment was much larger than Allana’s, but between Elias and Arden and their four kids, plus Ben and Roan and the twins, and herself, it felt even more cramped than her own quarters. Allana scooted past Jespin and Theora, who were deeply involved in a game of dejarik, and joined Ben and Roan by the table, where a late dinner had been laid out for the new arrivals.

“So you got to fly the new XR starfighter?” Ben was saying to Roan. “I hear they’re pretty fast.”

Before Roan could respond, Davin interjected from across the room: “Fast doesn’t even come close to describing it. The XR-1s make those old T-65s look like Clone War relics.”

“Hey now,” Elias said, “show some respect. Those old T-65s saved your life more than a few times, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Yes, Master Cain.” Davin rolled his eyes and grinned as he took a bite out of a bilaberry flatcake.

Allana exchanged a smile with Roan, who mimicked Davin’s assured posture and expression with impeccable precision before turning back to Ben. “They were pretty fast,” he conceded with a wry look.

Ben reached out to briefly tousle her brother’s hair. “I’ll bet.”

“You should have been there, Ben.” Davin had finished his dessert and made his way back to the table for more. “Those fighters are something else.”

“They sound like it,” Ben said evenly. “Elias says you nearly broke the course record at Dubrillion.”

Davin shrugged and popped another of the flatcakes in his mouth, smiling around it.

“Please don’t encourage him,” Dolan said from his place on the sofa. He’d been leaning over to watch the Cain siblings’ dejarik game, but now he looked up at his twin, one eyebrow coolly arched. “He hasn’t stopped talking about that course record since we left.”

“Three tenths of a second!” Davin exclaimed, clapping a hand over his mouth to keep from spitting out crumbs. “All I needed was one more run!”

“That’s what you said after the first six runs, Dav.”

As Davin returned to the living room to continue the argument with his twin, Arden passed by him carrying a pitcher of muja juice. “I made this for the kids,” she said as she set it down on the table. No sooner had she spoken when Asher and Rilla appeared on either side of her to claim a cup each for themselves. “Slow down, guys,” Arden gently – and rather futilely, Allana thought – admonished the kids. Then she disappeared into the kitchen and returned a moment later with a tray of steaming mugs.

Ben leaned toward the tray. “Is that—?”

“Yes it is,” Arden said. She handed one of the mugs to Ben. “And there’s more in the kitchen if you want seconds.”

Roan’s eyes lit up. “You made hot chocolate?”

Arden scrunched her face up at that. “If by ‘made’ you mean I heated up some water and used a fancy instant mix, then yes, I made hot chocolate. There’s also caf, if you’d prefer.”

Roan gingerly lifted one of the mugs from the tray. “No, this is perfect.”

“Yeah,” Ben said, “you really should have led with this.”

Allana was pretty sure she saw Arden stick her tongue out at him.

“Hey, Ben! Roan!” Once again, Davin’s voice rose above the others. “Come here for a sec!”

Ben tipped his head and raised his mug toward Arden to excuse himself. Roan followed after him, and Allana picked up one of the remaining mugs from the tray and sipped it tentatively as she watched them go.

“Hey,” Arden said quietly once Roan was out of earshot. She moved to stand next to Allana. “Ben told us about Argeneen. You doing okay with… with everything?”

“I’m fine.” Allana glanced around the room, trying to satisfy herself that no one else was listening. “Really,” she murmured. “I am.”

Arden gave her a sympathetic smile, then her gaze shifted to where Ben was standing. “He’s worried about you. That’s why he… you know he just has a hard time…”

Allana looked over her shoulder at Ben, who was listening obligingly as Davin broke down every single one of the Incom XR-1 starfighter’s capabilities. “I know,” she said. “It’s just… sometimes I think he forgets that I’m the same age he was when he was out there toppling empires.”

“One empire,” Arden corrected wryly. “And he didn’t do that on his own, you know. Not by a long shot.”

Allana returned her look with a faint smile. “I suppose not.” She looked back again and briefly caught Ben’s eye. Before he could say anything, little Rilla ran up to him and thrust a plush toy in front of his face, asking him if he liked the pretty bantha her daddy had given her. Ben smiled at the girl and told her it was the prettiest bantha he’d ever seen.

“She’s getting so big,” Allana said, turning to Arden. “They all are.”

“Yeah, they’re a handful all right.” Arden sighed and leaned back against the edge of the table. “But I can’t really complain. They’re pretty awesome.”

Allana saw Arden exchange a brief but knowing smile with Elias across the room, and she felt an inexplicably bitter pang in her chest.

She nursed her drink for a while longer, then helped Arden and Elias clean up the dishes, and when that was done, she turned to them both with a smile. “I think I’m going to turn in for the night. Thank you so much for the food; it was delicious.”

