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Beyond - Legends Bleeding Dry For You (AU -- L/M, Obi-Wan, Ben) COMPLETED! 7/29

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Knight_Aragorn, Jun 16, 2005.

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  1. Knight_Aragorn

    Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2003
    I know I said there were two or three posts still to go on this, but on reading through again, I realised that it would be best not to break up last section. So here it is -- the end to Bleeding Dry For You. A huge thank you for all those of you who have been reading, including the lurkers I'm sure are out there. ;) I wasn't too sure about how well this story would go down, but the feedback I've received has been fantastic. So thank you all. [:D] [:D]

    *climbs off soapbox*

    Enough talk already. ;) Here's the post.

    ======
    ======

    CHAPTER SEVEN

    He continued to sink deeper into his pit of darkness, despite the marriage. She came realise that her presence couldn?t stop his slow decay. She?d hoped, somewhere, in a last, forlorn piece of child-naiveté, that it would. It had been a false hope, a foolish one. Not even she had truly believed it. How, then, could it succeed?

    And he fell still; he fell always.

    Pain drowned the glory of young love in a tide black and icy, glistening like an ocean in the thrall of starless night. The contest between them ? the flaring, brilliant thing that lay at the base of all they had been and were ? changed. It grew deeper, quieter, more savage. She was cold, often. He spoke less to her. But his eyes held the same desperate need when he looked at her, the blazing fierce flame that was also both tender and soft; and she never held back when he sought warmth. In truth, in her deepest heart, she needed it too ? as much as he did. She never said so, though. He never asked.

    So they spiralled down, locked always, if imperceptibly, together.

    Until the darkness found colour, and she could resist the truth no longer.


    He approached from behind, silently. He?d grown more silent in the last year, as though there were less within him to make noise.

    He becomes a void, she thought dully.

    But it was a lie. A void couldn?t torment itself with its own emptiness, flay itself invisibly for every star consumed, writhe in its own cold perfect doom. A void? couldn?t feel.


    How pleasant, she thought, to be a void.

    He came to her cautious and intent, fingers tracing the flow of her gown, the seams at the sides, the curve of her waist and hips. She stood motionless, then spun in a single, controlled movement to face him. He looked at her with hooded eyes, wary and vaguely reproachful, and withdrew his hands.

    She saw in those eyes his need.

    ?Mara,? he said, and shifted, hands creeping to her waist again, drawing her close. He felt taut against her, taut with need and tension and that glittering and sharply vibrant pain. She tilted her head and draped her arms around his shoulders.

    He stiffened slightly. His eyes shifted, becoming watchful.

    She purred, ?Luke.?

    His eyes shifted again, darkening with want. His gaze went to her lips. He pulled her against him, leaning in abruptly, towards her mouth, seeking to claim. She slipped from his embrace. ?Uh-uh,? she said, shaking a finger, her smile and gaze edged.

    He stepped forward. He smiled a lie, falsely indulgent. ?Mara.?

    She stepped backwards. She smiled. ?Luke.?

    He lunged at her; she danced away. He stalked after her, his eyes boiling. She stepped backwards ahead of him. ?Where are your gloves?? she asked, for his hands were bare.

    He darted and caught her against the elaborate framework of the bed. He pressed against her, hands around her waist, breath on her skin. ?I took them off,? he whispered.

    ?Yes,? she said. ?You know not to bring the blood in here.?

    He didn?t bother to respond, his mouth descending on hers. He was warmth and surprising softness, despite the burning, desperate need, but she twisted and seethed against him. He pressed further; she shoved him away.

    He stared at her. His eyes narrowed. He stepped toward her; she stepped back. He stopped. ?Mara,? he said, his voice low and frustrated, a warning.

    ?Luke,? she said, cold and pointed in echo.

    He stepped forward; she stepped back. Their eyes remained locked. He loo
     
  2. Mirax_Corran

    Mirax_Corran Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 2005
    I got first postie!

    [Insert tortured scream here] WOW! :_|:_|:_|:_|:_|:_|
    That was unbelievably good!

    His eyes were blue no more.

    Yellow seeped, silent and so deadly, and there, everywhere, it ruined.

