Saga "Lovely Dark and Deep" / Kessel Run Challenge 2023

I honestly meant to reply to these stories during the KR itself, and then life snowballed and it was all I could do to keep up with my own writing. I did read most of these stories as they were posted, and I feel like there’s so much to say about each of them; I apologize for taking so long to come back and leave reviews, and if some of them end up not being as long as you deserve, I'm sorry for that, too. (I should add that I was thrilled to see you sign up for the KR this time around, which makes it all the more egregious that I haven’t been here to comment before now. )

lol I absolutely love this.

Damn, now that’s a summary.

I love how you set the scene here. Just, the details like “windwhispered steps” and how Meshach takes the telbun’s hand gently and even the wording of “disappeared it away”. You really do a masterful job of not just describing a setting and people’s actions, but of making them feel alive and lived-in.

I really appreciate that you began this scene after the telbun had made this declaration, and that we don’t return to it until the end of the story. I saw somewhere in your comments that your professors said you make the reader work too hard, but I really couldn’t disagree more. I like having to put the pieces together myself, and I tend to dislike being spoon-fed all the answers. Do I want answers? Sure. Is it sometimes frustrating to not figure everything out? Sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. (For example: I read Traitor when I was eighteen, and I didn’t fully “get it” or appreciate it until I went back to reread it at thirty-three, and in some ways, I’m glad that I had that initial frustration and dislike, because it made it all the more rewarding to have the “a-ha” moment later on. And I’m not at all saying that your stories have made me feel this way, only that I don’t think it’s bad for a story or the ideas within to be so complex or contradictory that it requires the reader to do some thinking.)

Anyway! I personally found this to be a beautifully crafted story on every level, subtlety and all.

This part really stood out to me, and maybe all the more so after reading your comments later on about the real life inspiration. The contrast between the narrator’s experiences (keep those emotions locked down, never let anyone see you cry/bleed/feel anything that isn’t acceptable) and the telbun’s gut-wrenching, naked despair was so very vivid, and continued to be so throughout this piece.

Such elegant, darkly ethereal descriptions here, and I especially loved “crushing velvet darkness” and “turning the air to glass.” It feels exactly right for a frigid night in the country, too vast and too exposed.

I could hear this all perfectly from your description, and is it weird to say that just that simple “ha ha” made me want to know more about this telbun in particular?

My first thought here was that Meshach has a drug habit, but I may be wide of the mark. It’s a great detail nonetheless, building out this small world that revolves around Cybele’s household.

I think the thing I like most about this story is how the telbun, devoid of his usual garments and with his deep voice and his gut-bleeding words, intrudes upon the narrator’s equilibrium. This would be easier if he was like one of those flower-eyed softboys she’s read about, because that would fit her narrative. But he isn’t like that, which makes him more real to her in these moments than he was before – too real, in fact.

And then there’s the detail about overhearing him from another room, talking privately with Cybele, that just hit me in the gut. What a warped simulacrum of a “relationship” this is.

Exactly. Too real. It’s easier not to see him.

Like I said above, I love that you waited until the end to reveal what exactly he said and did. (I think we all had a pretty good idea of what he said and did by this point, and that makes the reveal even better, imo.)

Time to step back into their roles and forget what happened on this cold, dark night - at least for the narrator. I’m curious to know how she will deal with the night’s events going forward. Will she push it from her mind and continue on as she always has, or will the telbun’s near-suicide leave a lasting impact? I can see it going either way.

This was a “lovely dark and deep” ending, truly. And I love how you took the prompt image and made it not just a part of the scenery, but a representation of the entire story. Just… beautifully and bitterly melancholy final lines.

You had a lot of comments and replies that I enjoyed reading, but this one stood out to me back in January for obvious reasons, so I had to quote it here:

(If it's weird, then I'm right there with you. )

There is an appalling lack of good HK-47 gifs out there, but here, have this one:



I’m going to stop here because it’s time to pick my youngest up from school, but hopefully I will be back relatively soon with more. I especially want to comment on the stories featuring Florian/Angel because I remember being very intrigued by the coda you wrote for him after “Blue Light”, and then “Dreams from the Magic Theatre”. I hope it won’t take me another year to do so. Thank you for sharing this excellent series of stories with us!

 

Greetings,

It's Theodore Hawkwood from the Tag and Review game. I decided to tackle this particular fanfic at your request. My Star Wars lore is a tad rusty so please excuse any canon/legends references I happen to miss along the way. I'll also apologize for the stream of consciousness nature of this review.

I'll likely review this one post at a time due to the length of this particular fanfic.

First off I love this tagline. I'm getting some slight Moulin Rouge vibes from this for some bizarre reason, but that's cool:

This is a rather interesting opening line:

The 'Picture This:' opening gives this first sentence a very conversational tone. I could almost imagine sitting beside the narrator at the pub or similar location on this planet. I can picture the scene quite well with this sentence, so excellent opening line.

Sensations like this go a very long way toward showing me the world that the narrator resides in, and the narrators actions at the time of the story. Great worldbuilding and characterization here.

Great characterizations of the narrator's mother and Lisette as seen through the narrator's eyes. The description of doll boned ankle was particularly well done.

I also thought the idea of the characters being witnesses to a space battle was interesting, and I wonder which space battle of the Original Trilogy was witnessed right off the bat.

Interesting detail with Karellen talking about the battle. It's clear this takes place on a Rebel colony of some sort and which one is yet another hook for me to want to read further into this story.

Nice look into the Battle of Taanab. I'm curious if this story will feature Lando Calrissian at all, but in any case this story is shaping up to be rather interesting. Your keen eye for detail paints some vivid mental pictures of the characters, the battle and the like. I also appreciate the first person point of view in how it makes your narrator come alive.

I found the dialogue in this story to be quite engaging as well.

Great work,

Theodore Hawkwood

 

So I've been meaning to read your reverse fic ever since you posted it, but life is what it is, with an endless stream of responsibilities to be crammed into each day, and it's taken me a while. But that's the sort of thing a review challenge month is for, right?

First of all, I'm really impressed with how you handled the demands of the reverse structure. When I was writing my own, it took a lot of concentration and rereading to make sure that I was keeping everything in the proper backwards order, and that it still made sense that way, and I don't mind telling you that by the time I was done, I was no longer sure any of it made any sense whatsoever If you went through anything similar, it sure doesn't show here. The writing is very assured and the narrative feels perfectly cohesive throughout, and with each section I felt that I understood enough of what was going on, while still being curious about exactly what led everyone to this point, which I think is exactly right for this format.

Also, your descriptive writing is a thing of beauty. The wording is reliably poetic but also genuinely evocative, setting the scene effectively. Sometimes it feels like what I imagine walking through a wisteria garden would be like, just surrounded by cascading loveliness.

Right away I'm reminded of the ANH deleted scene where Luke thinks he sees a battle in orbit. For all that we see those battles up close and personal when we're watching the movies, most people would have been like this, on the surface, perhaps knowing that something was going on but with little or no way to know any details until it's over.

Like I said, super evocative. This definitely makes me think of a cold but sunny winter's day.

And this is a good way to show us the tension between Antares and Lisette.

Oh, the Battle of Taanab! I like that narrative choice, and that you don't elaborate on the battle itself, so that it stays more a mystery than not. And again we see the dichotomy between the main characters who get the movie closeups in the battle scenes and the ordinary noncombatants who make up the vast majority of the galaxy's population.

I love these details, especially smelling the X-wing. It brings a real immediacy to the scene, putting us in Antares's place.

And this is such a good way to end (chronologically speaking) the story for a number of reasons, but I feel like maybe the most important reason is that this story does focus on those noncombatants, and so we fade to black once the details of the battle come into play. It also dovetails nicely with the whole sweeping and ongoing nature of the SW saga, where we all know that there's more story happening even once the credits roll.

Heh, I've had a really short haircut exactly once in my life, and I was very aware of how changed it was until for the entire time it took to grow it back out. Antares and I are quite different

Okay, I have no real experience with small towns, I've nearly always lived in big cities, and this made me feel so claustrophobic, yikes. I've always heard that everyone knows everyone's business in places like that, but this section sure brings that home.

Upon my first reading, this felt rather melodramatic - then as I continued, it all made sense upon realizing that Antares is an actor

I just really like this description. I'll be honest, I'm a hardcore night owl and am far more likely to see this particular shade of light right before I go to bed than as I'm getting up, but it's unmistakable and you capture it nicely.

I like this too; I've always thought it was interesting how distinctively people can move and how easy it becomes to recognize that when you know them well.

Another thing that made more sense once I realized that Antares was an actress, and it's a clever bit of structuring. But even before I understood the full context, I laughed because it captures each individual and the whole scene so well.

Echoes of Fordyce's Sermons

As someone who was a little girl with curly red hair in the 80s and was thus gleefully compared to Annie by many, many adults while at an impressionable young age, I shuddered. But that's my personal trauma to deal with, not yours, and if anyone would rock such a wig, it's Wes.

He would at that

I laughed out loud at that last line

Ah, a trad session, then; yes, that'd definitely be a draw

That's our Wes, all right

It's lovely to see Coruscant described as overrated. As a sci-fi location and a visual feast, I love it. As an actual location in which to live, heaven preserve me from such a fate.

I can see how this might be annoying for Antares, but I admit that after reading the whole thing, I feel more for Lisette on this score. It's hardly unusual that she'd talk about the woman who raised her, only two years after losing her.

This is another subtle little detail that I feel sets the scene well: we're so used to seeing the narrative through the viewpoint of active Rebels or Imperials that it's much more common to hear "the Rebellion," "the Alliance," "Rebel scum," etc, but "the Alliance to Restore the Republic" was the full name and likely would have been used in any public relations angle the Rebellion attempted, so I like seeing these ordinary people who are unconnected with the Rebellion think of it as this.

My immediate thought was, "that's odd, that an Imperial would mention the Force," so I think it was a nice touch to openly address that - plus, for all that Palpatine did an excellent job of annihilating the Jedi and either erasing or obscuring information about them, they were still within living memory for a lot of people at the time of the OT, so it makes sense that even if the memories were faded or warped or outright inaccurate, and despite the prohibition on speaking of them, things like this would still slip out from time to time.

This was a little bit poignant; Antares is pretty defiant about her relationships with all her family, and Lisette in particular, but here it feels like she feels left out, even if she's not going to admit it. Honestly, I get that families are complicated and not every family relationship is worth trying to salvage, but Lisette herself is hardly at fault for any of the mess, and I find myself hoping that she and Antares manage to build that relationship that Lisette wants.

There's an authentic undercover feel to this and I like it.

I also like Berhta, she seems capable and no-nonsense.

Oh, very nice bookending here.

"Attacking me with my own name" is a great turn of phrase.

However difficult Antares's mother might be in any number of ways, that's still a deeply kind and generous thing, to take Lisette in and genuinely care for her. And I can hear Antares's inherently dramatic nature in this assessment of Lisette's maternal family

I'm an eldest child myself, so I admit that's where my sympathies generally lie, but I get the feeling that Lisette is going to grow up to be a force to be reckoned with.

Sums up a lot about Antares as well; our upbringing shapes us in ways that we never fully escape. I suspect she realizes that, but I wonder if it's something she'd be ready or willing to consciously acknowledge yet.

This definitely sounds like Wes and Wedge

Yup, that's enough to make anyone a little edgy. Hopefully some of this smooths out for her in the future.

And:

Non-fleet junkies unite

This is a really impressive finale to your KR, and I'm glad you finished it regardless of deadlines so that I could read it

 

Okay, I have some notes on Heroes Part II, but the Reading Challenge has brought me back to an earlier entry that I really need to comment on as well! So here we go.

The Song of Experience

First off, I just love this title -- it's perfect for this story.

I really like how the opera and its themes drop us right into Naboo culture as you've worldbuilt it here, with all of its high, above-mere-mortals ideals and idolization of youth and innocence (or perhaps more accurately, inexperience).

Again, it's just really interesting to see the dynamics of what is considered "good" and what is given cultural approval here. I can definitely imagine that works supporting the political system as it stands would be dominant, and that people with Amilia and Florian's sort of education (maybe most of Naboo even) would at the same time feel like they needed to like something a bit more avant-garde and off the beaten path.

I think this established the "antagonist" part of things very well, and I enjoyed the twist of Florian's antagonism being not an entirely bad thing in this story's context. Even though it takes a while for Amilia to think so! Also, I love Amilia's wording; "scourge" is a hilarious descriptor and probably apt for how she feels about him in the moment.

And the introduction of Chekhov's UST works very well here, with the intense sensory impressions of all the ways Amilia is noticing Florian and being irritated by her own noticing.

