main
side
curve

Before - Legends Silver Swarms of Ships *RELOADED* [Dear Diary 2014] Diary Complete!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Goodwood, Jan 2, 2014.

  1. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan WIP Month Champion star 7 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    touching update. it will take time for him
     
    Nyota's Heart likes this.
  2. Goodwood

    Goodwood Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2011
    Pilot log, entry one oh five, 3956.2.13 BBY

    As I had suspected, the small force stationed at Tirahnn was ordered to redeploy elsewhere not long after my last entry, save for Horseshoe and the 23rd. Rather, we've been redirected Rimward, to join up with a small task force gathering somewhere between Ord Biniir and Dantooine, for an as-yet undisclosed operation. I have no idea where our ultimate goal lies, but that kind of detail hasn't bothered me for almost two years now, having since become conversant with the realities of war. I say it like that because, even as we travel hyperspace to make the appointed rendezvous, I feel as though I am beginning to finally shake myself loose of this deep blue funk brought on by Teish'ala's death. Her prerecorded message certainly helped matters, but it is Mara's surprisingly warm and solicitous attitude toward me that has enabled me to face facts and move on.

    Though I still mourn my lost love, she will forever be a part of me and who I am; as long as I exist and hold her memories dear, Teish'ala will never truly be gone from this universe. Whether her spirit has become one with the Force, or some other claptrap like that, is immaterial to me; her logs have painted a more complete picture of her life and character. I am grateful for this, but even more grateful for her forbearance. I will continue to be the best pilot—and person—I know how to be, and if that means letting someone else into my heart who wants in, then so be it. I'm starting to figure out who that person might be, but since we all have a job to do, I've put aside any further considerations and put my full efforts into ensuring that whatever missions we are given are successfully carried out. Though it is inevitable that it should happen, my hope is that I can help to prevent such future heartache for those under my command as well as those we fight alongside.

    Our time on this voyage so far hasn't been spent in idle pursuits, however. I've been given a limited set of data pertaining to our target and the type of mission we are to undertake, and Elam and I have set about preparing various sims to account for this. Most of the 23rd haven't had previous experience in atmospheric combat and, more crucially, in close aerospace support missions. This tells me two things: first, the target we'll be hitting is located on a planet and second, that we'll be supporting an assault force that will be going in for a ground action. Whether or not this force consists of Army troopers or Marines, I don't yet know, though my gut is leaning toward the latter. As such, we've been simming these kinds of activities; I know for a fact that in atmosphere, our enemies' interceptors surrender some of their advantages, while our fighters are largely unaffected.

    If our first performances are any indication, then the 23rd will sweep the skies of whatever silver swarms arise to meet us.

    ______________________________________________________________________
    Thumper09 windu4 Nyota's Heart earlybird-obi-wan TrakNar Findswoman
     
  3. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod in Pink star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    "Keep calm and carry on" is a good motto for Chak right now, and he's doing just that, focusing on preparing himself and the 23rd for their next mission. And there's nothing like a new mission to jolt everyone out of a funk—I'll be interesting to see what it holds. Though I wonder if at some point all these various missions just blur together in the mind of an experienced fighter like Chak, in a "just another day at the office" fashion? Not a dig on him at all—just another one of those realities of war, maybe.
     
  4. Goodwood

    Goodwood Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2011
    Findswoman Near as I can determine from readings and discussions about such matters, that sort of blending only happens in hindsight. In other words, the memories of missions flown or battles fought only really blur with time, and quite a bit of it at that. It's drilled into the minds of soldiers and officers alike that you must keep your mind on the here and now, that while you may go into battle according to a certain plan and with some expectation, it is a decidedly bad idea to let those expectations dominate your thinking. History is filled to bursting with battles lost that could have been won had one side or the other been able to adjust for the unexpected. The aphorism to keep in mind here is that "no plan survives contact with the enemy," which is why a good battle plan will account for variances in enemy strength, disposition, and capabilities as well as suggestions on what to do if the enemy does something you didn't plan for.

    This is why commanders in truly modern military forces are permitted a certain measure of autonomy when it comes to the implementation and execution of a tactical and/or strategic plan, and why tactical and/or strategic planners are rarely asked to be the ones to carry those plans to fruition. Possibly the biggest reason why the Germans lost at Stalingrad was that von Paulus was not a combat general, but a staff officer; he was brilliant at organization and logistics, but a piss-poor combat leader, incapable of seizing opportunities that a trained and experienced field general ought to be able to spot (I won't go into depth here, I'm already rambling too much as it is).

