Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Glove of Darth Vader, But Were Afraid to Ask...

LOL! That was great! I'd let Nightowl take over the thread if I didn't know he was far too busy with TimeTales...

You, uh, are busy with TimeTales, right?

Picking up where Nightowl left off...

The next scene takes place on the watery world of Mon Calamari, a world never seen or mentioned in the movies, but an increasingly popular location in the Expanded Universe since the days of Dark Empire. Actually, ?Mon Calamari? isn?t the true name of the planet, merely an inaccurate designation used by outsiders. While the natives call their world ?Dac?, the rest of the galaxy has been using ?Mon Calamari? for so many years that the name has stuck. This in spite of the fact that it results in sentences like this: ?Salmakk was a Mon Calamari from Mon Calamari.? Clearly ?Dac? is the superior name, if only because it is shorter and therefore easier to type.

?Mon Calamari? is also inaccurate because there are three other intelligent species native to the planet besides, well, the Mon Calamari. These include the Whaladons, and speaking of Whaladons, here comes one now! This is Leviathor, the great white Whaladon. No, seriously. He?s the leader of the Whaladons, and he is visiting the Whaladon graveyard. This is not, as one might expect, the place where old Whaladons come to die (presumably after living in the Tatooine Retirement Home for Aged Aliens). No, this is a dumping ground for Dunwell and his poachers. After being processed for their meat at the nearby Whaladon Processing Center, the remains of the Whaladons are dumped here. The poachers have only been active for a few years, but already the entire sea floor in this region is white with the bones of murdered Whaladons.

On page 38 we can see a good picture of Leviathor, who looks an awful lot like? um, a humpback whale. Look, I realize that pretty much any way you draw a space whale it ends up looking a lot like an earth whale anyway, but they could have at least *tried*? Also, the whole ?save the whales? thing detracts from the otherwise cool tale of Leviathor, particularly in blatant sentences such as ?Leviathor knew he had to save his endangered species before it was too late.? Though their concepts are not irredeemable, the Davids writing style is seriously lacking.

Anyway, Leviathor sees a yellow light, and knows that Dunwell and Aqualish cronies are coming for him. He then does what any quick-thinking Whaladon would do?he turns all the way around to look at it. Sort of like a deer in a headlight. It?s probably this sort of behavior that causes certain sources to list the Whaladon as less than sentient. Actually, they are quite sentient, if not the swiftest thinkers in the galaxy. Fortunately, Leviathor escapes, and heads to the ?Doomed City of Aquarius, the undersea center of civilization on Calamari? for help. The ?Doomed City of Aquarius? is not to be confused with the water-world Aquaris in the Expansion Region.

After escaping from the asteroid field, Admiral Ackbar takes Luke and the droids to Calamari, where Threepio hopes to be returned to his usual gold-and-silver at the ?Droid Repair Shop in the Doomed City of Aquarius.? The full address, presumably, is ?Droid Repair Shop, Doomed City of Aquarius, Water World of Mon Calamari, Outer Rim System of Mon Calamari, Galactic Region of the Outer Rim Territories, Galaxy Far, Far Away?, etc, etc.

More to come?

TC

 

The stuff War and Peace was made out of, and comparable to the LotR. Truly a literary masterpiece of all times.

 

Man, i have the Lost City of the Jedi book somewhere.....that is BAD!!!

Apparantly in that, Luke flys a Y-Wing, a Ho'din lives on Yavin, the code for the weather thingy is

Je-99-di-88-Fo-00-rce

the hint being Jedi Force!!


Terrible!!

 

That Ho'Din showed up again in EGTC, to rhyme some more.

"who looks an awful lot like? um, a humpback whale. Look, I realize that pretty much any way you draw a space whale it ends up looking a lot like an earth whale anyway, but they could have at least *tried*"

Actually if you put a picture of humpback whale next to a picture of a whaladon you will notice physical differences. Biggest one being a shorter snubbed snout, and a kind of indented chin around the neck, as well as the flippers being closer to the front of the head, and longer, eyes closer to to the end of the nose, etc etc. But I guess one would have to know about whales to see that there are big differences.

"It?s probably this sort of behavior that causes certain sources to list the Whaladon as less than sentient."

Actually Dan Wallace admits that he never said that Whaladons are less than sentient, and that he believes that they are sentient (its not so nice to try put words into Dan's mouth that are innacurate to what his intention actually was).

"Perhaps RPG's distinction between "Race" and "Creature" stats are not asurefire way of determining sentience."

This is basically my position on it as well. I think that stats have to be taken with a grain of salt since they are primarily a gaming tool...

A good example: when creating a new species under d20 rules, if you give your alien a Strength of 12 you also have to give him an Intelligence of 8 (or some similar tradeoff). Is this likely given the diversity of life? No. Is it necessary for game balance? Yes.