Really liked this line; it's just fascinating as an insight into the general Naboo beliefs about love! It does make me wonder, a little, if that's how things will ultimately end up for Amilia and Florian or if there's something else to why he's wandering the wastes of Tatooine later in life. But of course that's me getting ahead of things! On re-reading it also strikes me that Leda is determined to do very much the opposite of this duty over feelings principle that is held so dear her world, though we don't find out if she'll manage to find some way to keep her baby or not.

Ha, I could just imagine the Look she gave them too!

Really liked the banter here, and how it shows they do have a kind of friendly rapport. It's just that Amilia cannot not be frustrated by Florian's everything and he can't and won't stop doing things to annoy her/that annoy her (honestly, I get the impression that it's some from column A and some from column B there ).

And so modest too!

Amilia has kept quite the catalogue of Florian's attractive features.

The floating walk as a bit of characterization here is fantastic -- I like how it immediately makes her seem like she's learned to at least outwardly be the sort of ethereal ladylike girl that is so expected in their culture. But later we see that she very much has her own ideas about things.

The uncertainty of this moment and conversation comes across really well here. Amilia trying to consult her memories from books feels so spot-on both for the personality she has and the world she grew up in, where such things were probably not spoken of. Also, the background setting with the chalkwhite river-elms sounds beautiful, which is something that I've always liked about your more ambivalent-to-dark Naboo stories. It's a reminder of how much this repressed and sometimes cruel place just happens to look like the fairytale land seen on screen.

Leda is rebelling in her own way here, even though she never foresaw this situation, and it's interesting to see that reflected in Amilia's own later growth in confidence. And at the same time, Amilia wants nothing to do with this particular instance of unconventionality -- it's too large and frightening, and too much out of her wheelhouse to fit in her idea of possibility. Though she does still at least try to reassure Leda, and it's obvious she doesn't want to be unsupportive of her friend. I get the feeling that she can't imagine what helping Leda through this next phase would even mean, assuming that she does indeed get to keep her child. (Which, it's fairly dystopian that they might be separated for "their own good", but I can certainly see it happening, especially if she has no way of supporting them both on her own. And the historical analogies you made with pre-1970's standards in the US and elsewhere are definitely a convincing basis for that bit of world-building.)

I had actually forgotten about that bit in the movies, and it's interesting to see that this attitude filters all the way down to at least whatever fancy-pants college level of society we see here. The idea that it's never done publicly feels especially insidious, even as I'm sure the authority figures in charge of such conversations probably think they are saving face for their charges. And in some sense maybe they are, though as Amilia notes in practice it still ends up being permanently held against any woman who ends up in this situation.

A very telling (and unfortunate) assessment of Leda's parents. It's a wonder she has in fact somehow developed as much independence as she has, and I can only hope that will help more than harm her in the end.

I just really enjoy these little asides on everyone's fashion choices from Amilia. She's not necessarily a clotheshorse but she's perceptive and notices all the little things about how people choose to present themselves versus how their appearance might normally be evaluated.

I really feel for Leda here, as it seems like this might be an all-too-common reaction in the times ahead of her. And Amilia is, at least trying to be, on her side.

And I get the feeling that Leda kind of knows that she's going to have to mostly tackle this on her own too -- that this is kind of the denial stage of grief for what she had hoped for her future. Though I'd like to think that Amilia will do what she can, there are a lot of battles that she couldn't win even if she were to try and fight them.

Wow, don't hold back your opinions Florian! It is fun to see an assessment of how Bibble is actually thought of on Naboo -- I'm just used to thinking of him as that one guy with a funny name who shows up for a few seconds one time. I like the idea that there are Naboo politicians who are not especially respected, even as there are some that seem to be nearly deified.

That is certainly one way to go about it.

Flower language as a medium for bullying does seem like the most Naboo thing ever. I felt really bad for Ayona here, as the only one not in on the joke at her expense.

This is so grim and it feels like such a plausible consequence of how these students have been raised at the same time. It says a lot that Amilia is not even mildly ashamed. Democracy, intellectual pursuits, integrity, blah blah blah. But the real thing is: only one can be the Prettiest Princess, and if someone is different that makes them stand out. Which lands Ayona right in the category of "threat" to this whole group of very status-conscious young people. Ones who have learned from the cradle to keep any unpleasantness subtle -- just not to the victims.

In a way, I can see where this teacher is coming from -- she's not wrong that most or all of these students have helped create an ostracizing environment! If I were her, I'd be frustrated and want to hang the little brats up by their toes as well, and I suspect she may have been hoping someone would breach etiquette and tell on the bullies. Which doesn't make it actually effective or the right thing to do about the situation, as Amilia later argues far better than I can. "Being punished with the rest of the class made me reconsider my behavior." -- literally no one who actually did the thing, ever.

Oh Amilia. I can definitely see how this would be devastating for her, when she's been so focused on keeping her grades picture-perfect.

I have to give special recognition to the nickname Onk. It's so odd, and he obviously uses it with great affection.

Florian really shines when given something genuinely unfair to make trouble about, I have to say!

I really like this bit of Amilia's self-perception; she lives in her books so much that like many of us who do that, she kind of sees herself as a character in a story. (Which, okay, if you want to go really meta... ) There's always some complexity to being a real person that you never will have found in story and song though, and these experiences (pun intended I guess?) are showing Amilia a whole new range of things about herself and the people around her. I like that she feels a bit off-balance that she isn't behaving as the type of character she thinks she is, ought to do, if that makes sense.

This was just such fun detail, and I like how each of their choices represent a part of their personalities. It's also interesting she chose that outfit even though there might be some advantage in trying to look less intimidating, more ingenue-like, if what happens in the debate is any indication. It's a thing she and Florian have in common even though she's reluctant to admit it; they don't like to conceal their nature.

Hmm, I have no trouble believing that at all. And it seems like he'd be a great addition to her own analytical way of attacking problems.

LOL, the sheer sarcasm. I suppose there might be a bit of sour grapes there but it also gives me the impression that Amilia is starting to have had more than enough of judging her accomplishments by a system where your career peaks at say, 14-15.

Ouch, yes, I can see how that wouldn't go over well.

Aww, it really is just one thing after another for Amilia right now isn't it?

Yes, it would be dreadful to waste that precious time on having an emotion. At least they are trying to be comforting, in their own way.

I think I can see where Florian gets some of his lack-of-filter from.

STAHP IT. (And yeah, where Amilia gets a lot of her impatience with the more pretentious aspects of her world -- as a reaction to her mom's overthinking and fussing about things like a black jacket!)

"Memorable" is apparently the word. Given what Florian said earlier, it must have been an experience -- especially for poor Bibble.

Uh huh, Florian. Sure.

So pretty! Nothing like a lovely landscape on a thoroughly disappointing day.

Really liked this conversation as well. I don't know that she ever thinks of him as such, but from a reader's perspective it really seems like these two have been friends for a long time. Frenemies, if we're going to give Amilia the benefit of the doubt for being a reliable narrator. They know each other's quirks and faults so well, and in a way Florian is trying to be considerate of Amilia's.

This part is so vividly written and I like how the words and the sensory elements all work together! Just excellent sense of their chemistry, both physical and verbal.

And this too; it just feels like the most them conversation they could possibly be having at that moment. Amilia doesn't admit to needing anything very often, I suspect, and that she's expressed that here is a big deal. And of course, not least of all because it brings about such a shift in their relationship.

A+ kissing, you both passed. But seriously, this is very schmoopy (if that word means what I think it means) and passionate, and just right for their first kiss!

Just very sweet, and I'm glad Amilia's nosy roommates are nowhere to be found.

This situation with Leda's pregnancy is the thing that she's probably been most worried about the whole time, and I'm glad that Florian gets how important it is to her. Though I hope the situation doesn't turn out so dire that Leda and/or her baby will vanish never to be seen again by mortal eyes (as Amilia seems to fear, with some reason), it will still be difficult no matter what happens.

Research! Did she have to sneak it from the Naughty Stacks of the library?

Amilia knows that there are major differences between what she's been told of life, and what she actually has learned. (Hands on, as it were. ) It seems that makes it easier for her to risk arguing in class, and to give her own opinions weight. Which isn't something she ever had so much trouble with one on one, but it seems like she's been more reluctant to debate in a crowd -- and now not so much.

I'm glad that she and Ayona teamed up, at least a temporary truce to the one-sided conflict is (sort of) a step in the right direction.

Nothing much to say about it, but I loved her insight here!

Aww, I really liked this ending! The way that they can communicate without words, because they know each other so well -- in a way, have for a while -- and now they are fully in tune with that mutual awareness.

 

I'm here at long last for a review on Heroes, and I must say that I was flabbergasted (in a good way) by your choice of the Battle of Tanaab. I don't think I ever read a story from you featuring a space battle, much less one featuring Wes Janson, but you really put your unique Pandora twist on this by showing it to us from the ground, from the perspective of characters who actually have no idea what is going on. It absolutely stands to reason that, for this group of people, this would be the "Battle of Nygaard’s Field", and I just love how you took an event of presumably galactic importance and brought it down to the level of the "little guy".

I also loved your introduction of Karellen and Lisette through Antares's POV in the opening section. With those few words I could perfectly imagine them, Karellen with his somewhat eccentric appearance, and Lisette as an excitable teenager with an overprotective mother. The stage was set for the background of the story to unravel, and unravel it did! Wes thinks that the pilots have "quite the story to tell", but he has no idea what went down on the ground over the past few days.

The second section was also very telling about this community – both for the fact that word of their contribution to an Alliance battle spread like wildfire, and they all came to see it, and for the fact that every single person in attendance deemed it appropriate to tell Antares to apologise for a misdeed that we the readers, but also the characters in attendance, don't know. And Antares is such a drama queen, prostrating herself to ask for Karellen's forgiveness! I didn't know yet that she was training to be an actress at that point, but the clues were definitely there, and I loved how you emphasised that by inserting stage directions in previous/later moments of the story.

Going back in time, I thought that you interwove the two main story threads – Antares and Kelleran's changing relationship on the one hand, their unexpected involvement in Rebel plans on the other hand – really expertly. This has really been the Big Day in Antares's and Karellen's lives, both on a personal level and on a galactic one, so to speak (even if their role in galactic history is to remain local knowledge in the future). They have truly taken their first steps into a wider universe.

The most amazing aspect of this three-parter, to me, is the way you handled the friends-to-lovers thread in a reverse narrative format, with the three key beats – the kiss, the argument and the dance – all being such pivotal moments in the overall story. The argument had to be an extremely intense moment to justify the drama before the kiss, and it was (that was actually painful to read), and the moment Antares and Karellen realised that they liked each other In That Way also had to be something truly exceptional. This was possibly the best dance scene I've ever read in fanfic, because every little detail of the characters' movements contributed to shift their friendship towards mutual attraction, but also because of the concept of "conversation dance". Conversations are the situation in which two characters learn about each other and thus about themselves, and transposing this to the dance floor was a true stroke of genius.

One last aspect that I thought was very clever narrative-wise is how you used the absent characters (Ragnar, Isolda and Aunt Manette) to tell us so much not only about Antares herself, but also about the community she lives in. I don't know anything about Tanaab in Canon/Legends, but I imagine that most of the details in this story are your fanon, and I was really impressed by the way you built an entire culture for this planet, not only a landscape.

Thank you for sharing this story, and congrats on completing the challenge. Before I go, I just want to say that I'm really happy you didn't cram this into 1000 words; I don't even see how that would be possible!

 

ViariSkywalker: I honestly meant to reply to these stories during the KR itself, and then life snowballed and it was all I could do to keep up with my own writing. I did read most of these stories as they were posted, and I feel like there’s so much to say about each of them; I apologize for taking so long to come back and leave reviews, and if some of them end up not being as long as you deserve, I'm sorry for that, too. (I should add that I was thrilled to see you sign up for the KR this time around, which makes it all the more egregious that I haven’t been here to comment before now. )

No need for apologies: while I read many of the stories during the run, including yours, I can either write fictional works or comments--I learned the hard way when I was co-hosting the Celtic Song Challenge in 2017 that I cannot do both--so I wound up only writing one solitary review the whole time. So I am in no position to look askance at anyone on this particular matter. And don't worry about matters of length in regards to reviews. I'm flattered that you find there's much to say about the stories in this thread, even if time and life mean it doesn't all get said.

*Which is partly also a Note to Self.*

"Genre: "I write sins not tragedies""
lol I absolutely love this.

This probably gives the impression that I'm a millennial, but I might as well admit that I'm not. If I had been fifteen in 2007, I suppose I would have been utterly into the Holy Emo Trinity--but I wasn't, so I wasn't.

Summary: It wasn't so much that he had decided to live. No, he simply lacked the will to die.
Damn, now that’s a summary.

Yes, I don't suppose one can say he really chose life here.

I love how you set the scene here. Just, the details like “windwhispered steps” and how Meshach takes the telbun’s hand gently and even the wording of “disappeared it away”. You really do a masterful job of not just describing a setting and people’s actions, but of making them feel alive and lived-in.

