Amph One Thread To Rule Them All: The Rings of Power, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings & Middle-earth films

DIVIDERS OF ROHAN
(We're taking a calculus final. The Teaching Assistant is a well-known LotR fan, we've had running jokes all semester.)

TA: Okay, guys, everyone look at me. We've been over all the rules, but just in case: no notes, pencil your answers in on the scantron sheet, and graphing calculators only - no more 'can I just use my cell phone' nonsense.

Student: My calculator batteries just died! What should I do?

TA: Here, I've got a big box of spares.

Student: I can't get this packaging open.

Student2: Here, I've got a pocket knife.

TA: And I've got a pair of scissors if you need them.

Student3: "OR MY AXE!"

TA: The only axes allowed on the exam are in the graph section.

Everyone groans.

TA: Oh, come on, you're in a math class. Deal with the math jokes.

Professor enters with a stack of exams and 2 exam proctors.

Prof: Tolkien jokes already?

TA: Hey, I didn't start it.

Prof: But I'm about to finish it. [TA], take these exams down the left flank. [Proctor1], follow the desks down the center. [Proctor2], take your exams right, along the wall. Forth, and fear no problems! Solve! Solve, students of calculus! Points shall be taken, scores shall be splintered! A pencil day! A red ink day! Until three thirty!

The professor holds out his pencil like a sword and runs down the first row. Students hold out their pencils, hitting his as he passes.

Prof: Solve now! Solve now!! Solve to good grades and the class ending! MAAAAATH!

Entire class: MAAAAAAAATH!!

Prof: Forth, exam-takers!

Epilogue: A week later, the professor sent an email to the class that ended, "PS: I appreciate all of you who wrote in their evaluations that I was the one professor to rule them all, but the best one yet was the student who called me Mathrandir."

 

some crazy season 2 rumors from a purported leak over at theonering.net

(obviously potential spoilers}

the most bat**** of all is probably:

Spoiler

“Tom Bombadil and Goldberry are in an episode. They are played by the same actor and actress as Melkor/Morgoth and Ungoliant. The show will confirm the long-held fan theory that Tom and Goldberry are Melkor and Ungoliant serving out their punishment bestowed on them by Mandos.“

um, excuse me?

 

I have never in my life heard that theory

 

it makes me think/hope the leak is bs, but they did get pretty out there with some of their choices in season 1 so who really knows?

 

I can believe it’s a long held fan theory but only because fan theories ****ing suck.

 

lol, why would Amazon not announce that they had acquired the rights to The Silmarillion? That makes no sense and causes me to skeptical of the rest of it, though it largely fits the pattern started in the first season.

 

They were allowed the rights to “some” plot points for season 1. But not all, and not permanently.


But yeah, this list of crazy rumors…

And for the record, I’ve read a lot of theories, and NEVER IN MY LIFE heard of *that* one. Never mind it seeming even possible…


full list from the site:

Spoiler

1. Amazon has newly expanded rights to plot points from The Silmarillion.
2. S2E1 opening scene is Eru using the secret flame to create Melkor.
3. Melkor (then) watches as Eru creates all the Valar and the Maiar.
4. Eru is a disembodied voice vaguely human shaped but no characteristics can be made out.
5. The secret flame is golden, as are all the Valar and the Maiar.
6. The Valar are larger than the Maiar, but are bathed in a golden light and completely naked (the scenes were filmed with nude figures in strategic lighting.)
7. Sauron will be played primarily by three actors in Season 2.
8. Sauron — in Mairon form, and called such — is NOT Halbrand (Charlie Vickers) or Annatar (Gavi Singh Chera).
9. After the fourth interruption of the Song, several Maia meet and discuss Melkor’s discordance.
10. Mithrandir (Gandalf) is in this scene.
11. Mithrandir (Gandalf) is “almost” convinced to support Mairon’s (Sauron) agenda.
12. Mairon gives an epic speech, “The One has blessed me more so than all of you to see the potential of His creations, and what better way to forge their mettle than by allowing them to face Melkor’s discord and grow beyond what they think capable!”
13. Sauron tells the dwarves he apprenticed under Aulë, so they welcome him with open arms.
14. Sauron had a son who Adar killed.
15. Horse lovers rejoice! A dedicated “bottle” episode with little dialog will tell the story of the first Mearas (Editor: these are the great horses of the Rohirrim), Felaróf, and introduce Shadowfax.
16. Gandalf (Meteor Man) meets Shadowfax.
17. Tom Bombadil and Goldberry are in an episode.
18. They are played by the same actor and actress as Melkor/Morgoth and Ungoliant from Episode 1.
19. The pair, as Bombadil and Goldberry, are serving out a punishment from Mandos per “a long-held fan theory” (Editor: this “long-held fan theory” is news to us.).
20. The season will end with Sauron forging the One Ring.

