Actually, those look like the sites I'd use to find bad movies on purpose! My parents were pretty half-hearted about what I watched. I think the only thing my mother was really against for me was Married...With Children, because she didn't like the way they portrayed women, and even then she really wasn't all that strict about it. She didn't like me watching horror movies as a kid, because then I'd be up all night and end up in bed with her and my dad. But that's about it. My sister wasn't allowed to watch Beavis and Butthead when it was on, but then she was only about 8. I was in my teens, so my parents, as much as they hated the show, really couldn't say anything. Sometimes if I was feeling generous, I'd let her watch it when our parents weren't home.
jello did you like this post because you unironically agree with what the reviewer wrote or am i confusing your... unique... belief system with wocky's again?
If I could just reference the IMDB Parent's Guide again, some of those descriptions read like a sort of wonderful modern poetry. From the first post: A teen girl sends a photo image of a teen boy wearing a green costume with a 5-foot-long green penis to a man who laughs. That's like a frigging masterpiece.
i would have structured it a bit different but yeah that one is my fave too. "who laughs" rivals "jesus wept" in terms of examples of understated profundity
I went to the site and ended up scrolling down the bottom of the page, saw the P.O. Box, and hoooooollly crap that guy lives in my town!
Jurassic Park 3 Sex & Nudity 1/10 A woman pulls off her shirt and we see her in her bra. A man also takes off his shirt and we see him shirtless. Some mild flirting. Violence & Gore 8/10 We see slashed sails and a smear of blood on the deck of a deserted boat. A man is picked up in the mouth of a dinosaur, which is then hit by a plane. Blood splatters on the windows. A man is pulled out of a plane by a dinosaur. The dinosaur then sets him on the ground and lunges at him with its mouth. When the dinosaur comes up, there is blood on its teeth. We see a dinosaur devouring another dinosaur and it has a bloody mouth, teeth and pieces of flesh are dangling from it. Two dinosaurs fight with snapping sounds, bellowing, crashing and falling, and biting each other's necks until one falls down dead with a thud and we see its bloody mouth. A decayed corpse hanging in a tree swings out unexpectedly and hits a woman as she screams and writhes to get away. A dinosaur stomps on the back of a man and dig its claw into his back, not killing but severely injuring him. (The claw going into his back is out of view). Later, another dinosaur takes his head in its mouth and snaps his neck (you hear a crunch and a pop) A man falls into some water where flying dinosaurs chase him and one snatches him up, he falls back in, and then a few of them attack him repeatedly by biting his back as he tries to swim away. A man is punched by another man just as the scene begins. The actual punch is off screen but we see him fall back against the tree and the actual sound of him being punched Profanity 1/10 Five mild obscenities. Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking 1/10 Allen and Billy order alcoholic drinks in a bar. Frightening/Intense Scenes 7/10 Sudden appearance of a skeleton out of a tree, may frighten people of all ages A scene of a large dinosaur chasing several people may be frightening. A scene where raptors come to get eggs is intense. The Pteranodons have a ghostly appearance and may be very frightening. Scene were people cross a foggy bridge may be suspensful and frightening to some.
im sorry but you're kind of bad at this cuz this was clearly the best sentence in that mass: "A scene of a large dinosaur chasing several people may be frightening."
I thought Jurassic Park 3 was fairly tame compared to The Lost World, but those descriptions make it sound like the most terrifying movie ever made.
okay ive read a lot of the CAP guy over the last couple days and while the reviews are amazing i have to say my favorite thing is this supplementary article on the Pink Menace which he hosts on his site, entitled do you really know what homosexuals do!?
