BTS Journal of the Whills, Part I outline by George Lucas

So I've read that this two page outline from 1973 was the first ever written brainstorm that contributed to Star Wars, with the Jedi-bendu and the warlord Mace Windy. I figured since it was only two pages and so many old Star Wars scripts are available that it would also be around, but I've done a ton of searching and have come up dry. Does anyone know if the full two-page "Journal of the Whills, Part I" outline (or the Journal of the Whills, Part II which is Mace Windy's adventure with his "padawaan" apprentice on Alderaan, for that matter has ever been made available and if it's anywhere on the internet? Thanks!

 

used to have all the old scripts on my comp.
i think there's a site http://starwarz.com/starkiller/

 

The Journal of the Whills outline isn't on there - I don't think it's available anywhere at all. Unlike the other drafts, it wasn't something that was reproduced & distributed among people involved in the development, it was just a scribbled summary GL tossed together for a couple of people.

Excerpts have popped up in various publications over the years, the most extensive appear in JW Rinzler's Making of Star Wars.

Excellent summary from another thread:

http://boards.theforce.net/star_wars_saga/b10456/31747127/p4

As I understand it, GL wrote it earlier than 1973 (perhaps as early as 1969?)
The Jedi Bendu Starkiller site linked above does have all the other drafts of SW, including the 13-page treatment based on Kurosawa's 'The Hidden Fortress' so check it out. Worth noting that apparently GL all but threw away the Journal of the Whills material and started over.

 

lol. Yeah that's what happened. Those poor peace-loving North Vietnamese.


Seriously though, that's pretty much The Phantom Menace described up there.

 

i'm interested now.

 

As it happens, I have read the first page of the Journal of the Whills plot outline.

The second page is summarized in The Making of SW. But it never got farther, as a full text at least, than the "Chairman of the Alliance" dispatching orders to Mace and Chuiee for a "secret mission." The whole plot of the outline exists mainly in the form of various notes on character and place names. But the plot can essentially be reconstructed if one keeps in mind the original outline's likeness to the ANH first draft from 1974--and to TPM.

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As for the goofy view of the Vietnam situation... times have changed, I don't endorse Lucas' vintage-70s reading of the politics, but Lucas definitely intended the Aquilae = heroic North Vietnam, Empire = evil America analogy.

Of course "Prince Luke Skywalker" became "Princess Leia Aquilae" (borrowed from Princess Yuki in Hidden Fortress) in the first draft script, so as to provide a love interest for the hero. So at the end of the first draft, Annikin Starkiller (now the name of the Jedi apprentice character) becomes hailed as Leia's consort and "Lord Protector" of the desert planet Aquilae, just as Paul Atreides becomes Emperor on Arrakis or John Carter is acclaimed Warlord of all Mars/Barsoom.

Another major change in the first draft script is the elimination of the Border System; in that version the Empire's armies nakedly attack Aquilae without using a catspaw. Likewise the Alliance of Independent Systems and the Galactic Cold War are jettisoned, and the Jedi become fugitives on the run from the Empire. Not to mention that Han Solo (though still an alien) is downgraded from "leader of the Hubble people of Aquilae" to "random alien guy who tags along."

 

So hang on, I've read references to this outline being 'Part I' and 'Part II' - does this just mean 'page 1' (which you've just quoted) and 'page 2' (incomplete and trails off, supposedly), or is there a separate document altogether called 'Part II'?

 

ah, i remember this from somewhere now.
also loved reading all the old scripts. very strange stuff.

 

There were snippets published way back in 1983, in Dale Pollock's 'Skywalking'. That's where the name 'Mace Windu' comes from - due to GL's shocking handwriting, Pollock didn't realise it said 'Mace Windy'. He also used the name C.J. Thape, not 'Thorpe'.

 

does anyone remember that site that was dedicated to bringing "the star wars" original scripts to life?
it had all the scripts and some cool rocket ship illustrations. can't remember the name and can't find it (if it still exists).
first saw it in 01' i think.

