Games SWC Overly verbose Star Wars

Credits will do fine.
No they won't. No credits, no Visa, no Mastercard, no Amex, no checks, no banker's orders, no postage stamps, no IOUs, no deathsticks, not even a copy of Jedi Mind Tricks for Dummies personally signed by Yoda. Only money. No money, no parts, no deal.

 

In order to ensure our security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire, for a safe and secure society. We will address violent crimes and take firm action on drug use. To prevent illegal immigration, we will build a wall across the center of the Galaxy and make the Hutts pay for it. And thousands of new jobs will be created in defense and related industries. Also, we can get things done quicker. That's a big advantage of a dictators...uh, that is an Empire.

 

No, I am...well let me back up. I was once an emotionally unbalanced Jedi, by their standards. I was really balanced, which is why I turned to the Dark Side. Anyway, I fell in love with the former queen and senator from Naboo and we secretly got married. On a break from the Clone Wars, I went to visit her and yada yada yada she got pregnant. Well, I was so afraid she was going to die in labor and the Emperor somehow knew about that and told me he knew how to keep her alive. Turns out it was BS, but I was too far gone. She followed me on some business and brought Obi-Wan with her...I knocked her out and then fought Obi-Wan. He won, slicing off 3 of my limbs. The Emperor saved me and told me I killed your mother, which seems impossible because I know she was alive. Now I'm stuck in this suit and in the Emperor's command. I didn't know my chid was alive until I researched who blew up the Death Star...turns out it was you and you're my son, which the Emperor confirmed. Long story short, I am your father.

 

"You almost got us killed! Are you brainless?"

"As a sentient humanoid-amphibian lifeform, I am able to vocalise my thoughts and feelings, so that I may communicate with you in a conversational manner, albeit using a dialect which is perhaps best described as 'adjacent' to the language you are currently using, which I believe is called Galactic Basic."

"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent."

 

"When I left you...oh wait, you technically left me after slashing my mask and you spoke to both my Anakin persona and Darth Vader persona in hopes that maybe I hadn't destroyed Anakin, but I said I had and I would destroy you. And the time before that, you escaped after I burned you. And the time before that, you walked off after chopping off three of my limbs. Or is this a metaphorical thing I'm saying? Even that is confusing. Time is weird or some reason. p) Anyway, I was but the learner, but now I am the master.

 

....

 

Obi-Wan: It's over Anakin, I have the high ground.
Anakin (Vader): Didn't you have the high ground against Maul and still win? And what is up with you complaining about absolutes and using absolutes?? Remind me to never let you tell my kid stories or give any sort of wisdom...you'll probably confuse them like crazy and then try to save it by saying it's just your point of view or something.

 

They're like any of a group of multicellular eukaryotic organisms (i.e., as distinct from bacteria/their deoxyribonucleic acid, or DNA, is contained in a membrane-bound nucleus) and are thought to have evolved independently from the unicellular eukaryotes ... and I slaughtered them like any of a group of multicellular eukaryotic organisms (i.e., as distinct from bacteria/their deoxyribonucleic acid, or DNA, is contained in a membrane-bound nucleus) and are thought to have evolved independently from the unicellular eukaryotes.

 

The moment we land the Federation will arrest you. You will be handcuffed and read your rights, then they will put you in a ship and take you to one of their prison camps. You will wait around for a bit while they complete the paperwork, then you will be fingerprinted and have your picture taken. After that, you can call your attorney. Then you will be interrogated under a bright light. If you don't give in, you will only end up serving more time because they clearly have the goods on you. They will force you to sign the treaty.

 

Anakin: “Don’t lecture me Obi-Wan. I see through the philosophical hypocrisy of the Jedi teachings. I do not share the point of view that the dark side is to be seen as a threatening presence. I have disabled the online signals to all droid units to restore a peacetime state, restored civil liberties to all sentient beings, installed courts that will have no biased leanings towards prosecutors or defendants, and secured an Empire that is absolutely, unequivocally mine.”

