A Marvel a Day Could Well Cause Sanity Issues

Funny...considering how people always seem to fly from on side of the galaxy to the other on whim and hunches, it is sure taking Boba Fett an awfully long time to reach Jabba the Hutt.

 

I figure Boba stopped off for a couple of rounds at the local cantina.

That turned into 5,000.

 

So what is Fett metabolism like for alcohol? I mean, I'm guessing Corellians have high ALDH levels. But we have no idea what it's like for Jango and his kids.

 

Star Wars 68#

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Title: "The Search Begins"

Summary: The Heroes of Yavin (plus Lando) proceed to go forth to seach for Captain Solo at last. Leia gets a long internal monologue about the events of A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back while wearing a Rebel Flight outfit. She then tells Threepio that she's going after Dengar, conspicously called "A cyborg named Dengar", who will probably know when and when/where Boba Fett's rendevouz with Jabba the Hutt will be. Princess Leia then sets off for the planet MANDALORE!

Leia comments that Threepio will be largely useless, no surprise, on Mandalore due to the fact that most of them speak "Galaxy Standard." Leia almost immediately encounters some slaves being escorted from weird animal back by a group of mounted slavers. They're also guarded by Stormtroopers. Leia knows she's going to be in serious trouble if she helps the slavers but she still has her blaster pistol out. In an uncharacteristic move, Leia decides NOT to single handedly take on the whole group.

That's when the slavers are assaulted by a mysterious force of armed warriors led by a man in a jet pack! Leia thinks she's found Boba Fett, however the audience is immediately clued into the fact that there's something very off by the fact that the Mandalorian bounces around the battle field like Eroll Flynn while speaking with a very pronounced Irish accent. Leia still, against her better judgement, helps fight the slavers. That includes, instinctively, saving the armored figure's life. Leia drops her gun when ambushed by a man from behind. The armored man chivalously tries to return it. Leia then says she's going to kill Boba Fett with her bare hands and doesn't need it.

That's when Fenn Shysa removes his helmet and says he recognizes her as "That princess lady from the Rebel alliance" while continuing talking like a Leprechaun. He invites her to the victory feast and Leia, visibly disgusted by Fenn, asks if she has a choice to attend and he says "Not at all." It's hilarious because Fenn thinks he's being playfully flirty like Han used to do while getting all the signals of 'I hate you and wish you were dead, guy who looks like my archnemesis' as just being a bit of an Ice Queen.

We find out that Mandalorians live in houses built into the side of trees, living less like the Wookiees of Kashkyyk or Ewoks than the Keebler elves. Fenn then says that he's a lot like Leia fighting against injustice and villainy while she basically says that he probably only rescues slaves to make em join his army. It's hilarious actually, how much she honestly hates him. Fenn ignores this and says that he used to work for Mandalore's government. Then the government of Mandalore sent him to fight on the side of Palpatine during the Clone Wars. It was during this briefing session that he became acquainted with Princess Leia (!?). Eventually, they won the war but 212 Mandalorian Protectors died in the battle. Only 3 survived, himself, another guy, and Boba Fett.

[I must very strongly resist making a tasteless culturalist joke about Fenn having dipped into the sauce before relating this story given how it relates to canon]

We then find out that Dengar has been taken prisoner by the Mandalorians already, mostly because he's total scum. They have him in a cage suspended from one of their Keebler Elf trees and basically taunt him from it. Leia intends to take Dengar back to the Rebellion and make him talk. Fenn, however, says that his friend from the war has been captured by the Empire and they've agreed to exchange Dengar's sorry behind for him. Leia, of course refuses to take this lying down.

Princess Leia, Grand Admiral Thrawn she is not, then comes up with the brilliant plan of luring Fenn out for a romantic moonlight stroll. Fenn falls for it and gets clubbed in the head for it before Leia breaks Dengar out of the cage in exchange for information on Boba Fett's whereabouts. Dengar, to no su

 

As proper New Zealand tough guys, they can probably drink straight motor oil and probably on fire.

 

Ah, there's Fenn Shysa^^. I've been waiting for him.

Also, can't really fault them for the backstory, because even Timothy Zahn never gets it straight in the TTT. Sometimes, the Clone Wars are 50 years ago, sometimes 30 and sometimes Leia was involved.

I'm not really aware why them working for Palpatine would have been such a problem? Or does he imply "for Palpatine, against the Republic"? That would also fit together with the interpretation of history as given in the TTT where the Empire and the Republic seem to have coexisted for a while...

All of which seems very strange to me since the backstory in the ANH novelization is pretty much exactly like the PT later shows...

But, I have to give a salute for a way to retcon Padmé into this story.

