Are You a Depressed JC'er?

I am sorry to hear that. It does hurt when someone rejects you and it takes a long time to get over the pain. Sometimes, a way of dealing with things *is* to close off from the world and rebuild the walls around yourself. I am a naturally introverted person and I am often distrustful of people. It takes a lot for me to get to trust someone, and when they do something distrustworthy, it makes me depressed for a long time and I often close out everything but my own little world. I know how you feel, and I would like you to know that someone empathizes with you.

It is certainly sometimes easier to look back on the past and happiness with scorn and say 'What was I doing? Was I ever really happy?' You have to remind yourself not to stay in the past, but to move forwards. Reality is whatever you make of it. It may seem now that you were just putting on a show, but did it feel real? If so, it was real at the time. Try to focus more on past happiness and reclaiming that then going over depressing stuff in your head.

Sometimes a good cry is needed to discharge emotions. Sometimes it is neccesary to just let everything pull you under. But the key thing to remember is to rise up out of that. Don't let it keep you down. There is always hope, no matter how bad things are. And you are not a fool. Everyone, because everyone is human, has bad days when they feel like crap. That doesn't make you foolish, it makes you a person.

Well, first of all, congratulations on writing what no doubtis a fine piece of work. I know that writing takes effort, and I am sure that you will get it published once you get it finished.

It is very difficult to write sometimes, especially if it comes straight from the heart. I myself am a writer, and sometimes I just have to stop like you and just sit for awhile and breathe. I know what being lonely feels like. I know how it is to just sit in the dark all by yourself and wish there was someone beside you. Give your chatracters the feeling of love that you want, and teh feeling of love that you desire. Know that there is always someone out there for everyone, and that however alone you may feel, it is simply a transition period, and that someone is waiting to come into your life.

None of your feelings are *wrong.* Not everyone can be perfectly chirpy and happy all the time. There is really times when everyone, no matter who they are, feels like sticking their head in a bucket. Your friends are probably really good people and are just concerned that you are at a low point, and they probably just want to help you.

Aww. Don't give up on your writing. Sometimes, thing

 

Something is so wrong with me and I don't know what.

I feel so angry and frustrated, but I don't know why.

 

It has been a long time since I posted on this thread. Not because I wasn't depressed (because I was) but because of the lack of time I had.

I am on holidays. Well, officially, I will be on holidays just tomorrow, but ,.. anyway.. These last tests went well. Still, I didn't get the grades I wanted. And it's so frustrating.. I'm so frustrated with myself because I study so much and then... well, the grades aren't bad (I know that many people has worse grades than me) but to me, the grades are bad (I know, confusing, uh? ).

Usually I am a very extrovert person, always with a smile in my face, etc. and right now.. well, I've had better days. *sighs*

 

Around this time of year, I get really down especially w/ ROTS coming out. On June 10, 2002 my best friend (David) was killed thanks to a drunk driver, roughly 2 weeks after we graduated high school. The reason ROTS makes me somewhat depressed is because David was the reason I got into SW in the first place. You know how all best friends have their things to do together; ours was SW. We used to joke around about how when Episode 3 came out we'd be able to drink beer legally. It felt like it would be forever before it came out. It makes me sad because AOTC was actually becoming his favorite SW movie next to ESB. It's hard for me because I remember hanging out with David and another friend outside of the movie theater after seeing AOTC for like the 3rd time, and we were all talking about life and death. 24 hours later he was gone. Looking back on it, that night outside the movie theater was one of the turning points of my life because from the next day fourth I've never been the same. It's always been hard because he was always there for me (I had some serious health issues in the past) but sometimes I feel like when he needed me, I wasn't there. I know it's ridiculous to think that way, but I can't help it sometimes. I still can't believe it's already been three years, but every year the hurt goes away a little more. It's like I always told him, in life or in death, I will always be your brother and best friend - and I still stand by it today.

 

LaYa_ - I know what you mean about grades. I am really perfectionistic and always hold myself to a ridiculous standard.