 

Interesting stuff.
So was Lucas far more politically radical in his younger years? I ask because the prequels' political stance seems quite tame in comparison.

 

Nub, Part I of JOTW is the introduction about how CJ Thorpe came to serve under Mace Windy, and how Windy was forced out of his position of power due to political maneuverings. Part II is where the narrative would really begin--with the arrival of the Alliance Chairman's message about a "secret mission"--but it ends abruptly before that mission is actually detailed. Both Part I and Part II are simply headings on the two pages of text, so the second part header must be on page two.

 

Ah OK, that's sort of what I figured. There's probably a bit more to it than what we've seen, I can't imagine GL was such a whacked out radical that he'd submit a page and a half of incomplete gibberish to a studio executive. Even so, it's probably nothing more than incomprehensible nonsense with maybe a coincidental name or incident. It's well-known that this first draft was thrown back at GL very politely as gibberish. You can just imagine the real reactions.

"Jedi-bendu, Galactic Empire, Independent Systems, and a... padawaan learner? Ugh, there's a third page - 'Journal Of The Whills Part III: The Tragedy and Redemption Of Darth Vader' - what is this crap? Taste my lighter, light my fire, hippie, hope you've got other copies of this junk, sell it to Andy Warhol... Get Babs Streisand on the phone, we need to make some money. I've got a great feeling about 'Hello Dolly', we'll make a fortune. This sci-fi garbage is for idiots, like I told that guy about the monkey planet movie. After we get Babs on 'Hello Dolly', let's get Lee Marvin and that kid from Rawhide to do that musical western we were talking about, we'll be pissing on ice until the next century."

 

You guys rule! I was crushed to read that it's never been released, but then someone posts half of it! Incredible. Can't thank you enough.

On the Part I versus Part II thing, I was under the impression that Part II was a separate document outlining C2/CJ and Mace Windy's "greatest adventure" on Alderaan. You guys are saying Part II was just the second page of Part I? I had read that "Journal of the Whills, Part I" was a two-page outline and "Journal of the Whills, Part II" was a longer document. Is that not correct?

 

I'm guessing the whole 'Part I' and 'Part II' idea simply comes from GL titling each page with Roman numerals in a somewhat grandiose fashion, as opposed to just 'p1' and 'p2'. Wookieepedia's the only source I know of which refers to it as two documents, so it can't be taken as definitive.

As I mentioned above, GL did submit this to studio people, so at some point a more extensive and polished (well, typed up) version probably existed, but I doubt it would have included much else. Entire completed films have been lost over the ages, it's not surprising that a hastily assembled pitch document put together by some radical filmmamker in the late 1960s/early 70s might be long gone.

 

Bit of a bump - yes, GL was far more of a political radical back then, as were his peers. He was initially slated to direct John Milius' Apocalypse Now, which was originally envisioned as more of a Dr Strangelove or M.A.S.H sort of satire, rather than the darker vision Coppola would eventually make. Apart from the collapse of American Zoetrope, studios were very nervous about such a film about Vietnam in the early 1970s, plus GL became more focused on a space fantasy film he was writing, so Coppola took over.

Unfortunately, John Milius' first draft from 1969 has disappeared from the web (the sendspace link cited on most sites doesn't work anymore, plus the excellent website mypdfscripts.com has been shafted by spiteful studio behaviour) - I don't suppose anyone has a copy?

 

"tame" or "realistic"? Monstrous companies buying political power is a huge problem. North Vietnam somehow being the victim in the Vietnam War is up there with not landing on the moon.

 

Bumping this thread from the dead to ask Darth_Nub: did you ever manage to track down the John Milius Apocalypse Now script? I finally managed to find it online, in case you haven't yet.

 

I did, actually, but thanks anyway - there's a terrific forum called Write To Reel which has a ridiculous number of scripts available. You have to register (for free) to download, but it's the best script resource I've ever found. They've even got pdf scans of a lot of the original SW scripts (as opposed to just text, like the Jedi Bendu site).

