Saga - Legends Iron Butterfly: The Diary of a Queen [DDC 2015 - Breha Organa AU] - Completed Dec 28

LOL on Bail's statement: not sick, just getting old.

Liked Breha's descriptions of Luke, Winter, and Leia now and understand her fears and concerns for the future, especially in light of Luke's "dream."

A very vivid and prescient one it was too.

 

Really like this version of Breha. She's so balanced and caring, but still totally human with normal frustrations and heartaches (and that earlier part about her bone condition and the miscarriages was very well done.) And I was happy to see Winter there.

It's interesting to have her insights on Luke in this chapter, and how he seems to her to resemble Bail. I can imagine that would be the case. The part with the Darth Vader dream and then Bail in the mask was brilliant. Just whoa. Such a strange convergence of his two father figures, though he has no idea.

 

Very interesting chapter. I like how human you've made Bail and Breha. Poor Luke, having such vivid dreams in the Force. To think he had been experiencing that terror and devastation for all those years even before Bespin. I love how all three kids get alone and how they complement each other.

 

Awww, Luke is such a darling, wanting his daddy to be okay. Poor pookie having bad dreams. I love the idea of Luke being a lot like Bail - it makes sense.

 

AN: Thanks for reading for everyone. For those reading So Much More Than Fairytales, I'm going to try alternating between updating this diary and that fic, since both are far from being done.

Datapad: On
Command: Open “Diary”
Entry 13

I swear chasing around three six-year-olds is more exhausting than ruling a planet. The kids are in school now. They love it. They are so bright. However, they are all very independent, challenging children. Maybe that is a good thing. After all, Luke is destined to bring down the Sith and his sisters will probably be there helping him out.

They are all my little rebels. Sure in the future it will be a good thing, but right now, they are driving me up the wall. I need a break.

Leia came up to me four days ago as I was working in my office in the Palace. “Mom,” she said (I’m “Mom” now, not Mommy - it actually breaks my heart more than it should). “I want to cut my hair,” she declared.

“Okay,” I said. Growing up, my mother controlled everything about my appearance. I swore never to do that to my children. “What do you want to do with it?”

And then she dropped the bomb on me. “I want to look like Jay Lawh!”

Jay Lawh is Leia’s favourite actress. She has very short hair. It is feminine, but not according to any Alderaanian standards.

“Are you sure you want to go that short?” I asked. I then began undoing the elaborate braids her hair was in. Her hair flowed to her mid-back. It was glorious: wavy, thick and a rich brown. “Your hair is so pretty.”

“It takes too long to do and it gets in the way,” she complained. “I really want to cut it Mom.”

“Okay,” I said. “If you still want to cut it in four days, you can cut it off in a bob. Then if you still want it shorter, we can talk about it.”

Today I took her to the salon to get it done. It actually looks quite cute. She doesn’t look much like a princess, but she loves it.

Somewhere on Naboo, Padmé is rolling in her grave. I am truly sorry, old friend.

Well, at least Luke and Winter are not rebelling against me… this week anyways.

 

Maybe I missed something in an earlier chapter, but why does Breha think it's Luke's destiny to bring down the Sith? (rather than a shared destiny)

Little Leia cutting her hair feels very natural - I can see why she would think it would get in the way!

 

Loved that! I like the poignancy of "Mommy" becoming "Mom" - already?! Too fast, Breha's thinking! I also love the approach she took to Leia's request: give a few days, followed by this moderate style, then shorter if you still want it. Respectful of her wishes but not going overboard in either direction.

 

Because only Luke is to train under Obi-Wan when he reaches 16. Obi-wan knows Leia will be on the political sides of things. Breha is PROBABLY in denial about the fact that all her kids are going to have dangerous futures.

AN: Thanks for reading everyone! Also, encase you sorta missed it, I kinda made Breha go through the stages of grief with her miscarriages. This one is (finally) acceptance.

Datapad: On
Command: Open “Diary”
Entry 14

Last entry, just a few weeks ago, I mentioned how I needed a break. Now I’m regretting those words.

I woke up three days ago and something just felt wrong. I had been feeling a little off for the past few days. Bail was up and getting dressed. He had a meeting in the Armoda province, on the other side of the planet.