Originally, I was going to have Meshach openly tell the telbun--and the viewpoint character as well--that "we will never speak of this again." But I didn't have the words to spare, so I didn't. But I think it comes across so clearly in the softness and silence of his physical movements, that he might as well have said it.

I really appreciate that you began this scene after the telbun had made this declaration, and that we don’t return to it until the end of the story. I saw somewhere in your comments that your professors said you make the reader work too hard, but I really couldn’t disagree more. I like having to put the pieces together myself, and I tend to dislike being spoon-fed all the answers. Do I want answers? Sure. Is it sometimes frustrating to not figure everything out? Sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. (For example: I read Traitor when I was eighteen, and I didn’t fully “get it” or appreciate it until I went back to reread it at thirty-three, and in some ways, I’m glad that I had that initial frustration and dislike, because it made it all the more rewarding to have the “a-ha” moment later on. And I’m not at all saying that your stories have made me feel this way, only that I don’t think it’s bad for a story or the ideas within to be so complex or contradictory that it requires the reader to do some thinking.)

*Warning: Story Time ahead.*

When my professors said that, I was never certain if they were telling me that the hypothetical Reader--as in the anonymous audience out there one needs to consider if they put their writing out before the public--wouldn't get the work in question, or if they were telling me they themselves found it confusing. When I started writing fanfiction, as I drifted through life without a purpose or a clue after I received my MFA, I actually purposely tried to be nicer in my writing. Which was not that hard to achieve: I actually read over parts of my master's thesis ten years after I wrote it, and that **** was crazed.

All that written, I appreciate that you don't mind thinking a bit. There's definitely an art to reading--and figuring out where a story is going, and working to follow along with it. (When I was in high school, especially, there were times where I remember doing that, where a story wouldn't be what I had expected, and I would have to deliberately shift to stay with it.) Then I majored in English, and that changes how you read at a near molecular level.

Anyway! I personally found this to be a beautifully crafted story on every level, subtlety and all.

Thanks! And I should admit that I learned a lot about keeping to a strict word count thanks to your prompts. There was more than one week when I had a brief panic moment towards the end of the first draft where I thought I just couldn't get this thing in under 1000 words--and each time, I found I could.

This part really stood out to me, and maybe all the more so after reading your comments later on about the real life inspiration. The contrast between the narrator’s experiences (keep those emotions locked down, never let anyone see you cry/bleed/feel anything that isn’t acceptable) and the telbun’s gut-wrenching, naked despair was so very vivid, and continued to be so throughout this piece.

Better yet: keep those emotions locked down so well you don't even know they're there.

No wonder she doesn't know how to deal with the telbun's exposed despair.

Such elegant, darkly ethereal descriptions here, and I especially loved “crushing velvet darkness” and “turning the air to glass.” It feels exactly right for a frigid night in the country, too vast and too exposed.

Overall, she doesn't know how to deal with the countryside either--it's too big, and too quiet--and she doesn't like it.

I could hear this all perfectly from your description, and is it weird to say that just that simple “ha ha” made me want to know more about this telbun in particular?

Not at all (and I'm sure that I was inspired in this in part by Tennessee Williams, who knew well how to deploy a well-aimed "ha ha".).

My first thought here was that Meshach has a drug habit, but I may be wide of the mark. It’s a great detail nonetheless, building out this small world that revolves around Cybele’s household.

You are exactly on the mark: Meschach totally has a drug habit. (With that title, someone had to.)

I think the thing I like most about this story is how the telbun, devoid of his usual garments and with his deep voice and his gut-bleeding words, intrudes upon the narrator’s equilibrium. This would be easier if he was like one of those flower-eyed softboys she’s read about, because that would fit her narrative. But he isn’t like that, which makes him more real to her in these moments than he was before – too real, in fact.

Obviously, she has seen the telbun before, but she hasn't ever really seen him--which made it easier to think of him as a bishōnen stereotype (which is essentially and literally what "softboys" are). It's probably not too much of a spoiler for future possible works to say that Cybele likes him that way as well, so there's a reason for that. And yes--he is beautiful, and somewhat androgynous. In appearance, but not so much in voice. Which is probably what really shattered the illusion for her.

And then there’s the detail about overhearing him from another room, talking privately with Cybele, that just hit me in the gut. What a warped simulacrum of a “relationship” this is.

It is a relationship of sorts--I don't know what else you could call it, and "relationship" can cover a wide dysfunctional range--but that's probably in spite of Cybele. I get the impression from what little there was in the EU that the average Kuati aristocrat wasn't capable of an actual romantic/sexual relationship. With anyone. I found it a bit much, and stereotyping, to think they must all be that way, but yes. That's probably the canon view.

Exactly. Too real. It’s easier not to see him.

According to the social rules, she is not to acknowledge him in any way. After all, he belongs to Cybele, and only she should see him. The viewpoint character has been really good at following this rule too.

Like I said above, I love that you waited until the end to reveal what exactly he said and did. (I think we all had a pretty good idea of what he said and did by this point, and that makes the reveal even better, imo.)

It was supposed to be pretty obvious what happened from the moment Meshach took the pistol from the telbun's hand, but it takes a few hundred words for the viewpoint character to actually think what he said in her memory. I think of this story as opening in the aftermath-echo of a gunshot, even if that shot was never actually fired.

Time to step back into their roles and forget what happened on this cold, dark night - at least for the narrator. I’m curious to know how she will deal with the night’s events going forward. Will she push it from her mind and continue on as she always has, or will the telbun’s near-suicide leave a lasting impact? I can see it going either way.

Anything specific I could say would be a spoiler (and also subject to revision) but yes, whichever one she goes with, she has a choice to make. What happens immediately after this scene will probably determine that.

This was a “lovely dark and deep” ending, truly. And I love how you took the prompt image and made it not just a part of the scenery, but a representation of the entire story. Just… beautifully and bitterly melancholy final lines.

I'm glad to hear it worked for you, as this was probably the last bit to fall into place. This scene is part of the background for a larger story (a long unfinished WIP that I just can't seem to return to life) and one I had long known happened--I just didn't expect to ever actually write it until this prompt led me there. Which meant the image was added on, and thankfully, I found it pretty easy to incorporate.

Personally, I don't drink--I never developed a taste for alcohol, and it still smells like rubber cement to me--but I sometimes have an HK-47 cleanser, via Youtube complilations, as a pick me up. I hope that isn't too weird.
(If it's weird, then I'm right there with you. )

There is an appalling lack of good HK-47 gifs out there, but here, have this one:



*Shakes head over the HK-47 gif situation.**

*Of course, I still don't know how to even post gifs. Whenever I have tried, the one and only gif I want is on a site the boards do not recognize. Every single time.*

[ETA: After writing the above, I proceeded to waste hours and brain cells today attempting to test drive a gif I made on the boards. To abject and miserable failure. I just don't get why this has to be so difficult.]

But that said, you found a good one.

I’m going to stop here because it’s time to pick my youngest up from school, but hopefully I will be back relatively soon with more. I especially want to comment on the stories featuring Florian/Angel because I remember being very intrigued by the coda you wrote for him after “Blue Light”, and then “Dreams from the Magic Theatre”. I hope it won’t take me another year to do so. Thank you for sharing this excellent series of stories with us!

This thread isn't going anywhere, so whenever you get to it is fine.

Finally, thank you so much for reading and commenting!

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Theodore Hawkwood: Greetings,

It's Theodore Hawkwood from the Tag and Review game. I decided to tackle this particular fanfic at your request. My Star Wars lore is a tad rusty so please excuse any canon/legends references I happen to miss along the way. I'll also apologize for the stream of consciousness nature of this review.

To be honest, there aren't many canon/legends references in here to miss. I did consult the relevant wookieepedia articles, but there isn't much there to work with, and I didn't use that much of what there was. I tended to think of the EU as optional before the Disney takeover, and since then, well--The end is always just a retcon away.

I'll likely review this one post at a time due to the length of this particular fanfic.

It is rather on the long side. Thanks for taking it on.

First off I love this tagline. I'm getting some slight Moulin Rouge vibes from this for some bizarre reason, but that's cool:

"We can be heroes, just for one day."

Summary from David Bowie's "Heroes."

The 'Picture This:' opening gives this first sentence a very conversational tone. I could almost imagine sitting beside the narrator at the pub or similar location on this planet. I can picture the scene quite well with this sentence, so excellent opening line.

That works. I don't think I ever indicate how the narrator is relating this story, but from that opening on, it's clear that she is addressing some sort of audience, even if it is mostly imaginary.

Great characterizations of the narrator's mother and Lisette as seen through the narrator's eyes. The description of doll boned ankle was particularly well done.

Fitting for a girl whose dainty beauty has inspired others--most particularly her late aunt and guardian--to treat her like a pretty little doll for much of her life. She tends to just inspire this need to protect in people. With some exceptions, and the narrator is obviously one of those exceptions.

Nice look into the Battle of Taanab. I'm curious if this story will feature Lando Calrissian at all, but in any case this story is shaping up to be rather interesting. Your keen eye for detail paints some vivid mental pictures of the characters, the battle and the like. I also appreciate the first person point of view in how it makes your narrator come alive.

If you read on, you'll find out that Lando has but a brief cameo. My apologies, but there wasn't enough room in this story for both the narrator and him to take the stage.

I found the dialogue in this story to be quite engaging as well.

Given that it's being narrated by an aspiring actor, that's as it should be. In other words: thanks!

Great work,

Theodore Hawkwood

And thanks for reading and commenting!

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[That's but two replies down, but I'm going to have to take a break here for now. The rest of the replies will be incoming as soon as I find the brain power to write them. So soonish. I hope.]

 

Just read "Heroes" to get better acquainted with Karellen and Antares. Very fascinating and twisty journey they took but their friendship grounded them and now they can transition to romance I love the small-town folksy feel exemplified by your neighbors knowing stuff you wish they didn't

 

[Replies continued, take two.]


*

Findswoman: I have been meaning for a long time to comment on this reverse-narrative masterpiece—you did such an amazingly detailed and well-thought-out job that I wanted to really be able to sit down and take my time to give it the comment it deserves. My usual excuse, I know, and I apologize! Some of what I write might be near repeats of parts of my emails to you from around to the time you posted the story, and I apologize for that too.

Since it has taken me this long to commence writing these replies (and I'm doing so for the second time, since I wrote about 1 1/3rd of them before Rachel stepped on the keyboard and sent it all out of existence, no saved draft whatsoever, every character gone), I am in no position whatever to judge anyone on these matters. But that means I do understand. Completely. This might just be me, but I find it takes a good deal of time to write comments/replies. It's a different sort of writing than fiction, so I don't know if I could say it was more difficult--and it probably wasn't really more difficult to write the opening Artistic Statement than it was to write my entire master's thesis, though it was, fine, rather close--but I personally find fiction to be easier.

But I have digressed too far afield, so back to business.

You took a really interesting multilevel approach to this prompt, and I’m impressed at the way you combined several prompts here—not just the reverse narrative one but also the names challenge prompt and the “new OC meets a canon character” one. But of course it's no surprise at all to see a Pandora story with things happening on so many layers and levels.

It did all work out pretty well--in that way that feels like magic (like the mystical muse just floated down from Mount Olympus) even though it's actually due to my background creative process. When I made the decision to set this story--which at the time consisted only of the underground saloon scene where Antares meets Wes and Wedge that now takes place towards the end/beginning--aside and write "Black and Blue" for the week three prompt, I still had hopes I could write it before the run was over. I had come up with the idea for it, and that was where it seemed to belong. Then I poked at the long story prompt, and the opening/ending scene just plopped into my head out of the vague ideas I already had. Not really magic, no. But it can often feel that way.

We have on one hand a battle of galactic import going on in space above Nygaard's Field, Taanab; on the other, the residents of that town have offered the use of one of their fields as a landing pad for the Alliance. And, on yet another hand (this is the GFFA, we can freely multiply appendages! ) there's this no-nonsense, matter-of-fact hometown friends-to-lovers story taking place at the same time, along with Antares’s own family drama hovering in the background.

It may have begun with Antares (the OC) meeting a couple of rogues (the ECs) in a bar with her half-sister in the background, but once all the other layers sprang forth from that, I knew what I had was bigger than 1000 words could handle. Interestingly enough, the subplot with Antares's and Karellen's relationship was the last part I added to the story--in fact, Karellen didn't exist as a character (and there was no romance at all) until the last minute when I was already picking and rewriting my way through the opening paragraph.

This is the first real time I have written a friends-to-lovers relationship of this type--not counting a long gone story from college where the characters involved didn't ever make to the lovers stage in the timeframe of the story. Considering the "relationship nos" I consider to be my trademark--where the readers can at least rest easy knowing they will break up before THE END-- it's almost, dare I write it, wholesome. I don't know how to feel about that.

