Fun ITT we post random Simpsons quotes

My client has instructed me to remind the court how rich and important he is, and that he is not like other men.
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!

 

I hate every ape I see, from chimpan-A to chimpan-Z.

This play has everything!

I love legitimate theater.

 

Is that story true , Grandpa?

Well, most of it. I did wear a dress for a period in the 40's. Oh, they had designers then.

 

Now, the kilt was only for day-to-day wear. In battle, we donned a full-length ball gown covered in sequins. The idea was to blind your opponent with luxury.

 

You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!

 

And then they realised, they were no longer little girls: they were little women

 

If this gets out, the next words you say will be muffled by your own butt.

 

I've been called a greasy thug too and it never stops hurting, so here's what we're going to do: grease ourselves up real good and trash that place with a baseball bat!

 

“I wash myself with a rag on a stick.”

 

Don't you have any regrets?
I regret starting this conversation.

 

What the hell are we going to do with ten thousand angel ash trays?!

I could take up smoking.

You damn well better!

 

What's the one thing rabbis prize above everything else?
Those stupid hats?
No, Bart; knowledge.

 

Hey guys, just so you don't hear any wild rumors, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.

Pfff. That's no reason to block the TV.

 

"Attempted murder"? Now really, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for "attempted chemistry"?

 

Not so fast, schmartenheimer!

 

"You know, in Albania the unit of currency is called the lek."

"You gotta be kidding! The lek?!"

"And the national flag is a two-headed eagle on a red field."

"Gimme the old stars and stripes."

"And the main export is furious political thought."

"Political wha-?"

 

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.
Hmm. Never fit on a marquee, love. From now on, your name is Apu de Beaumarchais.
That is a great dishonor to my ancestors and my God ... but OK.

 

"What a name! 'Santa's Little Helper'? It's a sign! It's an omen!"

"It's a coincidence, Dad."

 

Impeach Churchill!

 

And I say, that England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!
Pitt the Elder!
Lord Palmerston!
Pitt the Elder!
Okay, you asked for it, Boggs!
Yeah, that's showing him, Barn! Pitt the Elder (!)
Lord Palmerston!

 

Then it is unanimous, we are going to approve the bill to evacuate the town of Springfield in the great state of --.

Wait a second, I wanna tack on a rider to that bill. 30 million dollars of taxpayer money to support the perverted arts

 

"Oh, trying to jump start the old marriage, huh?”
“Can I come?”
“Nah, it’d just be awkward, what with the sex and all.”

 

Good night, my brilliant beast.

 

I got my period today. Plus I got a new boyfriend, and you know how it is when you're kissing a guy with a tongue stud

Yes! Yes! Oh God, yes!

 

Now, go on, boy, and pay attention, because if you do, one day you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations. You may outsmart someone.