Are You a Depressed JC'er?

Well here we go again. I'm officially suicidal again. I lost my dog and I didn't even get to see him one last time.

Dude i'm sorry to here that.


I lost my ability to think and I'm now an idiot that doesn't understand a thing that I'm learning.

I understand where you're coming from there. You're a EE person, right? It's not that you're an idiot, it's just that when you're depressed you can't function as well as you normaly do. Also if you were doing something easy you would probably be fine, but you've chosen to do something that not many people can do at all. From what i understand you're pretty good at it. Didn't you just get a paper published?

I can't look at myself in the mirror I'm so goddamn ugly.

I doubt you're that ugly.

I can't speak to anyone, they're all disgusted by me.

How do you know that? Why would they be disgusted by you? Just becasue you aren't too thrilled with yourself at the moment doens't mean that every one else feel that way.


I just want to be gone.

It sounds to me that you are unhappy with your life. Ending it will not change that. Why not continue to try to make your life the way you want it to be. What do you have to loose?


I wished I was the one that died instead of my dog. He enjoyed life, he loved playing and going for walks and having treats.

It's easy to be happy when you don't have a lot to worry about. Also perhaps you can use your dog as a bit of an example to yourself. When was the last time you played? When was the last time you treated yourself?

I'm just wasting away now.

Why do you say that. I thought you were a successful college student. You've got a lot of opportunites coming your way.

I can't do anything.

By typing this message you've just doen something. Granted, you can't do one or two things that will make everything better, but you can do a few little things day by day to make that day better. Do this every day, and your life will start to get better. Think about some stuff that makes you happy and do it.


Everything's just falling apart.

Everything is awefull general. Give us some specifics. Also are you sure there isn't something some where in your life that isn't going ok.

I feel so angry and bitter and sad all at once.

As soon as i get this one fully under controle myself i'll let you know how i do it. I get pissed because stuff doesn't go my way. It can be pretty hard to get over. I don't know about you, but some times i tend to take stuff too personaly. Like sometimes i'll catch myself thinking that life hates me, but i know that is rediculous because life doesn't have emotions. It just is.

I'm so tempted to do something right now.

Don't.

Life just gets worse all the time.

Think about what can be done to change this. It's not gonna be easy, but it might be worth while.

I've been suicidal myself. I planed to thin my blood with copious amounts of asperin, do some drinking to numb the pain, sit in the tub, turn the water on, and slit my throat. I decided against doing that. That was about 4 years ago. It was the right choice. I wanted to do that because i hated my life. I really didn't want it to end. I wanted it toget better. Also i didn't want to go out on the bottom of my game. Dude keep pluging away. Get some therapy, and some meds, and a book caled feeling good. MAny people here will tell you that it's awesome. It's helped me out more then any therapy i've had. In fact i've been feeling kind of crappy myself lately. I think i'm going to go pull that book out, and reread some of the stuff that i find helpful. Hope things get better for.


Finale thogut: Would say all of the crappy stuff that you're saying to your self to soem one else? Would tell them that they are ugly and stupid? I don't think you would, so don't say it to your self.

 

common dude, give us a post to let us know that you're still around, and aren't cheating on us with another board or something.

 

Hey Defiance, listen to all the things NJOfan215 has to say. He was a real help to me, and I hope he will be the same for you. I was going to say something myself, but I can wait till later.

 

wow, i'm really glad i was able to be a help. Any time any one wants to talk i'm a pm away.

 

I'm depressed a lot lately, because of my weight problem. I've been dealing with it, and lost 61 pounds, and started working out some, but yet too many of the people around me, like the ones at my school, still see me as the fat guy who farted in gym class in fourth grade, and has always been fat. "Screw him and lets all go be our annoying, preppy selves," is how way too many people act toward me. I have friends, and I've neve rhad a girlfriend, but am progressing with a girl I have become friends with, but you know, it's just really hard to be doing well, and than get bogged down by all this crap others give you over stuff you have improved or tried to improve.