The juxtaposition cleverly plays with our perception about what kind of people are “heroes” and what kind of events are to be considered "important": yes, Wes and Wedge and Lando fought bravely, and the battle was an important one for galactic history, but in a way the event that is more likely to stick with the residents of the bijou municipality of Nygaard's Field is not the battle but the reconciliation between Antares and Karellen—and the big kiss with which they sealed it! They are in many ways the real heroes here!

I was hoping that the title, in its simplicity, would be open to a variety of interpretation as to the nature of heroes. The obvious one is that, as I think I said somewhere, there are heroes present in it. Though I don't think even Lando would describe himself as such--all three of those roguish luminaries would probably say they're just doing what needs to be done. It is a very Taanabi attitude--and even Antares has it, even though she has to know that by offering them a safe place to land, she is aiding and abetting traitors, and officially committing treason. But no big deal.

Oh yes: those present in the field will all tell their grandchildren about how they were totally there the day of the Battle of Taanab and met some real deal heroes. But we all know what they are really going to remember how they were also totally there the day Antares (the pretty green-eyed girl) and Karellen (the fat boy) made up--even though, as Chyntuck notes, none of them actually know what Antares did to apologize for.

I was definitely rooting for them all along, in reverse motion of course; they do really seem like a great match in so many ways, both being misfits in their ways, and there’s a lot to be said for romances that start as friendships. (And whoa mama, as the song from White Christmas reminds us, the best things really do happen while you’re dancing! Loved that scene—both Antares and Karellen were really showing their true selves there.)

It's interesting how the kiss comes across as such a Finally! moment, given that it takes place towards the beginning of the story. But I suppose by the end of the story, it has built up to just that.

As I said in my email to you around the time you posted this, I really enjoyed the way you imagine Taanab as a sort of Space!Minnesota: the cozy-but-remote-from-anything small town where everyone knows each other and goes to the same shops and dances is oh so midwestern, as is the combined Scandinavian-plus-Celtic influence (place names like Nygaard’s Field and Ortberg’s Hill; Karellen’s kilt; the instruments at the dance). I know you are in part drawing on your own midwestern roots there, and I totally approve: this universe needs more places like that, and it make the perfect “unlikely” setting for both the battle and the friends-to-romance arc.

To repeat myself, as soon as I read the (rather sparse) wookieepedia entries on Taanab, I thought it sounded just like the MidwestButinSpace! Which I no doubt saw because, while I haven't lived in the country I come from for years, I still think of myself as a native Midwesterner. That just led naturally into the Scandinavian influences--and Wes already had a Scandinavian style name--and the Celtic influence came later, probably due to this one concert I went to last March. (There was no dancing there, though considering the place was packed, there wasn't any room.) Also Wedge, who was played by a Scotsman and is from Corellia, was right there.

Terrain-wise, the world of Nygaard's Field wound up being more like Northern Minnesota-with-some-Montana-Thrown-in than the Space!Iowa I originally had in mind. But I figured it's all made up, and considering we are talking about an *entire planet* here, the more flat farmlands could well be existing elsewhere.

All that, and this song:

What a wonderful and colorful cast of supporting characters you had, too: from these very midwestern Rogues to Berhta (it’s a good sign that Karellen, Antares, and Karellen’s mom all get on as well as they do), right down to young Lisette (whose name puts me in mind of this old Haitian Creole song). Even the not-technically-onstage Isolda and Ragnar cast no small shadow over those family members of theirs whom we do meet. Everyone in this story plays a distinct role in one or both of the two dramas going on; in a way they are all heroes.

It is a good sign, that--though Berhta has known Antares for as long, or technically probably longer, as Karellen has. (And since both of my parents were fond of their respective mothers-in-law, I didn't so much rebel against the mother-in-law stereotypes, as that I have no personal association with them.) I wasn't familiar at all with the Creole song Lisette shares her name with. As for naming her, I "made it up"--though I can't say I'm surprised to learn the name already existed.

And yes, if there is one thing I know how to write about, it's small town stuff.

This story was no small accomplishment, and you pulled it off—and really your entire Kessel Run—with absolutely flying colors. Bravissima, my friend!

Thanks! And thank you as always for reading and commenting!


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Gabri_Jade: So I've been meaning to read your reverse fic ever since you posted it, but life is what it is, with an endless stream of responsibilities to be crammed into each day, and it's taken me a while. But that's the sort of thing a review challenge month is for, right?

Oh, I know too well how real life just has this tendency to stay too goshdarned real--I am behind on comments, replies, and writing too, and I have wasted much time. Somehow, and I don't know how, I did manage to write a few reviews during review month, so I agree that's what it is for.

First of all, I'm really impressed with how you handled the demands of the reverse structure. When I was writing my own, it took a lot of concentration and rereading to make sure that I was keeping everything in the proper backwards order, and that it still made sense that way, and I don't mind telling you that by the time I was done, I was no longer sure any of it made any sense whatsoever If you went through anything similar, it sure doesn't show here. The writing is very assured and the narrative feels perfectly cohesive throughout, and with each section I felt that I understood enough of what was going on, while still being curious about exactly what led everyone to this point, which I think is exactly right for this format.

When I first gazed upon the reverse story prompt, I can admit it--I drew a complete blank. But once I poked it to see if it would work with my first and discarded Week Three idea, it just all fell right into place. It also played well with this tendency I have where I know something is going to happen--in this case, the quarrel/dressing down between Antares and Karellen--but I haven't figured out the cause of it: this way, I could go ahead and write that scene instead of being stuck for days/weeks/years on figuring out what caused it. I did have to go back and fix a few continuity glitches once I was done, which then meant I couldn't post as I went. Which I consider to be a benefit.

I won't say I didn't ever have doubts about how it was all working together, but that's just part of putting a story together you're going to release in public.

Also, your descriptive writing is a thing of beauty. The wording is reliably poetic but also genuinely evocative, setting the scene effectively. Sometimes it feels like what I imagine walking through a wisteria garden would be like, just surrounded by cascading loveliness.

Ah, thanks. There are times when I have wondered if my style is always the best one for the first person narrator I'm writing at the time to have. (Though let's be honest: if you were to write a first person narrator who is a bad writer, they'll just think it's you the author who cannot write for toffee.) Digression over, apparently Antares has a poetic bent she won't fully realize she has until (spoiler alert?) she takes a poetry writing class on a whim for her last semester of college.

Right away I'm reminded of the ANH deleted scene where Luke thinks he sees a battle in orbit. For all that we see those battles up close and personal when we're watching the movies, most people would have been like this, on the surface, perhaps knowing that something was going on but with little or no way to know any details until it's over.

I hadn't actually seen that deleted scene when I wrote this, though I have remedied this just today. What he saw was certainly more visible--and in the broad light of the double suns--than what I imagined for this story. Of course, since this is all made up and in space (tip o' the hat to the Original Space Cowboy again) it's not as though there can be that much realism involved. And I wanted to go with the idea that they couldn't really see it, except for those few firework glimpses.

The sunlight was sleek as icemelted creek water,
Like I said, super evocative. This definitely makes me think of a cold but sunny winter's day.

When it looks as though it should be warm outside--but it most certainly isn't.

"Meanwhile, Lisette, my half-sister, was wheeling about in her personal excitement. She had blushed a wild wind-smacked pink, and her skirts heaved in a flashing wail of petticoats as she turned. My mother was keeping one eye on her from her group of ladyfriends, but for once, she didn’t appear to be concerned that the little darling might trip over the very air and fall, twisting her doll-boned ankle."
And this is a good way to show us the tension between Antares and Lisette.

The tension is mostly on Antares's side, though Lisette has to be somewhat aware of it. The rest of the tension comes from Antares resisting the urge that most other people have, her mother--who isn't exactly the most touchy-feely woman out there--included, to pamper and fuss over Lisette.

Oh, the Battle of Taanab! I like that narrative choice, and that you don't elaborate on the battle itself, so that it stays more a mystery than not. And again we see the dichotomy between the main characters who get the movie closeups in the battle scenes and the ordinary noncombatants who make up the vast majority of the galaxy's population.

The old EU more or less filled in the story around the battle, especially Lando's "little maneuver," and it was...underwhelming. I am no military strategist, so I decided to leave both it, and Lando's move, to the imagination as the mysteries they have been for *dun dun dun dun* forty years. The only bit I took (from The Essential Guide to Warfare via wookieepedia) was Lando flying a borrowed ship called the Mama Tried. Referred to here casually as the Mama.

"As I took off, as I ran towards the fields and the blinking gleam of our lights, I smelled the x-wing first. Then I heard the sighing as the engines shut down. It stood rampant and safe on its little landing feet towards the north end of the field, melting the snow around it into steam."
I love these details, especially smelling the X-wing. It brings a real immediacy to the scene, putting us in Antares's place.

Once again, I just made that up: I have never been around airplanes--the closest we have to x-wings--at all, so I don't actually know how they would smell. It just occurred to me that they would have a mechanical smell.

"His voice blew away with the wind as yet another x-wing came swirling down, gliding in closer and closer, until it landed down hill from us off in the woodside pasture. Wes shook his head. “Not today. Buckle up, friends and rebels. Because we have got quite the story to tell you.”
And this is such a good way to end (chronologically speaking) the story for a number of reasons, but I feel like maybe the most important reason is that this story does focus on those noncombatants, and so we fade to black once the details of the battle come into play. It also dovetails nicely with the whole sweeping and ongoing nature of the SW saga, where we all know that there's more story happening even once the credits roll.

The story of the battle (well, probably several different versions of it over drinks on the house! hosted by the very simpatico barman at the underground saloon) will be told, but for my purposes, that is another story. And perhaps Wes and Wedge and Lando will learn some of the domestic story we know, but they didn't see?

Heh, I've had a really short haircut exactly once in my life, and I was very aware of how changed it was until for the entire time it took to grow it back out. Antares and I are quite different

I think I have done literally everything with my hair short of setting it on fire. At present, it is a long majestic mane worthy of Finnish metal that is also a pain--so I don't know how much longer I will go before I cut it down to a bob the way Antares does in this story.

Okay, I have no real experience with small towns, I've nearly always lived in big cities, and this made me feel so claustrophobic, yikes. I've always heard that everyone knows everyone's business in places like that, but this section sure brings that home.

I lived in a major city for years, but I grew up in the country (not even in town, but miles outside it) and in the end, I wound up back there. So I managed to train myself in college out of saying I was going to town when I left campus to do something, just to go right back to saying it again. The thing about small towns is that you don't actually *know* everyone--I know about ten people at the most here, and most of them not well. But you're more likely to know them by sight and name, and to have fewer than six degrees of separation from them. That's the old "His younger brother was a year behind my sister in school" type thing.

One annoying aspect that I haven't experienced in years, but remember well from high school, is how gossip worked so well that people who didn't even live in the area when something happened could still know all about it.

Upon my first reading, this felt rather melodramatic - then as I continued, it all made sense upon realizing that Antares is an actor

It might be dramatic--and fair enough, it is really dramatic--but she means and feels all of it.

"in the first watercolor grey light from the window."
I just really like this description. I'll be honest, I'm a hardcore night owl and am far more likely to see this particular shade of light right before I go to bed than as I'm getting up, but it's unmistakable and you capture it nicely.

Same here (I'm writing this at 2:06 AM). I consider that time of morning to usually be the ugliest time of the day, especially if I'm being forced for some reason to be conscious and standing upright, but I have spent more time than I have realized attempting to describe it. Here, it probably comes across as melancholy more than anything else since part of the reason she's awake on time is the weight of how the night before ended.

"(Lisette walks with floating-light grace, like a lady, like a fey-maid, as that aunt of hers must have trained into her. Karellen walks in a stalking march even when he isn’t trying to announce himself.)"
I like this too; I've always thought it was interesting how distinctively people can move and how easy it becomes to recognize that when you know them well.

Considering that one of them is a tall but dainty girl trained to be ladylike since she could walk, and the other one is a tall heavyset young man who (spoiler alert for future stories?) used to play space!rugby, they are going to have distinctly different walks.

Another thing that made more sense once I realized that Antares was an actress, and it's a clever bit of structuring. But even before I understood the full context, I laughed because it captures each individual and the whole scene so well.

It's her way of dealing with life.

"As the Rules for Young Maidens teaches, “cleanliness”--being a fresh sweet-breathed flower—is the first of all virtues"
Echoes of Fordyce's Sermons

The 1980s Girlhood Edition.

"His wig of red curls stood out, the glaring color of speeder headlights, showing off in the gloom."
As someone who was a little girl with curly red hair in the 80s and was thus gleefully compared to Annie by many, many adults while at an impressionable young age, I shuddered. But that's my personal trauma to deal with, not yours, and if anyone would rock such a wig, it's Wes.

