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CT Rewriting the OT to suit the Prequels (humor)

Discussion in 'Classic Trilogy' started by Darth Downunder, Mar 25, 2016.

  1. Seeker Of The Whills

    Seeker Of The Whills Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 20, 2015
    “Through the Force, things you will see. Other places. The future…the past. Old friends long gone.”
     
  2. Darth Downunder

    Darth Downunder Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2001
    Except she describes it as a memory, not a vision.
     
  3. Bob Effette

    Bob Effette Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    "Everything is transpiring as I have foreseen he he he"
    "Except the Force Lightning"
    "What?"
    "Well you didn't foresee that did you? And now look at you, you're a mess"
    "Not as bad as you though"
    ...........
    "Fair point"
     
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  4. Darth Downunder

    Darth Downunder Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2001
    Luke: How did my father die?
    Ben: A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down the Jedi. He betrayed & murdered your father.
    Luke: Oh. Well how did my mother die?
    Ben: [face_thinking]
    Luke: [face_plain]
    Ben: [face_thinking]
    Luke: [face_plain]
    Ben: [face_thinking]
    Luke: Look if you'd rather not talk about it that's ok.
    Ben: No it's just that after 20 years I still have no freakin' idea[face_dunno]
     
  5. MidKnighT

    MidKnighT Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 23, 2005
    Vader: You are beaten, it is useless to resist.
    Luke: Oh yeah? *reaches into his pocket* How do you like...SAND? *Luke throws sand in Vader's face*
    Vader: Nooooo! *Vader panics, slips on the bridge, and falls...* But Luuuukkke I am your faaattthheerrrrrrrrr *splat*

    Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
     
  6. Bob Effette

    Bob Effette Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    BZZZZTTTTT

    "I see you have constructed a new lightsa....AAAAAAGH"
    "Be careful of that double blade father"




    Jabba: "Put him in!"
    <long pause>
    Jabba: "What are you waiting for?"
    C-3PO: "I believe they are waiting for you to spit the frog at the gong Your Worship"
    Jabba: "Oh very well"




    "The Death Star will be completed on schedule"
    "You have done well Lord Vader. And now, have I ever told you the story of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"
    <sigh> "No, no I don't think you have"
     
  7. MidKnighT

    MidKnighT Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 23, 2005
    LUKE: How did my father die?

    BEN: A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights. He betrayed and murdered your father. Now the Jedi are all but extinct. Vader was seduced by the dark side of the Force.

    LUKE: HA! I was testing you you old liar. Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru already told me everything ending with you dropping me off here as an infant. Now when are you going to take me to find my sister?
     
  8. Bob Effette

    Bob Effette Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    Vader: "You may take Captain Solo to Jabba the Hutt after I have Skywalker"
    Boba Fett: "He's no good to me dead!"
    Vader: "You should try somewhere other than New Zealand for your vacation"
    Lando: "Lord Vader!"
    Vader: "May I recommend the Azores..."
    Lando: "Lord Vader, what about Leia and the Wookie."
    Vader: "...or Mauritius, lovely at this time of year...WHAT??"
     
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  9. Martoto77

    Martoto77 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 6, 2016
    When I met your father, he was way more whiny than even you were when we met. No disrespect, Luke. But you've come a long way further on the whiny twerp front than your father ever did and he was on the Jedi council. But I was amazed by how strongly the force was in him, so I guess that made us good friends.
     
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  10. Bob Effette

    Bob Effette Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    "Your powers are weak old man"
    "Remember when I pulled you from that nest of Gundarks?"
    "What? Not this again..."
     
  11. RogueZero

    RogueZero Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 17, 2009
    Luke: Ben??
    Obi-Wan: Luke, you must go to the Dagobah system.
    Luke: Dagobah system?
    Obi-Wan: There you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi master who instructed me. Well, more accurately the master who taught me as a kid then I became the Padawan - that's what we used to call apprentices, Luke - to master Qui-Gon Jinn, but you can't learn much from him 'cause he's a force ghost like me.
    Luke: Ben-
    Qui-Gon: Hey Luke, I've heard so much about you. Your dad was very strong in the force, I'm sure you'll do well.
    (to Obi-Wan) You haven't told him yet, have you?
    Luke: Wha...look, I'm freezing... I got it.., D-D-Dagobah system...so-
    Obi-Wan: Hey Han.
    Han: Luke! Oh hey, old man......wait a minute...
     