I'm still fuzzy about this whole "homosexual agenda".... Are they going to force me to redecorate my house? The horror....the horror....
i like this idea but im going to use the CAP guy's reviews instead of IMDB because ive fallen in love with him all over again. he divides his itemized offenses into 6 sections that he basically pulled out of his butt so he could make the acronym "WISDOM" out of them: Wanton violence/crime, Impudence/hate, Sexual immorality, Drugs/alcohol, Offense to god, Murder/suicide im going to try to feed you one category at a time for the movie and see how quickly you can figure it out. i might mix it up in the future but with this one im going to go down the line. im betting you'll get it by I, certainly by O. if someone gets it from W, ill be impressed. here's the first segment/clue: Wanton Violence/Crime (W) beating mugging theft irresponsibility with fire portrayal of dying a slow death breaking and entering
no. where's there "irresponsibility with fire" in goodfellas? next section: Impudence/Hate (I) 21 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary three uses of the most foul of the foul words revolt against paying rent AIDS by sexual immorality and illegal drug consumption, repeatedly trying to make the criminal the victim making police the bad guys lying, repeatedly excusing ignoble behavior portraying parent as buffoon nihilism EDIT: i snipped out some quotes from the film he had in there
Got to be Rent. I was totally going to go with Reservoir Dogs because of the Irresponsibility with Fire. When I first read it, it stirred in me desire for violent aggression: an aggressive violence to protect our kids. Maybe this is the feeling Simon Peter had when he cut off Malchus' right ear: a feeling to protect those we love from those who would have their way with our loved ones - our kids. Yeah, go be like Simon Peter! It's not like Jesus Christ actually told Peter he was wrong or anything!
yeah its RENT. i figured "revolt against paying rent" (in addition to being a hilarious line item to note under "impudence/hate") next to AIDS would probably give it away with this section darth guy has alerted me to the fact that you can pretty much google the text im posting and find the answer for any of the CAP reviews so we're on the honor system here. just fyi. the rest of RENT's review, with highlights: Sexual Immorality (S) talk of/references to practicing homosexuality/lesbianism, repeatedly, frequent intimate terms of same-gender endearment, repeatedly forced inappropriate touch willing inappropriate touch, same-gender and opposite gender, repeatedly, some very intimate sex tease, repeatedly stereotypical mannerisms/expressions of a homosexual practitioner, repeatedly, frequent songs of lesbian/homosexual kissing/practices, repeatedly dance to solicit lust thong nudity, repeatedly vulgar pose, repeatedly pelvic thrust in face request for sex, repeatedly same-gender kissing, repeatedly self touching motions of intercourse in dance reference to masturbation woman on woman making out and other lesbian affection talking of impotence with graphic detail gaping-face kissing ghosting of female anatomy through thin clothing homosexual and lesbian pairing, arm in arm dressing to maximize the human form and/or skin exposure lesbian come-on lesbian promise of commitment (pretend marriage) ceremony same-gender snuggling and other expressions of affection transvestism, repeatedly, frequent adult in underwear Drugs/Alcohol (D): smoking, repeatedly illegal drug consumption, repeatedly illegal drug dealing, repeatedly drug reference, repeatedly demonstration of shooting up with illegal drugs possession of illegal drugs, repeatedly drinking, repeatedly bar, repeatedly Offense to God (O) transvestism, repeatedly, frequent using the name of Jesus as a social argument weapon/tool references to the practice of homosexuality/lesbianism as acceptable, repeatedly man dancing as a woman mockery of faith mockery of Christianity reference to giaism toasting the practice of lesbianism song of acceptance of the practice of homosexuality/lesbianism mockery of God's Grace calling him her and he she, repeatedly revelry Murder/Suicide (M) none noted
ROUND 2: this time im giving you W and I to start out with because I is kind of empty: Wanton Violence/Crime (W): great falls attempted murders multiple long series of martial combat staged gunfire murder multiple firearms to faces as threat assaults abductions by firearm threat with knife threat with explosives at face organized crime theme counterfeiting theme threats to kill attempted gunfire murder, graphic several additional attempted murders by various means admission of murder graphic traffic dangers Impudence/Hate (I)(1): 53 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary lies
this one's tougher so here's S, D, and O Sex/Homosexuality (S): sexual comments, innuendo, talk pelvic thrusts dressing to maximize the female form and/or skin exposure self touching full crowd of dressing to maximize the female form and/or skin exposure partial female nudity through translucent clothing full rear male nudity, full side male nudity, and distant scenes of full frontal male nudity suggestive eye movement stripping to underwear "peeping tom" series with partial female nudity revealing underwear anatomical references homosexual presence camera angle to force viewer on private parts Drugs/Alcohol (D): smoking drinking Offense to God (O): statue of false god two uses of God's name in vain with the four letter expletive and two without