“Anytime,” Arden replied with a wave. She hoisted Rilla into her arms and gave her daughter a mock frown. “Speaking of turning in, it is way past your bedtime, little girl…”

Ben appeared at Allana’s elbow as she opened the door. “I’ll walk you back,” he said. As he closed the door to the Cains’ apartment behind him, he let out a long sigh.

“Tired?” she asked.

“Yeah, just a bit.” They walked in silence for a while, but as they neared her quarters, Ben spoke up again. “You went without me this afternoon. Again.”

She shrugged. “You were busy, and I said I would clean him up. I figured I should do it sooner rather than later.” But she could see from his expression that her answer wasn’t enough, so she stopped and waited for him to turn and face her. “I got him to respond, Ben. We need to take advantage of that.”

“I suppose you think I should give him what he asked for?”

“Yes, I do.” An image rose up in her mind, of Festus as he had appeared that first day, bound and bruised and bloodied, forced to kneel on the floor, and her breath caught. “Besides, it’s… it’s not right, leaving him like that. I don’t think it’s right.”

Ben studied her impassively. “I’ll consider it,” he said. “I’m going to be busy most of the morning and afternoon tomorrow. I suppose it would be an exercise in futility to ask you to wait until I’m free before you see him again?”

Allana hesitated. “I— I think it’s easier for me when you— when you’re not there.”

He nodded. “I see.”

“Ben—”

“I get it, Allana. You don’t have to explain.” Please don’t explain, she could almost hear the unspoken plea, and she felt her cheeks warm. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. Why did she keep doing it?

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m not—”

But he shook his head and cupped her face with one hand, and leaned forward to kiss the top of her head. “Good night.”

As much as she wished that she could break through the awkward barrier that had been forming between them for far longer than she cared to admit, she knew that doing so now would only make things worse.

“Good night,” she murmured as he walked away.

~~​

When Allana entered the cell the next day, she found Festus seated on the narrow ledge, legs shackled to the floor and hands still bound behind him. The bruises on his face were less pronounced than they’d been before, and his unkempt bangs fell into his eyes as he watched her descend the short flight of stairs. She braced herself against that unnerving stare, once again summoning the poise that had been instilled in her from earliest memory.

“Better?” She nodded toward the ledge.

He shrugged, his expression neutral. “I’ve endured worse.”

“I can imagine.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Can you, Allana? Can you really imagine? I highly doubt it.”

There was no small amount of scorn in his voice, and it struck harder than she would have expected. She fought to keep her composure. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

He looked away. “It doesn’t matter.”

I’m used to pain, he’d told her in the cave, and even as her heart clenched at the memory and she realized once again how out of her depth she was here, she was also intensely and morbidly curious about what he meant by “worse”.

He jerked his head back toward his shoulder, and she realized he was trying to get his hair out of his eyes. She remembered Roan doing the same thing all the time before he’d finally started cutting his hair shorter. She wasn’t sure if she found it amusing or unsettling that Festus could remind her in any way of someone she loved.

She sat down next to him, curling one leg under her so she could face him directly, and said in her gentlest voice, “I think it does matter.”

She reached out to sweep the hair from his eyes, her fingertips brushing across his forehead and along his scalp. He closed his eyes for just a moment, and she wondered how long it had been since someone touched him like this. Had they ever?

“Stop it,” he growled.

She froze in place, her fingers still threaded through his hair, heart in her throat. What was she doing? She withdrew her hand, clutching it to her chest as she stared back at him.

“I know what you’re trying to do,” he said bitterly, eyes boring into hers. “I see right through your stupid act.”

She jumped up and backed away from him, unable to say a word in response. Stars, this was all such a colossal mistake. He was never going to bend, not to her or anyone else. How could she have ever assumed she had enough influence over him to believe otherwise? She looked at him, at the glacial fury in his pale eyes, and she ran.

Kohr was waiting outside, and he breathed an audible sigh of relief as he shut the inner door. He looked like he was about to say something comforting to her when a faint thumping sound came from inside the cell.

Allana felt her insides twist. “What was that?”

Kohr tapped the vidscreen on the wall, bringing up an image of the cell interior. Allana’s eyes went wide as she watched Festus repeatedly slam the back of his head against the wall.

“What is he doing?” Without thinking, she reached for the controls to the door, but Kohr caught her wrist.

“Wait,” he whispered. “Look.”

Quelling the panic that threatened to overtake her, Allana did as Kohr said. On the vidscreen, Festus slumped back and rested his head against the wall, shoulders sagging as he stared up at the ceiling.

“Do you think he’s okay?” she asked, breathless.

Kohr stared at the image for a long, quiet moment. “I think he’s angry with himself.”

Her friend’s words set off little alarm bells in her head, and suddenly she had an idea, and she was stunned by how quickly and clearly it had formed in her mind.

“I have to go,” she said, voice shaking. She left Kohr there in the corridor without any other explanation, hurrying toward the turbolift.

She had to find Ben.

