I will make it leeegal...

Okay, got permission to post this, it's from an old exam, no longer used so it's safe to post. Again, got a friend who is in law school and he sent me this:

This is an actual question from Contracts exam. See what I have to put up with? It's like Episode III told in legalese. I kept trying to suppress my snickering so I wouldn't get yelled at.
(name withheld for privacy)

Question 2 ?- The Choice (30 percent)

Xnakin Hellrazor (X) is an extremely gifted member of community policing company, Yodah Services, Inc. (YS), named in honor of its founder and director Yodah (Y). X has had a troubled employment relationship with Y from the very beginning.

Indeed, when X and YS entered into an agreement, Y feared that, if X were later to leave Y?s employ, X would use the information he would learn while under Y?s tutelage for nefarious purposes, such as persuading YS?s clients to hire him instead of YS. Accordingly, YS insisted that X agree to the following language: "[X] hereby promises not to perform any protection services within a 50-mile radius of [YS] for five years after termination of the agreement." The agreement also provided that X would be paid $100,000 annually, but that "in the event of termination, [X] would receive annual compensation in the following form: at the end of each year, payments of $100,000, $80,000, $60,000, $40,000, and $20,000. In other words, post-termination annual payments would decline each year by $20,000, after which they would end. Discussion between X and Y prior to signing this agreement indicate that the purpose of structuring post-termination payments in this way was to compensate X in accordance with the harm he could do to YS?s continuing interest in retaining customers (on the assumption that, as time passed, X?s ability to persuade YS?s customers that he could easily step into YS?s shoes would decline).

X in reply insisted that the agreement also provide as follows: "when and if Y decides to retire, X shall have the right to purchase YS for a consideration to be negotiated in accordance with the value of X?s performance of his covenant not to compete with YS that would be applicable in the event of the termination of X?s employment relation with YS."

While working for YS, however, X learned some particularly powerful new techniques, enabling him to construct devices that radically improved the quality of the services he was able to provide to YS?s customers. It is unclear, under the applicable intellectual property law, whether YS owns the right to these improvements, X owns them alone, or ownership rights to these improvements are shared by X and YS. Yet, only X, because of his special skills developed over several years of training and self-improvement, would be able to realize the full value of the new devices. Contrary to some rumors circulating in the industry, the new devices were not prosthetic implants, making X a cybernetic creature with mechanical attributes. X is still a man, flesh and blood throughout; it is only his superior training that makes his use of the new devices unique and of irreplaceable value to YS?s customers and therefore YS.

Over time, X?s product improvements had allowed the company to grow by leaps and bounds, permitting YS to offer a full range of protective services to its customer base. Y was beginning to fear that X?s regular lunch meetings with YS?s chief competitor, Sid Palpable (S), YS?s most feared commercial adversary over the many years they have struggled for mastery, indicated a weakening of X?s loyalty to YS. Therefore, Y called an extraordinary meeting of his chief advisers, including representatives from the legal, accounting, advertising, customer relations, and product development divisions of YS. A member of the always overanxious legal department told Y in the meeting that the legal department could not guarantee the enforceability of the covenant not to compete, because of untested consumer protection law in the jurisdiction. Y?s favorite employee, Ben Obie (B), who had for long feared that X,

 

ROFLMFJAO!!!

Gods...just dying!!! That is too bleedn funny for words. Someone had WAAAYYYYYY too much fun thinking that one up. (And it really DOES translate into legal-ese!)

 

Was tough reading it all, part way through I started to look for shiny things.

But then someone said, "Hey, Sid, you're in the middle there!" so then I had to go back and catch that part.

Heh, in legalese I guess what Sid did was considered a "Hostile Take Over".