    Wow. Just wow. That is a fabulous phrase. :eek:

    Go!? he shouted. ?Go, and leave me alone. You?ve never had any problem doing that before.? The last was an angry snarl, shivering under the tears that glossed his gaze.
    I've said it before, I'll say it again. You have a lot of talent with descriptions.

    That was an incredible ending. :_| I hope that there's a sequel, but this has been a dang angsty ride. I've loved it.

    ~Myra
     
  3. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    Poor Luke. He never had a chance. :(
     
  4. DarkKismet

    DarkKismet Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    :eek:

    This is an amazing story you have here, Knight_Aragorn. Your use of discriptive imagery is wonderful, and your ability to convey Mara's emotions has made me jealous. :p

    I hope you do make a sequal to this. I love angst-filled stories, and this is one of the best I've found so far.
     
  5. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2005
    Wow.

    I really can't describe how moving the ending to this is. Although, i'm a little sad that it's all over ;)

    Until the darkness found colour, and she could resist the truth no longer

    I love this phrase, bringing the narrative back to the colour theme. Wonderful.

    The conversation between Mara and Ben was so herat-breaking, and so real. He really seemed to come into his own as a character, then. It seems the road ahead for him wil not be easy - he already has that anger inside of him.

    She stumbled over Luke; ran, because he chased, while he chased because she ran. Perhaps the habit was so ingrained in them now that it went deeper than thought.

    I thought this line was wonderful. It really sums up Luke and Mara's realtionship, and the piece as a whole.


    I really like the revelation that it is Mara herself telling the story to Ben. Looking back, it does have that captivating, story-book style, with the 'boy' and the 'girl'. Very fitting :) It gives Mara and Ben's relationship that extra depth.

    So she turned away, and left him to his future, free of his parents? failings and flaws

    That line is very tantalising. I really hope you do a sequel to this. I for one, would be very interested in following Ben's story, as well.


    I'm ever in awe of your writing style and ability, Knight_Aragorn. This is more than just a fic - it's an experience. =D= =D= =D=

     
  6. jade51999

    jade51999 Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 5, 1999
    Excellent ending, KA. *applauds*

    I would be interested in a Sequal--what happens to Mara afterwards? To Ben? Its so sad that he resents her....

    I think what i like about this story that is really effective is the time switching--moving through their the storyteller, the love story, Mara's journey was remarkable.

    I'll be keeping an eye out for more of your fics!

    Excelent Job.
     
  7. ArKai_Saarlem

    ArKai_Saarlem Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jun 5, 2005
    Your instinct was correct- the ending is much more effective as a whole, rather than split into two or three smaller chunks.

    Heartbreaking and wonderful. I really enjoy the way your write L/M, both regular and AU.
     
  8. academygrad88

    academygrad88 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2004
    That was an absolutely incredible story. I would really like to see a sequel where Mara is finally reunited with her son, even if it is just a short chapter.


    He approached from behind, silently. He?d grown more silent in the last year, as though there were less within him to make noise.

    For some reason I loved this line. Very poetic.

    Great job!!! Good luck with the Beyond The Saga fanfic awards. I know this story was nominated in a number of categories.

    AG88
     
  9. LadyPadme

    LadyPadme Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2002


    =D= That was a simply wonderful, wonderful story! I'm so impressed by your ability to write in such a beautiful, lyrical style and you bring out the characters and their emotions so well! Thank you for sharing that and I really look forward to more :)
     
  10. GirlJedi

    GirlJedi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Nov 10, 2000
    Dear Knight Aragorn,

    This has been a wonderful fic. Thank you for writing it. I have kept up with reading and it has been marvelous. I liked that Mara stayed with Ben til he was a bit grown, and loved her and Obi Wan's interactions. Also the interesting and intriguing relationship you drew between Mara and Luke, and with the Emperor looming behind. Like he had encouraged it to keep Luke preoccupied, as Palps would have seen that Luke would be a threat to him...

    good writing and an interesting AU twist on the GFFA
     
  11. RedGold

    RedGold Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2004
    What... wait... It's OVER?????????????????????????????????????

    ggggrrrrrr

    great ending though!

    Very emotional and ties in well with the other story.

    Awesomeness.
     