~~​

“You thought of this yourself?”

Allana steeled herself against the look on Ben’s face – a look that had only grown more skeptical as she explained her plan in full. “You sound surprised.”

He tilted his head to one side and ran a hand over the back of his neck. “It’s more underhanded than I would have expected…”

She looked away from him, trying to ignore the uneasy pang in her stomach. “You don’t think we should do it?”

Out of the corner of one eye, she saw his hand fall to his side. “No, I think we should.”

Allana nodded, still not meeting his eyes. “Right. So tomorrow one of the others can tell him I’m refusing to visit because of what happened, maybe Kohr could do it, or—”

“No.” Ben held up a stopping hand. “No one talks to him. No one goes in at all. Let him wonder what’s happening. We’ll give it three days, and then I will talk to him. We’ll go from there.”

The uneasiness in her stomach seemed to climb into her chest. “Three days? What if he—?” What if he hurts himself again?

“Allana.” Ben took a step toward her, his tone softening. “This could work, but not if you don’t commit to it. He has to believe he’s scared you away for good. He won’t break otherwise.”

She almost protested that she didn’t want to break him, that she didn’t want to break anyone – but that was a lie, wasn’t it? The truth was that something horrible had clicked in her head the moment she saw Festus punishing himself in that cell, and she knew right then the power she had over him, power that she could use. That she didn’t want that power was irrelevant; she could have dismissed this plan the moment she thought it up, could have let it remain a cold, slinking thing in the back of her head, but she didn’t.

Maybe you should be on the Hapan throne after all.

“Hey.” Ben took both her shoulders in his hands and waited for her to look up at him. “I know what you’re thinking, and you need to stop doing that to yourself. You’re not the bad guy here.”

Allana worried her bottom lip. “That isn’t how it feels.”

He shook his head and lowered his face so it was level with hers. “You’ve already given him way more consideration than he deserves. If he hurts himself now, that’s his choice.”

“It still feels wrong,” she said quietly. “Maybe we shouldn’t—”

“We are. We’re doing it. You need a break from him, and if I have to make that an order, I will.” Ben’s brow furrowed as he looked at her, searching. “Do I have to?”

“No,” she murmured. “You’re right.” She sagged against him and closed her eyes as he wrapped his arms around her. “I hate feeling this way.”

“I know.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “But you don’t have to worry. I’ll take care of it now.”

~~​

 

Superb update! I loved the contrasting tones/moods here, Davin and Dolan teasing and they and Roan so warm with Allana.

Arden's and Elias' loving happy family ...

All that to contrast with the Allana/Dorian (Festus) dynamic. Very intrigued by her conversation with Korh about what part is real and also by the plan she's suddenly thought up. I'm relieved Ben is helping her and is in agreement with it.

Eager to see how it pans out.

 

Aw, Ben, trying so hard to take care of the family after everything they've all been through

lolllll Luke and Mara would be so pleased that Ben still has people who love him and try to keep him centered

Methinks she doth protest too much

this trash king

He's trying hard, you've gotta give him that

Now imagining how Ferrus would have been handling this whole situation

Skywalkers do have some anger management issues

You get 'im, Allana

Not like that

I mean, yeah, obviously Ben's going to be worrying about that But also, they're so precious (I need a Ben story, Vi, it's very important)

It actually kind of is, Ben

LOL

Never mess with a Skywalker woman; they'll metaphorically gut you

And, depending on the woman, perhaps not so metaphorically as well

It absolutely cracks me up seeing him be so matter of factly imperious

Daaaang, Allana

Yup, that's Dorian, all right

You tell him, Roan

THAT'S RIGHT

Fair

She's learning

 

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

Thank you! I really had fun writing some of the other EtF characters ten years later. After the intensity of the first few chapters, I knew Allana (and the readers) would need a bit of a breather, and it was fun to bring in Davin and Dolan and Roan as teenagers. (Years and years ago, before I decided to write EtF, I originally imagined writing a LotF AU where Davin and Dolan were the 19yo protagonists, so this is actually a fair bit closer to how I initially envisioned them.)

I also enjoyed expanding on the family I imagined for Arden and Elias. A little more about them in the next chapter.

I really wanted to highlight that stark contrast, so I’m glad that stood out to you! The conversation with Kohr was one of the first steps I took toward articulating who Festus was as Dorian, and it’s what led to the further development of his character and backstory in TLotD, which I remain so pleased with.

As for the plan, we’ll see how that plays out…

More coming up next!




@Gabri_Jade

He’s the best, Gabri. Just the best.

I love these two and their relationship and their quasi-found family, and I love thinking that Luke and Mara and all their loved ones would be pleased with that.

status upgrade from trash lord to trash king achieved

He’s pretty convincing, isn’t he?

OMG GABRI WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT

*makes notes for yet another AU*

(let’s be real, I’m not actually complaining )

lol, just a tad

Allana’s not going to stand for anyone trying to hurt Ben.