    The point, I suppose, is that if you start to think of your part in a war as "just another day at the office" is tantamount to suicide. This is only compounded the higher up the ladder you go, to the point that expecting a "blue milk run" when there is no real reason to do so might not only result in your death, but the deaths of many (or all) of those under your command. Though it isn't directly borne of war and battle, there is another aphorism: "The fool thinks he knows everything; the wise man knows he knows nothing."

    Sorry for the rant. ;)
     
  5. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod in Pink star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Ok, thanks for the thorough explanation; that makes sense when you put it that way. :) But I do sincerely hope that last aphorism about the fool and the wise man isn't directed at me for bringing this up; again, this was not meant as a dig on Chak in any way. After all, there's also the aphorism "Ask a question and you're a fool for five minutes; don't ask one, and you're a fool forever." :p
     
    TrakNar likes this.
  6. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan WIP Month Champion star 7 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Glad to see him getting busy again and remembering his great love
     
  7. Goodwood

    Goodwood Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2011
    It's just a rhetorical, ma'am. ;)
     
  8. Goodwood

    Goodwood Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2011
    Pilot log, entry one oh six, 3956.2.22 BBY

    We arrived at the rendezvous point yesterday, where the details of the mission were passed along among the various commanders for dissemination to their respective commands. I won't go into operational details here, but suffice to say my hunches have been proved correct; among our little convoy are eight of the Marines' specially-designed landing craft, enough to land two companies of assault troops. After the briefing I met with the company commanders, so that they could get to know the flying leathernecks that would be providing close support. One of them, a Rodian female and senior lieutenant called Reeka Chorizzo, seemed quite pleased at my presence in particular, looking as though she was resisting the urge to hug me even as we made our introductions. The other one, a grim-faced Gotal, simply shook my head and nodded grimly, thankful that he'd have real support at last. I took that to mean he'd had to suffer the presences of Navy outfits for far too long, at which he favored me with a predatory grin.

    Our fleet isn't very large, but apparently it doesn't need to be; the spooks at Republic Intelligence seem to think that our target is a recently-established naval base. Two of the Jarhead-class landers have been stuffed into Horseshoe's hangar, necessitating some creative repositioning of our starfighters to enable them to load troops and launch again, to the point that they'll have to depart the ship before the 23rd can make its own launch. As it happens, Lieutenant Chorizzo managed to nudge her way into the ship's temporary Marine contingent (she's CO of the 19th Marine Battalion's Dorn Company, after all), and she spent the rest of that day and most of today intermittently but politely bugging me for an interview when I and my pilots weren't otherwise occupied. Though the fleet has already entered hyperspace on the first leg of the ingress (we're heading Rimward of our target as to approach it from an oblique angle), I'm starting to feel a little more relaxed and charitable.

    The part of me that was Teish'ala still pulses with a dull agony, but it's muted by my sense of responsibility for my people and mission, as well as the love for her I hold that will never go away. Reeka, in her own inimitable way, seems to have zeroed in on that particular facet of my life and personality; how a complete stranger can identify such an inward aspect of me seemed disconcerting at first, but there's something unique about the lieutenant that defies classification. I've decided to grant her the interview she so fervently desires, even though it's patently obvious as to why she would want to do it. On the one hand, I don't want to be seen as overly proud or entitled, but on the other hand, she's a regular contributor to Jarhead!, the Corps' official holozine. In fact, the more I thought about the request, the more sure I became that I've read an article or two that she's written.

    The way I see it, she'll be a competent interviewer (though to her credit, the Twi'lek who ambushed me did a decent job—for a civilian), and will get to the heart of the matter much more easily and with the knowledge and experience to put everything in context. Perhaps I can then give Teish'ala her due, acknowledging her life and legacy to the rest of the service. Though such a task will inevitably require me to admit that Navy pukes aren't all scum-sucking, self-centered egomaniacs and glory hounds, I have no problem with this.

    ______________________________________________________________________
    Thumper09 windu4 Nyota's Heart earlybird-obi-wan TrakNar Findswoman
     
  9. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan WIP Month Champion star 7 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Good to see him agreeing to do an interview
     
  10. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Anagrams & Scattegories Host; WIP Month Champ star 8 VIP - Game Winner VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    I like Reeka insightfulness already :) And Chak is disconcerted by her but also amenable - a fascinating combo there -- another thing that's interesting is how this current mission will play out.