MrC123 - I am so sorry to hear about your friend. My eyes literally filled with tears when I read your post. It is easy to look back and feel regretful that you weren't there more often, but you should instead concentrate on the fun times you had. It must be especially tough for you at this time of year, especially because you two talked about it so much. Grief never ends; it only lessens over time.

 

Siaynoqsbride: First of all, thank you for your post. It made me feel a lot better.

You asked me, Why do you feel this way?. Well, for the past ten or so years (I'm only 22), my parents have this need and desire to tell me what an idiot and screw up I am. And it's gotten worse since I graduated high school four years ago. My brother graduated a month ago with honors. I didn't graduate with honors. I only had a GPA of 2.71 and I was 21st out of a class of 77. My brother was 16th out of 70. 30 kids in his class graduated with honors. And the whole drive home I heard the, "If you would have applied yourself, you could have gotten honors, as well." speech. I've heard that who knows how many times in the past 4 years. They make it a thing to tell me how much of an idiot, screw up, failure, and anything else you can thing of. They want my brother to succeed in life while I'm being their slave... er maid. It gets to you after a while. Especially after hearing it for over half your life.

I did talk to my ex last night. And it seemed like old times. Not when he and I were a couple, but when we were just friends. We shared a few laughs and everything. It was kinda nice. It doesn't happen very often. But I was happy when he and I were together. It was nice to know that he was there and that I could turn to him whenever I needed someone to talk to. And now, I don't have that anymore. It hurts, yeah. But after I told myself that it was over, the pain kinda died. It just hurt when he called me a b****. But hey, I guess I can be one from time to time.

Again, thank you for the post.

MrC123: I'm so sorry about your friend.

 

I'm sorry about how you're feeling, Defiance. First off, you're not an idiot, you just need to find outlets for your stress. Trust me when I say that you're not a disgusting person, you just need to have more confidence in yourself. Besides, anybody that thinks that you're ugly are people that are probably more ugly than anybody, whether inside or out. Have faith in yourself, and try to boost your confidence so people will see just how great a person you really are. And you can do anything if you put your mind to it, just try and focus on one thing at a time and your world will start to fall into place. As for your dog, I'm sorry to hear that. I just lost my pup recently in February (a Laborador Retriever named "Dinky"), it was hard because she was 14 and I really feel like I grew up with her. If you believe in it, maybe our dogs are playing up in Heaven right now. But it's never wrong to feel angry or sad, even if you feel like there's no reason to feel that way - it's ok. Trust me, ending your life is never the right way. There's always a brighter day after the rain, and that day is coming sooner than you think. Have confidence and faith in yourself.

EDIT: Thank you, ShiriKeiCelisoe and Siaynoqsbride.

 

Trust me, I know how you feel. I honestly think you should tell the girl how you feel. I mean, you have to look at it this way: it's either risking being turned down by her, or never saying anything never knowing what could have been. What if she likes you too? You should tell her how you feel - just kind of ease into it. Besides, you are just starting high school - you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Even if you never end up with this girl, what if you meet another girl tomorrow and end up spending 50 years with her? It kind of makes this Jeniffer girl not seem like such a big deal. And once you tell her how you feel, regardless of her response, you'll probably feel a lot better knowing how she feels. Like I said in a previous post, the most important thing is to have confidence in yourself, and that projects out onto other people. Being in love with somebody shouldn't be a burden, even though sometimes it feels like it. Think of it this way, even if she turns you down, at least you know how she feels and you won't need to obsess over it anymore. You'll be starting high school soon anyway (from what I read in your other thread you provided), which means there will be lots of new people to meet (especially girls). Don't sweat it, just tell her.

 

ShiriKeiCelisoe- Aww, you're welcome. It makes me happy that I can help someone feel better.

You asked me, Why do you feel this way?. Well, for the past ten or so years (I'm only 22), my parents have this need and desire to tell me what an idiot and screw up I am. And it's gotten worse since I graduated high school four years ago. My brother graduated a month ago with honors. I didn't graduate with honors. I only had a GPA of 2.71 and I was 21st out of a class of 77. My brother was 16th out of 70. 30 kids in his class graduated with honors. And the whole drive home I heard the, "If you would have applied yourself, you could have gotten honors, as well." speech. I've heard that who knows how many times in the past 4 years. They make it a thing to tell me how much of an idiot, screw up, failure, and anything else you can thing of. They want my brother to succeed in life while I'm being their slave... er maid. It gets to you after a while. Especially after hearing it for over half your life.