“Hey,” he said, leaning over to kiss me. “Good morning. I gotta get going.” He looked at me, concerned. I guess after 14 years of marriage, he knows me. “Are you still feeling sick?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I think it’s just a ostia flair up.”

“Are you going to be okay? This must be a really bad one. Maybe I should stay here?”

“No, no. I’ll be fine. I’ll get Cearalin to get the kids ready and off to class and I’ll just take it easy.”

“Okay,” he said. He kissed me again. “I can attend the meeting via holo if-”

“No, go,” I said.

“Okay, I’m going.”

Once he was out, I called in my handmaidens. “Cearalin, can you please get the kids ready? Rachi, can you please comm my doctor? Ask her to bring a pregnancy test.”

Rachi and Cearalin both gasped. “Your Majesty, are you going to be okay? Should we call the viceroy back?” Rachi asked.

“No, just keep this quiet. I don’t want to worry him or anyone else unless there is something to worry about.”

I knew I was pregnant. I was sick to my stomach. I felt the exact same way when I was pregnant the third and fifth time. I knew my health could not take me going off my medication and I knew there would be no chance for this child to live. But deep down, I wanted him or her.

I then turned on my side and I had to smile when I saw my holo of Luke, Leia and Winter on my bedside table. It was taken last Fett-week. Leia was on the floor, her tongue sticking out, Luke was behind her on a chair, making her hair stick up, and Winter was standing behind him, preforming a rude gesture behind his head.

I couldn’t take the thought of them loosing their mother, or Bail, losing his wife. I reached for my comm-link. Then a sharp pain stabbed me in the stomach.

I called for Rachi as I began to feel lightheaded.

I heard Winter’s soft voice. “Mom? Is something wrong with Mom, Ceara?”

Rachi came back in. “Both the doctor and the Viceroy are on their way.”

I was about to murmur something when Bail came rushing in.

“I had no idea I was…” I tried to explain.

“Shhh, shhhh,” Bail said, taking my hand. “Just calm down.”

Medics came in at that point and stabilized me. They must have given me some darn good stuff, because the next thing I recall is lying, fairly drugged up, in a medcentre bed. Bail was still holding my hand and my doctor telling Bail and I something about because I was so early on in the pregnancy that the miscarriage didn’t put too much strain on my body. She was recommending the take further measures to prevent another pregnancy before leaving me to rest.

“I’m going to go see if I can schedule a vasectomy,” Bail said, starting to get up.

“I think that’s the first time a man has ever volunteered for a vasectomy,” I murmured. I think the drugs were making me loopy.

“Funny,” he said, kissing my cheek. “I just can’t bare the thought of losing you. We should have made this decision a while ago.”

“No,” I said. “You don’t have to. I’m going to get a hysterectomy.”

“Bre, no, the recovery time for a vasectomy is only a few hours. I don’t want you to be bedridden for weeks.” His eyes looked so very concerned.

“I know, but vasectomies can reverse themselves and reproductive termonuluas runs in my family. I don’t want to put the kids through what I had to go through with my father. I should have made this decision a long time ago.”

“You were busy being a wonderful wife and a terrific mother.”

Bail went to inform my doctors of my wishes, and when he came back, he had our children in tow.

“Look who I found,” Bail said with a smile, nudging Luke, Leia and Winter towards me.

“Hey you guys,” I said, doing my best to sit up. They were all clearly freaked out by the drip sticking out of my hand and the blood pressure cuff on my upper arm. “Come here and cuddle with me.”

They, with the help of Bail, climbed up onto the bed. “They have you scheduled for a hysterectomy this evening,” Bail said. “I figured you would want to get it over and done with.”

“Mom?” Leia asked. “Are you gunna be okay?”

“Going to,” I said, correcting her. “And yes, I’m going to be fine. I’m sorry for scaring you guys. I just have to have an operation to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” I wasn’t going to lie to my kids. “I just have to take it easy afterwards, so listen to the handmaidens and your dad.”

All three kids nodded.

“Alright. Now, I want to cuddle with my wonderful little munchkins.”

We watched a movie, then the nurses came into prep me. I gave Luke, Leia, and Winter all kisses. Bail then held my hand, told me how much he loved me, and that he would see me afterwards. We kissed as the kids mocked us.

The surgery went well, and I am recovering nicely. Bail was with me when I first woke and when the doctors wanted (a very tired and drugged) me to get up and walk around. I was not a pleasant person. Thankfully I’m back home now, resting.

