Saga "Shadows of Coruscant" (Completed) Barriss Offee,Luminara Unduli, Asajj Ventress

Disclaimer: I own nothing! I am in no way making money from this!This is pure fan fiction and came completely from my imagination thanks to Star Wars!

Acknowledgements: Thank you George Lucas, for creating Star Wars, thank you Nalini Krishan and Mary Oyaya for playing Barriss and Luminara in the movies! Also thank you to everyone who helped with Star Wars in any way! I give full credit to you! Also thank you to the countless Star Wars writers who have inspired me over the years! And special thank you to the people who first created Barriss and Luminara! I am forever grateful to you!

Author: barrissoffeefan

Characters: This storyline will feature Barriss Offee, Luminara Unduli, Yoda, Jedi Council members, and Asajj Ventress!
Locations: Coruscant

Storyline: Barriss and Luminara will try to capture Asajj Ventress on Coruscant, who is leading a team of mercenaries to unload weapons in the underlevels of the city.

Timeline: About 2 months after the Battle of Geonosis

Genre: Action, Drama, some comedy

Rating: PG

COMMENTS ARE WELCOME AND VERY APPRECIATED! Please give me feedback!



?Again.? Jedi Master Luminara Unduli?s voice was even and relaxed, despite the sweat that slid down her face and the sharp pain that radiated throughout her arms. If she felt this exhausted, she couldn?t imagine how her Padawan must feel. Her brilliant blue eyes studied her apprentice. Barriss Offee was breathing deeply, slightly bending, with her lightsaber resting deactivated in her hand. Barriss still wore her dark robe with the hood drawn up, which must have been stifling. Luminara could tell that Offee wanted to object, but the Padawan activated her lightsaber anyway. She assumed a neutral position, spreading her feet apart and drawing the blue blade up to her shoulder. Luminara smiled at her persistence, then crouched low, holding her humming green blade forward.

Barriss lunged first, her cloak flying behind her, and brought the saber crashing down on her Master. Luminara sprang upward, swinging her own saber up to meet the attack. The result was a high-pitched hum as the two blades slammed into each other. Sparks shot out in all directions. Barriss grunted quietly as she lifted her blade and performed a backflip to create more moving room. She landed on her feet, robes sweeping around her and hood flapping. Luminara sent out a quick blast of energy from the Force, raising her hand towards Barriss. The Padawan attempted to deflect the energy, turning away and raising her own hand in response. She was too slow, however, and was raised off of her feet, sliding across the slick floor of the sparring arena. She landed in a heap of dark blue clothing, her lightsaber rolling away.

Luminara leapt, closing the distance between them, and landed beside her student. She called Barriss? lightsaber to her outstretched hand, and looked down at her defeated opponent. She could see the embarrassment in her face. ?You must learn to anticipate such attacks. A Sith Lord would not show you any mercy,? Luminara instructed briskly. Barriss nodded. ?Yes, Master.? Luminara deactivated the lightsabers, turned away, and began walking across the room. Suddenly, Barriss jumped to her feet, and Luminara felt the lightsaber leave her hand. In the next second, Barriss had the blade ignited, raised, and waiting. Luminara recovered quickly, laughing. ?Very good, Padawan. That?s enough for today.? They had been dueling for two hours at least, and both were clearly drained.

Barriss relaxed, and her dark lips parted slightly in a smile. She hung the handle on her belt, and exhaled slowly. Though she always felt tired after a duel with her Master, Barriss enjoyed the exercise. It kept her mind refreshed and clear. The pair made their way to the outside platform atop one of the Jedi Temple?s many spires. This particular deck overlooked the industrial district of Coruscant. The morning sky was bright and clear, dotted with the thousands of aircraft that passed the Temple. Barriss studied the seemingly endless stream of traffic. The hot

 

Quite good so far. You have a promising writing style and seemed to portray the characters very well, as far as I can tell. Looking forward to reading more

 

(Continued)

The two had been performing this exercise for years now. Barriss found it to be one of the most difficult tricks for a Jedi, but it was also one of the most enjoyable. She smiled at the relative silence. Only the distant sounds of spacecraft could be heard, and the typical sounds of a city?construction equipment humming, a bird chirping. Peace had been a far-fetched thought since the Clone Wars had erupted across the galaxy. Barriss sighed. Memories of the Battle of Geonosis were still fresh in her mind. The betrayal by Count Dooku, the deaths of so many Jedi, leading clone troopers into battle against the droids of the Separatists.....Barriss pushed away the thoughts, almost losing her concentration. Instead, she thought of the Force. How it seemed to flow, vast and smooth, endless and limitless, tranquil and yet quietly deadly, unmatched in pure power, if used for the good of the galaxy?.

