Beyond - Legends Chasing Dreams (L/M, post-NJO, repost) Complete!

Thank you all! The delay has been due to an additional chapter needing to be written, so I hope you enjoy. I will try and post the rest of the fic over the next few weeks.

Tags: EmeraldJediFire, EGKenobi

**************


Luke Skywalker’s quarters, Yavin 4. 12 ABY


“Lay still please, Mara.” Cilghal’s voice was soft, but her webbed hand was firm as she pressed down on Mara’s shoulder to stop her squirming. Mara huffed but obediently stilled, lying her head back on the pillow and looking up at the ceiling. Almost a week she’d been trapped on Yavin 4 recovering from Massassi fever, and she was getting antsy.

Having checked her blood pressure, breathing and glands, Cilghal moved her examination onto the infected area on Mara’s left leg. The skin around the bites was still inflamed, although the red infection which had once run up her entire calf was now confined to her ankle.

“You still need another few days rest to make sure the virus has completely left your system,” Cilgahl informed her. “Although you are likely strong enough to move to the medcentre, if you like.”

Mara considered it, but remembered the cold, stark white of the Praxeum medical complex, the lack of privacy and likely visits from concerned or nosy students. Luke annoyed her, but at least he didn’t gawk.

“I’ll stay here.”

Cilghal smiled as much as a Mon Calamari could. “Master Skywalker makes an excellent nurse.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Mara had spent the last week being fussed over by Skywalker - he prepared her meals, administered her medicine and tried to keep her amused. As someone needed to monitor her condition and she had taken up residence in his bed, he’d made himself up a cot and slept on the far side of the room. More than once she had awoken from her nightmares to find his hand in hers, his cool fingers brushing back the hair from her forehead soothingly. And when in the morning she pretended it had never happened, he willingly played along with the deception, never trying to use her weakness against her.

He had also known when to leave her alone, to vanish from his quarters for long periods of time so she could have her solitude. And yet when he was there they often fell into easy conversation. They had not spent so much time in one another’s presence since Wayland, and Mara found that she didn’t despise it.

“He cares about you, Mara,” Cilghal said softly. “I hope you know how much.”

Mara shifted uncomfortably on the bed - Skywalker’s bed - and looked away. She knew he cared, but Mara had always dismissed it as the genuine and natural affection he felt or all beings, and not anything particular to her.

“I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow,” Cilghal said as she rose and gathered her instruments, perhaps sensing that Mara was not inclined to continue the conversation.

“Thank you, Cilghal,” Mara managed to force out as the healer left, and the Mon Calamari responded only with a gracious smile and a slow blinking of her eyelids.

It was late afternoon when Luke returned from the day’s classes, bearing two serves of chaka noodles from the commissary. He smiled warmly at her as he entered, and despite herself, Mara was pleased to see him. She did, however, dismiss the feeling as a side effect of her isolation - she would probably miss a gundark if he was the only company she’d had for a week. Luke had asked if she wanted visitors from the Academy, but Mara had firmly declined - the last thing she needed was smug Kyp Durron bothering her.

“What did Cilghal say?” Luke asked as he removed his outer robe and flung it over a chair. Mara bristled at the action, for in the past week she’d learnt that Luke Skywalker lived in quarters that were haphazard and a tad cluttered. As Mara liked things ordered and precise, she had spent some of that day tidying the rooms up, which he had evidently not noticed. The fact rankled Mara slightly.

“Three more days until you get your bed back, Skywalker,” Mara said as she rose from the couch and followed him to the kitchenette, and did not miss his smile. “You seem almost pleased,” she accused him as she took a seat at the kitchen counter.

Luke looked slightly guilty, but his expression quickly folded into impassiveness. “I’m sorry you’re recovery is taken longer than expected, Mara,” he responded evenly as he prepared their meals. “But I have to admit, it has been nice to have company again.”

Suddenly Mara felt as if she’d been drenched with ice-cold water, realising for the first time that not that long ago, Callista had been living in these same quarters with him. She had shared with Luke the same bed Mara was currently occupying, they had likely….

Mara felt slightly sick, and forced that image from her mind with disgust. She almost upbraided him, ready to inform him in no uncertain terms that she was not that kind of “company” and she didn’t want in any way to be compared to Callista, but stopped herself. It didn’t matter, Mara reasoned, she would be gone in a few days and everything would go back in its box. She and Skywalker would go back to indifferent acquaintances and she would forget his words, which had been off the cuff and devoid of meaning.

“And what culinary delights has the Academy chef to offer today?” she asked, changing the subject and wrinkling her nose at the proffered plate of noodles. The food from the Praxeum was objectively terrible.

Luke gave her a stern look. “He’s trying, Mara.”

Mara avoided making a “there is no try” joke - she’d heard enough of them. Instead she shrugged and began to eat, surprised when it wasn’t as bad as she was expecting. Although that didn’t mean it was good, either. She looked over at Luke, who was wolfing his portion down, and Mara shook her head slowly. Not for the first time, she wondered if all his tastebuds had been seared off as a child by some spicy Tatooine delicacy.

“No,” Luke answered cheerfully between mouthfuls. “I’m just not as picky as you are.”

“Stay out of my head, Skywalker,” she told him, but there was not venom behind the words.

“Your shields are down, Mara,” he told her with a grin. “I can’t help it.”

Mara gave him a look and mentally tightened her barriers, slightly concerned thats she hadn’t even noticed them slip. When she opened her eyes she saw that Luke had placed a jar of tomo-spice on the counter, and when Mara looked at him quizzically he avoided her gaze. She wondered whether he had somehow sensed that she’d wanted to add flavour to her meal, or if he’d learnt over the past week that she liked spicy food. Deciding it didn’t matter, Mara added a generous amount of tomo-spice to her noodles and stirred it in. When she tasted the dish again she found it far more palatable.

Luke told her about the day’s lessons at the Academy and the new student who had arrived, and at first Mara listened politely. But she soon found herself drawn into the conversation as Luke described the wonder and reverence the young Togruta had expressed at the Praxeum and Luke himself.

“You’re a public figure, Luke,” she told him. “And like it or not, most of your students - especially the young girls - are going to be in awe of you.” She laughed and twirled noodles around her fork. “I don’t get it personally,” she teased him. “But then again, I actually know you.”

