Speculation In this thread, please fabricate "scoops" for Episode 7-9!

I'd pay good money to see that.

 

This just in, Lena Dunham was seen trying on Princess Leia hair-buns in a trendy L.A. shop. When pressed by TMZ reporters she started yelling, "DAMMIT! IF ADAM CAN GET IN WHY CAN'T I?!!!"

 

Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant communed with me via Ouija Board claiming that they will be playing Luke and Han.

 

According to sources, Luke Arnold is in talks to play a Sith named Darth Silver.

 

Emma Watson just wrote me a letter that says Ep. 7 is literally just a 2 hour single-take shot of a line-up of a dozen students in front of the dark side cave on Dagobah as Luke shoves each one in there unceremoniously and as each one staggers out discombobulated and/or vomiting he checks off on a clipboard, "Nope. Nope. Nope. Maybe. Nope. Nope. Maybe. Nope."

 

A drunken Liam Neeson was just seen in a blonde wig trying to force his way into the Ep. 7 stage being built yelling "Lemmie do that Force stuff again! I'll just say I dyed my hair blonde!"

 

The plot will center on E.T.'s race of aliens wanting to fill the void left by The Empire's destruction. Why do you think E.T. wanted to go home so bad?

 

The guy who played Ric Ollie is currently handing out "The entire planet is one big city!" t-shirts to Ep. 7 castmembers as they try to get into work, who are politely trying to avoid him. Guys in white coats with butterfly nets have been called.

 

Episode VII's plot: the second death star's explosion destroyed the hyperdrives of the Rebel and Imperial fleets stranding our heroes for 30 years. Meanwhile on Tatooine, what the stormtroopers failed to notice was that R2-D2 copied the Death Star plans to the R5 droid with the bad motivator & a Tusken/Jawa alliance has turned the entire planet of Tatooine into a 3rd Death Star. Our heroes find out about this from Biggs Darlighter's nephew, who comes to Endor in search of his uncle's old friend. . .

 

This just in: Star Wars Episode VII is now STAR WARS: EPISODE X. VIII AND IX ARE NOW XI AND XII!
Yes, that's right! JJ Abrams says he likes George Lucas' strategy of the last 3 films made first so much that he wants to do it again!
In 20ish or so years we'll be getting "THE STAR WARS PREQUEL TRILOGY TO THE SEQUEL TRILOGY".

And will finally let us know what happened before the upcoming 2015 movie

 

This just in, Episode VII has just surpassed Avatar's earnings at the box office.

 

Luke, having taken a vow of celibacy in order to halt the Plagueis-tainted Skywalker bloodline, comes back and tries to kill Han and Leia's kids to stop the never-should-have-been lineage from growing.

 

I think I read somewhere on the Internet that Boba Fett will have the Sarlaac on a leash in this film, and is using it to hunt Han Solo through space/time. Earth's future may show up in order to facilitate a Jurassic World crossover in Episode XX.

 

Rumours tell me an R rated documentary is being filmed entitled 'Flailing Body Parts Far Far Away'.
It is a behind the scenes look at the techniques that went into Luke and Darth's hands being lopped off, Anakin's limbs being chopped off, Dooku's noggin removal, Jango's deadly decapitation, the halving in two of Darth Maul, severed hands floating through space, and Harrison Ford's Millenium Falcon leg snap. And many more.
Narrated by Ponda Baba.

 

Bob Iger, drunk with power, has demanded JJ add "Smell-o-vision" subs to the movie so they can sell officially licensed Star Wars Smell-o-Vision scratch cards for about 30 bucks a pop. JJ is considering it, mostly because he has a really nasty head cold.

 

Episode VII will include cameos by every single EU character ever created. It will have it's name changed to It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Galaxy.

 

Rumor has it that Peter Jackson will be appearing in the first-ever crossover between Star Wars and Middle-earth - Jackson will reprise his role as the carrot-eating man in Episode VII.

 

Leia will be reminding everyone that she is to be addressed as "Princess Leia" even after someone pointed out to her that "Alderaan is caput! gone!" and to help bring her point home she will actually be wearing a crown throughout Episode VII.

 

Sweet I always wanted another Ric Ollie figure.

 

Han Solo dies, and goes to hell. In hell he meets that Deck Officer, and says "See? I told you..."

 

Luke Skywalker's middle name is revealed to be George.

 

Leia changes her name to Padme Skywalker Jr.