?Barriss,? Luminara?s voice called, sounding far away. Barriss opened her eyes, and saw that her mentor was already standing, waiting for her to drop. How long had she been meditating? No matter. Barriss quickly lowered to the ground and stood. Luminara smiled, about to say something, but her holoprojector unit beeped on her belt. She removed it, and the ghostly blue image of Master Yoda stood before them.

Barriss bowed while Luminara said, ?Master Yoda. It?s an honor to see you.?

Yoda?s eyes twinkled warmly. ?Master Unduli, Padawan Offee, good it is, to see you. Requests your presence, the Jedi Council does,? he replied.

?Of course, Master,? Luminara answered, then the pair bowed and the projection blinked off. ?Another mission?? Barriss asked, the excitement high in her voice.

?Perhaps,? Luminara said. Her beautiful face showed slight concern and apprehension. Barriss followed her Master from the rooftop to the cool interior of the Temple. With high ceilings, lush blue carpet flowing throughout the entire building, and wide halls, the Temple was easily the most beautiful structure on Coruscant. Its only rival was the Senate capitol, which Barriss had only been to a few times. (Continued Below!)

 

(Continued)

As the pair walked, Barriss noticed how few Jedi there were inside. Normally, without the war, the Jedi were spread thin enough as it was. Now, with almost every Jedi deployed to far-flung battles across the galaxy, it was rare to find Jedi in the Temple these days.

The pair reached the stairway leading up to the tower that housed the Jedi Council. As they climbed the stairs, Barriss wondered why her Master was not yet a Council member. Luminara was wise and powerful, and Barriss had owed her her life on several occasions. As a general, Luminara had proved to be a skilled tactician, making quick decisions during battle and treating her clone troops with kindness.

Currently, the Council was filled, with 12 Jedi Masters, the wisest and most powerful. Obviously, Master Yoda was their leader, with Mace Windu second in command. Luminara served as a trusted source for advice, but was not officially designated as a member.

Barriss had always found this unfair. Luminara had been a Jedi Master since the Battle of Naboo. Barriss was thankful to have her as a Master. Not only that, Barriss was like the daughter she had never had, and Luminara was like the mother she had never had. They were both Mirialan, with patterned tatoos on their face and hands, signifying their dedication to constant physical perfection.

Barriss wondered about her own future. She was due to begin her Jedi Trials sometime soon now. As a Jedi Healer, Barriss had studied under Stass Allie and the Circle of Jedi Healers to use her unique connection to the Force to heal wounds and diseases. With the war going on, Healers were in high demand, and Barriss had been able to utilize her considerable skills on a few occasions so far.

They had reached the Council chambers. Luminara entered quickly, with Barriss close behind. Inside, twelve chairs were arranged in a circular fashion, but only a few seats were occupied. The room was framed by huge transparisteel windows overlooking most of the city. This particular tower was especially high, rising above even the air traffic.

Luminara and Barriss stood in the center of the room, surrounded by the Council. Only a few were physically present--Yoda, Mace Windu, Plo Koon,and Ki-Adi-Mundi. But the holoproj images of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Saesee Tiin, Shaak Ti, Kit Fisto, and Agen Kolar were also in attendance. These Masters were away on individual assignments, no doubt about to engage in heated battles with battle droids.

"Apologize, the Council does, for its short notice," Yoda began kindly.
The green-skinned Master may have been small, but he was no less deadly with a lightsaber, Barriss knew.

"It is no problem, Master," Luminara replied, though her tone and posture were tense.

"We've just received word that a band of mercenaries were spotted unloading weapons in one of the lower levels of Coruscant," Windu began. "These weapons bore the mark of the CIS army and the group is suspected of being led by Asajj Ventress."