I am sorry to hear that your parents are so overcritical and unsupporting of you. I am sure that you do not deserve it. I *hate* being compared to anyone, especially my siblings. It sounds like you went through a lot. I can understand why you feel the way you do, after that getting drummed in your head for so long. The thing is is that people have a way of seeing only what they want to in people. I am sure that your parents are frustrated, but they still love you and simply do not see all that is good about you, focusing instead on a comparison to your brother which you do not deserve.

Remember that no matter what anyone says, you can succeed. No matter how much your parents want to believe that your GPA is everything, it simply isn't true. You are not a 'screwup.' Everyone makes bad choices, and even the worst decision can be remade. School is sometimes not an accurate way to discover intelligence, just to make a point.

I did talk to my ex last night. And it seemed like old times. Not when he and I were a couple, but when we were just friends. We shared a few laughs and everything. It was kinda nice. It doesn't happen very often. But I was happy when he and I were together. It was nice to know that he was there and that I could turn to him whenever I needed someone to talk to. And now, I don't have that anymore. It hurts, yeah. But after I told myself that it was over, the pain kinda died. It just hurt when he called me a b****. But hey, I guess I can be one from time to time.

It's good that you were able to reconnect with him! That is always a healing step. That's great that you were able to still remain friends. Your relationship will probably not be as close as when you were a couple, but I am sure that you two will remain close. And there are always other people to turn to. I am glad to know that you are not clinging to the relationship that you had anymore and that you are moving forward.

People have a tendancy to be rash and say foolish things when they are angry. I am completely unintelligable when I am mad, and end up just saying nonsense. (You didn't leave the seat down! Hawasheklwelrjwler! Gskldfjs!) I am sure that he didn't mean it, but that he was reacting to hurt you. We all have our good days and our bad days, and most people can be that way sometimes.

It sounds like you are doing better, and I am happy to hear that.

 

Siaynoqsbride: There's only four yeats difference between my brother and I and I'm constantly being compared to him. He's going to college in the fall. I was only able to go to one semeseter of tech school. I ran out of money. And if I can get my writing published, that'll be my way of income. Plus, I have a friend that has invited me to live with her while she goes to graduate school. It'll be sometime in January or February before I can move in with her, but it would be better than staying here a little while longer. I do plan on getting a job once I get settled in in Pennsylvania. So, if I can get published, all of my money is going toward that.

J (that's what I've always called him) and I were really good friends before we even became a couple. I mean, I could talk to him about anything and everything and I didn't have to feel like he was going to turn his back on me. And that was what he ended up doing. I don't think I've ever felt so betrayed. And to top it all off, a couple weeks after he broke up with me we (my family and I) ended up moving to a new house. When we got moved and settled, I was here all alone most of the time. All I did was cry. I cried all day long. At least until my fmaily got home. Then, I would act like nothing was wrong. But then, one morning, I woke up and I said, "Why the hell am I so sad? It's obvious that he didn't love me. So, why am I crying?" Then, something inside me said, "You hate him." And I went with that. I told myself that I hated him and all the pain, anger, and sadness just went away.

But I'm alright. There's a guy that I've known a couple years now that I like very much. I'm just not going to rush into anything and just see if anything happens. Though, with how things are and how things have gone for me, I doubt that anything will happen.

 

It's a good thing we have this thread in the JCC. Since the winter of 2003 I have been depressed over many things, my best friend's depression, my physical appearance, my life in general. Last summer, I was beginning to beat it, as I graduated from High School & began to attend college, which made my life happier. Then comes my 18th birthday in October. On what was supposed to be a joyous birthday, my parents end up getting in a big verbal fight, which lead to their divorce. Since then, my depression kicked back in, as I began to learn family secrets & truths over the past few months, including a revelation from my father last Thursday. I feel that outside my aunt, father, brother & mother and maybe 2 friends, that nobody really cares for me. I have nothing to live for at the moment. I can't stand my job & I don't have enough money right now (cause my family is moving in July) to get driving lessons or to buy a car, which leads me to have an anemic social life. I haven't felt any real happiness or joy now since last September, I've forgotten what that feels like. Some people I know with whom I try to communicate with (old pals from high school) never answer back to my e-mails, which continues to make feel worthless. My life at the moment is just one big hole of sadness & depression that is just getting bigger & bigger.

