Obi Wan's drinking problem

Great thread...

 

Imagine the party Obi Wan's midichlorians must be having inside him.

 

I think you lose midicholorians the more you drink the same you do brain cells. That's why Obi-Wan dilapidated on Tatooine.

Vader: Your powers are weak, you old drunk.

 

Obi-Wan probably had a little Techila every one in a while. Or he probably chilled with a 40 and just relaxed, trying to forget about his days in the old Republic and that of the Jedi.

 

Anikan knows about the problum too
Aniakn-Where are you going?
Obi Wan-To get a driink(literally two i's)
Aniakn-Has a regretful expression when show him in next clip.

 

Always drinking, always starting bar fights.

Jeez, I mean I've been kicked out of bars before, but this guy gets exiled from civilization. Tough break!

Next time you're at a bar and things start to get rough, just say "Jedi business, go back to your drinks."

 

Clearly the stress gets to Ben after he flees the purge- he drinks himself silly and he winds up on Tatoonie with a sore head and not enough money to go elsewhere. And he vaguely remembers that Anakin hates sand, so he'll never come here to 'sand central'.

The Lars accept Luke- anything to get the drunk outta there and Ben totters off into the aforementioned shaky old age.

Further evidence of his drunkeness- dodgy statements like 'Who's the more foolish,the fool or the fool who follows him'. Only drunk people say stuff like that- usually to justify you being with them in some seedy dive at 3 am in the morning. And 'You'll never find a more wreched hive of scum and villany'- well, how come you know it so well Ben old boy- weekend drinking binges when the Jawa hooch got boring ? His whole time on Tatooie was one long drinkin' binge. The man's abilities were shot to hell, look at
that totally uncordinated 'spin' he does during the duel, and his general level of fitness in ANH.

And you know that the reason he wouldn't allow Luke to go with him when he want to turn off the tractor beam was cause he was lookin' for some hooch in the Death Star Kitchens. That's prob how Vader found him- forget the Force- the fumes coming of the old fella were like a vapour trail. Benny was drunk as a Lord by the Duel,and all the way through most of ANH-which explains a great many things....

Like all Ben's lies to Luke about his dad- the man couldn't be expected to keep track of stuff like that- not when half his minded was clouded. No not by the darkside- but by the Corrilian brandy- explains how he didn't recognise the droids too.

 

LMFAO!

I think Obi-Wan's tragic drinking problem is what will lead to the duel in Episode 3.

ANAKIN: "Master, look, I think you've had enough..."

OBI-WAN: "Issh tell you when I hash enough, boy! Now go get me another bottle of Correlian Ale!"

ANAKIN: "But Master, this is your fourte-"

OBI-WAN: "Donsh you get smart with me, my very young Padawash! *hic* I'm your mashter, and I won't asshept that *hic* kinda lipsh!" *ignights lightsaber*

 

Anakin, not believing that his master would actually strike him, refuses to ignite his lightsaber and continues pleading," Master, for the love of the Fo... AAAARRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Obi-Wan looks over the bloody and mangled half-dead body that was once his Padawan and says,"*hic* Oh doe... whash have Issh doess thissh time??"

 

The Original Elevator Scene:

OBI:"You seem a little on edge."

ANI:"Not at all."

OBI: "I haven't felt you this tense since we fell into that nest of Gandarks."

ANI: "You fell into that nest, Master, because you were drunk. Remember?"

OBI: "Oh. Harr harr harr harr."

 

"Harr harr harr harr." lol
Lots of very funny posts here.

Anakin :"You're going to pay for all the Jedi you killed today, Dooku! I...where are you going?"

Obi-Wan : (calmly) "To get a drink..."

 

Ha! Obi-Wan has one drink and now he has "a problem".

 

But it's not just one G-S. Lucas makes us believe it is one, but in fact, Obi-Wan over the years has developed a steady alcoholism problem.

When Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan as his Padawan, Obi-Wan was sober as sober can be. However, when you hang around someone as cool as Qui-Gon, you need to learn to lay back and have a good time. So Qui-Gon introduced Obi-Wan to the drinking life. At first, Obi-Wan had troubles holding his liquor down. But, over the years he started to be able to out-drink his Master. He told Qui-Gon once, "Now the circle is complete, when I started drinking you were the Master now I am the drunk." At this point Qui-Gon started to notice Obi-Wan's harsher attitudes and more reckless nature. When on Tatooine, Obi-Wan drank an entire bottle of whiskey and was flirting with Dorme and Corde and well things started to get messy. After this incident, Obi-Wan started to shape up, especially after Qui-Gon's death. Obi-Wan however couldn't shake the drinking bug. At night while Anakin was asleep, he would pull out his lightsaber and swing it around after drinking a handle of booze. He said to himself, "I'm teh greatest JediKnight ever, noones better than meez."
As the years went on, Obi-Wan tried to convince Anakin to join him on his drinking runs. By this point, Anakin told his Master one night to shape up or he would "Kick his Master's bony *** all the way to AOTC." So Obi-Wan started to chill out on the booze. However, as Anakin became more frustrating, Obi-Wan and Mace would frequent the bars hitting on the Twi'leks and Jawas. By AOTC, Obi-Wan was a wreck and was shaggy looking and spoke with a fake British accent. After his bar incident where he had by this time cut off the 500th bar patron's arm, he saw that he needed help. So he went to the Kamino Clinic for Jedi's. While there, he sobered up. However, during the battle of Genosis, Obi-Wan hit teh bottle up again while on the way to fight Dooku. He became argumentive with Anakin and even though he was calm at first, just couldn't handle the much more experienced drinker in Dooku. Dooku told him, "You don't know the power of the Sith! I can drink two handles a day! Much more than I was capable with the Jedi" The way this was settled after a Lightsaber duel was with a keg race. Dooku downed an entire keg in 4 mintues, while Obi-Wan lagged and passed out after 2 minutes. Anakin had to save him and finish the race. However they lost. So Obi-Wan, the alcoholic is explained.