“Ha, ha.” But his amused smile quickly faded into melancholy. “I just hope I’m not a disappointment to them,” he added somberly. “They’ve heard about all of these amazing things I’ve done, but the truth is I got lucky most of the time, and half of my successes only came after hideous failures. Jedi Masters are supposed to be infallible, and I, sadly, am not.”

Mara put down her fork and regarded him seriously. “No one is, Luke,” she told him. “Not even Obi-Wan and Yoda.” He looked up at her, surprised that she had picked up on his errant thoughts. “It works both ways, Skywalker,” she reminded him.

“I can’t help but think I’ll never be the Jedi they were,” Luke said sadly.

“No, you won’t,” Mara told him firmly. “You’ll be better.”

Luke gave a self-deprecating laugh. “That fever knocked you about more than I thought.”

“I mean it, Luke,” she continued. Usually, she would be attempting to deflate his ego, but Mara was always honest, and she genuinely believed her words. “Yoda and Obi-Wan failed to prevent your father from turning to the dark side,” she reminded him. “They lied to you, tried to convince you to kill him. Hardly paragons of virtue.”

Luke pursed his lips and cast his gaze downward. “I better clear up,” he said, taking his plate and hers to the sink. It was the first time she’d ever seen him not finish a meal.

“Let me help,” she offered as he emptied the leftovers into the trash and began to wash the dishes.

“Nah, it’s only fair, ” he said without turning around. “You cleaned today, don’t think I didn’t notice.”

“Well, I can’t stand mess,” Mara told him as she casually wandered over to the couch and plopped herself down on it.

“I know,” came Luke’s reply in an indecipherable tone.

Mara began to flick aimlessly through the holonet, first checking the news and the daily stock and trade reports. There was nothing of interest, but even so Mara was anxious to get back to work. Karrde had commed a few days ago, ordering Luke to keep her on Yavin until she was completely recovered.

After a while Luke brought over a teapot and poured a purplish liquid into a cup for her. Mara sighed and wrinkled her nose as the scent of the tea filled the room. She was thoroughly sick of the stuff, but Cilghal insisted she continue to drink it until her infection was completely gone. Luke gave her a stern look, and Mara sighed, taking an obedient sip.

“If I never drink this stuff again it will be too soon,” she grumbled.

Luke laughed softly and took a seat in the armchair opposite. “Stay away from Massassi bugs and you’ll be fine.”

“I’ll stay away from this planet,” Mara added, taking another sip of the tea. Luke didn’t answer, retrieving a small hunting knife from the caf table beside him and a wooden carving he’d been working on. Mara had been surprised to learn that he was quite skilled in carving, and he had spent hours by her bedside immersed in the activity while she rested. Almost without thinking, Mara switched off the holonet and settled in to watch him work.

“Doing that again, Skywalker?” she asked.

Luke smiled as he whittled away. “I had to fell two Massassi trees to get the bark to make your tea,” he teased her. “The least I could do was to make sure none of the wood went to waste.”

“What are you making this time?”

Luke opened his palm and showed her his project which was beginning to take shape. “An X-Wing,” he explained, and Mara could see the elongated x shape in the wood which would form the ship’s wings.

“Where did you learn how to do that?” she asked, something which she’d been curious about ever since she’d first witness him doing it. “I can’t imagine there’s much wood on Tatooine.”

“There’s not,” Luke agreed as his blade moved smoothly over the wood in his hand. “But there’s more than enough sandstone, and the principle’s the same.”

Mara’s gaze lingered on Luke’s long fingers as he deftly carved shape into the wood. His hands were steady and sure of his path, every moment bringing to life the image he saw in his mind’s eye. He was intensely focused on the project, occasionally leaning in close to blow shards of wood away from the craving, the shavings fluttering to the floor. In fact Luke was so zoned in to his work that he didn’t even notice Mara was watching him, and it was only that fact which allowed Mara to do so.

“There,” Luke showed her the finished product proudly, and Mara was impressed by the detail. He’d even carved in the exhaust ports and torpedo shafts. “Jaina will love it.” He put the small figurine on the caf table next to the two he’d carved the previous night; a krayt dragon for Jacen and a replica R2-D2 for Anakin.

“It’s very impressive, Skywalker,” Mara conceded, feigning mild disinterest.

“Would you like me to make you something?” Luke asked.

Mara was surprised at the question. “It’s not enough that I’ve commandeered your bed for the week and you have to make me endless cups of that vile tea, you want to give me a gift, too?” Surely there were some limits to his genial nature, although Mara clearly had yet to reach them.

Luke shrugged. “It’s no trouble.”

“No thank you,” Mara said, trying to be gracious. “I can’t think of anything I’d want.”

“Someday I’ll make something for you, Mara,” Luke said. “I promise.”

Mara looked down at her hands, suddenly feeling unusually hot under his intense gaze. He did not seem disturbed by her lack of response and instead pulled out his datapad and began going through the Academy accounts. Since she’d had nothing else to do, Mara had gone through them herself earlier that day, and had made several notes for him to consider.

And yet now her mind wandered away from the very safe topic of the running of the Academy. Over the past few days a seed of regret had taken root in the back of her mind, and she’d had plenty of time to nurture it with concern until it had bloomed into full guilt.

“I know I haven’t been the most gracious guest,” she said abruptly, crossing her legs under herself on the couch nervously. Luke looked up from his datapad inquisitively. “So in case I’m too proud to say it later, thank you.”

“It’s no problem, Mara,” Luke smiled, closing down his datapad and stowing it away so he could give her his full attention. “I’m just glad you’re well again.”

“It’s funny,” Mara told him, unsurprised by his graciousness. “I came here to cheer you about the Callista situation, and instead you’ve been taking care of me.”

“Well it’s certainly distracted me from it,” Luke’s smile became forced. “You should count that as a success.” He looked away, and Mara knew his thoughts were drawn back to the malt-haired woman who’d so captured his heart, and then broken it. Mara felt an overwhelming desire to comfort him, to give him the same support and compassion he had shown her this past week.

“I’m sorry for what I said the other day,” Mara found herself saying. “About Callista not loving you - I’m sure she did.”

“Really?” Luke smiled ruefully. “I’m not.” He sighed and it was several long moments before he spoken again “At its core love is selfless,” he explained. “But she chose the Force over me.”

