Lit Join Me and Achieve Perfection: A Reread of The Glove of Darth Vader

What, like a kneecapping? Denning is fond of those too.

 

Because Denning conversations never lead to anything that isn't depressing, why don't I reinforce my original purpose of this thread: to bring some lighthearted fun to a board that is all too often dark, dreary and cynical. Here's another chapter, and it's a nice one.

Chapter 5: Trioculus's Factory Barge

This chapter title has answered one of my longest running questions of the series: where does the apostrophe go in Trioculus's? And now I know. Two s's.

Han Solo was disappointed that his party ended without Lando Calrissian ever showing up. But he was delighted with his housewarming gift, Kate, the housekeeping droid.

And we open with a potent reminder of what exactly we're dealing with, as the sense of wrongness about everything hits you like an anvil. This isn't your fathers Star Wars. This isn't the Star Wars you grew up on. This is too weird for a Twilight Zone esque alternate dimension of Star Wars. Even Waru couldn't come up with this stuff.

The guests departed, except for Han and Chewbacca’s closest friends. And within two hours, the evidence of Kate’s hard work could be seen in every room.

The floors were suction-cleaned, the dishes were sanitized, the trash was compacted and recycled, the leftover food was preserved in a cooling chamber, and thank-you messages were written for each and every single one of the presents Han had received.

Han can't even be bothered to think his guests for the presents personally, yet he was all too eager to introduce his old bachelor friends to his princess girlfriend. Odd priorities, that Han has.

Han and Chewie, however, are impressed.

"Roww-groooowwf!" Chewbacca howled, with a big smile.

"You’re right, Chewie," said Han Solo, shaking his head in amazement. "No way that I could make it as a homeowner without the help of a housekeeping droid like Kate!" Han gave Luke a nudge. "Thanks a lot, old buddy. You sure had a good idea!"

"Don’t thank me for the idea," Luke said. "Thank Ken. He thought of it."

"The idea just popped into my head," Ken explained, smiling. Both Luke and Han gave Ken an
appreciative pat on the back.



Also, Han is speaking like he's advertising the damn droid.

Threepio feels left out, and demands to be let in on the broslapping.

"I hope you will all give credit where credit is due," piped up the golden droid, See-Threepio, in a jealous tone, turning to face Han. "I was the one who finally persuaded Luke of the merits of Ken’s idea. I pointed out that you and Chewbacca seldom keep the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon neat and tidy. Without a housekeeping droid, in two weeks your house would end up looking like the trash compactor on board the Death Star. Do you remember when you were trapped in the trash compactor, and I said-"

"Yes, yes, I remember, I remember-" Han said quickly, shutting Threepio up. "My thanks to
you, too, Threepio."

"Bzeeepooosh! " beeped Artoo-Detoo.

"And to you, too, Artoo," Han added. Then he put his arm around Princess Leia. "And Princess, thank you so much for coming. The party wouldn’t have been the same without you."

"I wouldn’t have missed it for anything," she replied. Leia smiled and gave Han a peck on
the lips.

Han smiled back and gave her a long kiss in return.


The tender moment is interrupted as the cold, unfeeling sound of reality makes itself heard.

BZZZZZZZZZZZT

It's Han's communication buzzer. Han is a bit annoyed that someone is calling him at this time, but he's also excited to try out his Sky House's spiffy new communication system.

Han retires to his bed room, where a large screen, the crux of his communication system (and perhaps entertainment? Did the Davids predict the HDTV?) take up most of the wall. He answers the chime, and Lando's clearly unhappy face appears.

"Sorry I missed your party, Han," Lando said. "But a whirlwind of trouble came along and set my head spinning."

"What’s wrong, Lando?" asked Han.

"This is good-bye, old buddy. My political career in Cloud City has just come to an end!"

"What are you talking about? You can’t just leave! You’re Cloud City’s governor!"

"I only wish that were true," said Lando. "I blew it, buddy. Remember how cocksure and self-confident I was the day I bet the Millennium Falcon and lost it to you in a sabacc game? Well, I had another attack of extreme self-confidence today-and I bet my position as governor in a game with Zorba the Hutt, Jabba the Hutt’s old man."