Resting and very bored.

I think I just heard the kids come home from school. I’m going to get them to do their homework in my bed with me.

 

Wonderful post with nice supportiveness from Bail & aww! cuddles with the munchkins. I feel a great deal of relief about Breha now, no leading to

 

Oh, Breha's health issues are so very sad, but hopefully it will be better for her from here on out.

 

It's hard when health issues mean that a young woman has to get a hysterectomy. The logic of it makes sense, and you can understand why it is necessary, but there's always the slamming of a door that you aren't really ready to close at all. Even if you really didn't plan on having a child, it's the loss of the possibility, the loss of the potential for children who can never be now, that hurts most.

But in Breha's case, there wasn't much choice. Her pregnancies are literally killing her,. Bail is an amazing husband, putting her needs before his and making sure that she is cared for. And their kids show such compassion and caring, you know they picked it up by watching their parents.

This is a new chapter in Breha and Bail's life, where they will focus not on the babies that were not to be but on the three wonderful children that they already have.

 

RAAAAAAAAAHHHH! I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO UPDATE! SORRY EVERYONE! I just love this chapter. It may inspire a spin off fic (eventually). You'll know what I mean when you get to the end

Datapad: On
Command: Open “Diary”
Entry 15

I am now fully recovered from my hysterectomy. It was a long 5 weeks of doing work in bed and not much else. Since the kids are currently on summer vacation, Bail and I decided it was time to take them on an off-planet trip. When they were babies, we didn’t want to risk running into any Imperial entanglements. But now that they are older we figure there will be less suspicion when they finally meet Darth Vader or the Emperor.

So, we decided to take a family vacation. We, after a long discussion, Bail and I decided on Naboo.

Bringing the twins back to their mother’s homeworld had it’s risks when they were babies, but we figured no one would bother making the connection between the twin’s birth date and the approximate time of Padmè’s death. Naboo is a common vacation destination for Alderaanians anyways - it is very beautiful - but I want to make sure that, when the twins find out about their true heritage, they can look back on this vacation and know that Bail and I tried to recognize that we want to tell them, but can’t, for their own safety.

We rented a lovely lake-house in the mountain regions and had Raymus fly us to Naboo on the Sundered Heart. I swear flying has been the highlight of Luke’s trip thus far. He spent the entire trip here ogling over the controls in the cockpit, bugging poor Raymus.

We landed in the capital of Thebes. Bail wanted to pay his respects to Padmè before we headed to the lake county, so I took the kids to the museum.

“Museums are so boring,” Luke whined, sweeping his floppy blonde hair out of his face. “Why can’t we go right to the lake?”

“Because, your father is visiting an old friend. Besides, just be glad Queen Maiala is off-planet and I don’t have to meet with her.”

“I hate it when you and Dad have to work on vacations,” Winter said, looking around. We were in the hall of former queens. Beautiful paintings lined the walls.

“Dad isn’t working,” I corrected her.

“Then why didn’t we go with him?” Luke said.

I sighed. “I want to show you guys something.” I led them to the end of the hall to Padmè’s portrait. I wish I could tell the twins about their mother, I wish I could bring them to Padmè’s parents and let them know their daughter lives on, but I can’t.

“Who is she?” Leia asked. “She’s so pretty.”

I kept it short and simple. “She was Queen Amidala. She was Queen of Naboo and then the senator for the planet. She was a good friend of your father.”

“Did you know her?” Luke asked.

I nodded and smiled. “I met her a few times. We were friends.”

“Is she who Dad is visiting?” Winter asked.

“In a way. Your dad is paying his respects to her. She died in the Clone Wars.”

There was a collective, solemn “Oh.”

“She was a great woman. She always fought for freedom and liberty and what simply was right.” I was then interrupted by my comm chirp. It was Bail. He was finished and on his way to pick us up. “Dad’s on his way. Please don’t tell him we talked about her. It saddens him, greatly.”

* * *

We got settled in the lake house and the kids are having a blast on the beach and in the water. The past few days have been very relaxing. This afternoon, however, we received a visitor.

Bail and I were lying on a blanket on the sand, cuddling, reading some flimsy books and, well, occasionally making out. During one of our more intimate moments, the kids ran out of the lake house in their swimwear screaming “Ewwww,” “Gross,” and “Ick.”