 

You and I had the same source, then. Agreed--that is a really great script site. (It even has the shooting script for ESB, which the Jedi Bendu site doesn't.)

 

There was a discovery over at Reddit:



It turns out that the two page "Journal of the Whills" contains sentences copied from the opening chapter of the 1931 John Carter novel "Fighting Man of Mars" by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Here's the comparison from the Reddit Post:

[Note: The "Journal of the Whills" is in bold. Burroughs is inset in regular text.]

This is the story of Mace Windy, a revered Jedi-bendu of Ophuchi, as related to us by C.J. Thorpe, padawaan learner to the famed Jedi.

This is the story of Hadron of Hastor, Fighting Man of Mars, as narrated by him to Ulysses Paxton:

I am Chuiee Two Thorpe of Kissel. My father is Han Dardell Thorpe, chief pilot of the renown galactic cruiser Tarnack.

I am Tan Hadron of Hastor, my father is Had Urtur, Odwar of the 1st Umak of the Troops of Hastor. He commands the largest ship of war that Hastor has ever contributed to the navy of Helium, accommodating as it does the entire ten thousand men of the 1st Umak, together with five hundred lesser fighting ships and all the paraphernalia of war. My mother is a princess of Gathol.

As a family we were not rich, except in honor, and valuing this above all mundane possessions, I chose the profession of my father, rather than a more profitable career. I was 16 I believe, and pilot of the trawler Balmung, when my ambitions demanded that I enter the exalted Intersystems Academy to train as a potential Jedi-Templer. It is here that I became padawaan learner to the great Mace Windy, highest of all the Jedi-bendu masters, and at that time, Warlord to the Chairman of the Alliance of Independent Systems.

As a family we are not rich except in honor, and, valuing this above all mundane possessions, I chose the profession of my father rather than a more profitable career. The better to further my ambition I came to the capital of the empire of Helium and took service in the troops of Tardos Mors, Jeddak of Helium, that I might be nearer the great John Carter, Warlord of Mars.

My life in Helium and my career in the army were similar to those of hundreds of other young men. I passed through my training days without notable accomplishment, neither heading nor trailing my fellows, and in due course I was made a Padwar in the 91st Umak, being assigned to the 5th Utan of the 11th Dar.

What with being of noble lineage by my father and inheriting royal blood from my mother, the palaces of the twin cities of Helium were always open to me and I entered much into the gay life of the capital. It was thus that I met Sanoma Tora, daughter of Tor Hatan, Odwar of the 91st Umak.

Never shall I forget the occasion upon which I first set eyes upon Mace Windy. It was at the great feast of the Pleabs. There were gathered under one roof, the most powerful warriors in the Galaxy, and although I realize my adoration of the Master might easily influence my memory, when he entered the hall, these great and noble Warlords fell silent.

Never shall I forget the occasion upon which I first laid eyes upon Sanoma Tora. It was upon the occasion of a great feast at the marble palace of The Warlord. There were gathered under one roof the most beautiful women of Barsoom, where, notwithstanding the gorgeous and radiant beauty of Dejah Thoris, Tara of Helium and Thuvid of Ptarth, the pulchritude of Sanoma Tora was such as to arrest attention.

It was said he was the most gifted and powerful man in the Independent Systems. Some felt he was even more powerful than the Imperial leader of the Galactic Empire.

 

Fascinating! I never got that far in Burroughs' Mars books myself - I only read the first trilogy. But I've long known that Lucas has a deep and abiding love for pulp SF.

 

He also has a deep and abiding love of plagairism, as the above passages clearly illustrate. There's a letter written by Frank Herbert around the time Star Wars came out in which he discusses a proposed lawsuit against George Lucas, for stealing large chunks of his Dune novel. It's laughable when you consider how many people Lucas sued (or threatened to sue) for "stealing his ideas", over the last four decades.

 

Taking the text structure for a in-development private text draft, despite the content clearly being different, is plagiarism?

 

And of course there are parts of early outlines for ESB that have text lifted straight from Children of Dune.