That is how Obi-Wan developed his drinking problem in the PT. Tomorrow: the story from Episode III to ANH.

 

After his bar incident where he had by this time cut off the 500th bar patron's arm, he saw that he needed help.

LOL! Often without any justification.

Bar patron: Excuse me sir do you have the time?

Obi-Wan: Yeah *hic* isha right by my *cough* lightshabuh!! Nyaaaah! *cuts off arm*

Bar Patrron: Arrrrgghhhh

 

Of course! Why didn't we think of it before? My friends, I know how the Jedi purge and Anakin's transformation will take place.

Obi Wan comes homes to the Temple plastered one night. In his drunken condition, his jedi mind tricks didn't work so well, and he managed to also slip in a few death sticks. So, when he gets back to his quarters, he has the munchies and starts to make some food. He throws a bunch of stuff in the oven, then leaves.

Suddenly, he thinks he sees anoher assassn droid outside the window! He throws himself out the window, but it turns out to just be a speeder pasing by. He falls out of the temple and passes out. Meanwhile, Obi Wan's food burns and catches fire. All the Jedi are asleep, tired from the battle of Geonosis. The whole temple burns down, killing all of them. The only Jedi who manages to escape is Anakin, who is severely burned and requires the Vader suit in order to live.

Anakin, embarrassed to even acknowledge that he knew that drunken fool, changes his identity completely and tells no one. Obi Wan eventually wakes up, with no memory of midichlorians, any of the jedi's names, or the fact that Vader is really Anakin. Vader, now in complete control, has Obi Wan arrested, and gives him the harshest punishment of all to any drunk...sends him to the dryest planet in the galaxy. Now it will cost Obi Wan an arm and a leg to get any form of liquor.

And there we have it...Episode III in a nutshell.

 

In Dex's Diner, Obi has a Jawa-Juice....
Bet there's little real juice in it?

(Or maybe it's called 'Jawa-juiced', from the alchy content? )



At least Obi refrains from using 'death-sticks'.

 

I love this thread - absolutely hilarious!

LAMA SU: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. But I'm sure he would have been proud of the scotch we've built for him.

OBI-WAN: The scotch?

LAMA SU: Yes, a blended one. And, I must say, one of the finest we've ever created.

OBI-WAN: Tell me, Prime Minister, when my Master first contacted you about the scotch, did he say who it was for?

LAMA SU: Of course he did. This scotch is for the Republic. But you must be anxious to inspect it for yourself.

OBI-WAN: That's why I'm here.

 

I suppose we can close all of the "Why doesn't Obi Wan remember Artoo and Theepio?" threads.

I'm sure there is a lot he doesn't remember.

 

VADER: I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete; when I left you I was but a learner--now I am the master!

OBI-WAN: ...who are you again?

 

He consumed so much alcohol that when Vader strikes him he bursts into nothing (when the DVD comes out, a half frame shows a small explosion). His cloak mustn't have been flammable.

But because Obi Wan was so strong with the ale, the alcoholic vapours remained right through to the end of ROTJ.

But he learned his habit from Yoda. Yes, now you know why Obi Wan and Yoda are the only Jedi that disappear. Its all in the alcohol. Plus, listen to Yoda.

"AROUND THE SURVIVORS A PERIMETER CREATE"

Is that the words of a sober green pint sized midget. I think not.

 

If anyone's a drunk it's Yoda. He can't even string a real sentence together most the time.

 

That little bastard....

 

Yep, that's anther reason the Jedi didn't last long: Their top personal were drunks!

"Master Yoda, what should we do? The Seperatists are gaining ground and we're running out of Jedi!"

"*hic* Leesh put the Clone Troopers in Tutu's, slap 'em, and call 'shem Shally. *hic* Stop them, that will!"

 

He's a freakin' lush, that Obi Wan! I'm boycotting Star Wars forever!






How can I stay mad at you???? (Hugs Star Wars and kisses him repeatedly while speaking in a Homer Simpson voice!)