I don’t mind that the kids think Bail and I are gross. The fact that we are still intimate after so much shavit and the circumstances surrounding our marriage is a testament to our love. We gotta be doing something right.

Eventually someone behind us cleared his throat. We turned around and gasped. Standing behind us, in casual wear, was Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. His face was lined with age and his beard had more grey than red. Six years in exile under Tatooine twin suns has not been kind to him.

“Obi-Wan,” Bail gasped.

“Please, call me Ben,” he said, sitting down. “I heard you were vacationing in the sector and I thought I would check in. The twins have grown so much.”

“Indeed they have,” I said. “They are so bright and smart.”

“You two have been raising them right. And I see you have another daughter.”

“Yes,” Bail said. “Winter was Sheltay’s daughter. Sheltray… was killed.”

Obi-Wan nodded, sadly. “They all will have great futures. I look forward to training Luke when he comes of age.”

“We’ve certainly have had an amazing time raising them. Thank you, so much, for bringing them to us,” I said, glancing over to the kids playing in the water.

“You’re welcome. I think we made the right choice.”

“So, how is life on Tatooine?”

Obi-Wan sighed. “Long, hot, but it has been looking up recently. I’m married.”

“What?” Bail and I said in shock.

“It’s a long story, but her husband was killed in a sand-people attack, but I managed to save her from them. It took me awhile to get used to the idea of being in an relationship, but she convinced me. I guess the Jedi Order has truly crumbled.”

The kids then ran up the beach. “Mom! Dad! We’re hungry.”

“Luke, Leia, Winter, this is an old friend of ours,” Bail said. “This is Ben Kenobi.”

“Hello, Ben,” Luke said. His two sisters curtsied.

“It’s a pleasure to meet the Princess, Prince and Lady of Alderaan,” Obi-Wan said with a smile. “Unfortunately, I must get back to Beru. It’s harvest season and I didn’t want to leave her for long.”

We hugged him goodbye before getting the kids some lunch. I hope, one day, we will speak to Kenobi again before sending Luke off to train with him. Still, I am glad he has found happiness after all that he lost.

 

Love the vacation and really cool ending! Yes, that begs for a sequel!

 

Oh, Breha telling Luke and Leia abour Padme - my heart! I loved little Luke being a pain about the flying

So Obi-Wan still went to Tatooine even though he didn't have to look after Luke? Interesting...

 

Nyota's Heart

Thanks. Maybe one of these days I'll write the back-ground story to that.

JadeLotus

Yeah. I think the logic behind that was "well it's still the best place to hide since Anakin hated this place".

Findswoman

Thanks. Yes, there may be a spin-off to this... eventually. Obi-Wan ended up on Tatooine simply because he knew Vader could never return there (atleast that's what RODV claims).

A/N: I have no idea where this diary is going, so this is like 100% filler. I want to TRY to finish this year, but lately, my muse has been like 110% on gear with “So Much More Than Fairytales”.


Datapad: On
Command: Open “Diary”
Entry 16

While we were on Naboo, during our last evening there, I received word that my grandmother - my mother’s mother - had passed away. It came as very little surprise, the woman was 97. I was never exactly close to the woman - in reality the few times we met, we really clashed heads. I guess she really didn’t like the fact that after my father died, my mother chose his family - the noble Antilles - to help raise my sister and I.

I, for one, loved growing up with Dad’s family. Raymus, Ramiud, Rewan and Rajem became like my brothers - heck Raymus is a pilot for Bail and Rewan recently became the head of my security detail. And as painful as it was to listen to my father’s nosy and annoying mother growing up, my grandfather’s sweet, kind demeanour totally made up for it. They brought me up as a noble, educated lady and put me in a position to find and marry my true love. Both my paternal grandparents lived to see me become Queen. My Grandpa Riginus is still alive and kicking.

When we landed on Alderaan, I quickly dressed in my black ceremonial dress and had Enita, one of my handmaidens, do my hair in a simple braid. I then re-boarded the ship with Raymus and Rewan and they took me to the Hynern provence to where my grandmother lived. I decided Bail and the children didn’t need to go to the funeral. They were all tired from the trip anyways.

Kriff, I didn’t want to go. My mother practically begged me. It was early in the day there when we landed, but I was exhausted.