 

Dude, you lost 61 lbs, that is awesome. Keep up the good work. I wish I had your willpower and determination. Don?t listen to those who are trying to give you grief. Set a goal and stick with it. As for the farting in gym class, in 4th grade, that is supposed to be one of the coolest things to do. I always enjoy cracking one around my friends now and again, just to show them I still got it, and I?m way out of 4th grade. It?s kinda like a talent. As for the girl, I think you?re on the right track. If others are acting snobby towards you, focus your attention on the girl. Take her to a movie or something. Show her a great time, be yourself, just don?t fart around her, save that for your friends or if it?s really a bad, smelly one, those you don?t like

 

I went to bed early last night. Too tired to think. Every single thing I do ends up screwing me over in the end.

I regret not being at home when they had to put my dog to sleep. I should have gone home that weekend.

Didn't you just get a paper published?

No, I'm supposed to be redoing a project I did earlier to be submitted. It hasn't gotten anywhere. I need to get data and information from other people but they're just ignoring my messages.

I doubt you're that ugly.

I wished that was true. All the women look away when I'm around. I'm ready to burn my face off, the damn skin is so bad. And I'd like to rip my teeth out too. They piss me off.

How do you know that? Why would they be disgusted by you?

People, especially women, scoff when I walk by and make eye contact. That's being disgusted.

Why not continue to try to make your life the way you want it to be. What do you have to loose?

I don't see any way out of it. A lot of things are unchangeable, it's as if my physical ailments, my current situation and what not are all combined to keep me in this state. I try to do something and I get blocked by some insurmountable problem, like some retarded disease or joint problem, or get stuck because of my school and other obligations.

When was the last time you played? When was the last time you treated yourself?

All the time. It's not like I don't do anything, but it's so meaningless to me, especially in the middle of the night and I have nothing to do but feel my life getting worse and worse.

Think about what can be done to change this. It's not gonna be easy, but it might be worth while.

Whatever can be done, has been tried and found completely unsuccessful. It's hard to think there's hope of changing if all attempts have failed. I'm getting tired of failing all the time to change things.

Would say all of the crappy stuff that you're saying to your self to soem one else? Would tell them that they are ugly and stupid? I don't think you would, so don't say it to your self.

It's not fair to lie to someone.

 

Life sucks right now.

Tomorrow is the deadline for a load of work, but because my class is full of arse holes and crettins, I haven't been able to get any of my work done. I tried to do some work and managed to finish one piece of work, and I'll probably get another done, but I'll still have other work that needs to be handed in. Either there won't be anyone in tomorrow (we've had the last two days off and tomorrow is the last day before half term) or they'll all be in (what with it being deadline day) and the class will be like a living hell. Either way, I'll have three hours to do a load of work in a room that just gives bad vibes and is far from an ideal place to work, and the whole college is like that.

I checked my bank statement as well today, I'm far more overdrawn than I thought. There aren't any jobs going either, and I have no source of income, and as there's nothing at home that I can take to college for lunch it's only going to get worse, plus there'll be the odd little thing, I had to buy some earphone so I could listen to music in order to drown out the noise of my class, I also saw a rare GBA game for very little (cheaper than ebay too).

People also seem to be getting together a lot as well. Two of my friends told me today that they were going out, my friend who lives in Israel has a gf, my brother is getting married, two of my aunts are getting married, and another friend got engaged a few days ago. Here I am, stuck on my own, I don't even have any friends outside of college and all my friends from college live too far away to meet up every whenever.

Also, I have this bear that I've had since I was a child, I can't remember a time when I haven't had this bear, and he's starting to fall apart and I don't know how to fix him.

I can't even get drunk to forget it all, I tried and all I got was some horrible stomach cramps.

 

I don't see any way out of it. A lot of things are unchangeable, it's as if my physical ailments, my current situation and what not are all combined to keep me in this state. I try to do something and I get blocked by some insurmountable problem, like some retarded disease or joint problem, or get stuck because of my school and other obligations.

just because you can't see a way out of it doesn't mean there isn't one. That's why it's important to seek help from a psychologist and perhaps get on medication. It's worth a shot.