I see from your profile that we're the same age, so: yes, I well remember the Annie craze after that movie came out in the early 80s. My sister had both the red dress which I borrowed on at least one occasion and the curly orangered wig, which might have sortofkindof inspired the one Wes wears here. Which he indeed rocks. When you're a known rebel wanted by the Empire, it's probably a good idea to be (sort of) incognito--and Wes's short hair makes him stand out on a world where most men, like Karellen, wear their hair long.

The musicians were taking the stage, and I heard the first windwhistle note as the flutist tested his instrument. That was the reason we were all there, including those who weren’t about to expose themselves in the dance. The only true way to hear our music is live and in person. Our local district band has been doing this for many a year, and they are all silverhairs. I think the newest member, Finnegan on the crawdy drum, is well above sixty. But trust me: they play more ferociously, and daydreaming-soft, than you can imagine.
Ah, a trad session, then; yes, that'd definitely be a draw

Indeed. As I mentioned in my previous reply to Findswoman, this part was inspired by a concert I attended by a Celtic music group consisting of an Irishman (County Mayo) and a Scotsman (Isle of Lewis). The place was packed, not a seat left. As you would expect, there was much bantering and much storytelling between songs. Most of their songs were more contemporary, but they did close out a few of them with traditional tunes: and I will just say that while they were older men, they rocked out on those old songs.

That's our Wes, all right

Just so you know, I haven't read any of the X-wing novels where I believe most of Wes's characterization occurred. But I must have picked up a fair amount about him through fanfiction osmosis, because that's the only way to explain this: I was perusing some reviews for one of DisneyStarWars's recent FACPOV anthologies, and one of the reviewers made a reference to Wes's "typical flirting with everyone," and I did a double take. You mean he does flirt with everyone and that wasn't just me doing whatever I wanted with a character with less than a minute of screen time?

(I guess that answers the question of whether or not he was really flirting with Karellen.)

It's lovely to see Coruscant described as overrated. As a sci-fi location and a visual feast, I love it. As an actual location in which to live, heaven preserve me from such a fate.

It's a planet that is all one city--thanks again, Ric Olie--so is therefore the bright center of the universe only by virtue of the fact that it's well lit up. Enough said. You would have to pay me a lot of money to live there.

I can see how this might be annoying for Antares, but I admit that after reading the whole thing, I feel more for Lisette on this score. It's hardly unusual that she'd talk about the woman who raised her, only two years after losing her.

Antares does recognize this intellectually, but emotionally--not so much.

In short: we had acted as though we had never so much as heard of the fabled Alliance to Restore the Republic—let alone personally met two of their X-Wing corps.
This is another subtle little detail that I feel sets the scene well: we're so used to seeing the narrative through the viewpoint of active Rebels or Imperials that it's much more common to hear "the Rebellion," "the Alliance," "Rebel scum," etc, but "the Alliance to Restore the Republic" was the full name and likely would have been used in any public relations angle the Rebellion attempted, so I like seeing these ordinary people who are unconnected with the Rebellion think of it as this.

To be fair, I think they would be largely known just as the rebellion amongst the general populace, so giving the full and proper PR name is giving them an emphasis. Because actually meeting a couple of rebels--given that, as Luke and Biggs make clear in one of those deleted scenes, they are notoriously hard to contact--is kind of a big deal.

Not like this, though:

(He has many leather-bound books.)

My immediate thought was, "that's odd, that an Imperial would mention the Force," so I think it was a nice touch to openly address that - plus, for all that Palpatine did an excellent job of annihilating the Jedi and either erasing or obscuring information about them, they were still within living memory for a lot of people at the time of the OT, so it makes sense that even if the memories were faded or warped or outright inaccurate, and despite the prohibition on speaking of them, things like this would still slip out from time to time.

That line just sort of plopped into my head and then into the word processing file--but once it did, I knew that if I were to keep it, I would have to explain it. Jast is in his late 40s-early 50s, so yes, the Jedi would indeed be within living memory for him. Not only that, he would have been in the military during the Clone Wars when the Jedi were known far and wide as heroes.

This was a little bit poignant; Antares is pretty defiant about her relationships with all her family, and Lisette in particular, but here it feels like she feels left out, even if she's not going to admit it. Honestly, I get that families are complicated and not every family relationship is worth trying to salvage, but Lisette herself is hardly at fault for any of the mess, and I find myself hoping that she and Antares manage to build that relationship that Lisette wants.

She is getting a glimpse of what their lives are like when she's far away at university, and it's a life she hasn't been a part of. And yes, she feels odd watching it from the outside, in a way she doesn't much know how to describe. It also shows how everyone in her circle--from Berhta and Karellen to her brother Augustus (mentioned only in this story) all have connections with Lisette she doesn't have. Her main issue with Lisette is just that: she still really doesn't know her, and yet Lisette wants to be close in a way she feels hasn't been earned.

As for the family drama and complications, well: she has her father, Ragnar, right there to blame for everything.

There's an authentic undercover feel to this and I like it.

As long as the quiet part remains implied, that gives you some deniability.

I also like Berhta, she seems capable and no-nonsense.

She is that--and the sort of woman who gets stuff done, but doesn't always get the credit for it.

"Attacking me with my own name" is a great turn of phrase.

Lisette certainly knows how to get Antares's attention.

However difficult Antares's mother might be in any number of ways, that's still a deeply kind and generous thing, to take Lisette in and genuinely care for her. And I can hear Antares's inherently dramatic nature in this assessment of Lisette's maternal family

Antares doesn't go into how and why Lisette "ended up" living with her family--instead of with her father and his current third family--but there is definitely a story there. (One which I must admit I haven't sorted out.) Whatever happened, Antares's mother took her in on her own suggestion, and without any resentment. Apparently, she also knows that it's Ragnar who is to blame for any family drama.

As for the most sad and doomed House of Guvois--we are talking about a family with a tendency, in a galaxy where humans commonly live to be over one hundred, to barely reach the age of fifty. (Which is why Aunt Manette was Lisette's only maternal relative, and she would been in her early forties at the oldest when she died.) So something would seem to be up there.

"She was standing just behind my stool, her hands locked up into fists at her sides. And she was alone: if my mother had been with her, she would have swooped in already. Lisette hadn’t taken her leave from the house dressed for the elements. She wore a light woolen coat with a velvet collar made for spring winds, and her hands were blushing a burnt pink from the cold. Her bright black hair was bare without a hat. She wore her silly little houseboots, and from the state of them, she must have walked at least a short part of the way.

But somehow, she had made it."
I'm an eldest child myself, so I admit that's where my sympathies generally lie, but I get the feeling that Lisette is going to grow up to be a force to be reckoned with.

This assessment of yours of Lisette has stuck with me since I first read it. Nearly everyone who knows her at this point thinks of her as a "sweet little girl"--but there is something in the way she took over Antares's comlink to call Karellen. (Not to mention the missing scene where she gets a ride to town with farm manager Enda.) I had it at the back of my mind while I was writing my 2024 long story, "The Wastelands," where Lisette has a considerable part. I don't know if she's fulfilling her destiny as a force to be reckoned with quite yet, but she might be further along on her way.

Sums up a lot about Antares as well; our upbringing shapes us in ways that we never fully escape. I suspect she realizes that, but I wonder if it's something she'd be ready or willing to consciously acknowledge yet.

Probably not. Though as she gets older, she will no doubt come up against this in ways where she has to confront it. Especially once she and Karellen become a serious item, because she doesn't exactly have positive relationship models to work with here.

This definitely sounds like Wes and Wedge

As I mentioned earlier, I haven't read any of the EU where Wes and Wedge's characters were largely developed. I was just going by creative instinct and the movies with them, so I'm guessing the fanfiction osmosis was strong indeed here if my portrayals of them work this well for someone who *does* know the EU sources.

Yup, that's enough to make anyone a little edgy. Hopefully some of this smooths out for her in the future.

Unfortunately (spoilers ahoy!) she hasn't seen anything yet--after she graduates and gets introduced to the cold hard Real World, it all only gets worse.

Perhaps--but not, shall we say, without considerable reluctance. And I'm glad you liked the descriptions of the X-wings, especially considering that I am about as far from a pilot/fleet junkie type as you can possibly get and not be escorted from the premises of the fandom.
Non-fleet junkies unite

*Fist pump.*

Though considering I have committed the far graver sins of not having any interest in either bounty hunters (with twin OC exceptions you might be able to guess...) or Mandalorians (if they had a strong warrior class, like samurai, that would be one thing, it's that they're all 100% all warriors and all wear armor all the time cause Boba Fett did and looked cool that doesn't work for me, and I had better stop here before I am removed with great force from the premises) that isn't the reason I would be kicked out. Luckily, or unluckily, they can't actually kick you out of fandom, so I'll still be here, writing "Jawa Stories" and making icons from screenshots of Lego Star Wars.

This is a really impressive finale to your KR, and I'm glad you finished it regardless of deadlines so that I could read it

Honestly, I was also glad to finish it--but since I did so long after the deadline flew off into history, I could just enjoy working on it at a moseying pace, to the point where I wasn't in any hurry to hit the end. Which is a good way to write as a hobby.

Finally, thanks so much for reading and commenting!

*
[Okay: so I still have a few reviews left to get to, but I'm presently typing on a keyboard with a sticky backspace key that can erase whole swaths of text at one go before I get it to stop, so I am going to end here for now. The rest of my replies to come soon. Soonish.]

 

[Once more, with feeling...]

*

Kahara: Okay, I have some notes on Heroes Part II, but the Reading Challenge has brought me back to an earlier entry that I really need to comment on as well! So here we go.

The Song of Experience

First off, I just love this title -- it's perfect for this story.

All I need to do now is write the accompanying "The Song of Innocence"--which I can tell you already will be posted at the AO3 only, as it won't be safe for the boards TOS.

The ingenue heroine in question for this opera was eighteen years of age, forever a year my junior, still young enough to have an untouched heart as she took up her sword.

I really like how the opera and its themes drop us right into Naboo culture as you've worldbuilt it here, with all of its high, above-mere-mortals ideals and idolization of youth and innocence (or perhaps more accurately, inexperience).

There isn't anything in the movies (I'm not going to count E.K. Johnston's canon fanfiction) about the arts and literature of Naboo--well, given that they are action movies, that's not too surprising--but it seems clear to me from what you can see of the culture that they would have a strong literary tradition. A tradition of song and poetry and the appreciation of beauty for its own sake. And it also seems clear that it would have traditionally been a heroic tradition--and that their heroines would all be ingenues. Young and idealistic (and beautiful, duh) role models who always choose duty over anything so trivial as romance.

(Which might mean there are more than a few plays/holo movies? where the chemistry between the leads is pure thirsty fire--and there's this massive wah-wah-wah let down as they follow the plot and don't get together. Because NABOO is a demanding mistress to serve.)

Again, it's just really interesting to see the dynamics of what is considered "good" and what is given cultural approval here. I can definitely imagine that works supporting the political system as it stands would be dominant, and that people with Amilia and Florian's sort of education (maybe most of Naboo even) would at the same time feel like they needed to like something a bit more avant-garde and off the beaten path.

Most of the common people of Naboo are fine with the most beloved classical works of their literary canon. But the crowd Amilia and Florian are part of, the bright young things studying to be the career politicians who keep the machinery running behind the scenes while the girl-Queens look good, like to think they have more superior and critical and, yes, avant-garde tastes than that. (Though as Amilia notes, more than a few of them are feigning this disdain over their culture's most beloved stories to fit in.) Additionally, this is all happening at a time when Naboo is first really becoming part of the larger galactic community, so there's a movement afoot that as Naboo changes, its stories ought to change as well.

"Of course, I would have appreciated it far more if I hadn’t been there with Florian. My debate partner, and the scourge of my political career. The darkness we sat in kept him obscured, but I was still aware, more so than I wanted to allow, of his presence seated next to me."
I think this established the "antagonist" part of things very well, and I enjoyed the twist of Florian's antagonism being not an entirely bad thing in this story's context. Even though it takes a while for Amilia to think so! Also, I love Amilia's wording; "scourge" is a hilarious descriptor and probably apt for how she feels about him in the moment.

Interestingly enough, before that much longer he will quite literally be the scourge leading to the end of her political career--and she will be fine with it. But that's all in the future yet: and for at the moment, she wants to make it clear that he has taken up residence on her last nerve. Even if she is spending time with him and attending this opera together of her own free will.

(Originally, I had them being about sixteen (Florian) and seventeen (Amilia)--since that fit in more easily with the overall timeline I had for Florian--and they were attending the opera together as some sort of school requirement, where she was also supposed to be keeping an eye on him. But once I saw things going in a romantic direction, and decided to go with that, I chose to age them up a few years and safely into the US's definition of legal adulthood. Which then moved the story into university, with the attendant changes.)