They aaaarrrre (And how could he not? Yikes )

I think that’s going to be my next multi-chapter project after this and BtGotBS, tbh

I thought so, too

Clearly none of those Sith ever taught him how to flirt.

That’s right

lolol I shouldn’t have laughed, but I did

Right? So murderous and yet so amusing.

I’m gonna borrow one of the gifs Mira used a few posts back to reply to this:

I messed that sensitive little introvert up good

she still remembers

lol I love my next gen Solos

*imagines Luke and Wedge rising from the grave to demand that their great-nephew SHOW SOME RESPECT*

(I couldn’t resist)

Yep

That she is.



Next chapter up in a few!

 

~~

V. Isolation​

Allana stayed far away from the detention level as planned, and though she tried to set her mind to other things, she spent most of her time in an anxious fog, moving from one task to the next without motivation or interest, just waiting for each day to end. The first passed slowly and uneventfully; she went for a run outside and spent a few hours reading, and she let Davin and Dolan tell her all about their training trip while Roan quietly applied himself to his coursework. In between her other obligations, she made time for meditation, but rather than easing her spirit or giving her greater clarity or peace, she found that each attempt left her painfully aware of the tangled knot of resentment and frustration and—

(yearning, loneliness, need, come back, come back)

—bitter anger buried several levels below. She pulled away quickly every time, lest he recognize her presence and glean the truth of her deception. Afraid that she might give away the plan without meaning to, she avoided her friends in the enclave’s common spaces and spent most of her time alone.

The second day was much the same as the first, until Roan managed to convince her to go with him to the Cains’.

He said he wanted to go over his history notes with Jespin and Theora – Allana suspected he was more interested in seeing Theora than he was in studying, which was actually saying a lot – and so she humored him. If nothing else, she supposed she could ask for the flatcake recipe Arden had used the other night.

Roan disappeared into the back room with his friends, and Allana looked around for the two younger children.

“Elias took them down to the stream to swim,” Arden explained, pouring herself a cup of caf. “Want some?”

Allana accepted a cup and sat down at the table with Arden, where they chatted aimlessly for a while, covering a number of safe and well-worn topics ranging from Roan’s classes to her own Jedi training, with a few amusing tangents on the adventures of childrearing. Allana eventually asked for the flatcake recipe, and Arden offered her a whole container of berries to go with it. The conversation was winding down toward what she thought was its natural ending point when Arden decided to ask another question.

“So,” the older woman said nonchalantly, “how are things going with the Sith Lord in the basement?”

Allana nearly choked on her caf in response, and she looked over to see Arden calmly sipping from her own mug. “What?”

Arden raised one eyebrow. “That bad, huh?”

Allana looked around the room to assure herself that Roan and his friends hadn’t somehow heard. “How long have you known?”

Arden gave a casual shrug, but Allana could sense the concern she was trying to conceal. “Pretty much since he arrived.”

She couldn’t quite meet the other woman’s gaze. “What did Ben tell you about him?”

Arden set her drink down and crossed her arms loosely in front of her. “That he’s dangerous and he’s done a lot of bad things, and that he seems to have focused all his hatred of the Jedi on you.”

Laughter echoed from the back room. Allana stared down at the dark liquid in her cup, desperately hoping her face wasn’t as flushed as it felt. “Did he say anything else?”

“Just that he was on Vjun when we rescued the kids, and that he tried to kill you there. And that he’s run into you too many times over the last ten years for it to be a coincidence.” Arden sighed and leaned forward in her chair. “I can’t pretend to know how hard this is for you, but I can see how it’s affecting the rest of them, especially Ben. And I won’t lie and say that it’s been easy for me either, knowing there’s a Sith Lord caged up beneath us. Having Elias home helps, but still, it’s a lot.”

Allana grappled uselessly for something to say. Her first instinct was to apologize, but that felt like a hollow gesture when it wouldn’t change anything. Arden continued without seeming to notice the lack.

“I know you already know this, but Ben’s on your side. Everything he does, he does to keep you and everyone here safe. I know he’ll listen, if there’s anything you need to say.”

Allana adjusted her grip on the mug. “Did he put you up to this?” she tried to say lightly, and failed.

Arden’s expression softened. “No, but I wouldn’t have blamed him if he did. He just wants to help you.”

“I don’t—” She fought back a sudden swell of emotion as she stumbled over her words. “I don’t know how to talk about this… with him.” She took a deep breath and pressed her lips in a tight line to stop them trembling. “I don’t know what to say.”

Arden looked over at the cup she’d placed on the table. “Could you talk to Tahiri?”

Allana tried to imagine how that conversation would go. “I don’t know. Maybe. But she and Ulin aren’t due back for months.”

“Could you talk to me? You know… woman to woman?”