  12. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    The ending was great. But if I hadn't read YEABA (which was also very well-done) before the end I think I would have been horribly confused. The two are definitely complementary. I think I would prefer this one; I really love the flashbacks and the additional detail. You are an amazing writer, congratulations.
     
  13. Katarina42

    Katarina42 Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Oct 10, 2001
    Wow! I missed a post and suddenly it's over! I definitely want to see a sequel to this :D

    Great fic! =D=

    Kat
     
  14. Jedi_Tigris

    Jedi_Tigris Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 7, 2005
    Wow! I've been lurking in this story ever since I read YEABA, but I just had to tell you that was wonderful! I would love to see a sequel with Mara and/or Ben. Great job, and I love your writing style. =D=
     
  15. Knight_Aragorn

    Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2003
    Myra: Highly angsty, yes, you might say that? ;) Thanks for the feedback! Glad you?ve enjoyed the story. :D

    RebelMom: Not really, no. Thank you for reading. [:D]

    DarkKismet: I?ve got a soft spot for angst as well, as you might be able to tell. :p I?m glad you?ve enjoyed reading. :D

    JadeLotus: Ben does have a very difficult time ahead of him. Mara thought she was doing the right thing in telling him the truth about Luke, but it?s a heavy burden for a child to have to bear. And you?re right - that run/chase line does capture Luke and Mara well. I didn?t think of that. :p

    The revelation about the sections prefacing the flashbacks being from Mara?s POV was something that hopefully made you go, ?ohhh?? There is a hint of her perspective in them, if you look for it. I tried to capture her voice there without making it too obvious. Glad it seemed to work. :)

    Thank you so much for your feedback, and for reading along the way! [:D] :D

    jade51999: This story was a bit of an experiment, in that I?d never written anything so rigidly structured before ? the two storylines had to weave together very closely. It was harder to do than I thought it would be, but worked out in the end. ;) I?m very glad you?ve enjoyed reading. Thank you! :D

    ArKai_Saarlem: That?s what I thought ? splitting it up would break the flow too much and thus weaken the impact. Thank you very much for reading, and for letting me know you?ve enjoyed the story. It?s great to hear. :D

    AG88: Well, the sequel bunny that?s sitting in my head is more in the line of an epic, which is why it won?t be happening for a while. :p Thanks so much for reading. [:D]

    LadyPadme: *blushes* Thank you! I?m glad you?ve enjoyed reading. :D

    GirlJedi: That?s a good point ? that Palpatine would encourage Luke?s preoccupation with Mara, taunting him with her after she?s gone. It?s a handy way to distract a potential threat. ;) Thanks very much for the feedback. :) I?m glad you?ve enjoyed this AU.

    RedGold: Yes, it?s over. *author breathes sigh of relief* :p Thanks for the feedback. :D

    Darth_Scroobius: Without having read YEABA, it would seem like a pretty odd kind of an ending. :p I suppose this is more or less a stepping stone into that one ? it hopefully provides more depth to what happens there. Thank you very much for reading. :D

    Katrina42: It was a bit sudden, wasn?t it? ;) Thank you for reading! :D

    Jedi_Tigris: Great to hear you?ve enjoyed the story. :D If I do write the sequel, it will definitely have them both in it, and probably Obi-Wan will make a return as well? and some other surprise guests. [face_mischief] Maybe. We?ll see. ;) Thanks very much for the feedback! :)
     
  16. jedi_of_ennth

    jedi_of_ennth Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2005
    Beautiful ending! =D= Thank you so much for writing this! [:D] If you decide to write a sequel, I'll definitely read it. :D
     
  17. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade Fan Fiction Archive Editor Emeritus star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002
    You make it difficult to comment sometimes, you know. How am I supposed to find the right words for such perfection? :p Let me see if I can do general feedback first, then pick out some of my favorite parts.