I entered my grandmother’s apartment to see my mother, sister, and several of my aunts and female cousins - most of which I’ve only met once or twice. They were all sitting down. All my aunts gasped when they all saw me. They all got up and bowed. I shook my head. “That isn’t necessary,” I said, sitting beside my mother and slightly stiffly hugging her.

“The men are in the kitchen having caff,” one of my aunts said to Rewan and Raymus. I had to roll my eyes. My maternal family is very traditionally Alderaanian. The women think men are so very beneath them. I gave the men a small gesture to let them know it was fine to leave me.

“Where are the kids?” my mother asked.

“We just got back from Naboo this morning, Mother. They were fairly tired. Where are my nephews?” I asked.

“In the kitchen with their father,” Deara said, oddly coldly.

I smiled. “I would like to see them before the funeral.” I got up and entered the kitchen. The men of my mother’s family bowed. “Please, don’t. I just had to get out of there.” All the men groaned in agreement.

“Auntie Breha,” one of my two nephews yelled, running up to me. Martion is 9. His brother. Zole, is 11.

“Hey there,” I said, giving them both a hug.

“Did Luke come?” Martion asked.

I shook my head. “Sorry, it’s just me.”

My sister then came into the kitchen and announced it was time to travel to the grave site in the Necropolis, outside of the town. My sister, her husband and their kids rode with me in my speeder with Raymus and Rewan.

“Thanks for the ride,” Deara said with a sigh. “I can’t help but feel like an outsider with all of mom’s sisters.”

I nodded. “I know. I almost didn’t come. They all hate me.”

“No, that would be treason, they just don’t really know you. However, I’ve spent the past few weeks here helping mom take care of grandma. They all hate me. Why did you come anyway?”

“Because I love our dear old mother,” I said, flatly.

“Yeah, I might debate you on that one,” she said. “I’m the one taking care of her these days, with no help from other people.” She had a tone in her voice.

I gave her a look. “I’m sorry I’ve had other things to deal with.”

“Are you really so busy you can’t come see our dying - now dead - grandmother?”

“Are we really going to get into this? I thought we were on the same side. I’m sorry I had to have a freaking hysterectomy, yes, I went on a much needed vacation, but Grandmother hated me! She wouldn’t have wanted to see me anyways.”

“Really?” Deara yelled. “You are all she talked about her last few days - her granddaughter that became queen.”

I suddenly felt guilty. “I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

“Meanwhile, I’m here, surrounded by old people who only ask about you, who only want to meet you, who are curious about little Breha, who was raised by the other side of the family and became queen. Yeah, mom decided to let Dad’s family raise us, but we have another family. Yet you snub them by not even bringing your children to their matriarch’s funeral.”

I let out a breath. “I’m sorry I can’t do everything or be everywhere. Thank you for taking care of Mom and Grandmother.”

The funeral service was lovely. I had originally planned to go back to Aldera as soon as we buried my grandmother, but I stayed in Hynern provence until late into the night, getting to know my mother’s family. It was awkward but not painful.

When I returned to the palace, everyone was in bed. The kids were asleep, but Bail was awake, reading in bed. He looked up and smiled as he got out of bed. “Raymus contacted me and told me you were trying to please your sister, so I figured it would be best to give you’re handmaidens the evening off.”

He then began to undress me.

“Thank you,” I said, as I slipped off my shoes and sighed.

“Do you want me to draw you a ripple bath?” he said as he unzipped my heavy dress.

“No,” I said. “I just want to sleep.”

“Alright,” he kissed my cheek, scooped me up, and carried me to bed.

 

So the men are all relegated to the kitchen. Interesting! A real example of the matriarchy here.

There is canon support for the tension between Deara and Breha, and this gives a glimpse into the reasons why. It's natural for Deara to be resentful, thinking that Breha is playing the role of beloved queen while she gets stuck dealing with the family drama and the sad duty of caring for her terminally ill grandmother. Then to see everyone fawning over Breha and actually bowing to her must be infuriating.

In contrast, her relationship with her cousins is so much more relaxed and ironically more on an equal basis. Even if she is the queen in a matriarchal society, the guys seem respectful but not intimidated by her.

Nice to see Obi-wan visit! and what a great twist, to have him married to Beru.