And I feel like saying "like father, like daughter" - always save your boyfriend/girlfriend first, before thinking. ^^

 

I return to the best Lit thread going since Luke-Mara sex went down, to find I have missed the heroic Hoojib army defending a curiously sentient C3PO. All I wanted to say before it's too far in the rearview mirrors is that Marvel authors were scripting things by drawing character straws out of somebody's fist. It's the only reasonable explanation so it must be the accurate one.

Given that premise their horrible output seems almost heroic, eh? [face_alien_1]

 

I wouldn't be surprised if someone passed the hat around that way.

and 3PO is always sentient. So is R2.

Because Anakin has done TERRIBLE things with their circuitry. Muhahahahahaha!

 

Yanno, that's funny, because Mando'a is the only language every EU fan knows a few words to. (Mainly because Traviss has been pushing Mando'a.) Whatever. Kudos to Marvel for actually fleshing out Leia's caharacter. And it's nice to see the girl rescue the guy for once in ROTJ.

 

I envy you.

 

God, yet another retcon. Is there nothing that the EU writers are willing to just disregard?

 

Ewoks. They disregarded Ewoks.

 

My response was going to be, "I sure hope not."

But given the new Jedi Academy Training Manual, I now know my hopes are in vain. They're willing to disregard everything.

 

Star Wars 69#

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Title: "Death in the City of Bone."

Summary: Dengar has captured Princess Leia and her droid. It's hilarious as C3PO keeps trying to get the Stormtroopers and Dengar to treat her with the respect due a Princess. The Stormtroopers and Dengar are so happy to have captured her, they more or less ignore that they can just shoot the droid to shut him up. Threepio does make a funny line that "If they had wanted droids to fly, they would have manufactured them with rockets."

Leia recaps the last issue in her head before heading to the Imperial Garrison made out of the bones of a DRAGON. Were the thing not so damn cool looking, I'd say it was the stupidest thing ever but it really is incredibly impressive on page. Inside, there's a massive slave market that the Imperial Governor is apparently running on the side as opposed to standard Imperial policy. They feed the slaves still living insects and mud apparently.

Leia is then introduced into the imperial Governor, the Suprema. He's an alien who has done well for himself and has tastes in decor that Leia comments on. Specifically, the guy keeps a life-sized hologram of Darth Vader in his office. Interestingly enough, he looks like a Ssi'ruuk and it would be interesting if he was retconned into being one.

Leia gives the weirdest threat of her life when supreme starts looking at her like she's dessert on his dinner plate. Yes, Fenn Shysa will make him pay! The guy Leia conked unconscious 20 minutes ago. She has remarkable faith in the man she's known for about a day. Leia has gotten too used to being rescued by random strangers. But Suprema then says that Tobbi Dala, the only other Mandalorian of note on the planet, has already been broken and he points to his armor.

Leia is then escorted to the Dungeons when Fenn once more reveals himself as underneath one of the Stormtrooper's armor. Yes, Fenn Shysa has taken over the comic! Remarkably forgiving of Leia, possibly because she sprung the trap that was meant for him, Fenn then makes a deal that he'll give her Dengar if she helps him rescue Tobbi. Pages of gratituous action follow as Leia and Fenn infiltrate the Imperial Dungeon levels and by infiltrate, I mean they kill every Imperial in Mandalore. They capture Dengar and they rescue Tobbi. Tobbi is now shaved and largely insane. The three of them then go after Suprema. Tobbi goes nuts and attacks him only to be shot by him.

Ignoring that Supreme is very much alive, Fenn exchanges some words with his dying friend and then busts out with Princess Leia. The Slaves have already been released by this point and drop some of the slop fed to them on the Imperials while Leia zooms out on the ship they stole. Tobbi puts on his armor with his dying breath and then seals off the base right after them. Supreme gets up from being clobbered and asks if he's insane since the Imperials chasing after Leia will collide against the blast doors and blow the entire base up. Tobbi, who is dying from a blaster bolt to the chest, says that's the idea and he's a Mandalorian now that he wears his armor again.

Leia then interrogates Dengar who coughs up some minor clues about Boba Fett's possible whereabouts but doesn't know anything really. Fenn says that they blew up the slavers base but the Empire is not going to be remotely impeded in its slaving operations on Mandalore and that they didn't get anything really useful out of him. Leia then says "Sometimes the bad guys win." We then cut to Lando and Chewbacca shaking down some people on the Wheel for info on Han.

Thoughts: Dengar is now going to be an extraordinarily rich man for capturing Princess Leia. Do you think Boba Fett got the reward for Chewbacca and Leia in addition to Han Solo? If so, I don't blame him for not going to Jabba immediately. If I was Boba Fett, I'd immediately make a b-line to Zeltros and blow half on magenta colored girls and booze, the rest I would spend foolishly.

 

Well, what a nice Klingon death for the third to last Mandalorian. Also, nice to see this armor fixation is quite old.

