Story [Avatar: The Last Airbender] Avatar: The Heir of Ban-(Multichapter, All-OC)

HI guys. I'm new on tfn, but I've written fanfiction before. I've been working on this story for over a year, actually. I've been posting this story around at different Avatar sites, bu it's not getting as many reviews as I'd like (in fact, can anyone give me any advice on how to get more reviews?), so I thought since I'm a member of this site now, I'd post it up here and see what people say. This is an all-OC story, so you actually only need minimal knowledge of the Avatar canon to read it.

Anyway, I've been working on this story for a while. I got the idea from when Mike & Bryan said they "weren't done with that world" or something, so i wanted to make a story like what a series with all new characters but the same setting would be. I wanted to do a story about a totally different Avatar and the challenges he would face in a totally different era. It's not written in script format, but when you read it try to imagine it as a TV show. It even has this prologue introduction down here, and it had a special two-chapter premiere, but the chapters turned out to be waaaay too long to be digestible as complete units, so now each "chapter/episode" is broken into smaller parts. For that reason, I do ask that if you start reading you give it the benefit of the doubt and also read part 3, because when I conceived the story I planned that they be read at the same time, so it starts off kind of slow. It's a little ambitious, but right now the plan is a 20-chapter series. It has an all-OC cast, and I know a lot of people don't like those, but I love them. All OCs is the whole point. It is rated T/PG-13 for violence/character death, but it's not worse than an anime that would air on [adult swim] or something. It is about gangsters. I would really like reviews and comments, but mostly I just want to share this with other Avatar fans.

So if anyone is still interested after all that, please read, review, and enjoy Avatar: The Heir of Ban.
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Avatar: The Heir of Ban

Water. Fire. Air. Earth. For thousands of years, the Avatar has been a paragon of righteousness and order to all nations. But must this always be the case? Does the universe choose righteous individuals, or has the world just been lucky so far?

1200 years before Sozin's War, an Avatar was born into the Hei Chaoliu, organized gangs that all but held Ba Sing Se in thrall.

Five hundred years earlier, a new dynasty of kings had come to power in Ba Sing Se through a coup, and revolutionary societies, which intended to restore the old dynasty, sprang up. These went underground to avoid prosecution, and because they trafficked information and ideas secretly, they became known as the Chaoliu. They were unsuccessful in their goal, but over time they resorted increasingly to illegal activities to fund their rebellion. After many unsuccessful uprisings, the Chaoliu gradually abandoned their noble goals and became fully criminal organizations, though not without a modicum of honor and morality, emphasized to various extents by various bosses. The Chaoliu then became known as the Hei Chaoliu. The Hei Chaoliu was by no means a unified organization though. The five original groups grew into dozens and dozens of clan-based gangs, competing for illegal commodities and territory. By the time Avatar Zhengyi was born, one clan had risen above the rest as the clearly most powerful: the Ban.

Also by this time, a very strict and self-righteous Earth King had come to power. He encouraged the breakdown in relations between Ba Sing Se and Omashu over which great city deserved to lead the Earth Kingdom. By the time of Zhengyi's birth, this tension was on its way to civil war.

As is so often the case, only the Avatar can stop the war, depose the king, and return balance to the world. But the circumstances of Avatar Zhengyi's birth have lead him to forsake the Avatar's duties for a selfish life dedicated to what he calls "justice" and most call "rev

 

Welcome to the JC! My name is Nat. if you ever have any questions, feel free to PM me

I like your story!! I'm not entirely caught up on the Avatar series, so having OCs is nice. Keep up the good work!

 

Thanks! I hope you'll continue to read it. Here's the new update. It continues "in media res."
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...And then Wu put a blade in his neck.

?He?s got a knife!? Wu yelled, referring to the already lifeless body from which he was removing his kukri. He had apparently just leapt across the room and drawn his weapon before Ti Xi even realized he had done it. The room exploded in shouting and fighting between the two gangs. Wu lunged at another attacking Du member. Ti Xi was stunned for just an instant, but momentarily he cut down an attacker, kicked another coming at him from behind, and threw his knife into a third. He began earthbending, and between him, Wu, and the rest of his men, all the Du members had been killed or fled within a few minutes.

Ti Xi counted his casualties. ?Seventeen,? he panted, and then he swore at himself. Although he recognized the necessity of it in his line of work, Ti Xi never liked losing men. Seventeen was pretty far above the normal losses for this sort of raid. ?That?s too many,? Ti Xi said. He swore again and clenched his fists, creating small fissures in the ground at his feet. ?Why did you do that?!? he yelled at Wu. ?I was trying to cut a deal!?

Wu glared at Ti Xi but said nothing. He walked a few paces over to Jungshi?s corpse and knelt next to it. He pulled back the body?s sleeve, revealing some sort of strange gauntlet with a knife extending from it. The Du boss had been stalling, trying to get Ti Xi off-guard so he could stab him. And the Du always poisoned their blades, so even a scratch would have killed Ti Xi. ?I saved your life,? Wu told him.

Ti Xi was slightly taken aback, but at the moment he had more important things to think about. ?Forget it. We?ll discuss this later,? Ti Xi told Wu. ?Everybody outta here!? he called out to the men. He knew the rest of the Du would be out for blood when they found out their boss was dead. ?Back to home turf!? he ordered.