Mara looked down at her hands again, unsure of how to cheer him up. Was it better for him to believe that he’d been truly loved, and had only been abandoned for some higher purpose, or that the relationship had been doomed from the start?

“Maybe her actions were selfless, in a way,” Mara suggested slowly, looking back up to gauge his reaction..

Luke’s face was impassive, but she saw a twitch in his cheek. “How so?”

Mara considered the matter for a few moments. “Maybe...she knew that the two of you weren’t going to be happy together, no matter how much you loved each other.” This was unfamiliar territory for Mara but she forced the thought to its logical conclusion. “She left so you could be free to meet someone else - someone with whom love was enough.”

“But who could there be for me, if not her?” Luke asked, his voice pained. He looked away, but Mara could see that his eyes were wet, and his grief still ran deep. There was a small, treacherous voice inside of her that was fighting to be heard, the voice that told her she knew the answer to that question. But Mara quashed it violently, and refused to listen.

“I don’t have the answers for you Luke,” Mara said quietly. “I don’t know anything about love - you were right about that.”

“I thought I did,” Luke mused softly. “I thought I knew everything, but I was a fool. I thought love would be enough for anyone - it was always enough for me.”

That was the crux of it, Mara realised. Luke was fount of boundless love, a man for whom forgiveness and compassion came as easy as breathing. Callista had known that, would have understood that Luke would have always remained by her side, because in his eyes that was what you did when you loved someone. But perhaps in hers, Mara mused, when you loved someone you knew when to let them go. When you loved someone, you could see when you were bad for them, and removed yourself from the equation to prevent greater heartache later on. For the first time, Mara felt a twinge of sympathy and understanding for Callista.

They didn’t speak again, but instead spent the rest of the evening in a companionable silence. When she went to bed that night, Mara pulled the blankets around herself tightly. Somehow, even though she’d changed the sheets that day, they still smelled of him, and it had become a sense memory associated with a healing calm. She lay awake for a long time, listening to his light breathing from across the room, and wondered.

 

The flashbacks are so great. There's nothing I love more than pre-VotF L/M, with all that unrequited tension, knowing what's going to happen with them. Well, except for maybe post-VotF L/M.

Great update, I can't wait to read more!

 

I loved the various moods and undertones of this, the banter and the vulnerability and compassion. I do love Mara/Luke as friends; it's a splentabulous foundation for what comes later. Mara needs to not squash that little inner voice. Because I know the answer to the who can love him question too.

 

UGH, YOU TWO. *bashes L/M's heads together*

Thanks for coming back to update!

 

Girl, this was great. I think this might have been my favorite chapter so far. Much angst, so sad.

 

Interesting concepts about the perception of love.

 

Oooooooh!!!! I love this!!!! This is the new chapter, right?? Or I've gone off the deep-end (which could always be the case, too). At any rate, I love it. I love all of it. Luke whittling is perfect. And he does make something for Mara, eventually.

But my favorite part was:

Mara, giving him the kick he needs. She'll have to be a bit more harsh about it in a few years, but for now, this is a perfect, perfect moment between them.

 

“Someday I’ll make something for you, Mara,” Luke
said. “I promise.”
yeah...a baby))

 

ROTFLspew.

 

It didn’t matter, Mara reasoned, she would be gone in a few days and everything would go back in its box. She and Skywalker would go back to indifferent acquaintances and she would forget his words, which had been off the cuff and devoid of meaning.

Oh, don't be so sure, girl.

Another excellent update. The banter between them is sweet, and humorous, and poignant.

 

Thanks all! Glad you enjoyed the chapter, that was indeed new content .
Tags: @EmeraldJediFire, @EGKenobi

Callista Ming's apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY.


Luke had been standing outside the battered door for close to an hour. The squalor of the district unsettled him. He knew Coruscant's underground was a hive of corruption and moral deficiency, but the abject poverty troubled him greatly. He felt almost ashamed of the small but nonetheless lavish apartment he shared with his family. To see people living in such squalor only reinforced his many regrets about the war, about the troubles that faced the fledging government.

But that was not the reason he was so unnerved. Mara understood why he had to come, why he had to see Callista. They had sorted any problems that issue had plagued them with, and now his wife only worried about what he would be confronted by. She'd offered to accompany him, but Luke knew this was something he had to face alone. Besides, he didn't imagine Callista would be exactly forthcoming with him if Mara was there.

He had his wife's blessing, and now all Luke had to do was overcome his uneasiness. He worried about what Callista had to tell him, from what Mara had said it had sounded fairly serious. Something she could only tell Luke. Mara had mentioned that she had not sensed any Force presence at all within her, but that didn't negate the danger of the Dark Side. Luke doubted that insinuation, however. The Callista that Luke had known would have died before turning to the Dark Side.

It couldn't have been personal, either. Not after seeing Mara and Ben. Despite what his wife thought, Callista was scrupulously moral. No, any relationship between them was firmly in the past, and that was where Luke preferred to keep it. Although, he couldn't deny that he was glad at the opportunity to see her again. Their parting at Nam Chorios had been melancholy and resigned. But, looking back, it had never been sufficient closure for him. Perhaps this was an opportunity for it.

Gathering his inner strength, and reminding himself that he was a Jedi Master who had survived all forms of tragedy, grief and trouble, Luke raised an apprehensive fist and knocked carefully.

She answered almost immediately, and Luke took in the image of his former love a few moments. She was still beautiful, but it was clear the years had not been easy for her. She almost looked haggard, missing the radiance he had come to associate with her presence on the Eye of Palpatine. But she smiled brilliantly when she recognised him.

"Luke... " the words slipped from her mouth in a reverent whisper.

He returned her smile gently as he stepped inside. "Hello, Callista."

She quickly closed the door and drew him into a firm embrace. He returned it, somewhat awkwardly. For a moment, the vanilla-scent of her hair washed over him, and it was as if he stepped back twenty years. Underneath the marked face and soft bitterness that he felt within her, was the same woman he had fallen in love with so easily. He was different, though, he realised as he gently pulled her back to arms length.

"I never thought I would see your face again." She touched his cheek with her cool fingers, smiling wistfully.

"It's good to see you too, Callie." He squeezed her forearm gently.