There are quite a few things I could say here. Instead, I'll say this: who the hell say's "cocksure"?

Han’s mouth fell open. "Jabba the Hutt’s father? That old slug? Nobody’s seen him for years!"

"Well, he’s back. And the bad news is, he aced me. So Zorba is your new governor. Cloud City is sure to go to ruin." Lando glanced at his watch. "I’m on my way. My bags are packed, and my spaceship for the Zabian System is all set to leave."

"But what’ll you do, Lando? You’re out of a job!"

"Don’t worry about me," Lando replied. "I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve. I’ve been thinking about trying my hand at the theme park business."

Yes my friends, that is indeed foreshadowing a wonder every bit as worthy of capitalization as the vaunted SKY HOUSE: HOLOGRAM FUN WORLD.

A shocked expression swept over Lando’s face. He could no longer put off telling Han the worst news of all. "Han, I overheard Zorba talking. He found out that Princess Leia killed Jabba. He’s got the look of revenge in his big, ugly reptilian eyeballs. Whatever you do, don’t let him find out that Leia is here on the planet, or she’s a goner, for sure!"

CLICK!! The screen went black. It was the end of the message.

Did the click really, really need two exclamation marks?



Han calls Luke and Leia to the bedroom to tell them the news in private. Han suggests they get Leia off planet immediately, as if Zorba gets his "big ugly Hutt hands on you, it's your funeral!".

If all this drama is proving too much for you to handle, I suggest you stop reading now, as yet another bomb is dropped.

Suddenly, on the other side of the door, they heard Ken scream out, "Oh no! Kate!" Then Ken came bursting into the bedroom without even knocking. "Commander Skywalker!" Ken yelled frantically. "Kate fell!"

"What? Fell? How?" Luke asked

"She was outside cleaning the observation balcony," Ken explained. "And she leaned over
and fell into the clouds!"

"I’m going after her!" Luke shouted.

Without even knocking And I like how the Davids feel the need to explore complex situations. Obviously, a Sky House is awesome. But the Davids aren't content to simply leave it at that. They also have to show the inevitable dark side of a Sky House. After all, a Sky House is really high up. What if someone were to fall? It's not a pleasant thing to think about, but an authors job is to show the good and the bad of everything, even what we hold most dear. Of course, I don't believe they're trying to pick apart our greatest values, like Sky Houses. I believe they're simply trying to show that owning a Sky House is not a right, but a privilege, a responsibility. One must accept the dangers of conquering the sky before one can live free in the clouds.

Luke exits the Sky House, walks along the yard platform, and hops into Lando's Sky Convertible. As he readies the vehicle, Leia jumps in with him. Luke begins to protest, but Leia tells him to hurry, that Kate could be all the way to the Rethin Sea by now.

Luke powered up. WHOOOOSH!

Is Luke a Super Saiyan now?

Luke aims the vehicle straight down, and they accelerate through the braze. They see Kate, and Luke remembers when he had been rescued from Cloud City. Luke uses the same strategy, adjusting his speed to allow Kate to gently fall into the back seat.

"How can I ever thank you?" Kate asked, calmly. "But what will Master Han Solo say? I fell down on the job."

"You sure did," Princess Leia said. She pointed straight down, as the cloud car convertible kept descending. "You fell practically all the way down to the Rethin Sea. Look down below-there’s the liquid metal core of the planet."

"And look over there!" Luke said excitedly. "There’s Trioculus’s factory barge!"

The barge in question is an incredibly vast platform, floating above the Rethin Sea, and holds numerous smaller factories, most of which develop weapons, be it infantry weapons, large ion cannons, planetary bombardment, and so on.

But the weapons are not the only product of these factories; they are not even the deadliest. The real danger these factories pose are, what else, pollution. Each and every one of these factories creates an enormous smokestack, all of which work together to create braze.

The Davids continue their odd Luke characterization by having him come off as somewhat cowardly.

"Now that we’re here, let’s take a closer look," Princess Leia suggested.