My opinions, and some things I do like:

Spoiler

Sauron originally arguing that resistance to Melkor will show the worth of the children, and him working with Dwarves under Aule.

I do also like Gandalf almost joining the side, he does seem to have been a Fire Spirit, and maybe one reason why he had multiple Valar masters is because he was originally one of Melkor’s. And if he stayed with Melkor, would have been a Balrog. Tolkien in later drafts wrote the Maiar who becomes the bearer of the Sun was a fire spirit who refuses to follow Melkor’s rebellion.

Showing the Ainulindale is ambitious, depends on execution, but potentially fine, even with those proposed elaborations..

Shadowfax stuff is fine.


IF the actors playing Bombadil and Goldberry are just obscured by shadow in their flashback, and they’re not actually the same characters, that would be acceptable. But them actually being the same characters… it seemed pretty clear Melkor was cast out into the void. And while I believe in redemption, him not being tempted by the One Ring? That really doesn’t check out. Even if his old plot of land is his rehabilitation prison… just … no. They should have learned better when getting the backlash on mithril’s origin and it being the secret ingredient of the rings.



Sauron having a son isn’t impossible, but that’s a major innovation. There’s Melian with Luthien. Tolkien says Melkor probably used some Maiar to reproduce with elves and beasts to create things like dragons, trolls, wargs, and some orcs. Originally Eonwe was the son of Varda and Manwe, Orome was the son of Yavanna. It is a major innovation though.

 

This sounds like a massive troll job.

 

As someone who comes up with fan theories, that is possibly the worst I've ever heard.

Mine tend to be rather lame as well, but mostly because they are pedantic and cover subjects no one cares about (Tharbad being the capital of the Two Kingdoms, Dorwinion being a former province of Gondor)

 

tbf someone could have posted a similar list of things that actually did end up being in season 1, and i would have thought the same thing.

 

There's absolutely no comparison. An entire episode devoted to Tom and Goldberry who are actually Melkor and Ungoliant, another entire episode devoted to the history of a race of horses, and the opening episode being entirely about the creation of the world and the fall of Sauron. Not to mention Silmarillion rights being sold without a soul hearing about it. Sorry, but there's nothing in S1 this wild and seemingly seriously divorced from the story we understand them to be telling.

 

it just said tom and goldberry appear in an episode, not that they have one devoted to them. i don't find that so hard to believe, and making them melkor and ungoliant is about as out there as mithril being a melted silmaril or mordor being created by a rube goldberg device. i also find the first episode premise to be plausible, but i agree that an episode devoted to the mearas is pretty weird even for this show.

 

Actually, theonering.net specifically says there is an entire episode devoted to Tom and Goldberry. Below is a quote from their latest dump (figurative and literal):

The first episode premise is the most plausible, but I think the horses thing exposes this supposed set of leaks as fraudulent. Not to mention Sauron duping Galadriel AGAIN for the entire season by posing as Celeborn. I mean, if this stuff is true, these guys have lost their marbles completely.

If I'm wrong, I'll go collect water-lilies for the rest of my life.

 

dp

 

yeah, i see that now, but it's not in the "leaked" info so i think they just made that up.

 

There's only one thing to say about all this.

****ity ring a dong dillo!

 

I feel like we're back in the days of Supershadow. WTF.

 

Supershadow was a committed bit, though. This is more like random dumb fan ****.
We need a "Tolkien superfan" who not only claims to know 100% what's going to happen on the Amazon show, but also behind-the-scenes of the totally true LOTR theme park at [Disney/Universal/Six Flags/Knotts Berry Farm] and - of course - knowledge of the supersecret JRRT manuscripts that scholars and his children were unaware of (or deny their existence) but this fan has exclusive access to!

 

Also being best friends with Tolkien, showing off his supermodel girlfriend, and a catalog of a hundred characters’ midichlorians.

 

A melted Silmaril?…

 

yeah, in season one it was revealed that an elf lord and a balrog fought over a tree that contained the last silmaril, and then lightning struck the tree and the power of the silmaril seeped into the earth and became mithril. tbh i might be getting it slightly wrong, i only watched it once.

 

I was still hoping they retcon that as a misdirection (that was probably the worst part of season 1, besides just some boring stuff)… but these rumors…

At least Maedhros and the Balrog looked cool

 

You've gotta be kidding me

 

I know - he bothered to watch it even once?

 

It's like a writer shouted, "Of course! Mith-RIL, Silma-RIL... Tolkien was hiding the truth in plain sight! And I was the first to see it!"