 

DarthTunick: I know and understand what your feeling. I've gone most of my life thinking and knowing that I am completely alone. That no one gives a damn about me. I'm only 22 years old. I turned 22 back in January. Each day seems so much more impossible. I hate waking up in the mornings. I hate going to sleep at night. I hate the reflection I see in the mirror. I'm so freakin' ugly that no one wants to be with me. It hurts to hear your parents whisper, "If only she didn't live..." or "If only if she wasn't alive...". See, I almost die the day I was born, quite a few times too. I've always asked myself why I lived. And I've always questioned myself if I was adopted and my real family has no clue. It's a sad thing when the people that brought you into this world don't care about you or love you. Ever since I was 9 or 10 years old, I've questioned the logic of everything. I've cut my wrists several times since then. I've tried taking handfuls of sleeping pills. I've tried taking full bottles of any kind of pain reliever I can find in the house. I have more scars on my body than I'd like to admit to people. And yet, my family still doesn't realize that I am depressed.

But I do know how you feel. Well, understand how you feel. I wish I had some type of advice to give you. Something that could make you feel a little bit better, but I don't. I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry that I can't be much more help.

 

Just droping a hugs to everyone. I don't have words right now.

Hey moosemousse please take it easier. Sometimes I remember you from the boards as thr nice an sweet person you are. Please don't get down. *hugs*

 

SKC, I feel so much for you. I haven't actually done anything to myself, but rather I just feel like **** a lot of the time. It stinks.

 

There's only four yeats difference between my brother and I and I'm constantly being compared to him. He's going to college in the fall. I was only able to go to one semeseter of tech school. I ran out of money. And if I can get my writing published, that'll be my way of income. Plus, I have a friend that has invited me to live with her while she goes to graduate school. It'll be sometime in January or February before I can move in with her, but it would be better than staying here a little while longer. I do plan on getting a job once I get settled in in Pennsylvania. So, if I can get published, all of my money is going toward that.

Yeah, I know how you feel about being compared to your sibling. That happens to me sometimes and I hate it. Sorry to hear that tech school didn't go as planned. I'm sure that the book is excellent and wish you all the luck on a publishing deal! It's good that you are getting away from your parents, even if it is as far away as January or February. I am sure that you will get published eventually.

J (that's what I've always called him) and I were really good friends before we even became a couple. I mean, I could talk to him about anything and everything and I didn't have to feel like he was going to turn his back on me. And that was what he ended up doing. I don't think I've ever felt so betrayed. And to top it all off, a couple weeks after he broke up with me we (my family and I) ended up moving to a new house. When we got moved and settled, I was here all alone most of the time. All I did was cry. I cried all day long. At least until my fmaily got home. Then, I would act like nothing was wrong. But then, one morning, I woke up and I said, "Why the hell am I so sad? It's obvious that he didn't love me. So, why am I crying?" Then, something inside me said, "You hate him." And I went with that. I told myself that I hated him and all the pain, anger, and sadness just went away.

Yeah, it hurts when someone you know you can rely on lets you down and you don't have that person to rely on anymore. I know how much it hurts and how hard it is to open your heart to someone after a betrayal like that. It sounds especially bad that your family was unwilling to help with your pain. Know that there are always sympathetic people that you can turn to and that can help you.

I am sure that he has given you significant warrant to hate him. He sounds like a jerk. It's too bad that you had to go through all that. Like I said before, focus on other things. Pour yourself into your writing and let that be your primary focus.

But I'm alright. There's a guy that I've known a couple years now that I like very much. I'm just not going to rush into anything and just see if anything happens. Though, with how things are and how things have gone for me, I doubt that anything will happen.