Barriss tried to hide her shock. Ventress was the reputed dark apprentice of Count Dooku, since the start of the Clone Wars. She had once been a Jedi, but had turned to the dark side after the death of her Master. Ventress had already claimed Jedi lives and wielded a pair of twin lightsabers, making her more deadly than the average opponent. Her Force-powers were also a considerable advantage.

"Who made this report?" Luminara asked, keeping her voice even. "Republic Intel stationed in the lower levels. We have a clone battalion present in order to monitor black market activity down there," Windu answered.

Luminara nodded thoughtfully. "Why would the Separatists risk importing weapons right here on Coruscant?" Obi-Wan Kenobi asked. "Clear, it is, that Dooku hopes to fool us. Expect the unexpected, we must," Yoda offered.

Luminara nodded. "We would never expect an attack right below us, so Dooku must have taken advantage of that. It's a risky move, and it might've worked if we hadn't spotted it in time," she said.

"Work, it may, if we do not move qu

 

(Continued)

An hour later, Barriss and her Master examined each other in their disguises.

Luminara wore a heavy shawl and veil of a rich purple hue that contrasted interestingly against her olive skin. She looked more like a traveling fortune-teller than a Jedi Master. The black diamond tatoos on her chin were still visible though, as were her peircing blue eyes.

Barriss wore a skimpy outfit that bared her belly and left little to the imagination, a dancing girl's net costume that was uncomfortable. Barriss blushed when she saw her Master's raised eyebrows and surprised expression. "Don't say a word," she whispered, letting her long hair cascade down her back. Her hair, usually bound up inside her hood, shone a deep blue color in the sunlight. She had never felt more vulnerable in her life. How did the Council expect her to dodge blaster bolts in this getup? Their lightsabers were hidden inside pouches on their belts, as well as their comlinks.

Luminara and Barriss walked over to the speeder waiting for them in the parking bay of the Temple. It was small and sleek--black as night, with a transparisteel roof and stripes running up the sides. "They call this insconspicuous?" Barriss blurted out when she saw the vehicle.

"It will fit perfectly in the underlevels. You'll see," Luminara replied with a smile. Barriss had never been down to the underlevels before, but knew it was easily the most dangerous section of Coruscant. There, they would find the true scum of the galaxy--mercenaries, smugglers, pirates... anyone, in short, who had a bad reputation with the Republic. She shivered, and not just because of her skimpy clothing. Killers lurked down there. She patted the lightsaber hidden in her pouch, then climbed into the passenger seat.

Luminara sat down and looked at the controls doubtfully. "Well, it can't be that hard," she finally announced, confidence in her voice. Barriss shook her head. "Please tell me they told you how to fly this thing."

Luminara glanced at her. "Of course," she said, grinning.


Nearly an hour later, the craft touched down on the street outside a cantina located meters below the massive buildings of the entertainment district. Barriss quickly left the vehicle, climbing uncertainly to her feet. "Never...again," she said breathlessly, glaring at her Master. The trip through the skylanes had been treacherous.

Luminara merely laughed, looking unfazed as usual. "Our contact should be inside," she whispered, glancing nervously around at passing denizens. She saw Hutts, Nikto, Twi'leks, Rodians...all of them wearing slight scowls or angry expressions. The situation did not look good.

Barriss spotted an exotic dancing joint across the street. Several males whistled and called out to her. "Hey, little lady, why don't you walk this way?" a human male shouted. Barriss looked at his stained clothes and grimy hair with disdain. "Just ignore them. We don't need to cause a scene this early," Luminara whispered, taking her Padawan by the arm and leading her inside the cantina.

It was good to get out of the crowded street, but inside was no better. The smoky air felt thick and heavy, and they were assaulted by loud noises and bright lights. Barriss scanned the crowd using the Force, getting no disciplined thoughts or decent morals. She had to restrain herself from unfolding her lightsaber every time someone jeered at her.

Luminara sensed the difficulty Barriss was having in controlling herself. She hurredly searched for their contact, Commander Gree. She found his mind--sharp, disciplined, gaured--amid the chaos of indecency and immorality. She spotted him sitting stiffly at a table near the back. He too wore a heavy hood, but the standard appearance of a clone--bronze skin, dark hair--was obvious. (Continued Below!)