Her stomach twisted at the unspoken implication. “It’s not like that,” she insisted. “I don’t… I’m not…”

“It’s okay, Allana, I’m not asking you to explain. I’m sure it’s… complicated.”

Allana swallowed and glanced toward the hallway Roan and his friends had disappeared down. She didn’t sense anything unusual from them; just a content, happy hum in the Force as they worked together.

“He wasn’t always like this,” she murmured. The mug in her hands had cooled, and she clasped her fingers tightly around it. “He was… different. I think… I think we might have become friends, if he hadn’t been taken.”

Arden tilted her head sympathetically. “Maybe more than friends?”

Allana didn’t answer; she couldn’t find the words. She didn’t want to find the words.

“It isn’t wrong to feel conflicted, or to imagine how things might have been. Those kinds of thoughts are completely normal and understandable. I think it speaks to how kind you are, that you could even… especially after everything that’s happened…”

She sensed Arden’s hesitance to continue; it was like watching rain clouds crowd out the sun, and Allana braced herself.

“But you have to be careful, Allana. Whatever he was before, he hasn’t been that person for a long time.” Arden sighed and her eyes darted toward the back room, and when she spoke again, her words were soft and deliberate. “You know that Jespin and Theora were on Vjun?”

Even after ten years, the memory of that day was a lingering shadow that refused to fade. Tears pricked at Allana’s eyes, and she inhaled deep and nodded. “Yes.”

Arden’s gaze grew distant. “Theora was so young,” she explained. “I don’t think she remembers most of the details anymore, or maybe she’s blocked them out… but Jespin was older, he was there longer. He could sense what they were doing to the others… he still has nightmares sometimes.”

Allana lowered her chin, eyes fixed on her lap. “So does Roan,” she said softly.

Arden nodded solemnly. “You try to help them understand that it wasn’t their fault, that they didn’t deserve what happened to them. But that’s a hard thing for anyone to accept, let alone a child.” Her gaze refocused on Allana, and there was a beseeching look in her eyes. “I just want to protect them. They’ve been through so much already, and when Ben told me one of the people responsible for it was here… ”

Allana’s fingers tightened reflexively around her drink. I only ever watched.

The look in Festus’s eyes when he’d said those words… she’d never seen him look like that before, not ever. It was the first time he hadn’t taken full advantage of an opportunity to flaunt his monstrosity in her face. Almost as if… but no, what did it matter whether he was ashamed of what he’d done? It wouldn’t change what happened back then, and it certainly wouldn’t make up for everything those children had endured.

“I’m sorry,” Arden said, exhaling loudly. She picked up her caf and took a distracted sip. “I didn’t mean to blindside you with that; I know you didn’t choose any of this.”

“It’s fine,” Allana said quickly, feeling her cheeks flush again, and nearly tipping her cup over as she placed it on the table. “Really, it’s fine— it’s—”

Her breath caught as her brother’s presence suddenly intruded upon her awareness; she whipped her head around to find him standing at the edge of the dining room, staring at her with awkward concern.

“Hey.” Roan glanced hesitantly between her and Arden. “We’re done studying.”

Before either of them could respond, Jespin and Theora joined Roan, laughing over some joke no one else had heard. Arden’s solemn demeanor shifted instantly to that of the long-suffering but loving parent.

“You finished everything you needed to?” she asked as she rose from the table and swept away both cups of caf.

“Yep!” Jespin stretched his arms behind his back. “We thought we’d go down to the stream with Dad.”

Arden waved happily. “Sounds good to me. Just be back before dark.”

The Cain siblings exchanged a mischievous grin, and Theora tugged lightly on Roan’s arm. “Come on!”

Roan shouldered his bag and shrugged sheepishly at Allana as he hurried out the door after his friends. An awkward silence followed before Arden finally cleared her throat. Allana turned to see her pulling a container out of the conservator.

“Here are those bilaberries,” she said gently. “Let me know how your flatcakes turn out.”

Allana accepted the berries and attempted a smile, though her throat was still tight. “I will.”

“And if you need to talk again, I’m here.”

Allana acknowledged the offer with a nod and left the apartment without another word.

~~​

She went for another run, one that took her away from the enclave to a stretch of coastline along Meraine’s nearby Beryl Sea. There was a grass-lined cliff there that overlooked a secluded, sandy cove; it was one of the only places on this planet where she felt like… herself, in a way she still didn’t fully understand. It was also one of the few places she could rely on to be devoid of people. The Jedi spent far more time outside the enclaves than they had during the war, but even with the old restrictions lifted, she had yet to come across anyone else when she visited this spot.

The breeze today was strong, and while the sky overhead was azure blue and bright with sunlight, a veil of gray clouds was beginning to amass on the horizon, heralding an approaching rainstorm. Allana followed a lightly-worn path through the beachgrass, down the side of the cliff to the cove, where the tide had rolled in as far as it could and was lapping insistently at a few bleached-white rocks that stood watch along the shore. She climbed atop one of those rocks and pulled off her boots to let her toes dangle in the warm, frothy water.