"Firstly, there was his smell: he wore a musky-dark cologne that dominated the air around him. When we had first sat down, I had coughed—oh so delicately, just clearing my throat. He hadn’t noticed the hint. Then he had nudged me, his knee (accidentally, but still) brushing against my skirts, and the side of my thigh, as he crossed his legs. Twice."
And the introduction of Chekhov's UST works very well here, with the intense sensory impressions of all the ways Amilia is noticing Florian and being irritated by her own noticing.

It may have begun as a mocking riff on the classic Assault by Obsession for Men, but this is probably where the first leap into UST commenced.

Really liked this line; it's just fascinating as an insight into the general Naboo beliefs about love! It does make me wonder, a little, if that's how things will ultimately end up for Amilia and Florian or if there's something else to why he's wandering the wastes of Tatooine later in life. But of course that's me getting ahead of things! On re-reading it also strikes me that Leda is determined to do very much the opposite of this duty over feelings principle that is held so dear her world, though we don't find out if she'll manage to find some way to keep her baby or not.

Well: there's romantic love, which is for the common masses, and then there's Love for Naboo, which is for Queens and heroines. (I have seen several people in the tumblr segment of the fandom say that Padmé's true love was really Naboo. Though without going into what that means--is it the actual anonymous masses who are her people, or the abstract democratic ideal of Naboo, that is her one true love?) It's the inverse of the basic fairy happy ending, where marriage is the reward for goodness and beauty, leading into "And they lived in happiness for all the rest of their days." And the bad, meanwhile, get their eyes pecked out.

And yes, Theda has found herself in a position where she has reexamined what it means to choose to duty over the personal, and she has gone in the opposite direction.

"Then he yawned, arching his shoulders back, and even thrusting his hips forward as he stretched. Oh, I wasn’t at all surprised. He is exactly that uncouth, and he didn’t care. Nor did he notice that two of Theda’s charges had lagged behind to watch him. I gifted them with a knife-snapped arch of my eyebrows, and they took the hint to go off in a clatter of footsteps, hand in hand, to join the others."
Ha, I could just imagine the Look she gave them too!

They certainly got her message.

Really liked the banter here, and how it shows they do have a kind of friendly rapport. It's just that Amilia cannot not be frustrated by Florian's everything and he can't and won't stop doing things to annoy her/that annoy her (honestly, I get the impression that it's some from column A and some from column B there ).

"His filter is just on a different setting."

But seriously, yes, it is probably both: and there's also the fact that Amilia is probably one of the few worthy opponents who can take what he dishes out and give it all back.

"He bowed, in the classic courtier style with his hand extended, and fine: I was amused despite myself. “Oh, thank you. Most of the time, it’s just a good thing I’m this pretty.”
And so modest too!

He's aware--since he has probably been informed as much more than a few times over the years--that he has this tendency to get on people's nerves, so he figures that his beauty is the one Naboo virtue he has going for him.

"Florian is indeed pretty. The girl-children who had just left weren’t yet old enough to see that, but I could. He must be the best looking man of any age I have ever met, especially in comparison to the herd of young and doleful men we both share classes with. I’m not quite certain how to describe him. I could write that he is tall and pale, with wintersky blue eyes and fair autumn-brown hair, and that would make for an accurate representation."
Amilia has kept quite the catalogue of Florian's attractive features.

She might be an uptight overachiever nearly a-quiver with repressed emotions and intellect, but she has definitely finished a second look at Florian.

The floating walk as a bit of characterization here is fantastic -- I like how it immediately makes her seem like she's learned to at least outwardly be the sort of ethereal ladylike girl that is so expected in their culture. But later we see that she very much has her own ideas about things.

Theda is naturally graceful, but her walk is also the result of years of dance and etiquette training--both the classes that I suspect would comprise Naboo physical education, and outside school.

The uncertainty of this moment and conversation comes across really well here. Amilia trying to consult her memories from books feels so spot-on both for the personality she has and the world she grew up in, where such things were probably not spoken of. Also, the background setting with the chalkwhite river-elms sounds beautiful, which is something that I've always liked about your more ambivalent-to-dark Naboo stories. It's a reminder of how much this repressed and sometimes cruel place just happens to look like the fairytale land seen on screen.

"A beautiful world with repressed people."

Leda is rebelling in her own way here, even though she never foresaw this situation, and it's interesting to see that reflected in Amilia's own later growth in confidence. And at the same time, Amilia wants nothing to do with this particular instance of unconventionality -- it's too large and frightening, and too much out of her wheelhouse to fit in her idea of possibility. Though she does still at least try to reassure Leda, and it's obvious she doesn't want to be unsupportive of her friend. I get the feeling that she can't imagine what helping Leda through this next phase would even mean, assuming that she does indeed get to keep her child. (Which, it's fairly dystopian that they might be separated for "their own good", but I can certainly see it happening, especially if she has no way of supporting them both on her own. And the historical analogies you made with pre-1970's standards in the US and elsewhere are definitely a convincing basis for that bit of world-building.)

Theda serves as a foil to Amilia in several ways, and the main one is on display here. Amilia is far outside her element, and what rules she is willing to disregard: If there is gumption, and then there is stupid gumption, she thinks this situation falls into the second category. She doesn't so much judge Theda for getting pregnant--though the actual circumstances of it don't come up, as they both already know that story--as what she is choosing to do about it.

This interpretation of Naboo--which I absolutely see as the canon universe--is influenced by the Baby Scoop era (which was influenced by That One Line of Padmé's, but we're going to leave that sarcophagus closed this time), but there is one rather significant difference: unlike the US in the 1940s-1960s, I see abortion as being legal on Naboo. It's a repressed matriarchy, not a repressive patriarchy. Theda has that choice, and Amilia obviously expected her to take it.

I had actually forgotten about that bit in the movies, and it's interesting to see that this attitude filters all the way down to at least whatever fancy-pants college level of society we see here. The idea that it's never done publicly feels especially insidious, even as I'm sure the authority figures in charge of such conversations probably think they are saving face for their charges. And in some sense maybe they are, though as Amilia notes in practice it still ends up being permanently held against any woman who ends up in this situation.

It's hard to tell how prevalent this attitude and the resulting social consequences is in Naboo society as a whole from That Line alone--but we can at least be sure that it is present in politics. And since Theda is working as a chaperone for the Youth Legislature--which means she's in charge of the most pure and wise and yet vulnerable of minds--she would get that attitude twice over. And there would most definitely be that attitude of keeping it all private, even more so than usual, given that sex is involved.

(On that note, I just remembered this c. 2008 story by tumblr writer fialleril about how Pooja and Ryoo asked Anakin about the Facts of Life, he answered them in a honest (but I'm sure age-appropriate) manner, and Padmé was quite shocked that he dared to talk about such things. It was even entitled "Prude." I also just found it on the AO3, but while it is absolutely safe for the boards, AO3 as a whole is a free-for-all, so I'm going to err on the safe side and not link to it.)

A very telling (and unfortunate) assessment of Leda's parents. It's a wonder she has in fact somehow developed as much independence as she has, and I can only hope that will help more than harm her in the end.

You may or may not want to know just exactly what Florian thinks of them.

As for Theda, this pregnancy has hit her worldview like a wrecking ball--and as a result, she has had her epiphany that she is not bad and having her baby is not shameful. And yes, she is going to need all the defiance she can get once her situation comes to light, as it inevitably must.

I just really enjoy these little asides on everyone's fashion choices from Amilia. She's not necessarily a clotheshorse but she's perceptive and notices all the little things about how people choose to present themselves versus how their appearance might normally be evaluated.

It's Naboo: nearly everyone has a baseline of good sartorial taste. But yes, Amilia does have a good idea for details in how people put themselves together in a way that is both artistic and political and very Naboo.

I really feel for Leda here, as it seems like this might be an all-too-common reaction in the times ahead of her. And Amilia is, at least trying to be, on her side.

...

And I get the feeling that Leda kind of knows that she's going to have to mostly tackle this on her own too -- that this is kind of the denial stage of grief for what she had hoped for her future. Though I'd like to think that Amilia will do what she can, there are a lot of battles that she couldn't win even if she were to try and fight them.

I have sort of an idea for what happens next with Theda, and I will just say here that while she won't be alone in the universe (or disappeared until the "problem" goes away) her life is going to change in multiple ways, and she is going to have some hard times.

“Ah, yes,” Florian said, and I braced myself for the approaching impact. “We’re all set up for careers spending the rest of our poor mortal lives sniveling in the background. Like Governor Bibble, for one example. Is there anyone who takes the man seriously?”
Wow, don't hold back your opinions Florian! It is fun to see an assessment of how Bibble is actually thought of on Naboo -- I'm just used to thinking of him as that one guy with a funny name who shows up for a few seconds one time. I like the idea that there are Naboo politicians who are not especially respected, even as there are some that seem to be nearly deified.

I have the feeling that Governor Bibble--who appears for at least a few seconds in all three prequel movies--has an in-universe reputation as that man with a funny name who shows up in the background behind the Queen from time to time. His title indicates that he is in a position of authority, and his age shows that he is a career politician (and as I have mentioned in replies elsewhere, I do believe that the governor has traditionally been the true power behind the figurehead girlchild Queen, since Naboo actually functions as a society). But since he is only the power behind the scenes, where the public aren't looking, I find it hard to believe that anyone takes him seriously.

He shrugged. “I need to suffer for my art. This seemed the surest way.”

“Your art,” I said. “Well, I can but wish you all the best with that.”
That is certainly one way to go about it.

He certainly isn't lacking for material.

"You see, that combination of geraniums, nightgrass, and maiden’s breath says in the floral language, as clearly as words to those who can read it, Your foolish thoughts laugh for us. Ayona stood trapped in place, holding the glass with the flowers in front of her. She opened her mouth, and then shut it without speaking."
Flower language as a medium for bullying does seem like the most Naboo thing ever. I felt really bad for Ayona here, as the only one not in on the joke at her expense.

That it is--and whoever left the insulting bouquet of "pretty flowers" knew quite well that Ayona wouldn't know it for it was. But once she picked up on the responses from everyone else around her, she got clued in with an emotional bucket of water to the face.

"She is the only twi’lek I have ever seen in person, with lavender-purple skin and dotted floral tattoos along her lekku. She has tried to fit in. While she continues to wear those short glitterskirts, she wears black tights to cover her legs with them, and she always endeavors to be nice, even if she doesn’t quite get our ways of doing so.

But the truth remains the same: we don’t like her."
This is so grim and it feels like such a plausible consequence of how these students have been raised at the same time. It says a lot that Amilia is not even mildly ashamed. Democracy, intellectual pursuits, integrity, blah blah blah. But the real thing is: only one can be the Prettiest Princess, and if someone is different that makes them stand out. Which lands Ayona right in the category of "threat" to this whole group of very status-conscious young people. Ones who have learned from the cradle to keep any unpleasantness subtle -- just not to the victims.

This takes place during the time when Naboo is first opening up to the wider galaxy (while some of the tumblr set like to think Naboo has a strong history of taking in the huddled masses yearning to breath free, that strikes me as wish fulfillment on their part--the society as seen in The Phantom Menace, with their way of life that must be defended, strikes me as a closed one, and it does not change between that and the final funeral scene). There are still very few humans from off-world, and as for "near-humans"--twi'leks are different from the Naboo is almost every way. There is bound to be some culture shock.

It doesn't help that the students are, as Amilia says, told they need to like Ayona. You can't force people into liking someone. And to be honest, when Professor O;. punishes the whole class for the insult bouquet, that is more likely to have the opposite effect.

In a way, I can see where this teacher is coming from -- she's not wrong that most or all of these students have helped create an ostracizing environment! If I were her, I'd be frustrated and want to hang the little brats up by their toes as well, and I suspect she may have been hoping someone would breach etiquette and tell on the bullies. Which doesn't make it actually effective or the right thing to do about the situation, as Amilia later argues far better than I can. "Being punished with the rest of the class made me reconsider my behavior." -- literally no one who actually did the thing, ever.

All I can say is: this isn't going to work out the way she thinks, and it certainly isn't going to improve Ayona's standing in the class or the university at large.

"I had made perfect marks every term until then, and here I was, with the black mark of the zero burnt into a blight on my university records. I could do my best from then on, but it was too late in the term for me to recover my grade. Oh, and then my parents would want to know why I didn’t make the Royal List as I always had before. I didn’t want them to ask, and I didn’t want to answer."
Oh Amilia. I can definitely see how this would be devastating for her, when she's been so focused on keeping her grades picture-perfect.

Yes, her worldview took the wrecking ball this time. She's going to get (the equivalent of) the scarlet B-

"Florian caught up with me on the path, startling me back into reality. “Onk, I’ve never seen you move so fast. Are you all right?”
I have to give special recognition to the nickname Onk. It's so odd, and he obviously uses it with great affection.