It's good that there is another guy in your life! He sounds nice. I think you have the right idea of taking it slowly and not moving too fast after you have been hurt so badly. Don't cross out the thought that nothing will ever happen! Right now is a time for you to recouperate and get over your loss. Get to know him better and try to discern the nature of his character. If you really like him and feel that you are over everything, then give it a go. Don't open all of your heart to him immediately, but learn to truct him over time. Let him know how badly you've been hurt before and why you want to let things happen the way they will instead of forcing them. If he is a truly good guy, he will be sympathetic and willing to give you all the time you need.

I am sorry about the lateness of my reply. I have no excuse, and will try to get back to you sooner next time.

 

I know it's hard Tunick, but you have try to think postively instead of negatively.

 

It's a good thing we have this thread in the JCC. Since the winter of 2003 I have been depressed over many things, my best friend's depression, my physical appearance, my life in general. Last summer, I was beginning to beat it, as I graduated from High School & began to attend college, which made my life happier. Then comes my 18th birthday in October. On what was supposed to be a joyous birthday, my parents end up getting in a big verbal fight, which lead to their divorce. Since then, my depression kicked back in, as I began to learn family secrets & truths over the past few months, including a revelation from my father last Thursday.

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so depressed. Reading over your post, I can understand why! When there is inter-family conflict, it makes things seem so difficult. Your whole world comes crashing down. I have been blessed with a stable family, but many of my friends have bad, bad family issues. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and that there are people who feel your pain and want to encourange you and help you the best they can.

I feel that outside my aunt, father, brother & mother and maybe 2 friends, that nobody really cares for me. I have nothing to live for at the moment. I can't stand my job & I don't have enough money right now (cause my family is moving in July) to get driving lessons or to buy a car, which leads me to have an anemic social life. I haven't felt any real happiness or joy now since last September, I've forgotten what that feels like. Some people I know with whom I try to communicate with (old pals from high school) never answer back to my e-mails, which continues to make feel worthless. My life at the moment is just one big hole of sadness & depression that is just getting bigger & bigger.

I can understand why you feel that no one cares about you, but I assure you that it is not so. People sometimes have a hard time with showing affection, but it doesn't mean they don't love you and care for you. I am sorry to hear about your money problems, and can empathize. Do you have a good bike that you can ride around on, to get to more social places? I am sorry to hear that you hate your job. It sucks having to get up in the moring sometimes, doesen't it?

Know that however low things may seem right now, there is always an up-curve. Life is a constant swing of highs and lows, and you are at the bottom of a low. Don't worry and know that it will be over soon, because life has a way of doing the unexpected and curving up.

Yes, it is very depressing when you try to recapture old relationships and the other person does not seem to want to. I have experience with this. Now listen to me. *takes a huge breath* YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS! No one is worthless. You are loved, yes? By your family and friends. You would probably be surprised to know how many lives you impact on a dialy basis, how everyone is connected.

I know that your life probably seems right now to be headed on a downwards spiral, but I tell you not to worry, because in the end, it will be alright. And if you ever need to, just tell someone how you are feeling and let them comfort you.

 

It's hard when I see very little meaning in my life.

 

If you have people in your life that you love, than you have a meaning for life.

 

Life doesn't have much meaning on its own, you have to give it meaning. You have to shape it into something.

 

My life has some meaning, but not much.

 

Thanks for completely devaluing our relationship, Tunick.

 

Yeah, Ignant loves you, Tunick. That has to mean something!

 

I'm serious, if you're just gonna screw around with me, then get the hell out of this thread.

 

tunic, i'm tired so i'm not going to give you a really specific response here, but let me throw some stuff out there and maybe some of it will help.

You are going through some pretty big transitions in your life now. I'm sure things are very stressful because of that. I think you need to really try to differentiat all of the things in your life. There are ivents that we can controle and events that we can't controle. You need to worry about the ones you can controle. The ones that we can't controle can be upsetting, but the you can't fixate on them because there isn't a damn thing you can do to change those things. Also while you are pointlessly getting concerned with stuff that you can't controle, you are letting the stuff that you can controle get out of hand. Focus one the things that are important to you that you can have an effect on.