 

I went to bed early last night. Too tired to think. Every single thing I do ends up screwing me over in the end.

You can go to bed early? You, my friend, are ****ing lucky. I'd be up for the next four hours, or likely more, if I tried that. Agonizing over every little thing. If I did or said something out of place, might've offended someone that I didn't mean to offend, done something stupid, I'd end up kicking myself for it when I tried to sleep.

You say you've tried everything but I doubt it. Have you tried going somewhere else, stopped being yourself, and tried being the person you want to be? I've found that lots of people form shallow, negative opinions about me and I let that get me down, and everyone else gets used to me being down, so when I'm not down then it's 'weird'. Walking away from it all gives me a chance for a fresh start, try new things, and make use of everything that I've learned from dealing with all those shallow people.

 

I am not going to have a good weekend. My mom is moving away today (my parents are splitting up, I live on the West coast, she is moving back to the East coast) I cut myself on Monday, have had to lie to everyone about cutting myself, and I have to work all weekend and I didn't get to spend today with my mom (it being her last day here) because I had to work.

 

all my JC friends went to bed.

 

Sometimes, when I find myself in a really horrible mood, I find the only thing that works for me is forcing myself to go to sleep. It can be a good way to shut down your brain if you aren't able to stop those negative thoughts from going through it any other way. If necessary, have a shot of Nyquil or do something else to knock your body out if you can't get to sleep on your own.

My worst moments nearly always come late at night when I'm unable to get to sleep. Sometimes things look at least nominally better when viewed the next morning, though.

 

Sometimes I get really depressed, and upset with myself. It all stems from the fact that I'm a total screw up. No matter what, I always mess something up. I always end up doing something stupid, or not doing something the right way, then I get screamed at.

The phrase "I beleive... That tomorrow's another day. And I'll probably screw that one up too." Is me in a nutshell.

 

That's why it's important to seek help from a psychologist and perhaps get on medication. It's worth a shot.

Everyone suggests this but it never helps with the core issues. Seeing the pysch can't fix the fact that my joints are screwed up and I can't really do any sort of sports or exercise, it won't fix up my disgusting skin, etc. It won't bring back the dead, for that matter or make me smarter. It's just a way to trick yourself to feel better; an illusion.

You can go to bed early? You, my friend, are ****ing lucky.

When I say go to bed, I mean lie in my bed and stare at the wall. I don't actually fall asleep.

Have you tried going somewhere else, stopped being yourself, and tried being the person you want to be?

Yes, I always do. I try to push my comfort zone but nothing ever works. I never form a connection with people. It's probably because they think I'm far too hideous to associate with. I don't blame them. I can't even look at myself. And everyone is shallow. It's genetically programmed into them.

 

It's not as me being depressed more of a fricking rant! I just recently got out of the hospital for something that needed to be fixed. I find out a day or two before the operation that my mom is planning to kick me out once i'm all ready and feeling better. First of all, I have no idea why should would be doing that. Someone really close to has passed away, she was young, i've been trying to go through my head why life was so great. Everytime i hold on to someone they either leave or somehow die. I went to see the doctor and he says my depression isn't as bad. I have friends and all I just feel like a piece of me is missing and I'd like that piece back. I know it will eventually be back, but till then I go out and live my life, but all along i feel like i'm just by myself, in a dark world, I havent been sleeping well either.

Suggestions or such?

 

You aren't by yourself Emily. You have me. Though that's not saying much. Things will get better, but it takes time. I wish there was more I could do. * Emily*

 

*hugs PadawanEmily*

Have you go any friends you could move in with? I know I'd offer you somewhere but I live too far away.

 

http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=20154557&start=20155184


First read that before you read my post here.




I still can't stop thinking about her. Every single damn day the pain gets worse and worse.....



I know, i sound obsessed with her, and i pretty much am. Sometimes, i try to stop thinking about her for a few days, but now i cant even go ONE day without thinking about her in some capacity.


I consider suicide once, but then i realized that she would never find out if i did that. I considered suicide when i found out she was going out with "john".