"Onk" isn't actually a nickname--it's a mild exclamation much like "gosh!" or "darn!" used most frequently by older men. (Maybe I should have had a footnote on this one, but true to form, I didn't.) Florian obviously picked this one up from his grandfather--who also says it at one point in the story--and it's one of his dorkiest quirks.

“I’m handing that essay in to her office whether she wants it or not. She can tear it up into pieces for all that I care, so long as I don’t have to see it again. I invite you to join me.”
Florian really shines when given something genuinely unfair to make trouble about, I have to say!

As he would say, he has already gotten a zero on this essay--so he's got nothing left to lose.

I really like this bit of Amilia's self-perception; she lives in her books so much that like many of us who do that, she kind of sees herself as a character in a story. (Which, okay, if you want to go really meta... ) There's always some complexity to being a real person that you never will have found in story and song though, and these experiences (pun intended I guess?) are showing Amilia a whole new range of things about herself and the people around her. I like that she feels a bit off-balance that she isn't behaving as the type of character she thinks she is, ought to do, if that makes sense.

All the world is a stage, and since Amilia studied theatre arts before she went into politics, she is especially conscious of the role-playing involved in being a politician, that everyone is to know but never admit outloud. But as an aspiring career politician who is still young, she knows what she isn't, and can never be: the Queen and heroine who saves everyone in story and song, who is an archetype rather than a person. While still feeling the sense that, since she has failed to be a variation of that ideal, that that is what she should have been.

"For this appearance, I wore black, the color of the pure unwavering stance, in a buttoned-up velvet jacket with puffed sleeves and lace cuffs with a matching skirt, and had my hair subdued underneath a severe black beret. Florian wore black as well, though I think he did so for the aesthetics alone. He completed his look with a humble woodrose perched in his hair."
This was just such fun detail, and I like how each of their choices represent a part of their personalities. It's also interesting she chose that outfit even though there might be some advantage in trying to look less intimidating, more ingenue-like, if what happens in the debate is any indication. It's a thing she and Florian have in common even though she's reluctant to admit it; they don't like to conceal their nature.

Someday (or some year) I might write one of the stories where you see how Amilia appears in debate from Florian's perspective, and this outfit will make all the sense in the world. Even as it is, I think she comes across, both in debate and life, as pretty intense. So no, she has no interest in playing the sweet pure waif.

"Florian is a good debater. There is a reason, after all, that I have tolerated him as a partner. You wouldn’t know it to overhear him, but he can take down an opponent on the floor with one well-aimed sentence. He is logical and utterly calm and cold blackhearted out there."
Hmm, I have no trouble believing that at all. And it seems like he'd be a great addition to her own analytical way of attacking problems.

There's a reason their debate coach brought them together in the first place.

LOL, the sheer sarcasm. I suppose there might be a bit of sour grapes there but it also gives me the impression that Amilia is starting to have had more than enough of judging her accomplishments by a system where your career peaks at say, 14-15.

Amilia wasn't ever one of the girl-wonders of the Youth Legislature who peaked at fifteen after losing the election for Princess of Theed. (After all, there are only so many figurehead positions to go around.) Most of who get shuttled off to their advanced studies on the genius track apart from the rest of their peers at a young and tender age. Amilia went through school the normal non-prodigy way. And honestly, I don't think she envies them. But she's not really looking forward a career of being overlooked in their shadows.

Ouch, yes, I can see how that wouldn't go over well.

He read the room--and then made this choice.

"My parents had made the journey into the city to come see us at our work, as had Florian’s grandfather. So they were there to witness it firsthand as we lost."
Aww, it really is just one thing after another for Amilia right now isn't it?

It would have been better really if her parents hadn't shown up.

Once she took her leave in a rush of dark lakewater-silk skirts, my parents attempted to console me. Or rather, to make certain I didn’t waste a moment in being disappointed.
Yes, it would be dreadful to waste that precious time on having an emotion. At least they are trying to be comforting, in their own way.

Of course: as long as she can remember, whenever she's had an even slightly negative emotion or reaction, they have rushed to tell her, in their own individual ways, to get over it/it wasn't that bad/move on.

"Florian One took a different approach. He was a tall man, nearly as tall as Florian, with irongrey hair who (we had both noted) wore a black beret that almost matched my own. He looked at both of us as he said: “Well, that was tough luck today. But I suppose it wasn’t a fair fight.”
I think I can see where Florian gets some of his lack-of-filter from.

That or his honestly--given that Florian One actually acknowledges they might be feeling disappointed, and that the whole setup was indeed *that bad*.

"Meanwhile, my mother had commenced to picking at flecks of airborne dust clinging to my sleeve, even after I jerked my arm away from her. “I don’t know why you went with black, of all colors. You’re too young, and nowhere near royal enough, to pull this off.”
STAHP IT. (And yeah, where Amilia gets a lot of her impatience with the more pretentious aspects of her world -- as a reaction to her mom's overthinking and fussing about things like a black jacket!)

My mother refused to buy me this crushed black velvet dress when I was in my last year of high school because she said I wasn't old enough to wear black. (So I got the same dress in dark green, and I still have it, and it still fits, but.)

"Memorable" is apparently the word. Given what Florian said earlier, it must have been an experience -- especially for poor Bibble.

He will never be the same again.

“Thank you, milord,” Florian said. “Oh, and before I forget, I wanted to let you know you look very distinguished today. More handsome and well-groomed with every year that passes.”
Uh huh, Florian. Sure.

One of these years, I'm going to have to write the story in which we all learn how that in-joke came about.

"When it was all over, we walked back to campus on the woods-road in the bright blue spring evening. The birds were in flight over the trees, and occasionally, I caught the scent of the little wild pink roses on the bushes near the roadside."
So pretty! Nothing like a lovely landscape on a thoroughly disappointing day.

"Something was bound to go right eventually today."

Really liked this conversation as well. I don't know that she ever thinks of him as such, but from a reader's perspective it really seems like these two have been friends for a long time. Frenemies, if we're going to give Amilia the benefit of the doubt for being a reliable narrator. They know each other's quirks and faults so well, and in a way Florian is trying to be considerate of Amilia's.

That's true: she doesn't ever refer to him as her friend, in her thoughts or outloud, but it's clear from the way they are so often a united "we", especially as the story progresses--rebelling and studying and researching together--that they pretty well are.

"He regarded me with an expression I couldn’t interpret. He wasn’t even a foot away from me, so close I could feel him breathe (and smell his wild musky scent, of his cologne and his self), and: “You didn’t have to say that, Florian,” I said. “I do have a heart.”
This part is so vividly written and I like how the words and the sensory elements all work together! Just excellent sense of their chemistry, both physical and verbal.

This is the moment when that which has been repressed is about to explode free.

“Oh, that muscle the size of a fist that pumps blood throughout one’s body?” he said. “No, I understand your meaning. I have one too, Amilia. But so what?”

“I can answer that," I said. "You're right, Florian. I admit it. I do have a need to win at something just now. I want to get something. I need something. I need.”
And this too; it just feels like the most them conversation they could possibly be having at that moment. Amilia doesn't admit to needing anything very often, I suspect, and that she's expressed that here is a big deal. And of course, not least of all because it brings about such a shift in their relationship.

No, she doesn't--that would be admitting weakness, and she learned from her father's influence the self-defense arts of covering up the lesser emotions with a sarcastic barb and feigned indifference.

"Now that I’m relating all this after the fact, I couldn’t say which one of us made the first move. Perhaps we both did, lunging forward at the same moment. But then he had caught me up against him, and I had my arms looped around his neck, catching my fingers in his hair, and we were kissing, coming together in a bruising-fast destroying crash. His breath helped me to breathe, and to stand, and I was the one to start the next kiss, and then the one after that."
A+ kissing, you both passed. But seriously, this is very schmoopy (if that word means what I think it means) and passionate, and just right for their first kiss!

Another "Finally!" moment achieved.

"Florian has one of the rare single rooms on campus. This was a good thing, as I share my flat with three other women who are my friends, and care too much about my business. As we lay in bed together, in the flushed-warm aftermath, I didn’t think about my life outside of that moment. I could just live. Just exist. Florian nuzzled me, kissing my shoulder, and I burst into actual giggling."
Just very sweet, and I'm glad Amilia's nosy roommates are nowhere to be found.

They mean well--but she knows exactly what they would all think if she brought Florian home (none of them have once brought a man over before) and that they would not keep their opinions to themselves.

This situation with Leda's pregnancy is the thing that she's probably been most worried about the whole time, and I'm glad that Florian gets how important it is to her. Though I hope the situation doesn't turn out so dire that Leda and/or her baby will vanish never to be seen again by mortal eyes (as Amilia seems to fear, with some reason), it will still be difficult no matter what happens.

It remains to be seen what happens next with Theda (I have a good idea of what happens after *that*, but not the next step). But it does all look and feel quite dire at this point, and Amilia knows she has promised to be there for Theda, but she doesn't know what she can really possibly do. Florian is the son of a single mother--he has never once met the man who is his father or and knows very little about him--and yes, he understands.

Research! Did she have to sneak it from the Naughty Stacks of the library?

I actually can almost hear her giving a little giggle at that part.

As for how she procured the volume in question, that would be telling--though going by their overall repression, Naboo erotica must then be truly wild.

Amilia knows that there are major differences between what she's been told of life, and what she actually has learned. (Hands on, as it were. ) It seems that makes it easier for her to risk arguing in class, and to give her own opinions weight. Which isn't something she ever had so much trouble with one on one, but it seems like she's been more reluctant to debate in a crowd -- and now not so much.

It's possible that she learned, the hard and embarrassing way, after more than one teacher admonished her for talking too much and being too much, that it was just easier to give them what they wanted and remain silent. So by the time she's in university, she is never one of the dominating voices in class. (Since Naboo is a repressed matriarchy, Florian would have received the exact same messages.) But now that she has seen the truth about the sex negative messages she was raised on (it's degrading it's bad it's weird), and that "doing it" has not turned her into a degraded ruined bruised flower, she just breaks free.

When Professor O. opened the floor with a question in our next class, I went leaping after it. I knew what to say, and I was suddenly free to know how to say it. Only Tavyn attempted to keep up with me, and Ayona, of all the classmates, helped me deal with him.
I'm glad that she and Ayona teamed up, at least a temporary truce to the one-sided conflict is (sort of) a step in the right direction.

Apparently, Ayona has also broken free--once she realized that she couldn't win her classmates over no matter how nice she was, and she does seem to be genuinely nice, she felt she might as well speak her mind. I don't see her and Amilia ever being friends, but they are both finding a new place in this the most Naboo (The Etiquette of Politics as a required course for a degree in political science) of classes.

“No, silence is ambiguous,” I said, staring him down. “It doesn’t provide you with the answers, so you must decide its meaning for yourself. And in general, that is whatever suits you best, and reflects most poorly on those you see as your opponents.”
Nothing much to say about it, but I loved her insight here!

The number of times I have wanted to say this online, but had the good sense to keep my digital mouth shut...

I knew then that my mark in this course was so much rubbish. But Florian smiled at me from his seat amongst our classmates, a secretwhispered message only I knew how to see. Oh yes, he felt, and understood, every word that I spoke.
Aww, I really liked this ending! The way that they can communicate without words, because they know each other so well -- in a way, have for a while -- and now they are fully in tune with that mutual awareness.

They might have started out as protagonist and antagonist (well, of sorts) but clearly, they didn't have to be. As I said back at the time I wrote this story, there was nothing in the prompt that indicated the "antagonist" couldn't win. As it is--while nothing can last forever--for the moment, they have both won.

Finally, thanks for reading and commenting!

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Chyntuck: I'm here at long last for a review on Heroes, and I must say that I was flabbergasted (in a good way) by your choice of the Battle of Tanaab. I don't think I ever read a story from you featuring a space battle, much less one featuring Wes Janson, but you really put your unique Pandora twist on this by showing it to us from the ground, from the perspective of characters who actually have no idea what is going on. It absolutely stands to reason that, for this group of people, this would be the "Battle of Nygaard’s Field", and I just love how you took an event of presumably galactic importance and brought it down to the level of the "little guy".

This is, I can safely say, the only story I have ever written with a space battle. (Despite the fact that I'm not much for action!scenes, I haven't been actively avoiding them--I just haven't written anything where one was needed.) The same goes for Wes Janson and Rogue Squadron, with the one exception of Wedge. This is all new territory for me, and that's by design: after we received the Week Three prompt, I decided to issue myself a personal challenge by writing about an EC I had never written before and a world I had never written before to go with the brand new OC. Almost instantly, I decided to go big and write one of the Rogues! And the most roguish of them all, Wes Janson! On Taanab! Which is Wes's own homeworld!