 

(Continued)

Luminara grabbed her Padawan's arm again and made her way to the table. "Is this seat taken?" she asked, grinning.

The surprise on his face was priceless. He quickly gestured to the seats in front of him, and they sat. "Master Unduli...Padawan Offee," he greeted, taking in their outfits. His eyes lingered on Barriss.

"Commander Gree. You picked quite an....interesting place to meet," Luminara said, nearly having to shout to be heard over the music. He shrugged. "I thought it would allow us to blend in." He glanced at Barriss. "Although your attire seems to be drawing some attention."

Barriss frowned across the table at him. " I did not choose this outfit," she growled. "The Jedi Council--" She stopped,noticing a Twi'lek waitress approaching their table.

The girl was as scantly clad as Barriss, though her body seemed more fitted for it than the Jedi. "Anything to drink?" she asked them, taking out a holopad.

"No, thank you. You will leave us to our business," Luminara said quickly, her voice soothing. She waved slightly in the Twi'lek's direction. Barriss realized her Master was employing a Jedi mind trick with the Force.

The Twi'lek's eyes became unfocused, and she slumped. Her lekku twitched slightly. "I will leave you to your business," she said, then turned and walked away.

Gree looked impressed. "We can't afford to have anyone nose out our business," Luminara explained simply. "Of course, General. The battalion is waiting in the lot out back," Gree said, lowering his voice.

"I hope they are in disguise," Luminara replied, gesturing to his outfit. "Yes. You will see. Follow me," he said, standing up and drifting into the crowd.

The two Jedi casually followed, being careful not to bump into anyone. Gree disappeared through a door hidden behind the bar, and the Jedi waited a few minutes before following.

They stepped out into broad daylight. The alley back here was seemingly empty, save for a few recycler bins and groups of men sitting around. They were dressed in nondescript, shabby clothing of various dark hues. Some wore their hoods drawn up, others wore space pilot helmets.

At first glance they were all different, but if one were to look more closely, one would see that they shared a distinct manner in which they moved--stiff, with precision, almost like droids. A few of them were playing sabaac, and the others were quietly talking. Barriss noticed they all wore bags strapped across their chests. Blasters, she thought. There were perhaps thirty to forty of them.

"Men," Gree announced, and as one, the clone troops turned to face them. Luminara stepped forward. "You have your mission. Ventress and her men are located nearby. Remember, we'll move in fast, surround Ventress, and take custody of their weapons. No bystanders are to be harmed. And if they resist, shoot to kill," she said, looking around at each clone.

"Yes, General," the battalion responded, snapping to attention. "Move out," Gree ordered, and the clones assembled into a loose formation as to not draw attention. Gree, Luminara, and Barriss walked in front down the alley and into the street. (Continued Below!)

 

(Continued)

Gree gestured to a worn-looking building located a few hundred feet ahead and across the street. The clones dispersed, scattering before any onlookers could tell there had been a formation.

"Barriss, keep your mind open for Ventress. No doubt she will be on gaurd. You will know her presence when you feel it," Luminara whispered to her before drifting away and fading into the crowd.

Barriss nodded to herself and slowed her pace towards the building. She felt the minds of clone troopers around her--one behind, one on each side, and one a few feet ahead of her.

She wondered how Ventress would feel to her mind--probably dark, slippery, an angry storm of confusion, fear, and hatred. At least, that was how Dooku's mind had felt on Geonosis. Barriss had never fought a Sith before. Ventress was only an apprentice, but she would no doubt have some dark powers. Barriss gripped the lightsaber tucked away in her pouch. Luminara and the others would help. They would succeed.

Ducking past yet another dancing joint, Barriss met her Master's gaze just before they reached the building. "Stay close to me," Luminara said, putting comfort into her words.

The building was tall, surrounded by rubble and broken machinery on all sides, and apparently empty. It could have been an abandoned hotel or a closed factory. Barriss didn't care. She could feel the danger radiating from the place, and knew Ventress lurked inside.

Gree pointed to a door in the side, and the first group of men scuttled inside. One after the other, clones disappeared inside, removing their bags as they did so. Gree, Luminara, and Barriss were the last to enter.

Inside, there was only darkness and silence. The clones lit glowrods and held them up, casting eerie green shadows on the duracrete walls. The air was stale and slightly damp. Barriss thought she saw shadows slip by, and fumbled for her lightsaber. The clones shifted their blaster rifles uncertainly.