At his words, Callista closed her eyes, her smile widening. "It feels so good to hear you call me that." Her eyes reopened and her gaze settled on his face appraisingly. "You look good," she said approvingly.

Luke blushed slightly. "A few more wrinkles here, some grey there... I'm surprised you even recognise me," he laughed.

"My heart would know you anywhere." She moved her light fingers over the small streaks of grey at his temples. "I think you look distinguished."

Luke grinned like a schoolboy. "That's what Mara says."

Abruptly, Callista's smile faded, and she moved out of his loose hold. Luke immediately regretted his words - he had been going so well! A sense of unease descended upon them and Luke searched for something to say. He was not ashamed of his marriage to Mara, nor was he going to apologise for it. But Callista's pride might be wounded - however slightly - if he flaunted his happiness in her face. Especially since she appeared to be living hard.

Eventually Callista broke the silence and turned back to face him. "Your son is beautiful."

"Thank you." Luke wasn't sure what else to say, and he certainly wasn't going to dispute the fact.

"I always knew you would make a wonderful father." She attempted to smile, but it came out like a grimace. "Although, I had always thought... "

Luke tried not to be irritated by her expression. "I couldn't spend my life waiting for you, Callista," he replied, as gently as possible.

"I didn't expect you to." She folded her arms defiantly, a shred of displeasure entering her voice. "I suppose I just don't understand... her of all people," she said, her voice full of malice.

Luke felt a streak of anger lace through him. "I wouldn't advise you to finish that thought, Callista," he warned dangerously. He was tired of people judging Mara on her past, to hear it from someone who still held a dear place in his heart was almost unbearable.

Callista gave him a wounded look, but kept silent. Luke sighed, and ran a hand through his hair, calming himself. He gestured towards the small, battered chaise by the window. "Can I sit?"
She nodded her consent, and followed to sit beside him. Luke was relieved to see that she was a respectable distance from him.

"I'm listening, Callista." He eyed her carefully, cutting straight to the point. "After 20 years, why come back now?"

Callista visibly braced herself. She reached for his hand, and Luke allowed her to take it, but did not return the squeeze she gave his fingers.

"I tried so hard to find the Force after I left you, Luke. Every lead I followed, every system I visited only disappointed me further." She smiled bitterly. "So I tried to live a normal life. I told myself that billions of people survive without the Force, and they are happy, so why not me? But I couldn't do that either. I was still only half of myself." Callista sighed, and gripped his hand tighter.
"During the war I worked with refugees, as a nurse. I knew enough about rudimentary medicine and working in the field taught me the rest. I was helping people, but it still wasn't enough. I realised that the Force, even though I could not access it, was still a part of me."

Callista's gaze met his own. "That's why I've come back, Luke. Running away from the Jedi didn't solve my problems, it only made them worse. I want to rejoin your Order - even if it's just as an administrator, or a representative. I need to be around the Jedi again, and then, maybe, I might find what I've been looking so hard for."

Luke let all of the information digest for a few moments.

"That's it?" He regarded her incredulously. "You came because you want to rejoin the Jedi, stop running away from your heritage?" He shook his head in disbelief. "I'm happy you want to do so... but you could have told all of this to Mara."

"I was afraid that if she knew... she wouldn't let me see you. I had to make it seem like it was something I could only tell you." Her gaze darted away, unable to meet his.

"I don't appreciate being manipulated," he replied coldly.

"I'm sorry Luke, I didn't mean... " She bit her lower lip and clutched his hand more tightly. "I wanted to see you," she admitted, her eyes meeting his. "I realised I made a mistake leaving you, Luke, if I had the choice again... "

Luke sighed and looked away. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid.

"I wanted so badly to find the Force... for us," Callista's voice rose in pitch and intensity. "I know you think I abandoned you - loved the Force more than you, but that's just not true. I've always loved you more than anything... I still love you."

He stiffened, and gently removed his hand awkwardly from her grip.

"Please, Luke. I just - I wanted us to be equal, I wanted to be worthy of you. It wouldn't be right for a Jedi Master to be with someone without the Force."

Luke turned to face her, a remembered sadness washing over him. "That never mattered to me, Callista." His voice became resigned. "Maybe if you understood me at all you'd have realised that."

"And Mara Jade understands you?" Her voice rose slightly and took on a hard edge. "She served Palpatine, Luke. Probably served him in every way," she exclaimed bitterly. "She could have been his mistress for all you know."

Luke was barely aware of anything other than his crushing anger. He stood abruptly, grabbing Callista's arm and dragging her up with him. The white-hot current ran through him, and he was barely aware that his grip was crushing her bicep until he heard her cry of pain.

He saw himself reflected in her eyes, the darkness that burned there. Luke released her and hurriedly turned away, waiting for it to ebb. He closed his eyes, reaching to find his centre. It bothered him that after all of these years, the darkness still lingered there beneath the surface. All it had taken was an insult to his wife... Of course, the Jedi now embraced a wider view of the Force itself, but Luke was still cautious of his anger, of the dark emotions that could be so easily provoked.

He heard Callista's frightened, shaky breathing behind him. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I did not mean that."

Luke reopened his eyes. "Callista," he began, his voice low and dangerous, but didn't turn to face her. "I forgave you long ago for leaving me. I even understood. I always felt guilty that you lost the Force because of me. You haven't found it again, your life might be less than perfect, and I feel sorry because of that." He turned to face her again. "But I do not have to explain my choices to you, and I will never allow you to say such things about Mara. She's my wife."

Callista appeared to have regained her composure, tilting a defiant chin towards him. "And you love her?"

"Yes."

She walked towards him. "Can you honestly say that the love you share with her was greater than what we had together? We were connected Luke - more deeply than I've ever felt with anyone. I know it was the same for you."

Sufficiently calmed down, Luke shook his head, resting his hand on her arm, lightly caressing the skin where he had grabbed her earlier. "I'm sorry, Callista. At that time... maybe. But the connection Mara and I share is unparalleled."

His other hand came to cup her cheek affectionately. "I will always care deeply about you. And I don't regret loving you." Luke looked deeply into her grey eyes. "But my love is with Mara now -and I'm sorry, but it's stronger than what I felt for you."

A single tear made its way down Callista's cheek, and she inhaled sharply. "I was so sure," she whimpered. "So sure that you'd... settled for her. That she was a... "

"Replacement for you?" Luke shook his head, remembering the words he’d spoken to Mara. "No, Callie. My path was always leading towards her."