Though it quickly turned out that my personal challenge made the story too big for the required 1000 word limit, and so I made the decision to put it aside. Luckily, when I was able to make it work with the long story prompt, I didn't have to do so for long. And now I've created a monster.

The space battle still takes place off-stage, and not just because I do not excel at writing action scenes. That's another story--one which I wanted to leave in the realm of the readers' imaginations--and the one I wanted to tell takes place on the ground, in the field, looking up into a blank sky. With the background characters in crowd scenes. Because that is my well-claimed territory.

I also loved your introduction of Karellen and Lisette through Antares's POV in the opening section. With those few words I could perfectly imagine them, Karellen with his somewhat eccentric appearance, and Lisette as an excitable teenager with an overprotective mother. The stage was set for the background of the story to unravel, and unravel it did! Wes thinks that the pilots have "quite the story to tell", but he has no idea what went down on the ground over the past few days.

No, Wes doesn't know the story from the ground yet--but I suspect he will soon. (He will have only to look at Antares and Karellen standing together, and--consummate flirt that he is--he will lift his eyebrows without comment or surprise. Whoops, is that a spoiler?)

The second section was also very telling about this community – both for the fact that word of their contribution to an Alliance battle spread like wildfire, and they all came to see it, and for the fact that every single person in attendance deemed it appropriate to tell Antares to apologise for a misdeed that we the readers, but also the characters in attendance, don't know. And Antares is such a drama queen, prostrating herself to ask for Karellen's forgiveness! I didn't know yet that she was training to be an actress at that point, but the clues were definitely there, and I loved how you emphasised that by inserting stage directions in previous/later moments of the story.

That's small towns/internet groups for you: even the people who don't know either Antares and Karellen personally (the unknown person who refers to Karellen as "that fat boy" doesn't even know his name) have to get their oars in on this one. Even though, as you note, they don't know what happened. (I doubt anyone else noticed her mocking showing off at the dancehall and went on to tell their friends.) But they can tell something happened, from the gloom-field floating around Karellen alone, and the word gets around soon that Antares is the cause.

And the audience might be an (unconscious) part of why Antares begs for forgiveness is such dramatic fashion. But not all of it: she is sincerely remorseful, and her feelings, which she can get out best in this fashion, are genuine.

Going back in time, I thought that you interwove the two main story threads – Antares and Kelleran's changing relationship on the one hand, their unexpected involvement in Rebel plans on the other hand – really expertly. This has really been the Big Day in Antares's and Karellen's lives, both on a personal level and on a galactic one, so to speak (even if their role in galactic history is to remain local knowledge in the future). They have truly taken their first steps into a wider universe.

After a boring start, this has turned into the most exciting winter break ever.

(I must admit that I don't know much about how schedules work at universities in other countries, so briefly: in the US those colleges and universities which run on the semester system have what is called the "j-term" between the fall and spring semesters, which is essentially the entire month of January. And it is, obviously in my opinion, a rather large pain-- because it goes on too long for a holiday break, with too much time to kill, and it's too short to be a term of its own. Anyhow, so that's what Antares's university has, which is why she has gotten so bored during her visit home she's prepared to walk all the way to town. Karellen attends another school, the state university, which is on the term schedule, so they just have the shorter fortnight long holiday/winter break.)

The most amazing aspect of this three-parter, to me, is the way you handled the friends-to-lovers thread in a reverse narrative format, with the three key beats – the kiss, the argument and the dance – all being such pivotal moments in the overall story. The argument had to be an extremely intense moment to justify the drama before the kiss, and it was (that was actually painful to read), and the moment Antares and Karellen realised that they liked each other In That Way also had to be something truly exceptional.

Overall, once I had those beats figured out, I think they came together pretty well. (Well, with a good bit of nitpicking the details, but that's just writing for you.) The one part I found the trickiest was the cause of the argument. The last thing I wanted was for it to make the intense moment of the argument--which yes, while as the author who decides and controls all I can't experience it the same way as readers do, I meant to hit like being punched in the gut and/or face--unearned, but I also didn't want it to be so bad that maybe they shouldn't make up.

This was possibly the best dance scene I've ever read in fanfic, because every little detail of the characters' movements contributed to shift their friendship towards mutual attraction, but also because of the concept of "conversation dance". Conversations are the situation in which two characters learn about each other and thus about themselves, and transposing this to the dance floor was a true stroke of genius.

This may well be the first dance scene I have ever written, but it feels as though I have been ready to write something like this since about 6th grade. (Middle school dance in the gym, slow dance to REO Speedwagon witnessed as a wallflower on the bleachers with the other wall decorations, my fifth grade teacher's husband in the DJ booth.) As Antares says, Karellen is her favorite partner in the conversation dances--beating out her previous romantic partners--but though she has the actual Come to Realize moment in the later gentler Couples dance, this particular time and dance is the one that changes up everything.

One last aspect that I thought was very clever narrative-wise is how you used the absent characters (Ragnar, Isolda and Aunt Manette) to tell us so much not only about Antares herself, but also about the community she lives in. I don't know anything about Tanaab in Canon/Legends, but I imagine that most of the details in this story are your fanon, and I was really impressed by the way you built an entire culture for this planet, not only a landscape.

There isn't that much about Taanab in the old EU and even less in the new one--and what there is doesn't work so well together. (For example: in the new EU, Taanab is described as being an important food source for billions of people throughout the Mid and Outer Rims, and in the legendary EU, it is so insignificant that the Empire doesn't care if pirates keep raiding it. Those can't really both be true. I figured that while Taanab might be beneath the notice of the central government far off on Coruscant, the local sector Moff? He is going to care. And that is the reason for the Imperial presence: to defend Taanab, and its much needed agricultural products, against pirate activity.)

This is Star Wars we are talking about here, so Disney may well decide to properly use it someday. Given that it is mentioned in the movies, the chances of that are good--and they were even originally going to have it show up as a jungle planet in Solo, though they ultimately didn't go with that idea. But for now, at least, it's my turf to play around with.

Thank you for sharing this story, and congrats on completing the challenge. Before I go, I just want to say that I'm really happy you didn't cram this into 1000 words; I don't even see how that would be possible!

If I had really tried, I could have made it into a standalone prologue and crammed it down into that word count--but sometimes, you need to trust the story, and I think I made the right choice here.

Finally, thanks for reading and commenting!

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Mira_Jade: Your entire Run was absolutely stunning - even when it was deep spaceblack dark - and I have to apologize for not leaving feedback along the way! But, at the very least, I wanted to comment on your Death and the Maiden adjacent stories before the new KR started up again, as this is a story and a 'verse I'm somewhat familiar with, and I do have a soft spot for Caterina amongst your cast of heroines. (Tragediennes?)

Thanks--and no worries about any delays in commenting. I am so far behind on comments myself (why did I sign up for that year-long commenting challenge again?) I have more or less accepted that I may not ever catch up.

“This weak and idle theme” / Or: the young Master Player prepares me for my attempt at the stage

I love this title, just as much as I love that you took the prompt of a dramatic dialogue quite literally with Julian's advice about acting out such a scene to one of his actresses.

After my story for the previous week was titled "No more yielding than a dream," well--this just fell right into place. And yes, though no one else has yet openly identified him, this is indeed Julian as narrator and youthful Master Player.

(I rather suspect he was thinking ahead to getting paid, but that admittedly lacks poetry.)
This was an astute insight, for all that it may be slightly lacking in poetry.

That's just how it is: Shakespeare is known these days for his language, but in his day, the theatre was for the common people--the aristocrats wrote "parlour plays" which weren't intended to really be performed--and going by the one example I have read, it shows--and he was a working player trying to earn a living.

You need to take on what he has written, and transform that into your version of this fictional girl.
This felt like a meta for fan fiction as a whole while you were at it, which is awesome all in its own right.

That wasn't my intention, but I can see how that works.

"You know what you think of Almira. You’ve read the play thoroughly. You’ve even had time leftover to start memorizing the others’ lines. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that during rehearsal. I’m waiting for a few of them to catch up myself."
He noticed. He's a good director, and I like that he empathized with Caterina's relationship to her character and found that common ground, even before their relationship developed to the point we knew in DatM.

There's not much he doesn't notice, as Caterina is still learning at this point. (They have a ways yet to go before their relationship is where it is in "Death and the Maiden": At this point, Caterina is still in the stage of wondering "How does he know who I am? And why does he give a damn about me?")

Again, as an author, these words resonated. Not pathetic in the slightest.

He went through the same stage himself once, so he understands it well.

I love this! He's so forthright, and in true response to the prompt, we are finding out more and more about him through his monologue.

This is also the first real play he has ever directed--as he has still quite recently gone from being the ingenue male lead in a traveling company to running his own show--so that may be part of why he's looking back to his earlier days, and why he can emphasize so well with someone new to acting.

Just listen to me. Only me. I’m oftentimes wrong, but at least I know it.
Fair.

I'm just glad he didn't come across as conceited here, as there are no external cues to show what his tone is.

"It’s perversely more real. You put on the mask of a figment, of a lie, and make it alive as best as you can. Make the oldest tales, the ones with the endings everyone already knows, seem like they truly happened."
This so incredibly resonated with me, remembering Caterina when she made her own stand in DatM - and picked up her pen to write her story afterwards.

The best actors can do that. And the best writers as well--when I first read Tennesse Williams' best known plays (A Streetcar Named Desire and The Glass Menagerie), I already knew certain famously quoted lines, and yet when I got to them, they hit with absolute force, without a hint of cliche, as though I had never before heard them.

This way, people will walk out into the night, back home to reality as we’re stuck with it, and they will think, they will feel as though, they know you. But they only know that creation you were on the stage. They don’t know one thing about you.
I had shivers for this paragraph.

From one of the three rules of the world of Shakespeare's plays: a disguise, once taken on, is impenetrable--no one can see through it.

Oh, you know a few things about me. If you want to know more, you should ask.
I absolutely love these two, I say.

Aw, thanks.

Once again, I have to applaud your entire Run, even if my feedback is shamefully lacking to honor the whole of your work and much too long in coming! I can't wait to see what you're inspired to write for this year's KR, if you are so inspired to participate.

Again, no worries. And since it took me this long to write replies here, you already know what I went with for this year's run. Which was a different experience, but then 2023 was special in ways you cannot repeat.

This was masterfully done, from start to finish, and now I want more. (If/when your Remembering Romanticism story is ever finished, I will be there to read it in a heartbeat, that said. )

Well, WIP!month is almost upon us, and while I haven't posted my goals yet, I can tell you now that I am planning to have the Remembering Romanticism story be prominent amongst them. And hopefully this will be the month where I get it much closer to being finished. Hopefully. Best laid plans and all.

And while I'm here and in a DatM mood, the excerpt from The End of Beauty was entirely dark and shiver-inducing in its own right.

Indeed: I started on a pitchblack note, but I ended on a darker one yet. This story is the sort of thing that takes place to an Enya style soundtrack of ethereal beautiful piano and vocals while the reality on stage is awful.

My Nightmare Theatre/Better Get a Bucket
lol! Yep: just like that.

The genre is its own warning here.

In true excerpt fashion - teaser fashion? in a way - I find myself wanting for context, but these individual descriptions were absolutely gorgeous and evocative, in true Pandora fashion.

There wasn't much room with only 400 words to fill in the context around this excerpt--which is not the first page of chapter one, for the record--but I did what I could.

"The memory was bleeding again, and I hunched down, my arms locked tighttight over my chest, before I could write the next word. I want to prove her wrong. But so far, she continues to win."
Foreboding doesn't even begin to cover it. There's definitely a story here - and one that I'm not sure I even want to know, at that. But I most definitely want Caterina to triumph over any and all of her demons, just as she has fought against in the past, and I am very much interested in seeing any more of her story that you may ever be inspired to share.

To be honest, I'm not sure it's a story I really want to ever write--and I'm tempted, even after writing this much, to wimp out and make it into an AU, which is not usually my way. We shall have to see.

Finally, thanks for reading and commenting!

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WarmNyotaSweetAyesha: Just read "Heroes" to get better acquainted with Karellen and Antares. Very fascinating and twisty journey they took but their friendship grounded them and now they can transition to romance I love the small-town folksy feel exemplified by your neighbors knowing stuff you wish they didn't

They have definitely been there for each other for years, and now that they are lovers as well as friends, they will continue to do so. (The saga to be continued in further story and song.) And yes, there's nothing like small town gossip--my mother once regaled my father and me with a series of stories about people I don't know involving matters they probably wouldn't me to know. Even more dramatic than that tired one I have heard multiple times about this one local man who got a vasectomy "And then, even though he had only about five sperm left, she [his wife, obviously] still got pregnant with [youngest son's name redacted because I don't remember it]! Hahaha!"

All of that is true to the best of my memory.

Thanks for reading and commenting!