"How about some other time?" Luke said.
"We’re this close, Luke. We might as well see if we can come up with any ideas on how to stop this braze."

Luke reluctantly agreed. It was a bold idea on Leia’s part. Maybe too bold, Luke thought.

As they approach the factory barge, they meet resistance, in the form of automatic security cannons. Luke attempts to dodge, but as he is "much better at piloting spaceships and landspeeders than cloud cars", they're hit. Luke manages to save them, however, as he steers the cloudcar directly through the smokestacks, and they crash on the barge, with a loud SCREEEECH!

They find themselves in front of a factory covered with brown soot. Luke spots a vehicle of stormtroopers, coming to investigate the crash.

As they begin to flee on foot, Luke spots a potential escape: a ladder leading down into a tunnel. Because droids are expendable, Kate goes down first, to "make sure the ladder is secure". Leia follows, as Luke senses danger behind them and draws his lightsaber. Three Stormtroopers have caught up with them.

As Luke fought with two of the Imperials, the third strormtrooper reached into the tunnel and pulled Leia back up. From down below in the darkness, Kate could see Leia dangling and gritting her teeth, as the princess kicked and swung her arms.

Leia’s feet reached the safety of the metal floor of the factory barge, but her enemy had her in his grip.

No sooner had Luke toppled one of their foes with his lightsaber, than he felt another one of the stormtroopers shoving him, pushing him right down into the tunnel.

Luke plunged, reaching out with one hand to grab the rungs of the ladder. "Oh no, Commander Skywalker," Kate screamed, "you’re going to-"

But before he toppled into Kate, Luke broke his fall, just in time to see the stormtrooper slam a metal cover over the top of the tunnel, leaving them in total darkness.

So Luke just lost to three stormtroopers. I don't know if I should be happy stormtroopers are being portrayed as competent, or annoyed that Luke is the complete opposite.

CHOOOIIIIIIIG!

A clamp twisted over the tunnel cover. Outside, on the surface of the factory barge, the stormtrooper who held Leia then turned a valve.

"Luke!" Leia screamed, her voice muffled by the metal.

TCCHHHHHHHHH . . . Poisonous gas flowed from the factory, through the valve, down a pipe,
and directly into the tunnel.

That's called a ticking clock. It works great in the movies.

Luke looks for a way out. When he can't find one, he tries to become one with the Force. Kate, on the other hand, becomes one with the Hissa, to great success.

"You’re an organic creature, you have to breathe!" Kate exclaimed. "But if you breathe thepoison, you’ll die!"

Yes, a human being wrote that line of dialogue. Don't act so surprised. You should be used to it by now.

Luke held his breath, closed his eyes, and concentrated. He focused his thoughts on the Force.

Luke knew how to move objects using the Force. He had learned how to do it in Yoda’s swamp back on the planet Dagobah, while training to be a Jedi Knight. Perhaps now he could use the power of the Force to move the latch that held the tunnel cover in place.

As Luke desperately held his breath, nothing happened, at first. But then the Force was with him. The clamp holding the cover shut began slowly to slide loose.

Clinging to the ladder, Luke pushed up on the cover. Then he leapt out and gasped for air.

Kate climbed up the ladder to follow him out.

Together they looked around in all directions, trying to find the princess. But the stormtroopers had taken Princess Leia away!

Commentary: Kate's trip is such an obvious plot device that I can't even be annoyed with it. They didn't even bother to disguise it: it's clearly meant to do nothing more than to get our heroes from the sanctuary of the Sky House to the evil lair. But hey, it leads to Trioculus meeting Leia, which in turn leads to arguably the best lines of the series, so none of us can rightfully complain.

While this is a good chapter, in terms of talking about it it is mostly business as usual: Luke continues to be incompetent. Han continues to be creepy and oh-so lame. Leia continues to lack a consistent personality. Ken continues to be awesome because he's Ken.

Like with book one, this chapter marks the time when the heroes take the fight directly to pollutions doorstep.

I'm too excited about Leia and Trioculus meeting to talk more about this chapter. Until next time.