 

Like Findswoman I was struck by the family tensions and the realism of it all. Breha is accommodating and fair-minded enough to give her mother's side of the family some time and I'm glad it didn't become a calamity Bail was so thoughtful just exactly what she needed there at the end.

 

I'm also really intrigued by the way you've depicted Alderaan's matriarchal culture and Breha's own strained family dynamics - reading this chapter I now understand why Luke is to be the Jedi, which Leia is of course the heir who must one day be queen.

And of course, wonderful to see Breha being much more forward-thinking - I can't see her sending Bail off to the kitchen! The last scene between them so so simple, but says so much about their relationship and equal love for each other - very sweet.

 

Thanks everyone! I've really enjoyed exploring a matriarchal society, as well as Bail's and Breha's relationship.

Datapad: On
Command: Open “Diary”
Entry 17

It’s been a crazy past few years, though not much of note has happened. The kids are now 9. They are all so smart.

This afternoon Winter entered my public office after school. I had been there, meeting with some ministers just a few minutes beforehand. Her long, elegant hair was tied back. “Hey, Mom,” she said, “I need some help with homework.”

“Sure, Winnie,” I said with a smile. “What is it?”

“I need to do a family tree. It can be our own, or someone else’s,” she said, pulling up a chair to my desk. “Leia is doing Dad’s, but I was wondering if I could do my own, like with my birth mother and father.”

Now, all the kids know they are adopted. We’ve always been clear to them in that regard. The twins believe we never knew their parents, but Winter knows we knew her parents, though we have never really discussed them.

“Well, we can try, but I honestly know nothing about your father’s family, other than the fact that he was from the Castle Lands. I know your mother’s mother was from Stewjon, but that is it. But Winnie, we can talk about your birth parents if you want. I’ll tell you what little I know. And then we can do your assignment on another family that will be easier to trace back.”

“Alright,” she said. “I remember Dad once saying my real father was an artist.”

I nodded, then pulled up Ob Khaddor’s portfolio up on the holonet. “His name was Ob Khaddor. He was amazing. He used botanical and natural products in his art. He went to then same university as me, although he graduated before I started. He was an art major. He was a bit infamous for being a bit of a trouble-maker.”

“What did he do?”

I laughed. “Well, he started a tradition of dressing up the university’s founder’s statue in holo-show costumes the night before graduation.”

Winter laughed. “Did you ever take part in this tradition?”

“I’m not answering that,” I said with a wink. “Though I can say the founder statue was the most fabulous the year I graduated. Anyways, I know he met your mother in university.”

“Her name was Sheltay, right?”

“Yes, Sheltay Retrac. She majored in Inter-Galactic Relations. She and your father never married. She always said their lives were much too different to ever bind themselves together. But they did live together for several years and I know they loved you very much. Your Dad - Bail, that is - would be able to tell you more about her if you asked. She was your dad’s senatorial aid during and after the Clone Wars. She was so smart and so efficient. If she had a job to do, she would do it.”

“Thanks Mom,” she said. “I guess I’ve never really thanked you for adopting me. You basically picked me, Luke and Leia when almost every other parent is stuck with their kids.”

I laughed, but my heart swelled. “You are welcome, dear. I’m lucky to have you, your sister and your brother.”

“Well, Luke is debatable on that list,” she sassily said.

“Hey, be nice to your brother. Now,” I said, “Are you ready to begin your homework?”

“I already did it on your family,” she confessed, hopping off the chair. “I just wanted to see if I could extract information about my birth family.”

I rolled my eyes. Winter has this huge thing about wanting to become a spy. With Bail forming a rebellion against the empire, those skills and desires may be of use.

My children will all have to become warriors in their futures. This I know. Yet, I know I will always see them as my babies.

 

Sweet what Winter said -- about being adopted. I agree. I laughed at what she said about Luke totally a snarky sibling statement. I also enjoyed reading the realism Breha has about the children's futures considering the times they're living in but how they'll always be her babies. Awww. You can just feel her wanting to protect them.

 

Nice for Winter to learn a bit more about her family - love that her nickname is Winnie!

 

AN: Thanks for reading and commenting you guys. I really like Winter. One of these days I swear I'll write a Winter-centric fic.