As she listened to the waves break against the cliff wall, she closed her eyes and pictured the scene from her holocube: her mother’s friends playing in the water, and her mother standing off to the side with whoever was taking the holo. Allana had never known a life like that. She’d made friends over the years, but they’d never given themselves over to the sort of unrestrained silliness and carefree fun that she saw when she looked at that old holo. Or maybe it was just her who had never done so. Unlike her friends, who had spent their early years at the Jedi Academy on Ossus before being hidden away in the enclaves, Allana was raised in the shadow of the Hapan elite – isolated from the worst aspects of the court, yes, but still lonely despite her mother’s best efforts.

Was that why she still remembered the boy who’d stood up for her so many years ago? Not because he’d rescued her precious toy, but because when she spied on him in the days after, she saw that he was just as lonely as she was?

That boy you knew is gone, and he’s never coming back.

She stared down at the water, at the ripples swirling out around her feet, and the tears that had threatened her earlier gathered in her eyes once more. Every voice around her was telling her to let go, to move on, to be careful and be rational and do the right thing, even though she wasn’t sure anymore what the right thing was, or whether she could trust the voice inside her own heart when it whispered in conflict with all the others, reminding her of what might have been.

I’m a monster.

That’s all I am.

She touched her throat where his hand had wrapped around it – twice now, and that should have been enough reason to stay as far away from him as possible. It was enough reason. It was more than enough.

She closed her eyes again and wiped away the tears that slipped past her lashes, and she reached out into the current of the Force, following eddies of energy here and there until one brought her back to the enclave and to all the life within. She was too far away to discern between most of its residents, although she recognized the unique patterns of sun-bright warmth that were her brother and her cousins. They existed within a mostly tranquil river of light, but there was something else, something dark and still beneath that river, a stone that didn’t belong.

His presence was unobtrusive enough that anyone who didn’t realize he was there likely wouldn’t pay the feeling any mind, assuming that it was caused by some distant disturbance. And yet the flowing waters of her perception rippled as they passed over him, subtly altered by even that fleeting contact. It had always been like that with him, ever since that day on the beach of Kordros. Subtly and irrevocably altered.

Could you have ever loved me?

She withdrew from the current and looked up at the horizon, at the gray clouds gathering there, casting a pall over the shimmering green sea. The rain would be here soon; she should return to the enclave now if she wanted to avoid it. She picked up her boots and slid off the rock, making a small splash in the shallow tide, and she followed the same path through the beachgrass, listening all the while to the steadily increasing turbulence of the waves as they hurled themselves against the cliff.

~~​

She dreamed that night. She didn’t know what she dreamed of, only that it had been quiet and sad and seemed to last a lifetime, the way some dreams do. And even though she couldn’t remember the dream beyond the hazy, ephemeral whisperings of sorrow and longing, when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror that next morning, she felt strangely and profoundly bereft, and she wanted nothing more than to go back to that place, wherever it was she’d been.

~~​

Allana was eating lunch alone on the third day when her brother and her twin cousins entered the dining hall, their hair and clothes damp with sweat and eyes bright with fatigue. It was clear they’d just finished sparring practice; even from this distance, she could hear their good-natured ribbing. They spotted her and waved, and as they came over and crowded around her table, she wrinkled her nose. “Guys, come on, I’m trying to eat here!”

Davin looked down at his sweat-soaked shirt. “What?”

Allana leaned away from him. “You should really consider showering before coming in here.”

“But we’re hungry,” Roan said with an uncharacteristic whine.

Allana stifled a laugh and smiled up at them. “How was practice?”

Davin turned his gaze on Dolan. “Oh, it was great. Beautiful.”

Dolan glared at his brother. “Not like you did any better.”

Allana looked back and forth between them. “What happened?”

Davin’s face broke into the widest grin. “Ben ran our practice today.”

“Ouch.” She scrunched up her face in mock pain. “How long did you last?”

Dolan mumbled something indecipherable; Allana turned to Davin for clarification.

“Less than a minute.” Davin’s brown eyes gleamed in triumph. “Ben didn’t even break a sweat.”

“I still beat the pants off of you.” Dolan crossed his arms over his chest, looking positively sullen.

“And I’m still a better pilot!”

Roan stood abruptly. “And I’m still hungry!” He started toward the lunch line, and Davin and Dolan followed after him, their rivalry renewed as they jostled for a place in line.

Allana watched with a smile as they left. It still amazed her how her cousins could instantly elevate the mood of an entire room just by walking into it. They sailed along through life buoyed by their confidence and their unwavering loyalty to each other and to their friends, and Roan was frequently swept up in their wake, pulled to greater heights and pushed into the spotlight with them. Davin and Dolan were fiercely protective of her little brother, and they never let anyone treat him differently for who his parents had been. She was grateful for that.