Obi-Wan: “Um…you have done that…..yourself?”

 

In case you haven't noticed, I was nominated to Grand Chancellor and then given emergency powers to act on my own accordance, therefore, combined with the now clear knowledge that I was a master Sith Lord the whole time, controlling everybody and everything, I AM the senate.

 

"Observe that the leverage created by my upper appendages, when applied in unison to the two handles of the single-seat repulsorlift vehicle upon which I currently sit, will result in said vehicle proceeding forward. Conversely, were I to then pull my arms back thusly, the vehicle (which, for reference, is categorised as a speeder bike) would come to an abrupt halt. So, in review, we have 'proceed forward' and we have 'abrupt halt'... proceed forward... abrupt halt."

 

“Welcome, young Skywalker. I have been expecting you. You no longer need these. Tell me, young Skywalker. Who has been involved in your training until now? Oh, I know it was Obi-Wan Kenobi at first. Of course, we are familiar with the talent Obi-Wan Kenobi had, when it came to training Jedi. So, in your early training you have followed your father's path, it would seem. But alas - Obi-Wan is now dead, I believe; his elder student, here, saw to that. So tell me, young Skywalker - who continued your training? There was one called ... Yoda. An aged Master Jed ... Ah, I see by your countenance I have hit a chord, a resonant chord indeed. Yoda, then. This Yoda, lives he still? ... Ah! He lives not. Very good, young Skywalker, you almost hid this from me. But you could not. And you can not. Your deepest flickerings are to me apparent. Your nakedest soul. That is my first lesson to you. I'm sure Yoda taught you to use the Force with great skill ... I look forward to completing your training, young Skywalker. In time, you will call me Master."

 

Always two there are, no more, no less. A master and an apprentice. Three there are not, three sith we see not. One sith also we see not. Four sith encounter we will not ever. And unthinkable more than four is. Two, the normal number of sith is. Two, I say again.

 

Five is right out.

 

A long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, even longer than the last long time ago in a galaxy, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, not quite as far as the last far but still further than your average far away ...

 

I am in no hurry, Lord Vader. My concern is that Captain Solo not be damaged. The reward from Jabba the Hutt is double if he’s alive.

 

Han: "Chewie, we're back on the Millenium Falcon. This place always feels like home to me, and I'm very pleased to be here again now, after all these years."

 

It is an energy field and something more. An aura that both controls and obeys. A nothingness that can accomplish miracles. No-one, not even the Jedi scientists, were able to truly define the Force. Possibly no-one ever will. Sometimes there is as much magic as science in the explanations of the force. Yet what is a magician but a practicing theorist? Now, let's try again.

 

Power is equal to work done divided by time. During my time in the Jedi Order, I have worked 20,000 hours using an average of 800,000 joules of energy per hour, placing my power output at 40 watts. But in my latest evaluation report, you place my power at just 30 watts. Bottom line: you underestimate my power.

 

Now is the time for me to start showing myself to be a little more shady and sketchy and dark than previously revealed, which will also test your allegiance to the Jedi Code. Normally, you would just take Count Dooku, a Sith Lord, captive now that you have two lightsabers at your neck. But I'm gonna go ahead and give you a new order (you'll understand that pun later): Do it!

 

THE VIOLENT CONFLICT AMIDST LARGE CELESTIAL BODIES
The First Episodic Instalment
THE OMNIPRESENT AND UNKNOWABLE MENACING INTENT

There is quite a significant amount of turmoil currently engulfing the intergalactic political body registered as the Galactic Republic. The compulsory financial contributions to government revenue being applied to the hyperspace routes best suited for the purposes of trade, haulage and other commerce, which all lead to well-populated star systems at the furthest reaches of the galaxy, are being severely disagreed with.