 

I really can't get over how obsessed the Davids are with commonplace activities.

 

And didn't the previous book predict the tablet? Maybe we have to give the Davids more credit than they deserve - just as futurists, not authors.

You know how everyone always wants Lando to become Chief of State? All I have to say is, if his term as governor ends with him accidentally losing his planet to a Hutt in a blatantly rigged game of chance, just imagine who he'd accidentally sell the Galactic Alliance to. Actually, I honestly would take that over any of the LOTF/FOTJ political plotlines. It'd be more original, at least.

Wait a minute, Hologram Fun World is from the GODV series!? I always thought it was from Galaxy of Fear. I'm telling you, each book in this series, I have to give the Davids more credit for their EU-building. Layers, man!

I'm not surprised that Kate fell, just that Han apparently has a solid alibi for not being the one to push her over the railing...

Maybe I'm not remembering right...but is this a Marvel reference, of all things?

The first book had a clear inspiration for Otoh Gunga. Now we have a clear inspiration for the opening scene of TPM on the Trade Federation ship. Forget Dark Empire, have we discovered Lucas's real favorite EU work?

 

New Things I Learned:

# Judging by Ken's reaction to Kate's fall, his dislike of droids apparently doesn't extend to the "female" variety (more Freud fodder here?)

# Han understands Artoo, and he's not shy in giving back:

# This is what it sounds like when Han and Leia kiss:

Talk about sparks flying.

 

Really? You don't see what happened? Who was next to Kate when she "fell" over the edge? Would it be Ken "I hate droids" Palpatine? He just shouted for help to throw off suspicions, not expecting Luke to actually be able to rescue her in time.

 

He deserves his surname, that's certain.

Hijacking the thread, but I'm half-way through the Jedi Academy Trilogy. The Imperials are really after the Whaladon meat, aren't they? And AdmiralNick22, Ackbar's characterization is perfect in the Dark Apprentice. First some driving work for Leia as we expect from him, then a crisis, he resigns to continue his environmental work on Mon Calamari, and then we have the crowning moment of awesome:

Ackbar looked at the swarms of B-wings still harrying the Imperial fighters. "Good decision, Commander," he said, but stared intently at the map, at the moon, at the two Star Destroyers on the far side of the planet. "Wait a moment," he said. "Something looks very familiar to me."

He paused, nodding slowly as if his great head were too heavy for his shoulders. "Yes, Commander--withdraw the B-wing fighters, all of them. Send them to fight the Star Destroyers. Leave the shipyards entirely undefended."

"Is that wise, Admiral?" Leia asked.

"No," he said, "it is a trap."


ACKBAR IS BACK.

 

Lugija

I love Dark Apprentice. And yes, that scence is jam packed with Ackbar awesomness. KJA did alot of things that people frown on in the EU, but his handling of Ackbar was always spot on. Read Darksaber and see additional Ackbar goodness.

--Adm. Nick

 

I'm hesitant to give them too much credit, as this type of stuff was seen in Star Trek and the like... but it is notable in Jedi Prince in just how normal it all feels, how integrated it all is with every day life (yeah, Han has an HDTV. What of it?). As Barriss_Coffee mentions, the Davids have an obsession with boring everyday activities. If I had to guess, I'd say it's their way of making the Star Wars universe feel more like our own (though if that's in any way our goal, they failed spectacularly in numerous other ways).

It is indeed. John Whitman clearly knew his EU if he referenced Jedi Prince of all things.

And the plot thickens. What droid will Ken endanger next?

 

Until they invent the repulsorlift, if you want a Sky House of your own, you will have to go the route of UP.

 

I thought it was a bad word. It took me a while to stop laughing.

And after reading Jedi Search, losing and gaining businesses in sabacc seems to be Lando's business model.

It's a button in the SKY HOUSE!! Of course it needs two exclamation marks.

Is that a tear? But I agree that even a SKY HOUSE has to be taken from a pedestal from time to time. It's not healthy to look blindly at anything, even a SKY HOUSE.

Ready your Beauty and the Beast soundtracks, everyone.