“Mind if I sit?”

She looked up from her musings to see Kohr standing across from her, looking unusually drawn. He didn’t have his lunch yet, so she assumed this wasn’t a social visit. Her stomach churned as she motioned for him to join her.

“Where’s Dira?” She’d only seen her friend a few times in passing since she’d been back, and they hadn’t had much time to talk.

Kohr smiled a little. “She’s meeting me down here. She’s finally getting her appetite back.”

“I hear morning sickness is no joke.”

“She hasn’t really gotten sick, thankfully. She just hasn’t felt like eating much.”

“Didn’t Karanya say that’s normal at this stage?”

“Yeah.” Kohr folded his arms on the table, and his presence grew more hesitant. “I just got off my shift downstairs.”

“Oh.” She still hadn’t told Kohr about the plan – Ben said it was best to keep Festus’s guards in the dark, lest they inadvertently tip him off to what was going on – but something must be up if he was seeking her out here. “Is he— did something happen?”

Kohr shrugged one shoulder. “He didn’t try to escape or kill himself or anything, if that’s what you’re asking. He’s been pretty calm, mostly.”

“He has?” Why didn’t she find that comforting?

“Yeah. Yesterday and the day before he sat in complete silence and barely even moved except to eat his meals.”

Allana twisted her hands together under the table. “What about today?”

Kohr leaned back a little and frowned. “Today he was… agitated. Spent most of my shift scowling at the door. He seemed like he was testing the restraints a few times. Nothing violent, though. Ames said he was like that during his shift, too.”

She kept her gaze fixed on her meal tray, on the kibla greens and violet rice she’d left mostly untouched. “Did he eat today?”

“Allana.” She looked up to find Kohr watching her with concern. “You shouldn’t give him so much space in your head. I figured that’s why you— I mean, I know you were upset after the other day, and now with Ben not allowing anyone down there… I just didn’t want you to keep worrying.”

She was tempted to tell him everything, but she bit her tongue. “I appreciate it,” she said softly.

“I know. And yes, he did eat today.” Kohr stood up and sighed. “I’d better go. Knowing my luck, there won’t be anything left once the Solo boys finish plowing through the line.”

Allana offered a half-hearted wave. “Thanks, Kohr. See you.”

She watched him go, trying to remember the last time she’d seen a genuine smile on his face. Kohr had always been the carefree jokester among their group of friends, so it was jarring to see him so serious and restrained, even if she understood the reasons for it. Between the long hours he’d already logged standing guard outside Festus’s cell and his concern for Dira and the baby, he was under more than his share of stress.

She hadn’t considered any of that when she’d asked Ben to bring Festus here. She hadn’t considered Kohr’s family, or Elias and Arden’s, or any of the others. She hadn’t even considered her own. She’d been so stupidly and selfishly shortsighted.

Across the room, Roan and the twins exited the lunch line and started to make their way over to her, but she stood and waved them off, nodding toward the door to indicate she was on her way out. Roan’s smile faltered for an instant, but then Davin looped an arm around his shoulders, chattering away loudly as he and Dolan led her brother to another table currently occupied by a few of their friends. She heaved a quiet sigh at the sight of them before slipping away.

~~​

The door chime to her quarters sounded in the early evening, when most of the enclave’s residents should have been at dinner, and Allana got up from the chair where she’d been reading and stretched out with her senses to see who was there. She didn’t feel anything at all, and that sent a shard of panic stabbing through her. There was only one person she knew who could make himself so small in the Force as to be invisible.

She hurried to open the door and found Ben standing in the corridor, pale and silent. He held out a datachip, and she noticed the way his hand wavered as she reached out to take it from him.

“Are you okay?” she asked, the words thick in her throat.

He shook his head, refusing to meet her gaze. “Promise you won’t hate me too much after.” He turned to leave, and she took a step after him.

“Ben, wait.”

He stopped but didn’t face her. “Just watch it, Allana. I need to get out of here for a while.”

She watched him go, then shut the door behind her, the datachip pressed tightly in her hand. Her heart raced as she crossed the room, picked up her vidscreen, and plugged the chip in.

An image of the detention cell filled the screen. Festus was sitting on the ledge, hands still bound behind him, slouched forward and staring at the floor. A shaft of light stretched out before him as the cell door slid open, and he bolted upright.

She heard the distinctive buzz of the energy shield lowering and rising again, and Ben stepped down into view, most of his face aimed away from the camera. Festus glared up at Ben, then shifted his gaze toward the steps, searching.

“She’s not coming back,” Ben said in a perfectly even tone, the picture of Jedi composure. “You get to deal with me now.”

Festus bared his teeth at his captor. “I already told you I won’t talk to anyone else. Especially not you.”

“Please. You haven’t said anything useful since you arrived here.” Ben crossed his arms over his chest and nodded back toward the door. “What you have managed to do is scare away the one person who actually gave a damn about you.”