Datapad: On
Command: Open “Diary”
Entry 18

Geez. I really need to get better at writing in this more often. Sadly, I’ve been too busy with running a planet and being a mother to three 12-year-olds. Bail is around, sometimes. He, Mon Mothma from Chandrila and a few other select senators in the Imperial Senate have begun sewing the seeds of rebellion. I know it needs to be done, but sometimes I fear for his safety and now his health. I know it will only get worse when the kids get dragged into it. It’s something I don’t like to think of.

Anyways, needless to say, I don’t get to see my husband often. So I insisted that he be on planet for his 60th birthday. He agreed, though there were times today when I regretted it. He was, quite frankly, a grump most of the day. Then I almost lost my grump.

It started in the morning. When I woke up, he was still sleeping, so I gently lifted off his CPAP mask and kissed him softly.

He groaned. “What is it, Breha?”

“Happy birthday,” I said, rubbing his cheek. “Do you want to join me in my sanisteam.”

“No,” he replied gruffly, turning away from me.

“Fine,” I said, getting up to ‘steam alone.

* * *

Most of my day was boring. I got the kids up and to school, then I was in a parliament session for four hours, followed by a lunch with the prime minister and then another short meeting with some cabinet ministers. I never exactly have to do much, simply make sure people are behaving with Alderaan’s interest in mind.

Bail and I met up for a committee meeting on intergalactic economic affairs. We sat beside each other as we listened. Now, I will admit, Bail does have to listen more intently that I do. But all I wanted to do was hold his hand, yet no matter how many times I tried to hint that to him, he wouldn’t. Eventually I gave up.

Things… exploded when we got back to the palace.

We had shared a quiet speeder ride home, but when I got out, I said, “Your birthday celebrations are in the main hall at 1800. The kids are all excited to see you, so please try to get over whatever issues you are having by then.”

“I don’t have any issues,” he grumbled as we walked from the garage to the entrance.

“Oh really? Because that is the most you have said to me all day.”

“I just have a lot on my mind right now. I don’t have time to be intimate with you.”

“Right, because I do nothing but raise our children and run a planet. I’m sorry if I also want some sort of relationship with my husband.”

The aids and handmaidens were beginning to stare.

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“I get it, you are too tired for me. Because everything takes precedence over me. What happened to us Bail? We used to be able to do everything and still make time for each other. I want to stop pretending I’m in a loving relationship, because I’m not and pretending is exhausting me.”

“Bre, I love you, you know that.”

I wiped away a tear. “Then why don’t I feel it?” I then ran off.

I found myself in the palace library. Hiding, ashamed, among the stacks. I felt so stupid. I knew Bail had a lot going on. He didn’t need to add my unhappiness.

I then heard aids and servants screaming.

“Someone get the queen! Someone get the queen!”

“We need to get medics, here, now!”

I had a sickening feeling in my gut. I picked up my dark blue dress and ran towards the commotion. Then my heart sank into my stomach.

There, sprawled cross the cold stone floor, was Bail, struggling to breathe and clutching his chest.

I was immediately at his side, holding his hand. “Bail,” I said, wiping the sweat from his brow. “I’m here, okay? I love you and I know you love me.”

He nodded. He tried to murmur something, but I hushed him. “You can tell me later, once you are better.”

I looked over my shoulder to see Raymus and Rewan running towards us with medics.

The medics began working on Bail as Raymus and Rewan held me, assuring me that Bail would be alright. They allowed me to ride in the medi-speeder. I held his hand, feeling so helpless.

After we got to the medcenter, they rushed Bail off and put me in a small private waiting room. Rowan got me some caff.

“I’m going to go make sure the guests know the birthday dinner is canceled and that the kids got home alright,” Raymus said.

I merely nodded.

“He’s going to be fine,” Rewan tried to assure me, gently giving my shoulder a squeeze.

Eventually Raymus came back. “Everything is canceled, the kids are back from school and the handmaidens got them dinner. Rachi is wondering if she needs to come here to help you?”

I shook my head. “No, I want her there with the kids. Do they know?”

Raymus shook his head. “They think there was an emergency meeting.”

“Okay,” I said softly. “You should go tell them. I’ll get Rewan to comm you with details when I get them.”

It seemed like an eternity before a doctor entered. Though when one did, there were five right behind him. They all bowed and I wanted to roll my eyes. The lead doctor, an older male, spoke. “Your Majesty. The Viceroy is fine. He had a minor Coronary vasospasm - blood vessles in his heart spasmed then constricted, but there was no tissue or muscle death.”