I do believe that the Whaladons are sentient. I also think that their stats are better expressed as creature stats. While it certainly can be argued that I made the wrong choice, it wasn't a choice made out of carelessness.

Thanks,
Dan

"stormtroopers don?t have names (only numbers)"

Not true. Kyle Katarn, Davin Felth, Captain Janzor, Strandor, Dower, Tak Bazierre, Pargo, Zeth Durron, Wallen, Tarl, Irol, Elsek, Barich, Oberk, Misik, Drelosyn, Drazin, Avarik, etc, had both names and numbers. Not to mention that many stormtrooper prototypes(clone troopers) had nicknames as well.

According to Pax Emperica: The wookie Annihilation, all cloned stormtroopers received names, and they even called each other by their names.

"Doomed City of Aquarius"

Domed City of Aquarius, actually. It was domed, not doomed.

 

>That Ho'Din showed up again in EGTC, to rhyme some more. <

Actually, that's EGTA. But yes, not only did he rhyme again in that book, he rhymed better.

Val, regarding Whaladons and stormtroopers, there's a lot of sarcasm going on here. I wasn't trying to put words into Dan Wallace's mouth (er, keyboard--whatever), just trying to draw an amusing parallel between the Whaladon's silly behavior and the odd listing in the Geonosis sourcebook. The latter, you will recall, was causing a bit of a stir at the time, and I wrote the last bit before Dan posted and gave his two decicreds. Just trying to give a tip of the hat to current EU events.

>Domed City of Aquarius, actually. It was domed, not doomed. <

Darn, I was hoping no one would notice that. Here I was, being careful not to mix up "Aquarius" and "Aquaris", and I accidentally put an extra "o" in "domed". Not once, mind you, but several times. C'mon, Val, won't you ever give me a break?

TC

 

Val is ever-vigilant for error! You cannot excape the good Doctor! The Eu forums are not expressions of fandom, they are a race against evil! If continuity errors gain the grail, the armies of darkness will sweep over the Earth....

OK, I guess you can tell I've been watching IJ&tLC, and the whole stinkin' movie, I kept thinking of Val every time I saw Dr. Jones Sr.

BTW, watched Reign of Fire recently, loved the ESB "stage show" Quin took credit for as being enitrely his own concoction. THat made me laugh. And I liked the dorky Vader costume

 

LMAO!

I followed the link from the main site to this thread, and I'm certaintly glad I did. Thanks for the hilarious read. I have a copy of GoDV sitting in my garage--God knows how it got there...I think I bought it when I was four or five--and all these years I've been too afraid to open it. Now I'm glad I never did.

>-*Senoj*-<

 

I also followed the link from the main page and am glad I did. A very funny and informative article.

 

I hate Whaldons. I really do.

 

Well put! I will never place GODV in my timeline much like I refuse to even look at the Black Fleet Crisis trilogy. Both series should be banned from the timeline! I wondered where the got Ikrit from, that lame little Jedi Master, now I know and am even more disappointed. The only thing GODV is good for is a beer coaster!

 

Ikrit isn't from these books though, hes from Junior Jedi Knights.

 

These were actualyl teh first SW books I read as a kid, I think I was like 6 or 7 at the time and I like dthem back then. But now, about 7 or 8 years later, they just don't seem to fit with everythign else. But up until I started reading the EU, which was like 2 or 3 years ago, I loved those books. I just think that soem of the stuff in there was more than a little far-fetched. And plus, if Yavin 4 was bruned down, than how is it perfectly habitable about 6 or 7 years later?

:Targeter:

 

"6 or 7 years later?"

Not all was Yavin 4 was burned down, actually. Only a few patches before the Rebellion stopped the Empire's TNTs. Real Jungles are notorious for growing in quickly, within only a couple of years, if allowed to grow unchecked.

Interesting fact the TNTs were used in another story by Scholastic.

 

"TNTs" ugghhh, bad memories. Wasn't it and acronym for treaded nergon tanks or something?

 

treaded neutron tanks. They were used again in the Scholastic Adventures books.

 

And in Jedi Apprentice as well. GODV is part of the continuity, like it or not. And patience, younglings--all will be explained in time. It all fits, trust me.

I'm pleased that people are enjoying the thread, though I'm not sure how I feel about those who seem to have been turned off to the original books because of it...

TC

 

Fabulous work so far, TC. I also found this thread via the link on the main site, and I've had a great laugh so far. I know I've got GODV and LCotJ in a box or something somewhere at home, and it's quite hilarious to see the series treated in this fashion, because they really are terribly hokey. Don't stop! I only read the first 2 books, and I'd love to have the whole series broken down in this style. It's great for a laugh.