 

Now I'm imagining the SKY HOUSE like the 60s Batman's house. Every time Han or Chewie press a button, they're met with a music cue, an on-screen "CLICK!!", and a bookshelf opens up to reveal two poles that lead to their secret lair.

 

It's been fun so far. The Davids know how to write a great adventure. A poignant romance. A bitter tragedy. But they're ready they have more to offer than great escapist fiction. In this chapter, they get in touch with their literary roots. Not surprisingly, this leads to some of the most complex and deep dialogue the series has yet produced.

Chapter 6: A Tale of Two Captives

Han demonstrates that he's apparently not worried in the slightest about Luke or Leia, as he shows Ken and Kate his two valued Skycars, one red, one blue.

"If I enter the Cloud Car Racing Finals," Han explained, "I’ll probably drive my blue car-the Custom Model-Q Foley." Han opened the door on the driver’s side of the blue car.

"Want to see what it feels like to sit at the controls?"

"Thanks, thanks a lot!" Ken said. And as he settled into the comfortable, cushioned seat, he asked Han, "How old do you have to be to get a license to drive a cloud car?"

"Eighteen for humans," replied Han. "Twenty if you’re an alien. Except for Biths. They let Biths drive at age ten because they’re advanced bipedal craniopoids who reach maturity at a young age."

"In that case, I wish I were a Bith," Ken said.

Don't we all, Ken. Don't we all.

"Say, what does this do?" He touched a green button near the steering mechanism.

FWEEEEP!

"That’s the-whoops, too late," Han said.

The garage door opened. Through the braze Ken could see the distant skyline of Cloud City. The city seemed to be calling out to him, urging him to seek adventure.

Oh lord. Ken"s about to go on another killing spree. I suggest you take cover.

Finally, as Han is leaning on the dashboard of his favorite Skycar, he begins to worry about Luke and Leia, expressing the belief that "it shouldn't take them so long to go rescue Kate and come back."

"Maybe they decided to stop ’off in Cloud City for a bite to eat," Ken suggested, putting his hands on the sleek, shiny steering mechanism.

"I certainly doubt it," said Han. "There was a ton of food at my party, and plenty of leftovers."

After all the terrible dialogue Han has been given so far, why does "I certainly doubt it" stick out so much? It sounds like something Threepio would say (though perhaps not coincidentally, I have said I believe Threepio to be the best written character in the series, at least in comparison to their original counterparts).

"But Princess Leia hardly touched a bite of your Corellian cooking," Ken said.

"Why was that?" Han asked, somewhat hurt.

"She says Corellian food is too fattening," Ken explained.

"Oh, yeah?" Han said, glancing down to see if he was getting a pot belly. "You don’t see
any fat on me!"



Thankfully, Chewbacca answers the pleading of the gods as he interrupts Han and Ken's back and forth, with a "Roooowf!" and a "Groouuuuuf!"

"You’re kidding!" Han said to his Wookiee friend, then glanced back at Ken. "Luke sent us a distress call. They’re in some kind of trouble. My beeper was turned off, so we didn’t get the message until Chewie here checked the machine just now."

Han has a beeper? That certainly loses them points in the "futurist" department.

Han put a hand on Ken’s shoulder and said, "Wait here, kid. I’ll be back in a flash."

But Han didn’t come back in a flash.

So Ken decided to pretend he was driving the cloud racing car he was sitting in. He gripped the controls. He leaned forward. And he put his hand on the acceleration lever, touching it ever so lightly.

But the light touch was all it took to power up the car and send it zooming out of the garage, into the open sky, and off toward Cloud City.

Oh, that Ken. So disobedient, just like his ol' Uncle Han. So cute, you just want to smash his head in with a hammer.

In lesser works, this would be a good chance to show kids that stupid actions have consequences. Good thing this isn't a lesser work.

In the Jedi Library, Ken had spent many hours reading about how to fly cloud racing cars. Now he was able to make a couple of wide loops, spinning rolls, and upside-down maneuvers, all for real.

Before he knew it, he was almost all the way to Cloud City. And he almost collided in midair with a cloud bus.