The base made of bones does sound pretty cool, in a "shove disbelief out of the airlock" kind of way. ^^

The Fenn Shysa scenes make me think of Han's hilarious commentary on Shysa and the Mandalorians in general in Shadows of Mindor. I laughed myself almost silly there and now I understand it even better.

 

I like how he has a slave market and has a giant holo of Darth Vader. Yeah, I know, he doesn't know Vader's history, but it's still ironic.

 

Star Wars 70#

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Title: The Stenax Shuffle.

Summary: Luke, Lando, and Chewie are headed to the planet Stenos in the Falcon. They're talking about some previous adventures as they look for Han. Luke, Chewie, and the rest of the have already been to Stenos however. Luke then decides to tell a flashback story that will cover the rest of the issue.

Luke, Han, Chewie, and Leia land on Stenos and find it inhabited by a bunch of pruple winged skeleton looking people who wear loin-cloths. It's controlled by Stromtroopers and an Imperial Governor who actually just wanders around the place looking to make sure that everyone is doing what they're told named Quorl Martin. Oddly, this doesn't come off as stupid as it seems since its one city and the locals are thoroughly cowed. Basically, Quorl has probably the worst assignment in the Empire.

Quorl, of course, is also another candidate for the worst Imperial of all time because the Heroes of Yavin PASS three feet past the guy in a sea of purple aliens and doesn't recognize the people who destroyed the Death Star. Hell, Princess Leia is still in her outfit leftover from the Death Star with the cinamon bun hairstyle.

Our heroes then investigate an old mountain monastary, like the kind in For Your Eyes Only, where they find the Rebellion has cleared out from the base they were inhabiting here and everyone is disappointed. Leia remarks that she wonders why the Empire even bothered to assign troopers to Stenos given the populous is thoroughly cowed and there's literally NOTHING to interest them. Oddly, Martin was an important man in the Empire as well so his assignment here makes even less sense.

That's when our heroes are gotten the drop on by three mercenaries. Rik Duel, Dani, and Chihido. It's rather stupid of them because you can't have three people get the drop on four people with guns and a guy with a lightsaber. Rik Duel is pretty obviously Han Solo with a beard and different pants. Dani is not a particularly well drawn Zeltron as she comes off as vaguely repulsive with her large forehead and almost resembles Aurra Sing with her hair down.

Basically, the mercenaries are recognized by Han Solo and have some chit chat with him. Rik says that Han's reputation is mud amongst smugglers since he joined the Rebel Alliance. Dani tries to hit on Luke repeatedly, Rik tries to hit on Leia though Leia denies she's Princess Leia since Rik would sell her for a 1/100th of her bounty, and Chihido is ignored because hes' a Rodian.

Our heroes then find out that Rik is after a stone idol called The God of the Stenaxes. Rik more or less talks our heroes into helping him dig it out of the temple because it would be an excellent way to inspire the people to rebel against the Empire. Rik more or less OBVIOUSLY lies that the Rebels on the planet were looking for it themselves.

Everyone joins in digging for the Idol and briefly go down to talk to the locals, who give them all of Rik Duel's archaelogical equipment for free because they're banned from returning to their High Places on the planet until the idol is returned. Of course, no sooner do our heroes find the statue when Rik betrays them and intends to turn the Idol over to the Empire who will use it to make them slaves forever. The Empire then zooms in on Han who wants to shoot Rik for betraying them but its all a distraction so they can escape. The heroes of Yavin are saved by the Stenaxas who are ticked that Rik has betrayed them and attack the Empire en masse. They're mad at Han though for not having the Stenax but Han says he knows where it is.

As they escape, Rik says that he's actually going to sell the Idol to someone richer than Martin, when Martin then double crosses THEM and takes the idol for himself. He then orders Rik's execution when the Stenax attacks them both. Rik duel then screams so loud that his bubbles are scene above the planet as the Falcon takes off.

Thoughts: A nice crime caper.

 

Well, using Lando would mean they'd have to let him flirt with girls. And that would probably have been against a law somewhere. [/sarcasm]

But it's always cute to have Han channel Indy^^.

 

Why build your Imperial base in a gigantic Dragon Skeleton? The proper Imperial Overlord's answer is why "Why WOULDN'T you?" This is before the Zahnification of the EU and the Empire is more like Ming the Merciless. It's less structured and more inclined to do weird stuff for its own sake. There's also a certain assumption that the Empire is not NEARLY as powerful as it will be later on.

We'll see the fact the Empire was quite fragile in the Marvelverse after the Battle of Endor.

I also like how utterly random it is really. The guy keeps a holo-statue of Darth Vader in his room because he genuinely admires the guy. It's a neat little bit of character building that sadly is lost when he goes up in flame.

Poor Lando gets ONE romantic story in the ENTIRE comic series.

BTW,

An amusing fact for those who have access to the letter issues. At least half the letters printed in 71# were by female fans and their numbers were pretty consistently represented.