  12. Bob Effette

    Bob Effette Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    "Tell me young Luke, what brings you out this far?"
    "You wanna buy some death sticks?"
     
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  13. ObiWanKnowsMe

    ObiWanKnowsMe Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 7, 2015
    When I first met him, your father was literally 9 yrs old and a great podracer, and hey did you know he built C3PO if I remember correctly.

    I was amazed how strongly the Force was with him. I suggested he was too dangerous and did not agree to train him until my dying master made me promise to train him so I did out of grief. Yoda then argued against it but eventually said ***k it and told me to train Anakin

    I thought that I could instruct him in the ways of the force, well actually I was pretty unsure. Anakin was a sketchy little fellow
     
  14. Bob Effette

    Bob Effette Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    "Luke..........Luke"
    "Ben?"
    "You will go to the Dagobah system"
    "Dagobah system?"
    "There you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi master who instructed me. Actually, it was Qui-Gon Jinn who instructed me, but he's dead. Stabbed in the gut by a double bladed lightsaber, nasty business. Anyway..."
     
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  15. Darth Downunder

    Darth Downunder Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2001
    Jerjerrod: I tell you this station will be operational as planned.
    Vader: Lord Sidious does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation.
    Jerjerrod: He asks the impossible. I need more Geonosians!


    Vader: His lightsaber.
    Emperor: Ah yes, a Jedi's weapon. Much like this one I have up my sleeve.
     
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  16. Bob Effette

    Bob Effette Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    "I told you to remain on the command ship!"
    "A small rebel force has penetrated the shield and landed on Scarif..............Endor"
    "Just let it go will you?"
     
  17. Darth Downunder

    Darth Downunder Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2001
    Emperor: Now young Skywalker...you will die! [lightning]
    Vader: No! He must live.
    Emperor: He's too dangerous to be left alive.
    Vader: It's not the Sith way!
    Emperor: Stay out of this Vader.
    Luke: Father please! I can't hold on any longer!
    Vader: I need him!
    Emperor: Go & stand in that corner Vader. This will all be over soon.
    Vader: NNNOOOOOoooooooo!!
     
  18. MidKnighT

    MidKnighT Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 23, 2005
    LUKE: I can't understand how we got by those troopers. I thought we were dead.

    BEN: The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded. But it doesn't work on Targaryens, only money.
     
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  19. Bob Effette

    Bob Effette Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    Owen Lars: Well... I guess I'm your stepbrother. I had a feeling you might show up someday.
    Anakin: Do you know my master Obi-Wan Kenobi? He's on a damn fool idealistic crusade. And so am I.
     
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  20. J7Luke

    J7Luke Jedi Knight star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 30, 2017
    Anakin: Now let me go murder an entire village.
     
  21. MidKnighT

    MidKnighT Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 23, 2005
    Tusken Raider 1: Ha, look at that teenage boy down there with the droid. Let's ambush him and take his stuff.

    Tusken Raider 2: Wait I think that's Skywalker's kid. If we mess with him he'll not only kill us but he'll kill our whole village, the women and the children too.

    Tusken Raider 1: Yikes, you're right. Let's get outta here.
     
  22. Bob Effette

    Bob Effette Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    "Good food hee hee, good. Ah, found someone you have I would say hee hee. My pet snake Reggie that is. Seeing him alive again, brings warm feelings to my heart"
     
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  23. Darth Downunder

    Darth Downunder Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2001
    Vader: Obi-Wan is here. The Living Force is with him.
    Tarkin: If you're right, he must not be allowed to escape.
    Vader:Escape is not his plan. I must face him, alone!
    Tarkin: That's only natural. He cut off your arms & legs, you want revenge.
    Vader:Who told you that??
    Tarkin: Remember what you told...er 'someone' once about your mother & the Sand People?
    Vader: My boss is such a damned big-mouth! [storms out of the room]
     
  24. Bob Effette

    Bob Effette Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    "That face you make. Look I so old to young eyes?"
    "You certainly look better than when my father was a boy"
     
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  25. Darth Downunder

    Darth Downunder Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2001
    Obi-Wan: For over a thousand generations the Jedi were guardians of peace & justice in the Old Republic. Before the Dark Times. Before the Empire!
    Luke: Wasn't the Republic only around for a thousand years?
    Obi-Wan: You like correcting your elders do you, you little twerp?
    Luke: Sometimes. How did my father die?
    Obi-Wan: He didn't know his place. He would always argue & try to correct me, so I dismembered him & left him for dead on a volcano.
    Luke: I'll just...be going now.