Knowing Ken, it was a droid retirement home bus, or something.

It's not all fun and games for Ken, though. Without even running down a single droid (that we're told of...), some square comes along to ruin his good vibes.

OOOOO-EEEEE! . . . OOOOO-EEEEE! .. .

A Cloud Police siren blared loudly.

The police car aimed an invisible tractor beam at the cloud racing car Ken was driving.

Ken was towed to a landing bay at Cloud City. "You sure don’t look eighteen, kid," one of the Cloud Police said. "Do you have the registration for this vehicle?"

"This was all just a mistake, officers," Ken said.

Ken explained that he had come to Bespin with Luke Skywalker. And that he had been driving Han Solo’s cloud car totally by accident.

"Trioculus offered a big reward for a Jedi Prince named Ken who’s been traveling with Luke Skywalker," one of the Cloud Police said to the other. "There’re Wanted posters for this kid on at least a dozen planets."

And so they arrested Ken for reckless driving without a license. His destination: Cloud City Police Headquarters.

One word: idiot.

Also, I like how there must be Wanted posters for him on "a dozen planets", but Tatooine is one of them. Then again, I guess there are barely over a dozen planets in the galaxy.

And I suppose I was wrong about Ken getting consequences for his actions. Then again, the consequences come about mainly for him being an idiot and spilling his guts to the policeman than for reckless driving. Y'know, when I say it like that, I realize just how messed up of a story this is.

Back at the Skyhouse, Han Solo is frantic.

"Threepio, take my red cloud racing car-the Model-X1 Zhurst," Han ordered. "Bring Artoo and Chip with you, and go find Ken. He’s probably taken off for Cloud City. Chewie and I will take a ride in the Millennium Falcon to find out what happened to Luke, Leia, and Kate!"

After that very, very short Han interlude, we reach the true crux of the story.

They say that the black hole is one of the most destructive forces in the galaxy, a force so powerful that everything, even light is powerless to escape its pull. When two black holes meet, the tremendous recoil that follows an unstoppable force coming face to face with another unstoppable force is so momentous that it can literally light up the sky around it for thousands upon thousands of years.

That is the only accurate way to describe the meeting between Leia and Trioculus. Even then, it doesn't truly capture the fiery conflict, one that threatens to completely engulf anything unfortunate to be between between them.

Because I do not consider myself among those stupid enough to dive between two unstoppable forces, I will be keeping the commentary to a minimum from here on out. This truly is a scene that must speak for itself.

Leia is seated in Trioculus's private chamber (he's quite presumptuous, isn't he?), the tallest room in the barge. The room had modern Imperial art and very elegant furniture.

The three-eyed tyrant, Trioculus, gave a sly smile as he stared at his lovely captive.

"Please be seated, Princess Leia," he said, trying to make his gruff voice sound pleasant.

"I hope you’ll find these quarters comfortable."

Leia refused his invitation to sit. Instead she stared out the window, trying to avoid looking at him.

"What’s happened to Luke?" she asked nervously.

"A most unfortunate situation," Trioculus replied soothingly. "We made every effort to save his life, but alas, it was to no avail."

"Do you expect me to believe that Luke is dead?" she said angrily, turning to look at Trioculus’s three eyes.

See, my question would be "do you really expect me to believe you tried to save him?". And that doesn't even make sense. You made every effort to save him from his own men?

"Sadly, your Luke Skywalker has departed from the world of the living," Trioculus explained. "But if it’s any consolation, he died a quick and painless death."

"I don’t believe a word you’re saying," Leia snapped. "I would know it if Luke were dead. I would feel it."

"Perhaps not. Down here, by the Rethin Sea, feelings are dulled. All feelings-that is except my feelings for you, Princess Leia!"

I imagine this is about the time Trioculus smoothly lowers the record needle

"You don’t have any feelings," she said. "You’re a murderer! A liar! An inhuman monster!"

In a fit of fury, Leia slapped his face. Trioculus just stood there, watching her without stirring.