Believing that they can affect a favourable resolution to this specific matter by resorting to the use of heavily-armed and well-armoured battleships deployed in an orbital blockade formation, the gluttonous and self-important Merchandise Amalgamation has successfully managed to cease any form of import and export business from taking place on the surface of the particular planet which is listed on most reputable star charts as being referred to as Naboo.

Before, during, and most likely after multiple scheduled debates on this subject being conducted by the Congress of the Republic, who have agreed that this ongoing sequence of seemingly singular events are linked together in a linear fashion, and may build to an alarming crescendo, the most senior elected official of the Galactic Republic, bestowed the title of Supreme Chancellor, has employed subterfuge to make contact with and subsequently request the hasty dispatch of a pair of mysterious space wizards, otherwise known as members of an order of Jedi Knights, the vast majority of whom have a reputation for being steadfast guardians of the concepts of tranquil harmony and impartial egalitarianism in the known heavens, with the objective of achieving an amicable resolution to the dissension...​

 

“Bury your feelings deep down, Luke. They do you credit, but they could be made to serve the Emperor. When your father left, he didn’t know your mother was pregnant. Your mother and I knew he would find out eventually, but we wanted to keep you both as safe as possible, for as long as possible. So I took you to live with my brother Owen, on Tatooine ... and your mother took Leia to live as the daughter of Senator Organa, on Alderaan. The Organa family was high-born and politically quite powerful in that system. Leia became a princess by virtue of lineage—no one knew she’d been adopted, of course. But it was a title without real power, since Alderaan had long been a democracy. Even so, the family continued to be politically powerful, and Leia, following in her foster father’s path, became a senator as well. That’s not all she became, of course—she became the leader of her cell in the Alliance against the corrupt Empire. And because she had diplomatic immunity, she was a vital link for getting information to the Rebel cause. That’s what she was doing when her path crossed yours—for her foster parents had always told her to contact me on Tatooine, if her troubles became desperate.”
“But you can’t let her get involved now, Ben. Vader will destroy her.”
“She hasn’t been trained in the ways of the Jedi the way you have, Luke—but the Force is strong with her, as it is with all of your family. That is why her path crossed mine—because the Force in her must be nourished by a Jedi. You’re the last Jedi, now, Luke ... but she returned to us—to me—to learn, and grow. Because it was her destiny to learn and grow; and mine to teach. You cannot escape your destiny, Luke. Keep your sister’s identity secret, for if you fail she is truly our last hope. Gaze on me now, Luke—the coming fight is yours alone, but much will depend on its outcome, and it may be that you can draw some strength from my memory. There is no avoiding the battle, though—you can’t escape your destiny. You will have to face Darth Vader again...”

 

Obi-Wan: That boy is our last hope.
Yoda: Seriously?? What did Tatooine do to your brain?? Fry it?? Even though, being a Force ghost didn't fix it?? You were there for Luke's birth AND his sister, Leia's birth--Padme even told you her chosen names. Then, 10 years into your time on Tatooine, you were beckoned to rescue her. Another 10 years later, you were, AGAIN, called to help rescue her. Heck, she was more excited you were possibly around than the actual act of being rescued. And it can't be a gender thing, because we worked with a bunch of powerful female Jedi. So...no, he is NOT the last hope. There is another Skywalker, her name is Leia Organa.

 

A communications disruption could mean many things. A generator failure somewhere. Mynocks on the power lines. Queen Amidala not paying her phone bills to the HoloNet Federation. But at this time, in this context, with the political situation we now face, particularly in regards to the massive Neimoidian blockade fleet currently in orbit around our planet, it is all but certain that the communications disruption in question does not arise from any of these relatively minor incidents, whose existence, I reiterate, remains strictly hypothetical. No, instead, if we are to remain within the realm of prudence, we must operate under the assumption that this aforementioned communications disruption can mean only one thing: an invasion is either about to begun, or has begun already and is currently in the process of unfolding.