Callista's slim hand came to cover her mouth, but it didn't smother the sobs that escaped her. Luke's conscience ached, but he knew it had to be this way. Callista needed to know the truth, he couldn't give her a false impression of his marriage, or their relationship.

"Don't you remember, Luke?" She looked up, her voice desperate. "That there's a lot of time in the universe?"

Luke recalled her last words to him, her promise that, in time, they would be with one another again. "I'm sorry, Callie. But we had our time together." He stepped away from her and turned to leave. "I will try to accomodate you within the Order, if I can." He was almost at the door when he heard her plaintive voice hold him back.

"Aren't you even going to kiss me goodbye?" Her voice cracked with sadness, and he turned back to see her tear-streaked face.

"Callie... "

"Please, Luke. For old time's sake." Her eyes pleaded with him, as she moved to stand before him.

Resigned, he leaned in close to her, and Callista parted her lips slightly, hopefully. But Luke turned his head, placing a light, warm kiss on her cheek. It was affectionate, but utterly chaste - the kind of kiss he would give his sister. He pulled away after an appropriate amount of time, catching the disappointment that laced her expression. But there was nothing he could do about that. Luke had accepted long ago that although he wanted to, he couldn't be responsible for shielding everyone from grief. Not at the expense of his own happiness, his own family.

So Luke whispered a soft goodbye, gave her a smile, and left.



***************



Absently toying with the beads the wound around her neck, Mara almost didn't notice the suspicious smell of burning meat that began to waft through the air.

"Mama!" came Ben's eager shout from the table, and then his inane laughter.

Swearing under her breath, Mara swiftly pulled the dish off the heat, waving away the smoke to reveal the almost completely burnt nerf steak.

Mara regarded the charred dish resentfully. She really wasn't as bad a cook as everyone seemed to believe, it was just in certain situations, her anxiety seemed to manifest into whatever she was preparing at the time. When she was completely focussed, her cooking was... passable.

And really, the dish wasn't utterly ruined - if she scraped off the black sections, and covered it in sauce. Mara had certainly eaten a lot worse. She looked hopefully towards her son, who, realising her intention, shook his head vehemently.

"Nuh uh!" he cried forcefully. "Uncle Han says I don't have to eat anything I don't wanna. 'Specially if you've cooked it."

Mara scowled, but really couldn't blame him, despite Han's apparent sabotage. Tonight's effort did rate as one of her worst forays in the culinary arts. But hope was not lost, Mara considered, as she gave Ben a wry smile.

"Your father will eat it," she concluded.

Shifting her attention to the vegetables which, pleasingly, were cooking perfectly, Mara tried to sound nonchalant. "Who were you talking to earlier, Ben?" She didn't turn around, but Mara felt a soft spike in her son's Force sense.

"When?" Ben sounded dismissive.

Mara risked a glance at him, seemingly preoccupied with his toy X-wing. "I walked by your room earlier," she began, turning to face him fully. "I heard you talking to someone." Mara forced her voice to sound calm, and not accusatory.

Ben didn't look up from the trajectory his ship was taking, and shrugged. "My friend."

"Ah." Mara tried to reach out to Ben through the Force, but found it difficult. Strangely, his aura in the Force seemed... hazy. Less pronounced than it had been before. It was only a slight change, not enough of a shift to be worried about. But Mara was concerned about Ben's 'conversation' she had overheard.

"Can I meet your friend?" She asked plaintively.

Finally Ben looked up from his toy, and scrutinised her, scrunching up his face in thought. "I'm the only one who can see him."

"Oh." He had an imaginary friend, Mara concluded. Nothing to be concerned about, she knew many children invented playmates to keep them company. And since Ben did not know many people his own age, it made sense that he would create someone to spend time with him.

Before she could question her son further, she felt the comforting wave of Luke's Force sense brushing lightly over hers, signalling his return. The apartment door chimed, and Ben immediately jumped out of his seat and ran out of the room. Mara followed him, and was pleased to find Ben had flung himself into Luke's arms, and was clinging to him tightly around the neck.

Mara went to them. "Let your father breathe," she cautioned Ben softly, a soft smile forming on her mouth as she placed a hand on Luke's arm.

Ben pulled back, contrite, and Luke gave him a grin. "It's alright." He turned to Mara and gave her a light kiss on the lips. "Good evening, my love."

Mara gently brushed a smudge of grime off of Luke's tunic. "Did you get everything you went for?" she asked softly, although Ben was too preoccupied adjusting himself in Luke's arms to care what they were saying.

"Yes. I believe I did." Luke shifted Ben higher and gave her a smile.


"Good," she returned it, relieved. Mara didn't really need to know the particulars - she trusted him. "Dinner's almost ready." Her tone became lighter, and she patted him on the shoulder affectionately.

"Mmm." He took a deep breath and admirably covered the immediate cough caused by still-lingering burning sensation in the air. "Smells wonderful."

Mara wasn't fooled, but loved him for the effort. She ushered them out of the doorway, leading them back into the kitchen.

"Does your... friend want to eat with us, Ben?" She ignored the inquisitive face of her husband. 'I'll explain later' she sent through the Force.

"No thanks," Ben smiled, laying his small head on Luke's shoulder. "I don't want to make him sick."

Luke let out a soft chuckle, and even Mara smiled quietly to herself. For the first time in weeks, she felt that equanimity had been restored to their home and their small little family.

 

Oh, that was so off the chain terrific! Wonderful and emotionally rich and the contrast with the second scene - just what we needed, the humor, the affection.

 

Ohhhh, I'm seething! Nope, no sympathy here from me. Very well done in that regard! Let's just hope that Luke sticks with the "if I can" and lets her rot.

And 12 December? We skipped a whole month? But I'm not ready for the holidays!

 

Yeah, I usually try to give Callista more sympathy than most people do...but she crossed the line big time there. And bad move for her, too, because any lingering feelings Luke might have had are now gone completely.

 

aahh...this home-breaking stupid bodysnatcher. No, no sympathy from me too for her here.