This time Ti Xi and his men ran back to their territory. He, Wu, and his other earthbending lieutenants made it back to the inner wall just as dawn broke. They earthbent a door in it and soon they were running through the gates of the Ban compound. When they were safely back on his property, Ti Xi finally stopped running and leaned on his knees, panting. Wu did the same.

?You shouldn?t?have killed him,? Ti Xi panted at Wu. ?Not?like that.?

?What should I?have done?? Wu replied. ?He was going? to kill you.?

?When you attacked our men were caught off guard! It?s your fault we lost so many!?

?No!? the one-eyed man shot back. ?I said it looked like a trap, but you went in anyway. What did you think would happen?? Wu did his best to reign in his anger, out of respect for his boss, but he was not very successful. They continued their argument as they walked through the dewy garden up towards the main house. ?You have to stop thinking you can fix this city, Ti Xi. It?s nothing but a worthless sewage pit. It was a pit before you were born and it?ll be a pit after you?re dead.?

?The point is, you disobeyed your Mountain Master. You knew the plan was to avoid a fight and you outright assaulted the Du boss. That?s a violation of your oath,? Ti Xi said, sliding open the shoji for Wu. He paused, wearing a cold, stern look on his broad face. ?I would be within my rights if I chose to kill you right now.?

Wu looked at his boss with his one green eye for a moment. ?Forget it,? Wu said. ?What?s done is done.? He stepped inside, and Ti Xi followed him. Without saying anything else, Wu stalked upstairs to his quarters. Lucky Cho, the clan?s bookish accountant, followed at Wu?s heels, yapping inquiries about the details of the raid.

Ti Xi, too tired to walk up to the master bedroom, sank onto a couch in the foyer and soon fell asleep. Ti Xi liked his sleep, and it was a joke among his men that he could sleep anywhere. Once, while staking out a Du warehouse, Ti Xi had fallen asleep in a tree. Luckily Cao had been there to wake him up.
--XXX--

Ban Ti Xi laid low f

 

Chapter 1: The Son
Part 3

Ti Xi tossed and turned in his bed, unable to sleep. By this time it was well into the night, and even the rowdy gangsters of the Ban Clan had mostly gone to bed. But Ti Xi couldn't. Even though he sometimes would sleep wherever he laid down, tonight something was bothering him. He left his room and wandered down the hall, hoping to see his son. He couldn't even find any pygmy pumas wandering down the halls like he usually could. He did see one cub. Ti Xi picked up the cub and petted him as he entered the nursery. Moonlight streamed through the window and lit the room well enough to see.

Ti Xi held the puma cub in one hand and placed the other on the edge of the bassinet as he watched his sleeping child. How different his life was from just a few days ago. And now his son was the Avatar! How was he going to raise the protector of the world in a criminal organization? How could he make sure Zhengyi didn't turn out to be a heartless thug, like so many other Hei Chaoliu members? He would have to do something.

All of a sudden he heard yelling. Then came the ringing of a large iron bell that stood near the front gate, an alarm signal for the compound. Ti Xi put the puma kitten on the ground and ran into the hallway. "--the compound! The Du found us! They're attacking! Defend the compound!" One-Eyed Wu yelled, running into the foyer below the stairs. Ti Xi ran into his room, threw on a shirt and sash, and grabbed his kukri. He raced down the stairs and straight out the front door, flanked by some of his men.

The Ban compound covered several acres of farmland, but it was all walled-in to preserve the clan's privacy in their illegal dealings. Still, anyone who was set on getting in and had the right equipment could get past the perimeter. The main defense of the compound was its location. It was hard to locate because it was outside Ba Sing Se proper, and Ti Xi made sure its location was carefully guarded. Even the lower-ranking members of his own clan did not know precisely where it was. But at that moment there was no point in wondering how the information had gotten out. The Du clan was working its way through the fields surrounding the houses and barns at that very instant.

Ti Xi sprinted through the lawn and garden just outside the house, and entered the forest of high wheat stalks. In the crush of scrambling clan retainers, Ying Su saw him and ran to catch up. "Ti Xi!" she called over the yelling.

"Su? Are you all right?" Ti Xi asked, grabbing her arms.

"Yes, I--"

"I need you to protect Zhengyi. Get to the nursery."

"You need me at your side!"

"I am the boss of this clan, and I'm giving you a direct order! Protect him!" Ti Xi bent a wave of earth under her, gently carrying her toward the house. "Go!"

Ying Su reluctantly obeyed, slowly turning from Ti Xi and running into the house.

Ti Xi entered the wheat field just outside the house and moved furtively through the stalks, hoping to disguise his position. He noticed movement, two men to his left. He bent a three-fingered gauntlet of rock around his forearm, slowly approaching the men. As soon as he saw them and confirmed that they were not with the Ban clan he attacked, firing his rock gauntlet into their chests before they could even react. He took Du fighters out one by one as they tried to approach his house. He surprised them from behind, leaping out of the tall stalks and taking them out. He feared for his son and fought much harder than he normally did. He was like a man possessed.
--XXX--

Cao had barely had time to drop his daughter in the nursery before rushing outside to fight the Du. While most Ban members fought with kukri knives, Cao could no longer hold one because of his missing digits. He was also a non-bender, and consequently he fought with a pata, a gauntlet that strapped over the forearm and had a blade built into it.

He put this weapon on his bad hand and tightened the leather strap with his teeth as he rushed into the co