There was more medical jargon that I honestly could not remember. I was then told that Bail was resting, I could see him and he could go home tonight, but he had to spend the next five weeks resting, which meant no working. I immediately told Raymus that he was the interim senator for Alderaan and to take care of any other business that Bail may be involved in.

I was then escorted to Bail’s room and warned that he was medicated for his own comfort and to ensure that he would rest.

When I entered the sterile white room, I honestly thought Bail was asleep. He was lying in the bed, looking so pail and sickly in the green medcenter gown with a heart-rate patch evident though the thin material. An oxygen tube was threaded up his nostril.

Only when I got closer did I notice his eyes were open and following me.

“Hey there, Starshine,” I said, calling him by his nickname. I hadn’t called him that in years.

He smiled and tried to hold up his hand. It was shaking, so I took it. He looked so weak.

“You’re not allowed to scare me like that.” I kissed the palm of his hand. “I love you and I’m not ready for you leave me.”

He then slurred something along the lines of “Swoooorrwwy. Lwwwovve yooooootoooo.”

He wasn’t medicated for his own comfort, he was drugged out of his mind.

Rowan then entered and addressed Bail, who never took his eyes off of me. “The doctors want to observe you for a few more hours. However, according to Raymus, the kids know and are preparing for your arrival home.”

“Tell Raymus to tell the kids we may still be a few more hours.”

He nodded. “Yes, Bre. Do either of you want anything to eat or drink?”

“I’m fine,” I said. I honestly had no appetite. “Bail,” I said, touching his cheek, “Do you want some dinner?”

He groaned and frowned and I took that as a no.

Rewan left and I simply sat with Bail, holding his hand as he slept.

He was a bit more with it when he woke up.

“Birthday?” Bail slurred.

“I’ve canceled all the plans I had for your birthday, but I think the kids might have something planned.”

He grinned. “Can’t wait.”

Rewan came in, holding a set of Bail’s sweat-pants and a sweat-shirt. Behind him was a nurse. “Congratulations Bail, you’ve been discharged. Raymus is bringing the speeder around.” He handed the clothes to Breha as the nurse began unhooking Bail from the oxygen and drips.

“Rew, can you get Bail’s prescriptions?” I asked, beginning to help Bail undress from the med-centre gown.

Rewan nodded and left.

I managed to get a pretty floppy Bail into his clothes before Rewan and Raymus returned. They helped him to the speeder, then when we got to the palace, they helped him to the royal suite. They were about to enter when he looked back at me.

“I don’t… waaaant the kids… seeing meeee like thiss.”

“I got it from here, guys,” I said, sweeping in and placing myself under Bail’s arm. “Thank you so much.”

“We are going to stay the night in the guest suite down the hall,” Rewan announced. “And don’t bother arguing with us.”

“Yes,” Raymus said. “Pereni and Mirsha already know. We want to be here encase annoying happens.”

Before I could reply, Bail said, “Thaaannk you,” and opened the door to the suite.

I then heard gasps. “Dad is home!”

I helped Bail into the sitting room where the kids were standing, looking worried. On the wall there was a home made banner that read ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD AND GET WELL SOON!!’. The sofa was covered in blankets.

“Thhanks you guys,” Bail said, trying his hardest not to slur his words as I helped him to the sofa.

“We thought we could watch a few episodes of Raxa Corpopolus,” Leia announced. “We can do cake and presents tomorrow if Dad is feeling up to it.”

“Sounds good,” I said, covering Bail up with blanket, and dimming the lights. The five of us cuddled on the couch.

We watched two episodes of the family adventure holo before Bail poked me in the ribs. He was growing increasingly floppy.

“Alright you three,” I said, getting up. “Can you guys turn in for the night? You can read for an hour and I trust you not to go over that.”

They all nodded, kissed their father goodnight and headed off to their own chambers.

“Now, you big guy,” I said, putting my hands on my hips. “Do you think you can make it to the ‘fresher, or should I get Raymus and Rewan?”

“I want my hooooot young wife to help me,” he said.

I smiled. I managed to get him into the refresher, in his pyjamas, gave him his meds, brushed his teeth and got him into bed with his CPAP mask on.

By the time I kissed his cheek, he was out like a glow-rod. And after the day I had, I’ll be right behind him once I finish this entry.