 

I didn't think it possible to dislike Callista more than I did...but I was wrong. Women who try to seduce married men should be shot and thrown into the deepest depths of the Corellian Hells. Luke has a wife AND child! What type of monster tries to break up a family. Luke should send Callista packing. She doesn't need to be at the Jedi Temple. She is trouble! I can't remember the ending of the original story, but I truly hope Callista fell into a Rancor pit and had her head bit off.

 

Thank you!

Eek, wishful thinking I guess! I was pretty late when I posted I'm not sure Luke's capable of letting anyone rot, but we'll see...

To be honest I do have sympathy for Callista (even though I've written her very unsympathetically here), she certainly didn't think what she was saying through...

Heh, she's pretty short-sighted. Although I don't thinks she intended to become an attempted home-wrecker, she just got herself all worked up and said and did things she shouldn't have.

I agree, however as I said to Demendora I don't think she went into that meeting with Luke trying to get him back or break up his marriage - she got overwhelmed by the situation and lashed out in an unpleasant way and allowed herself to do and say things in ordinary circumstances she knew were wrong. Not that it makes much difference, though

I can't promise any rancor pits, unfortunately!

 

Seriously, what was Callista thinking? If she knew Luke at all, she would understand how highly he values family and loyalty. Callista left. He moved on, sweetie.

The imaginary friend thing gives me the heebity jeebees, though.

Great update!

 

I think Luke handled it very well and I'm glad how he expressed his love of Mara and his connection to her to Callista. Calli really needs to move on and realize she blew it.

 

Great few updates And thanks for the tag I'm worried Callista is going to try and break Luke and Mara. I recall from the books though, that she could access the Force, but only the Darkside. Are you going to write this in to the story somehow? If so, I'm worried for Mara :S

 

She wasn't think at all, was I think the problem But I wouldn't worry about Anakin Ben's imaginary friend - this fic was written before all of the Dark Nest, LOTF mess and so that inclusion was meant to be hopeful for little Ben.

Yeah, I think Callista always saw herself of the love of Luke's life, and just didn't understand that they were never meant to be.

There's only a few chapters left, and hopefully it wraps the whole thing up nicely - this was written years ago before the whole Abeloth nonsense so that won't play a role in this.

******

Luke Skywalker's apartment, Coruscant. 13 ABY.

Mara Jade did not appreciate being kept waiting. She stood impatiently at Skywalker's door for him to answer her precise knock, but was answered only by silence. It was troublesome enough that she had, in effect, been summoned to his apartment, to keep her standing outside his door infuriated her. He was home, she was sure of that. She could feel his Force-presence within, although it seemed to be somewhat - shifty.

She'd noticed the change in his aura the moment she'd landed, not an hour beforehand. She had no business to run for Karrde for a few days, and Coruscant was a good a place as any to spend her time off. She'd never imagined that Luke would be here. She hadn't seen him since she'd left Yavin, close to nine months previous. Mara had been embarrassed at her sickness, at his care of her, and hadn't the volition or the nerve to face him again. As least, till time had passed.

She'd heard rumours that he'd gone on a quest to find Callista - scouring the galaxy for his lost lover. Mara had been disappointed to hear it. She'd thought, maybe, that her company had in some way persuaded him to move on with his life, to forget about that harpy. Obviously not.

But perhaps her words about Callista loving him but leaving to free him, meant to comfort, had instead spurned him to find her again. She should have known that if Luke felt there was still hope for anyone he loved, he would fight until the bitter end. Mara told herself that she should just stay away from him before she did any more damage.

And yet, here she was at his apartment door, seeking entrance. As soon as she'd touched down, his presence called to her. He spoke no words to her through the Force, but she could feel the pull of him nonetheless. That, coupled with the difference she felt in him, was enough for her to answer. She wasn't worried about him, she tried to tell herself. She didn't care at all. But if she didn't come, he would be pestering her non-stop all night, and she had enough trouble sleeping as it was.

Mara let out an irritated sigh. She knocked again, more forcefully this time. She would give him three seconds, and then she would leave.

There was a small crash within, and Mara strained her ears. She could have sworn Luke had just muttered; "Kriffing tables," in an obnoxious tone.

Folding her arms across her chest, Mara waited while more sounds came from within, until the door finally activated.

She had been prepared to launch into a tirade about his presumption, to call her here and then keep her waiting. To assume that she had nothing better to do than to listen to him whine, but was halted by his haggard appearance. The first thing she noticed was the dark circles under his eyes, his sunken cheeks and matted hair - he'd obviously hadn't had much sleep. His dark, usually immaculate clothes were rumpled and well-worn, and his usually clear blue eyes had shifted to a hazy grey.

Mara catalogued this, assessing him. "Skywalker," she greeted him, raising a thin eyebrow.

"Mara... what're you doing here?"

Mara deduced from his slurred tones and the assaulting smell of alcohol that he was far past drunk. At least that explained his vagueness in the Force.

Sighing inwardly, Mara eyed him. "You called me here. Or don't you remember?"

Luke's brow creased and he appeared to be thinking. "I remember... " his eyes narrowed. "Feeling you... but I don't... "

Having heard enough, Mara turned to leave, but his hand darted out and caught her arm.

"Don't go." Luke released her, but Mara didn't miss the fact that his hand was shaking slightly. "Please."

She should leave. To let him wallow in the mess he'd created for himself. So he was hurting? Mara didn't care. But his speech, the shake of his hand, and his pleading eyes stopped her. She couldn't deny that on some small, miniscule level that his friendship meant something to her.
Decisively, Mara stalked past Luke and into the apartment. She immediately appraised it, as Mara realised she'd never actually been inside. He'd invited her numerous times, and so while she knew where it was, she'd never actually stepped across the threshold. It was sparsely decorated, with a small entertaining area of only a few couches and a holonet access terminal. Mara didn't fail to notice the largely empty bottle of Corellian brandy sitting atop a small table, nor the empty bottles on the floor next to it.

"Not one for aesthetics, are you Skywalker?" Mara walked towards the nearest couch and sat down.

Following her, Luke looked somewhat sheepish. "I really don't come here that much." He surprised her by taking a seat on the floor, at her feet, his back leaning against the base of the lounge. "Leia makes me keep it."

"I see." Mara's eyes followed Luke's movement as he reached out to grab the half-empty alcohol. "How much of that have you had?"