 

Did you finally fail your sanity Check? Or run out of Marvels?

*is waiting for the next issue*

 

No, more that I was focused on Shatterpoint these past few days.

;-)

 

Star Wars 71#

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Title: "Return to Stenos"

Summary: Lando and Luke are looking for Bossk and IG-88, since apparently those two hang out a lot. The two of them talk for a bit and head into the Stenos bar. Apparently, since they returned the magic idol thingy, there's no natives on the ground and it's all just aliens and humans. That's because all of the native Stenax residents have returned to their cliffs and high places. Luke and Lando have a humorous moment where Lando chastises the Jedi Knight for being conspicous right before someone shouts "Stop that man! He's Lando Calrissian!"

Thus, we are introduced to the incredibly fat and useless Captain Drebble. Drebble places a ten thousand credit bounty, dead or alive, on Lando's head. Of course, EVERY SINGLE PATRON IN THE BAR IS A BOUNTY HUNTER. It becomes a massive bar fight with blasters everywhere that strangely don't go through wooden tables (face palm) and serve as excellent cover for Luke and Lando (face palm two) while also them able to dodge blaster shots from 5 FEET AWAY (triple face palm) being fired by what appears to literally be over a hundred guys (now banging my head).

Lando and Luke, of course, escape. Drebble is angry at all of the bar patrons who were defeated by our heroes literally bringing down the ceiling on them with Luke's lightsaber. Drebble gets a sock in the teeth when he tries to order everyone around. Amusingly, IG-88 steps out of the shadows. Apparently, the Droid had stopped in the bar for a can of oil or something and the pair had just missed him (oh brother). Luke and Lando see Bossk in the crowd of alien locals but find he's just another Tradoshan while Drebble's people chase them through the city. That's when they're pulled into an allyway by RIK DUEL! Luke pulls a lightsaber on him and seems to consider killing him, which is pretty unusual for the Jedi.

Rik Duel says that he managed to survive the Stenaxes by saying that Governor Manik was profaning the idol and running away, which is a simple but apparently effective strategy that eliminated one Imperial governor. That's when Luke is jumped by Dani. Not to save Rik, who she clearly could care whether lives or dies (honeymoon is over for them- it seems). But to practically nuzzle Luke to death. Rik wants to join forces with Luke to get off the planet. They mention Chihido but Rik being the wonderful character that he is, more or less says that he doesn't care where he is (Dani literally says it). Luke and Lando more or less just blow them off before spotting Bossk transporting someone frozen in carbonite.

Another action scene later, our heroes take down the guards on the carbonite block in a nearby building and discover that it is actually Rik Duel's rodian partner. They've also been ambushed by every bounty hunter in the city at point blank range.

Thoughts: There's some truly ridiculous fighting in this comic book. Basically, it seems to function on Star Wars SAGA rules, since Luke and Lando survive only by being 11th level while everyone else is 4th level Thugs that can't get past their Reflex Defense. It's how I mentally retcon Greedo missing Han at Point Blank range in the Special Editions. Still, it is hilarious to see Lando lecture Luke on being smoothe before the awful "villain" Captain Drebble is introduced. Never in my life did I ever imagine I would miss Rokur Gepta as a Lando Calrissian archnemesis but at least he was a kind of weird wizard that had some menace to him (you know, before we found out he was a snail).

Captain Drebble, unfortunately, is what passes for Lando Calrissian's archnemesis. He not only shows up here but makes an appearance in several other issues. He even makes it into Tales where he almost ruins Lando Calrissian's chance at becoming Baron Administrator of Cloud City. The problem is that Captain Drebble is a whiny, irritating, obese, balding weirdo who is also a moron. It's like if Luke Skywalker's archnemesis

 

Lando just has no luck with his Nemesises^^. They are all lame.

Just as he has no luck with his plots.

And Dani is a Zeltron? They are that old?

 

1. Yep, sadly so.

2. Yes, the Zeltrons are the major EU lore contribution of Marvel comics. The Zeltrons not only show up with Dani, who is the first on-camera Zeltron, but we also eventually will visit Zeltros. Leia will also get a small harem/boy band of Zeltron hand-guys who follow her around as her stylists and dress markers/bodyguards (despite them being nearly useless in combat). Apparently, they sense her Force Sensitivity like Dani senses Lukes.

Amusingly, Leia is the only person in the galaxy who hates Zeltrons. Even Mon Mothma is like "You dislike Zeltrons, is there something wrong with you Leia?"

 

Let's just hope the male Zeltrons look as nice as the female ones.^^ So far, the ration of "gorgeous irresistible species" is really skewed. You get hot female Zeltrons (Dejah, Blue,...), Twileks (where to start...) and so on.... And on the male side of the equation, there's just Xizor. Who is ugly and cheats with his pheromones.