Allana’s stomach lurched a little as she watched Festus clench his jaw tight, a dangerous look in his eyes.

“Not that I’m complaining,” Ben continued with a shrug. “If I have anything to say about it, you’ll spend the rest of your miserable life in a cell just like this one, and you’ll never see her again.”

The vicious gleam in Festus’s eyes turned murderous, and his breath shook as he exhaled.

“You might have had her fooled for a while, might have even convinced her that there was something in that twisted heart of yours worth saving – but that’s over now. Whatever chance you thought you’d have to sink your sick, psychopathic claws into her, it’s gone. She knows the truth.”

Ben paused, and Festus dropped his gaze to the floor, a faint, mirthless smile creeping across his face. After a handful of silent seconds, Ben shook his head and let out a derisive snort, and said in a voice filled with cold disdain:

“I’m sure she’s relieved that she doesn’t have to spend any more time with a monster like you.”

Festus surged forward without warning, jerking violently against his bonds, as if the carefully woven threads of his inner restraint had suddenly snapped. “And who made me that way, Master Skywalker?” he screamed, hurling the words with such ferocity and acidity that Allana clapped a hand over her mouth in shock.

Ben didn’t appear to react, but she still couldn’t see his face. “I am not responsible for what you’ve become.”

“You shut up!” Festus raged. “You abandoned us there! I waited for over a year, and I did everything he wanted, every disgusting thing, and I went crazy, and still when you showed up I thought it was finally over, and you just left us there! You abandoned us!” His chest heaved as he finished his tirade; the pure hatred in his eyes made Allana desperate to look away.

“You had a choice,” Ben said, but his words sounded hollow and uncertain.

“Join or die,” Festus spat out. “How many ten-year-olds do you know who would’ve chosen death?” He flexed his arms roughly against the binders. “Submit, or watch him slice up the only person you have left, because Force-sensitive twins are so fascinating. You’re right, Skywalker, I did have a choice. I chose to survive.”

The only thing filling the silence that followed was the sound of Festus’s ragged breathing. The two men stared at each other, the Sith Lord refusing to yield, and Allana’s heart hammered in her chest as she tried to process everything she was witnessing.

“You know what’s really crazy?” A wild laugh ripped from Festus’s throat. “I was so close to becoming a real monster. They were going to start implanting me with Vong tech, but your old master stopped it. Guess he took a liking to me even before he stole Krayt’s identity. Hey, maybe that’s why I got promoted so young! And if Allana’s father approved of me, really, who are you to argue?”

Festus slammed back against the wall, his head hitting the metal with a sickening crack, his body held in place by the Force as Ben advanced on him. He smiled through the pain. “Does she know how spectacularly you failed on Yalena?”

Ben didn’t lift a finger, but as he took another step toward his captive, Allana saw the muscles in Festus’s throat contract.

“You don’t talk about her.” The tightly controlled fury in Ben’s voice sent a shiver through her. “You don’t even think about her.”

Festus gasped, struggling for air. “You can’t… stop me.”

A whispered threat. “I can.”

Festus glared up at him, daring him to continue. “You won’t,” he choked out. “Your precious Code… your precious rules…”

Allana saw the very edge of a smirk on Ben’s face. “I’ve never really been one to follow the rules.” He leaned in close to Festus. “I guess I get that from my grandfather.”

Festus’s eyes went wide, and he tried to say something but couldn’t get the words out. Allana remembered the sight of him hanging in the air on Vjun, helpless in the face of Anakin’s rage – that same Skywalker rage she was watching now as tears rolled down her cheeks. She knew these events had already played out, that she couldn’t change what was happening this time. And she realized that it wasn’t just Ben’s soul she was afraid for – it was Festus’s life as well.

The Sith captive sagged forward, head bent over his body, and for one terrible moment, Allana was sure he was dead. Then he started to breathe, and she breathed, too, and she didn’t want to think about the relief that flooded her.

When Festus finally looked up at Ben, Allana thought he might mock her former master for being too weak to kill him. But he only studied him, his chest heaving with each breath, and when he did speak, it was a strangled whisper.

“She never would have forgiven you.”

Ben’s response was equally quiet. “I know. That’s why you’re still alive.”

He turned to leave, and Allana finally got a glimpse of his entire face. There was just… nothing. She thought of how he’d been so quick to leave earlier, unable to even look at her.

Ben hesitated at the bottom step, then turned back just enough to meet Festus’s angry stare, his voice still void of emotion. “You know she won’t forgive you either.”

The younger man looked away, and that bitter anger morphed into something she couldn’t quite place. “Of course not,” he said. “How can she?”

Ben left without another word. Festus stared after him, his expression nearly as empty as Ben’s had been. His labored breathing was loud in the stillness that followed, and then he closed his eyes and bowed his head, and the recording came to an end.

~~​