IRON HYMEN! Abstinence-Only Information For Girls

(I'm crying from laughter)

-The Scummy-

 

# When a boy's disgusting private goes inside of a girl's shameful unmentionable, there is a serious risk of it breaking off and causing excruciating pain while it travels throughout your body like a giant trichinosis worm.

# Up until the moment in your wedding when he says "I do," a boy's privates sport a treacherous spine of jagged scales, which may or may not secrete acid and weapons-grade anthrax ? for which, apparently, only Ann Coulter has developed the antibodies.

Man, that first one would hurt both! And that's hilarious. The second one is hilarious.

 

"Because trust me: that grotesque grab bag of horror and disappointment is always up to something, gals."

 

^

 

I guess the cats out of the bag.

 

God designed a boy's privates as part sword, part battering-ram, to joyously stab and hammer you with on the magical night you begin your life-long tethering to the man who'll liberate you from the drudgery of ever having to make your own decisions ? except when to have a headache or give an "I don't like this" bite.

Come on ladies let us guys make all the decisions. Its our duty.

This is too funny.

totally stupid but funny.

 

that site is truly awesome.

 

That gave me a little bit of joy.

 

Indianna Fett's post, wherever it came from, made me laugh the hardest.

 

its one of the testimonials from the boys on SIFF.

Check out the merchandise page.

The buttons are funny.

I would so want to give a shirt to my soon to be ex boss. Hes getting married and his gf is a virgin.

 

Lesson learned:

never click on a site linked in the JCC while driking something.

I only wish I'd thought of this first.

 

If you play your cards right, the revolting little wrinkled purse part of boy privates is something a Christian lady can go throughout her entire life without ever seeing. But knowing where it is can come in mighty handy when called upon to give a "not until marriage" warning kick.

 

I don't even know where to begin.

 

Wow. Just wow.

 

That is too funny.

 

Hilarious!

 

My job here is done!

*turns into a cloud of butterflies*

 

It's not making me laugh as much as it seems to be making everyone else laugh.. I think it's funny and I did smile, but no laugh..

But I DO like butterflies!

 

You might be interested in Operation Infinite Purity! Winning the War on Masturbation.

 

Hah, funny.

-The Scummy-

 

*snicker*

 

ACNE: Does your teenager have acne? Masturbation often leads to excessive hormone production, which is the primary cause of acne. Very few teenagers who don't masturbate have acne.
DEPRESSION: Is your teenager depressed? If a teenager acts sullen, withdrawn or unhappy ? the most likely cause is chronic masturbation.
DESIRE FOR PRIVACY: Does your child lock his or her bedroom door? It is not healthy for a teen to desire privacy. Chances are he or she is in there masturbating.
"ROCK" MUSIC: Does your child listen to "Rock And Roll" music? If a teenager has rebelled against God far enough to listen to the Devil's music, then he or she has almost certainly rebelled enough to try masturbation.
BOY JUICES: Are there semen stains on your son's bed sheets or underwear? There's only one way they could have been deposited there. So line up all of your sons at least twice a day for a family prayer meeting and underwear check!
IDEALISM: Does your teenager have liberal or otherwise idealistic political opinions? The weakness of mind brought on by self-abuse often leads to left-wing sympathies.
FADDISM: Does your child wear fashionable clothing or hairstyles? If your child can't resist the peer pressure to look a certain way, he or she probably can't resist the peer pressure to masturbate, either.
DENIAL: Does your child look guilty or deny masturbating? Very few teenaged masturbators will openly admit to their sickness!
EVIDENCE: Have you caught your child masturbating? If you walk into your son's bedroom without knocking and he's in there with his pants down stroking his erect penis, he's probably masturbating.

Probably.. filthy teenagers..

 

I glanced at the title and thought it was discussion about Iron Maiden....

 

When a boy's disgusting private goes inside of a girl's shameful unmentionable, there is a serious risk of it breaking off and causing excruciating pain while it travels throughout your body like a giant trichinosis worm.

OUCH.

What's the name of that book in which scientists shrink themselves and travel around inside the human body in a tiny submarine? (Not the Magic School Bus version. ) I was suddenly blessed with the mental image of a rather large submarine plowing its way through the girl's innards.

 

Weird--my pastor always does weddings for free.