And I want to tell her, but i have a good 5 months before they supposedley leave for Australia. I just don't know when. should i wait till school starts,(August 12) or right before they "leave"?

this just gets worse and worse all the time.

 

I'm horribly depressed lately. Lack of my own place, a car, job, and girlfriend will do that to a guy.

 

I thought that I was doing pretty good. I was thinking positive and talking positive and everything. Then, one night, I got into this arguement with my ex about Star Wars. After he told me, when we were together, that he hated Star Wars and its fans with an extreme passion. He then called me a B****. I inturn called him an A******. I've been over what happened between the two of us for a few months now. I don't necessarly hate him, but I don't like him either. Anyway, I'm sitting here thinking and I realize that I have gone back to the person I used to be. I have completely closed myself off from everything and everyone. I have rebuilt the walls that I tore down months ago. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I have tried keeping this from everyone, but my friends see it and my family could care less. I think instead of actually thinking, talking, and doing positive, I was putting on a show for myself and everyone else. All I want to do right now is hide in my room and cry. Then, I get made fun of and called a crybaby for doing so. Perhaps, I'm just a fool.

 

*hugs Em* I wish there was something I could do to help. Why the hell is your mom being like that anyway?

*gets out knives*

Shall I have talk with her?



Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat.

 

*hugs all the unhappy people* I am really sorry to hear about everything. I know how being depressed feels, and I know how much things suck sometimes. They WILL get better, though.

I feel lonely sometimes too. Everyone I know around me is 'paired up,' and it seems to me that sometimes no one really understands who I am, cliche as it may sound. I mean, people listen to me and nod their heads and pretend to understand, but it seems to me that I do not have someone to fill the gap in my soul. This saddens me, but it is alright, and I manage. Just lonely, that's all.

That said, some advice- Write. Really, just sit down and write how you feel, and allow your anger or sadness to get out. It can be in the form of a fic or a poem or whatever you feel like. When you are done, read it over and allow your emotions to subside. It doesn't erase the pain, but it helps assuage it for awhile. If you really need to vent some steam, just throw your head back and scream. It helps so much to just let loose in a nonviolent way. Music also helps me a lot when I am really angry.

For sadness, my best cure is thinking about something else. Really. Revisiting the same issues over and over again and sinking deeper into a quagmire of despair does not help. Go watch a movie or loose yourself in another world. Read your favorite book; I read God Emperor of Dune or Phantom in my most melancholic states. Also, talking to someone is great. Just let everything out, and don't try to repress your emotions. If you ever need to, just go up to someone and say 'I need a hug.' You will be suprised at how much it helps to have someone physically reach out to you.

I really am hugging everyone here that needs it in my mind! Love you all!

Defiance- Not everyone is so shallow. That is one of the joys of the online community; see, I don't judge you! It's alright. Just breathe and know that beauty does not matter. It cannot stop you from living a happy life; the only barrier to that is in your mind. You are not allowing yourself to accept who you are. No matter how bad it makes you feel, feeling sorry for yourself won't change anything. So accept it and move on. Do not conform to society, and do not allow yourself to be bound to shallow things that do not matter. There is always hope, no matter what.

 

Thanks Josh. I know your here for me

There is someone but she's not moving into her own place until the end of July.

It's really have to do with her new boyfriend, he doesnt think i should be living in the house anymore, it's really stupid. It's a hate thing. I don't like him he doesnt like me.

 

Siaynoqsbride: I've tried writing. Heck, I'm working on something now that could maybe be published, if I ever finish it that is. It works sometimes, but then when I get to certain scenes, I just completely stop writing because I'm giving my characters something I had and still want. And that one this is love for another. I've tried talking to other people, my friends mostly, about how I'm feeling and they end up telling me that it is wrong to have the feelings and thoughts I have. Perhaps, it is wrong. But it's also wrong to stand or sit there telling me this. So, I don't know. I've basically given up on everything. Most of the time I just sit and think that I'm a friggin' idiot. Oh well... What am I to do?