CT Rewriting the OT to suit the Prequels (humor)

THREEPIO: It's alright you can trust him, he's our new master.

ARTOO: beep woo, beep, beep, whistle, wah.

THREEPIO: He said she's your sister and you were separated after you were born. She lives on Alderaan but is a member of the Rebel Alliance. She sent us here with the plans to a battle station and we're supposed to contact Obi-Wan Kenobi.

LUKE: No way, i didn't know you droids had great imaginations.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LUKE: What happened to my father?

BEN: Now if i told you that it would spoil The Empire Strikes Back...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VADER: I sense something....... something I've not sensed since that b****** cut off my left arm and both my legs!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------TARKIN: I've just received word the Emperor has dissolved the council permanently....

TAGGE: (cutting in) A guess it wasn't as bad as when his face got dissolved by that Jedi back in the day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VADER: He is here...

TARKIN: Obi-Wan Kenobi! What makes you think so?

VADER: I smelt barbecue on that freighter, the last time we were together i smelt barbecue...

TARKIN: And you were the one being barbecued!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VADER: I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete.

VADER: When I left you I was but the learner, now I am the master!

BEN: When you left me you looked like a deep fried bantha nugget!

 

R2D2 flies around.

ANH:
Luke: How did my father die?
Ben: A young Jedi named Darth Vader who was a pupil of mine, until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the jedi knights. He betrayed and murdered your father.
Luke: Darth Vader is my father, you betrayed him and left him for dead at Mustafar.
Ben: What I told you was true from a certain point of view.
Luke: From a certain point of view the Jedi are evil. "drinks blue milk"

ESB:
Leia kisses Luke
Luke: Leia, you are my sister.
Leia: Somehow i've always known.
Han: wow, she must really hate me.

RoTJ:
Luke: Leia, do you remember your mother, your real mother?
Leia: Just a little bit. She died when I was very young.
Luke: R2D2 told me she died in childbirth.
Leia: She was, very beautiful, kind, but sad. Why are you asking me this?
Luke: I have no memory of my mother. I never knew her. And neither should you since we were separated from our mother at birth.

 

Death Star plans or not, you must realize you are doomed.

Oh I don’t think so.

 

On Jabba's sail barge, R2-D2 fires Luke's lightsaber into the air. Luke catches it, ignites it, and starts swinging. Boba Fett immediately uses his jet pack and flies over to Luke. Luke swings his lightsaber at Boba Fett which bounces harmlessly off his beskar armor. Boba then fires his mini rockets and takes Luke down. Jabba laughs, pulls Leia closer by her chain, and gobbles down another frog like creature..

 

Sorry for the stack. I can't edit the last post.

 

Oops last upload didn't work.

 

Sorry for the stack, can't edit the last post.

 

That scene where Threepio isn't even sure what planet he's on, then realises he's in the same farmhouse he served in for well over a decade.

 

How would you rewrite the Original Trilogy . . . period? It's not perfect.

 

Err back to rewrite jokes...

 

Vader: When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I’m still the Apprentice.

 

- Lots of references to “Darth Sidious”.

- The Stormtroopers would all have the height and voice of Temuera Morrison.

 

No others? It's been a week since my last post. Thought of this one

 

I think he's feeling bad about Captain Needa.