"Not much," he slurred. That, coupled with the numerous empty bottles littering the floor made Mara believe otherwise. She'd never before seen Skywalker drunk, although she had seen him drink, usually when he was around his Rogue Squadron friends or bad influences Han and Lando. Those men, she had seen slobbering drunk, but Luke seemed to hold his alcohol well, somewhat surprisingly. Perhaps it was the Force giving him an advantage, speeding up his metabolism to a faster rate than a normal humans, his body readily processing even large amount of alcohol without much ill effect. It certainly made sense to anyone who had ever watched him eat. Mara looked at the empty bottles on the floor and guessed that's what it took to make him drunk.

She just hoped that the evening wouldn't end with her dragging him down to the nearest medcentre with alcohol poisoning. She briefly considered taking the bottle from him, but decided against it. She knew how difficult it was to pry the precious liquid from a drunk man's hands. She'd rather not have that memory about Luke.

"I saw her."

That caught Mara's attention. "Who?"

Luke sighed, and made a brave mood by tilting his head, resting it on Mara's knee. "You know who."

Callista. The name filled her with malice. She almost moved away, to prevent Luke from making a pillow of her knee, but she stopped herself. This was not the time for accusations or rejection.

"What did she say?"

"Didn't speak to her," Luke grimaced, and he pulled his head off her lap. "Said goodbye, though. Kinda." His voice became a soft whisper. "I thought once I found her, made her see... then she'd stay with me. But I didn't even try." He sniffed, and took a large gulp of the brandy. "I should have tried."

Making a decision, Mara slowly eased off the couch, and onto the floor next to him, crossing her legs. "Luke... " she began tenderly, ignoring his shocked expression at her use of his first name. "I know I can't understand what you're going through right now. But I know that this," she placed a hand over his, clutching the neck to the brandy. "Isn't going to help."

"I just don't want to hurt anymore," he mumbled, and Mara felt the acute ache of his pain through the Force.

A wave of understanding passed over her. He reminded her of herself - after the Emperor's death. Feeling so devoid of the Force, of his presence, she'd enjoyed the numbing effects of alcohol, and other things. But she also knew how little it had truly helped her. She'd only denied herself the chance to fully deal with her pain, and she couldn't allow Luke to do that.

"Please, Luke," she said softly, her fingers moving over his. Relieved, she felt his grip slacken around the bottle, and Mara gently pried it from his fingers, placing it on the floor to the other side of her.

They sat in silence for several minutes, until Luke's voice cut through the thick air. "Do you think you'll get married, Mara?"

The question unsettled her, but she answered with a quick and resolute, "No."

"Why not?"

Mara tilted her head towards him. "Because unlike you, Skywalker, I don't need to fill my life with another person to be happy. I'm perfectly content as it is."

"Not the same thing," Luke's eyes met hers.

"What?"

"Happiness," Luke explained, his nodding somewhat exaggerated. "And contentment."

Mara rolled her eyes and looked away, not deigning to give him a response.

"I don't think I'll get married, either." Luke's voice was filled with a melancholy she couldn't quite describe. "I thought I had a chance, but... " he trailed off.

They lapsed into silence again, until this time, Mara spoke up. "Do you think you'll love again, Luke?" She surprised herself with the question. But Luke didn't seem perturbed, and eyed her keenly.

"Yeah... can't help it," he gave a self-deprecating smile. "But marriage... I don't think it's in my... path."

"Mine either," Mara admitted, suddenly feeling very close, very connected with the man seated beside her.

"I know," his gaze settled on her again. "We're the same". He smiled sadly at her, his eyes piercing her with his gaze for longer than was appropriate.

Mara exhaled heavily, a prickly, heated discomfort making itself known to her. "Gods, Skywalker, what level do you have the heat on?" The room was much warmer than she was comfortable with.

"Reminds me of home," came his simple reply. Mara wondered whether he meant Tatooine or Yavin, but didn't bother to ask. She shrugged off her jacket and flung it across the room, revealing a plain sleeveless tunic underneath.

She regretted the action when Luke began to examine her bare arms a little too closely. She grew uncomfortable under his silent scrutiny, but didn't move away from her position next to him.

"Where'd you get those scars?"

She followed his gaze down to the white marks that veined across the skin just below her shoulder. A harsh reminder of the only time she could remember the Emperor being truly cruel to her. Although she hadn't seen it that way at the time. She'd seen it as her deserved punishment for failing him. She'd been young, but she'd understood enough not to disappoint her master again.

Of course, she wasn't about to tell Luke that - she simply shrugged. "I don't remember."

He scrutinised her, narrowing his diluted eyes. "Sure."

Mara folded her arms over her chest and didn't reply. Briefly, she wondered if he had similar scars courtesy of the Emperor. What a pair they were, she thought ruefully, and gave him a small smile.

But Luke's gaze was still fixed on her, unwavering, until eventually it began to slide across her slight frame. She followed the movement, unsettled by it. His eyes drifted down over her arms, to her crossed legs and the boots she wore. He halted slightly at the blaster she wore on her hip, but he eventually moved back up to her neck and face. Mara noticed that his eyes had become even cloudier than before.

"Skywalker?"

"Hmm?" His eyes never left her features.

"What are you doing?" She tried to imbue some intimidation in her voice but it came out tinny - afraid.

"Looking," Luke replied casually. Under normal circumstances, she would have slugged a man who was "looking" at her in such a way, but something stopped her. It was Skywalker, for Sith's sake. He didn't ogle woman, at least not that Mara had ever seen. The googy-lovey eyes he'd given Callista didn't count. But she couldn't deny the look in Luke's eyes - a look she found all too familiar and unnerving.

"Luke... " This was a path she didn't want to go down.

"You have beautiful hair, Mara." He scooted closer to her, reaching a shaky hand to reverently touch the red locks that fell about her shoulders. "Please don't ever cut it."

Mara should have reminded him that she was free to do whatever she wished, that he had no say in any matter but she found herself unable to move or speak. Luke had always been openly affectionate with her, but this was different. He'd never looked at her in such a way.

Luke raised his other hand, moving it intently to her face, but lost his balance and Mara grabbed him firmly by the shoulders in order to prevent him crashing into her. She held him for a few moments, allowing him to gain his bearings. But soon Mara became all too aware of his hot breath on her throat, of his shaking hand that had come to rest on her thigh.