Leia cringed as she looked at the Imperial ruler. She had seen holograms of him in intelligence briefings, and when Trioculus sent a personal warning to the SPIN conference room in the Rebel Alliance Senate. The holograms had depicted Trioculus as devious but handsome. Handsome, except for the strange, mutant third eye in the middle of his forehead. But now his face was scarred.

She looked away, unable to bear the sight of him. However, Trioculus couldn’t take his three eyes off her. He found Leia’s strong but soft features to be beautiful.

Trioculus was convinced that in time he might be able to bridge the gap between their opposite worlds. If she stayed with him long enough, eventually she might renounce the Rebel Alliance. And perhaps then she would even come to accept the necessity of evil. Especially if he were to marry her and make her the Queen of the Galactic Empire!

Trioculus took a few steps toward her. "Is it so wrong to be a murderer?" he asked. "Or a
liar? Or an inhuman monster? I may be all of those things, but I still have a heart."



"Your heart is as dark as carbonite!" she hissed.

Trioculus glanced at his right hand, which now wore a replica of the glove of Darth Vader. He wondered if he should put that gloved hand on her shoulder, to show his affection for her.

Trioculus decides to show her he can be poetic as well as evil.

"There can still be great beauty in a dark heart," Trioculus said, reaching out with the glove and gently touching her. The princess pulled away at once. "I’m certain there’s darkness in you, Leia," he continued. "You’re a murderer also. You killed Jabba the Hutt in cold blood, assassinated him with hatred in your heart. See yourself for what you really are!"

"I killed that thug Jabba in self-defense," she protested. "He was the most corrupt and vile gangster in the universe!"

"There’s always an excuse the first time one murders," Trioculus said. "But the first murder is never the last. Why, I think you’d even like to murder me, right now. That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it, Leia?"

I like how it insinuates that Jabba is the only person Leia has ever killed.

Trioculus put his hand on her shoulder once again. But she took it down right away. Then he squeezed her hand and didn’t let go.

"I love you, Leia," he said in a fiery voice. "I want you to marry me and become the Queen of the Empire!"

Leia shuddered. "You’re insane!" she replied.

"Accept me, Leia," he said. "I’m the only one who can give you the power and happiness you deserve!"

Leia pulled her hand away with disgust.

"You’ll change your mind, Princess," Trioculus stated, refusing to lose hope that she would eventually accept his offer to be the Empire’s dark queen. "There’s still time for us," he said. "A great deal of time!"

Commentary: Talk about being humbled.

Imagine, if you will, that you are the sole witness to the birth of the universe. You alone possess the answer that mankind has been grasping for since the dawn of time. Now, imagine that you're asked to describe that phenomenon, but you simply don't know where to begin. You don't know how to put such a wonder into words, because you know adequate words simply do not exist. You do not know how to convey the information on a sensory level, because what you witnessed was so unique, so extraordinary that there is nothing to compare it to.

That's how I feel in trying to describe the scene between Leia and Trioculus.

There is so much going on. Both characters are brilliantly layered. Both have motivations that somehow come across as both so clear and yet so conflicting. The conversation they have is like a game of chess between masters, with neither ever claiming a true advantage at any point.

I'm going to have to cut it there. Simply too much information to process. Feel free to chime in on whether you believe one can be an inhuman monster and still have a heart. Just one of many philosophical questions this chapter opens.

 

So light metalic?

 

I see many surprising parallels between the Trioculus/Leia dialogue and the AOTC dialogue between Dooku/Obi-Wan. Here's why...

*Both villains lie to their prisoner:
"Oh, my friend, this is a mistake; a terrible mistake. They've gone too far this time; this is madness." And "Together we can destroy the Sith!"
"We made every effort to save his life, but alas, to no avail."

*Both have an ulterior motive:
Trioculus wants to marry Leia
Dooku wants Obi-Wan to team up with him.

*Both leave their prisoner to think about it:
"You'll change your mind, Princess."
"It may be difficult to secure your release."

 

I sincerely hope that Dooku's wasn't considering putting his hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder to show his affection.