"Be wary, men," Luminara encouraged, activating her own lightsaber. Ahead was a flight of broken duracrete steps, and the battalion picked their way up them. Barriss noted there were no windows or obvious doorways. The group stepped up to a platform, once again empty and made of duracrete, supported by steel pillars.

Suddenly, an alarm interrupted the silence. Barriss saw her Master's eyes widen before panic hit her. Too late, the clones turned as the bombs exploded.

Apparently, they had been planted on each of the steel pillars, because the platform collapsed after the first blast. As the Jedi and clones fell downward, smoke rose, obscurring everyone's vision. The last thing Barriss heard was the dying cries of the clones, then she succumbed to the darkness....

Her first returning sensation was that of pain. Pain in her arms and legs. Next were her Master's frantic shouts and the touch of her hands.

"Barriss! Barriss!" She opened her eyes to find Luminara's worried face close to her. Her veil had been torn and her shawl was askew, revealing her flowing black hair that looked slightly burned. Luminara had also suffered several cuts to her face, and blood flowed across her forehead.

"M-Master?" Barriss responded, then slowly rose. She was not pleased to notice that her flimsy costume had been shredded, revealing even more skin than before. She covered herself as best as possible, then let Luminara help her to her feet. The boots hadn't been damaged, at least.

She found her lightsaber amid the wreckage. She tried not to look at the clones lying silently on the ground. The air was filled with a sharp cackle, and a shiver ran up her spine. Luminara froze.

A pair of red blades lit up the room, followed by a sizzle. In the red shadows, Barriss could barely make out a skull-like head and flowing black robes. Ventress.

The woman was bald, with skin so pale she looked like a skeleton. Black tattoos ran down her mouth like blood coated on a creature's lips. She held her lightsabers with steady talon-like hands.

The Jedi lit their sabers at the same time.

 

Anyone is welcome to post a comment!

 

Is anyone out there?

 

You are a very good writer. Keep up the good work. Don't get discouraged if people don't comment right away. Just be patient when it comes to updating and comments.

 

I have to agree with my Sithly collegue. It is awesome that you have completed your FanFic and posted it here for us to enjoy. The only thing I would have changed was to leave more time between your updates for your readers to show you appreciation and to give us some suspense. Right now the suspense that I have is waiting for your next story.

 

Sorry, didn't notice the update, my baad. Anyways, overall enjoyable story and conclusion, keep it up.

 

Generally this is quite well done. The plot is simple, but effectively, and the story moves at a good pace. Characterization of Bariss and Luminara is spot on, also Commander Gree, Ventress perhaps less so but she's a complex character and the presentation is certainly effective.

There are a number of small errors throughout, including agreement mistakes, a fair number of awkward phrasings, and, most regrettably, a number of spelling errors. Notably, you spelled 'missile' wrong several times in succession. While one of the mistakes are egregious or severe, I would recommend an additional editing pass before posting to take some of them out.

More significantly, this story uses a floating point of view, moving between Bariss and Luminara without a scene-to-scene transition. That is generally considered a unprofessional practice, and on a personal level, I find it confusing and distracting as it presents occasionally jarring perspective changes. It is something to consider adjusting; in a this particular piece, I would suggest using Barass' perspective only and simply have her react to Luminara's actions. I'll also briefly comment on the concluding fight scene. It's okay, but I think you could improve it by streamlining it and pumping up the action level through descriptive adjustments. Your style, while excellent for conversational scenes, could use a little bit more heft for to create exciting lightsaber combat.

A few factual notes: You have this timed at 2 months post-Geonosis, and I'm not certain Ventress was even active in Separatist service at that very early data (officially Ventress was recruited after the death of Sev'rance Tann, who died a month into the Clone Wars). Also, though this is a small thing, you use the term 'battalion' inaccurately. A GAR battalion is 576 men, Gree's 30-40 person unit would fall in scale of a Platoon.

 

I've just read the first post, but I am enjoying the writing so far I really enjoyed the lightsaber sparring (the lightsaber duel was good in your other fic too!) and the little paragraph describing Coruscant.

Also, I love Luminara, so I'm glad to see a fic with her in it!