Moments passed in what seemed like hours, but he finally pulled away slightly. His face was very close to hers, and Mara knew she should pull away, but couldn't find the strength to do so. He continued to study her, his gaze confusing in its intensity.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" He removed his hand from her leg, reaching it up again to touch her hair, threading his fingers through the loose curls.

She shook her head, stunned. In fact, he was one of the only men who hadn't told her so on one occasion or another. She'd always appreciated that.

"I'm a fool, then." His eyes flickered over her face. "'Cause I... " His voice trailed off, then, and a precise tongue escaped his mouth, moistening his lips as he leaned in close towards her.

Mara didn't react when he gently pulled her face towards his. She didn't move when his lips brushed hers ever so briefly, before connecting with them fully. She lost all coherent thought as he kissed her soundly, as his hand wound through her hair, drawing her tightly against him. Mara couldn't do anything but respond, all logic and emotion vanishing, except for the incredible feel of his mouth and his intimate kiss.

But as soon as his lips released hers, she came to her senses, and pushed him away violently, a precise hand coming to slam against his cheek. Breathing heavily, she scrambled up off the floor, backing away from him. What had just happened? It was beyond all conceivable comprehension that Luke Skywalker had just kissed her. Mara touched her swollen lips in shock, and then anger. How dare he. She'd come to him to offer comfort and support, and he'd assaulted her. True, he was drunk to the nine Corellian hells, and definitely not in possession of his full faculties, but still. That was no excuse.

To treat her as some kind of – distraction - to help him forget. Mara felt betrayed. That after all these years, after all they'd been through together, she was nothing to him but a warm body to play out his sorrows to. That fact hurt Mara more than she ever thought it would.

She regarded his form, still sprawled out on the floor where she'd pushed him. Mara took a deep breath, restraining the urge to beat him senseless. "I'm going to do you a favour, Skywalker," she said coldly. "And pretend that never happened."

Ignoring his desperate, sorrowful call after her, Mara swept out of the apartment. It wasn't until she was outside, in the cold air, that she realised her face was wet with tears.

_______________________________________________

Luke felt the pain of his throbbing cheek deeply. He touched the tender flesh, a reminder of just how far he'd stepped over the line. But what had he really done wrong? All he'd wanted to do was show Mara how grateful he was for her, how much he cared for her. To his addled senses, it had seemed like the right move. In her presence, he'd felt better, more alive than he had in months.

Luke looked to the bottle of brandy, still sitting safely on the floor. It was a wonder Mara had not knocked it over in her rush. Thankful for small blessings, Luke's fingers closed around the cool glass, the comforting amber liquid sloshing about within. He closed his eyes and took a long, deep gulp, willing his soul's pain to go away.

_____________________________________________

Mara returned to her apartment the next morning, after a night-long argument with Karrde about her duties in his organisation. She'd firmly said that she was ready for any assignment he wanted to give her - that she needed to keep busy. He hadn't asked why, but perhaps he'd read something in her face, sensed a level on unease to her, and refused. She needed the rest, the break from work, he'd insisted. A chance to relax, spend some time on herself.

She hadn't given in easily, and spent the night trying to convince him otherwise, but to no success. Of course, simply because Karrde hadn't given her an assignment didn't mean Mara was stuck on Coruscant. She planned to leave as soon as possible, where, she wasn't quite sure. But it was a start.

The first thing she noticed upon entering her apartment was her comm flashing. Checking the small viewscreen, Mara's mood darkened when she saw that Luke Skywalker had left her a recorded message. Against her better judgement, Mara flicked the activation switch.

The small, unkempt image of the Jedi Master appeared before her. He looked horrible, for which Mara was glad. She hoped he felt even worse. Mara checked the time-code - the image had been recorded only a few hours earlier. Leaning back into her chair, Mara waited.

"Hi, Mara." The translucent Luke looked unsettled, and he ran his hands though his hair self consciously. "Uh... this may seem a bit of a strange question to be asking, but were you at my apartment last night? I only ask because I found a jacket on the floor this morning, and I know it's not Leia's. It seemed to be about your size, and I know you like the slim-cut style of those function jackets, what with all the hidden pockets and everything... "

He cleared his throat nervously. "I suppose I... overdid it a bit last night and I can't really remember much about what happened. I remember sensing you landing on Coruscant and I thought it was only logical... "

A little self-conscious laugh escaped Luke's lips. "Well, if it is your jacket, you can come pick it up, if you like. Or I can bring it to you before you leave". He paused a moment. "I - hope we didn't get into another... discussion last night. I was feeling pretty low, and the last thing I want is to have taken it out on you. So for anything I said or did - I'm sorry."

Luke took a deep breath. "So... that was really all. I suppose... I'll... see you soon." He cleared his throat again. "I hope."

Mara touched her lips lightly as the image faded away. So he'd forgotten her even being there? She was almost relieved - except for the fact that she'd left her jacket. How could she have been so careless? The last thing she wanted was incriminating evidence of her presence there. What if she went to collect her jacket and it triggered his memory of what he'd done? Mara couldn't imagine the humiliation - the awkwardness of it all.
No, she could forfeit the item, if it meant staying away from Skywalker. He'd forgotten? She'd make sure it stayed that way.

She'd as good as forgotten about it herself.

 

There are two theories about what people do when they're sloshed. You could argue that Luke was trying to drown his sorrows in Mara's delectableness or ... simply doing what he had never dared do or realized he wanted to do before. LOL about Mara leaving her jacket behind. Guess she was more discombobulated than she wants to admit.

 

This chapter hurts to read. But it hurts so good.

You really make it easy to feel Mara's pain here. She doesn't want to settle for second best, and having someone like Luke treat her that way would be too much for her to bear.

I can't remember from the first time reading this story if they ever ended up talking about that kiss later on. Luke would be absolutely horrified. It makes sense that Mara didn't want to tell him, and why things after that got so distant and cold.

 

I can understand Mara just perfect, because I was in the same situation, when my long-time friend has been left by his girlfriend, and I came to his house, wanting to help him, but instead he got drunk and wanted to seduce me. I fleet the scene, just like Mara.

 

Poor Mara. She loves him she just doesn't know it, or want to acknowledge it yet, and that's why it hurts. I, too, hope they discuss it later, because Luke needs to own up to the fact that he's an idiot.