 

Ah.... I remember adding the fact that the Bith are craniopods to Wookieepedia years ago. I got it off the Databank (ah, the Databank, so many fond memories). I didn't know I was helping perpetuate an idea born in the brilliant, environmentally-conscious brain of a Davids.

(Never mind that to actually be "craniopod", their legs would be directly attached to their skulls or something like that.)


I also realized Trioculus is capable of falling passionately in love. In theses books, Han Solo doesn't exactly treat Leia like a gentleman (remember, this is after his confession of love in RotJ). If I were Leia, I'd be all over Trioculus.

Yes, it might be sorta maybe kinda a lil' teeny bit wrong to be a murderer and an inhuman monster. But, omnia vincit amor.

 

You know, I must say, while I believe the "I still have a heart" line is pure gold, I actually think it's only my second favorite line in this chapter.

Here's my favorite

"Perhaps not. Down here, by the Rethin Sea, feelings are dulled. All feelings-that is except my feelings for you, Princess Leia!"

That is simply brilliant. It's pure, concentrated bliss. The exclamation point is the icing on the cake. Plus you just know Trioculus was trying these lines out in a mirror before this meeting, and that was the best he could come up with.

 

This is such a deep chapter. A meditation on the nature of evil in the guise of romantic fiction.

For one, consider Triocolus's view of himself. He knows he is evil; he has seen the "necessity of evil" and decided to do what is necessary. Sometimes (the Davises teach us, through Triocolus) it may be necessary to be a liar, a murderer, yea an inhuman monster. He has sacrificed his peace of mind, his (near-)humanity, and possibly even his chance of love to do what is not right, but unavoidable. This is the high-point of our dark protagonist's arc; the moment in which he allows us (and Leia) a glimpse into the stygian secrets of his beautiful dark heart.

The true mastery of this scene, however, is that this upsetting of traditional morality is not presented to us in the form of a sermon, a soliloquy, or some other traditional and manipulative narrative form. A true Socrates, Triocolus casts doubts on our own moral preconceptions through the use of three deep questions. -- "Is it so wrong to be a liar?" If this were a statement, it would immediately plunge us into Cretan depths of self-reference and paradox. And "an inhuman monster" -- that mere fragment of a question is enough to make us question our ideas about what is human, what is humane, and how much external scrutiny (remember, "monster" is from "monstrare", to show) it takes to reveal a being's heart in all its darkness-and-beauty...

 

I choose to interpret it not as an overly-optimistic assessment of the beeper's staying power, but rather an amazingly prescient anticipation of 30 Rock's Beeper King joke.

...Okay, a bit of a stretch.

Still, I'm holding out hope that a beeper in this context is actually short for beeping gizmotronic audiophone communicator...

Damn, he's giving Leia the Straight-Talk Express, and I'm loving it! All kidding aside, even if this is clearly inspired by the Palpatine-Luke bit from ROTJ, I like this segment of dialogue, and the point-break insinuation that one of the heroes is hiding a dark side just as deep as the villain's seems rather multifaceted for a young kid's book of the era.

 

Anyone else get the feeling that Crucible is in fact Jedi Prince series book 7? Going from the previews, it has a very similar feel.

 

"Uppity Clak'dorians" he muttered. "Think that by being advanced bipedal craniopods they can avoid being thrown in with all the other non-humans. I tell you, Ken, letting Biths drive was the worst mistake we ever made".

What I'm saying is, I love how all non-humans save Bith - all of them - are lumped together in a category where they apparently take longer to mature than we do. That's what, a million different species with who knows how many different life-cycles and growth rates? What other rules are there on Bespin? "First time drug offence - that's a year in prison for a human. Three years for an alien?".

Ooh, Borsk would have words, I tell you. There's a whole chapter on this Han guy in My Ar'krai, I bet...

 

So the Davids also knew that Luke pulled the same maneuver to save the falling she-droid that Obi-Wan did decades earlier in Courscant to save a falling Anakin Skywalker into his anti-grav car? Anakin could pull that move cuz he was the freakin' Chosen One but apparently that droid has the same mad skillz.

 

Anakin was in the car. Obi-Wan was the one falling.