    I think your Dark Luke may be the best I've ever read, and I've seen some awfully good Dark Lukes. I think what I like best about yours is the constant internal conflict that he refuses to really confront. I think that makes his darkness very plausible and the character very recognizable, in that he's still our Luke deep down, but he didn't see the trap until it was too late and can't quite find his way out of it. It makes him a sympathetic character without diminishing his evil, which is quite an accomplishment. :D

    Mara's wonderfully in character as well. Her love for Luke and her grief at his darkness is just heartbreaking, but she never loses the stubborn, edgy independence that is Mara Jade. I like seeing her as a mother under these circumstances, as sad as it is. You do know how to bring out the psychological angst, don't you? :p

    I think you got the pacing just as it should be, and Luke and Mara's interaction throughout is just a thing of beauty. Even in this very different AU, it's undeniably them. And of course, your writing reads like poetry. It's really beautiful to read. :D

    He approached from behind, silently. He?d grown more silent in the last year, as though there were less within him to make noise.

    He becomes a void, she thought dully.

    But it was a lie. A void couldn?t torment itself with its own emptiness, flay itself invisibly for every star consumed, writhe in its own cold perfect doom. A void? couldn?t feel.

    How pleasant, she thought, to be a void.


    What a perfect parallel. I adore it. :D

    He lunged at her; she danced away. He stalked after her, his eyes boiling. She stepped backwards ahead of him. ?Where are your gloves?? she asked, for his hands were bare.

    He darted and caught her against the elaborate framework of the bed. He pressed against her, hands around her waist, breath on her skin. ?I took them off,? he whispered.

    ?Yes,? she said. ?You know not to bring the blood in here.?


    I love Mara's boldness and daring here. :D It's SO her. :D I really like the whole contest between them. They work so well together when they're not dark, but I think that if they were dark (or semi-dark), that relationship would definitely be more of a competition, like this. [face_thinking]

    ?Ben,? she said, reaching for him. ?Oh, Ben, I?m?? What? Sorry? Sorry for inflicting them on him as parents, sorry for their flawed legacy and tainted inheritance, sorry for the fact that all she could give him was pain? ?Sorry,? she said softly. ?I?m sorry.?

    Oh, poor Mara. :_|

    You walk as your father walked, love, she thought. Do you even realise?

    Love that touch! :D

    I?ll slaughter them willingly, and you know it.

    Do you want blood on your pretty fingers, my dear?

    Do you want blood on mine?


    The last line is awesome. What a great way to show how well they understand each other, even in areas where they refuse to face their own weaknesses. :D

    ?Is he? a bad man, my father??

    For a long time, she held him, utterly silent. The winds outside sang on the very edge of hearing, hissing sand over sand under the silver moons. At last she spoke ? with a sadness even vaster than the desolate voice of the desert ? and said, ?I can?t answer that, Ben.?

    She closed her eyes and hugged him tighter, whispering, ?I can?t answer that.?


    :_| :_| :_|

    I love this story so much. :D [face_love] [face_love] [face_love] Can't wait for the sequel, and the monster story to precede it. :cool:
     
  18. StarFighter5

    StarFighter5 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2003
    And so it ends. It was lovely and in a way I am happy to see it end, but some stories are simply too good to end. :_| Another sequel would be nice, but we as readers must not be too demanding.:D

    I'm looking forward to your next work.
     
  19. RebelPrincess

    RebelPrincess Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 6, 2001
    Amazing.

    I absolutely loved it :)
     
  20. jade_angel

    jade_angel Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 4, 2001
    I really regret that I haven't been frequenting these boards enough to post a reply after each of your updates, but I suppose better late than never. All I have to say is that I'm awed by your writing and how you've approached this story. Very powerful ending by the way, despite how twisted and perverted Luke has become, you can't help but pity him seeing how he never had a chance. :(
     
  21. Knight_Aragorn

    Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2003
    jedi_of_ennth: Thank you very much for reading. :D

    Gabri: I?m glad Luke and Mara worked, because I took some definite liberties with both characters in this AU. Keeping them recognisable without straying beyond the realms of the AU is never quite as easy as it seems it should be. [face_thinking]

    Glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks for the feedback. [:D]

    StarFighter5: Thank you for reading so consistently! It?s been great to have your feedback along the way. I?m very glad you?ve enjoyed the story. :D

    RebelPrincess: Thank you! :)

    jade_angel: No problem! Thank you for taking the time to read. :D Glad you liked the ending. Thanks again for reading. [:D]
     
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