 

I've seen these books in stores and dismissed them as being total crap. But I'm sure I would have really enjoyed them when I was a kid. Some of us old timers only had a few books to satisfy our SW cravings . . . The Wookiee Storybook, The Rebellious Robot, and The Maverick Moon were the ones I had. (Anyone else remember these?!) Now my kids get to grow up with GODV, GOF, Young Jedi Knights, Junior Knights, Jedi Apprentice and of course, Jedi Quest. A literary goldmine for young readers. Maybe, I'll even give the GODV books a chance. . . . . . WHAT AM I SAYING?!?!?!?

TalonCard - With all the other ridiculous names and characters in these books, the "Doomed" City of Aquarius seemed like a perfectly plausible name. In fact, the Tourism Board of Aquarius made the same mistake in their travel brochures and almost destroyed the local economy.

 

I read the first three when I was 9, and quite enjoyed them. I still have 2 and 3 sat on a shelf with my other SW books, and I'm tempted to read them again for old time's sake...

 

I just found (and marked in my Favorites section) this great thread.

However, as a contact lense user, I disagree with your maths. You say:

>find out just who is the next Emperor, and why he pays triple for contact lenses

An average contact-lense user would have said "why he pays 50% extra for contact lenses" (unless you only have one eye, of course )

 

Maybe, I'll even give the GODV books a chance. . . . . . WHAT AM I SAYING?!?!?!?

Good save there, Spongey. Believe me, the kids books like Jedi Apprentice and Jedi Quest are far better written and believable than these. They are the proof that Star Wars books can be written for kids that don't make everyone cringe when you try to figure out how to insert them into continuity.

 

I'm now officially afraid of these books!



And is this series ment to be for kids?

'Cos if it is I'll just stick to the Jedi Apprentice books thank you very much

 

I suppose it's a little late to announce that this thread's been put on the Books page... Seems some of you noticed before I did. All the positive comments are appreciated. And now if I may digress from the main topic to wax nostalgic over other Star Wars kid's series...

>The Wookiee Storybook, The Rebellious Robot, and The Maverick Moon were the ones I had. (Anyone else remember these?!) <

I love those books! Robot and Moon aren't bad for little-kid Star Wars adventures and they told new stories, which is more than you can say for most of the Star Wars books written for the same age group nowadays. Wookiee Storybook is actually a darn good storybook in its own right. There's also The Adventures of Teebo and How the Ewoks Saved the Trees--both wonderful stories with equally wonderful art. I look forward to sharing these Star Wars adventures with kids of my own someday. Random House is looking into reprinting some of these classics--I expect that if they do, we'll see them in time for the OT DVD release this fall. I advise all of you to give these little gems a try if and when that happens--they're *lots* of fun. And, dare I say it, all of the stories do fit into the continuity...

You know, Insider had an excellent article about these old storybooks--they should definitely do one about the young adult book series past and present. (If any Insider editors happen to be reading this, hint, hint. )

>In fact, the Tourism Board of Aquarius made the same mistake in their travel brochures and almost destroyed the local economy. <

LOL!

>An average contact-lense user would have said "why he pays 50% extra for contact lenses" (unless you only have one eye, of course )<

Once upon a time, I thought of myself as a nit-picker, but it seems I have much to learn...

>Believe me, the kids books like Jedi Apprentice and Jedi Quest are far better written and believable than these. They are the proof that Star Wars books can be written for kids that don't make everyone cringe when you try to figure out how to insert them into continuity. <

Well, that's true for the most part, though there were certain parts of Jedi Apprentice that wreaked havoc with the continuity. Ki-Adi-Mundi appearing on the council several years too early, and Qui-Gon claiming Xanatos as his first apprentice gave cringes aplenty to the continuity-minded reader before fixes were applied.

That said, it's a shame that we haven't had any really great YA series since Jedi Apprentice. Jedi Quest and Boba Fett both come close at times, but one gets the impression that the standards aren't as high for JQ as they were for JA, and there simply aren't enough Boba Fett books. The long wait in between books doesn't help. I remember, back in the day ( ), when my sister and I used to wait in suspense during the month or so between JA books. The Granta Omega plotline is decent, but the loooooong waits between books spoils the suspense completely. There were bad moments and books for JA to be sure, but the pacing of the series made up for that. *sigh*

>And is this series ment to be for kids?<

'fraid so.

Anyway, we'll be back to Mon Calamari next post, I promise...

TC

 

Huzzah!

I can't wait to see how people who haven't read these books are going to react to Ken's damn homework correcting droid in the second book. Eesh...

 

I LOVE GODV

(I heard the DAGOBAH TECH students have some really wild parties at Han's Single-Guy-With-Wookie-Roommate Skypad on Bespin )


EDIT: Or is it..... a MOFFERENCE? [face_shocked]