    [face_thinking]

    On the aspect of the interview itself, I know Chak will be eloquent and articulate, without tooting his horn too much. :)
     
  11. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod in Pink star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Ooh, Reeka Chorizzo is a familiar name. :) Should be an interesting interview, and it will be doubly interesting to compare to the one by the Twi'lek reporter.
    R. seems very, very curious about our hero, but much of it certainly is born of her naturally friendly and outgoing personality, too (the qualities that make her well-suited to be a regular Jarhead! contributor).
     
  12. Goodwood

    Goodwood Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2011
    Pilot log, entry one oh seven, 3956.2.26 BBY

    Our little flotilla pounced on and successfully distracted the Sith naval presence in orbit of Sernpidal, while half the 19th Marine Battalion stormed the planetside outpost with my people providing aerospace cover. There wasn't much for us to do, however, as apparently the enemy's main force had moved on soon after subduing this world, though it was necessary for one of us to bust a few holes in the side of the building with carefully-aimed laser cannon fire. Though I probably could have done it, Lieutenant Gril'char is quite the surgeon with such weapons, so I let him and his wingmate handle the run. After that, the Marines on the ground swarmed in and swiftly overwhelmed the defenders, after which the 23rd was released to hit the enemy warships from behind. We did, and by the time the battle petered out, our force of four cruisers and two frigates, with accompanying Navy fliers, had accounted for three enemy warships destroyed outright and a further two badly damaged, abandoned and adrift.

    Personally, I was surprised to learn during the debrief that there hadn't been any Dark Jedi or Sith force-users present on the ground, though a number of casualties had been incurred by enemy assault droids. In the end, though, I find myself feeling a profound sense of relief that not only am I still able to perform my duties, but perform them well and with the same determined, controlled fury that I had been cultivating for so long now. I don't know what the purpose of this raid was, and we're already retreating from the system, but it feels good to be cooperating with ground troops in yet another offensive operation. In some ways—all those that matter, at any rate—this feels a lot like the liberation of Iridonia. Though Sernpidal is by no means considered "liberated," the action there does represent a blow against the Sith war effort, which is good because as we learned upon returning, Ord Mantell is already under siege. Even more than that, it's my first major action after having endured such a profound change in my own life.

    The overall galactic situation, however, isn't for us to worry about; that world has defenses of its own and can hold out for some time even if the Sith try a repeat of their performance at Sluis Van. It is entirely possible the Republic may lose control there, but the brass doesn't seem too worried about it and I'm disinclined to ponder the point myself. Simply knowing that I'm back in the war is enough, for now, to keep me going, as is the pending interview with Lieutenant Chorizzo. We've agreed to hold it tomorrow, and she's already dropped hints at the kinds of questions and topics she's going to ask and touch upon. The both of us have at least one thing in common, at any rate: we've both met and fought alongside Captain Laera Reyolé, another Cross of Glory holder.

    I still think of Teish'ala—it's impossible not to, and I don't want to stop in any case—but such thoughts are becoming more about who she was and what she had meant to me, rather than dwelling on her loss. Even if no one ever reads her piece, I'm determined that Reeka at least will know what it was like for me to love a Navy pilot from Ryloth who, despite having a rough, unapproachable demeanor, opened her heart for a young Coruscanti swooper with idealistic views and a deep sense of responsibility. Sometimes I still wonder how that could have happened, or what kind of person I would be if I had never met her, much less fallen in love. It is probably as much her love as my own skill—and luck—that has kept me alive thus far.

    ______________________________________________________________________
    Thumper09 windu4 Nyota's Heart earlybird-obi-wan TrakNar Findswoman
     
  13. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod in Pink star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Glad that this latest mission went well and that Chak's gotten his old fight back—though I know it never really disappeared, it was just resting for a bit in order to give him much-needed time to grieve. His interview with Reeka will no doubt be therapeutic on that score as well.
     
  14. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Anagrams & Scattegories Host; WIP Month Champ star 8 VIP - Game Winner VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Excellent. Chak has not lost his fighting edge nor has he gone too far in the other direction, heedless of danger, etc. I love and applaud his perspective on his time with Teish. Not only does it celebrate what they shared but it's a very mature one, [:D] -- one that some may not ever get to. He has seemingly found his balance, at least for now, and even if it slips occasionally, he will be strong enough to find it again. @};- I also agree that the interview will likely be therapeutic.
     
  15. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan WIP Month Champion star 7 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    I fully agree with those comments
     
  16. Goodwood

    Goodwood Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2011
    Pilot log, entry one oh eight, 3956.3.2 BBY

    The news just hit the fleet as we've exited hyperspace on a course jump, and just about everybody aboard Horseshoe is cheering and carrying on. For reasons of security, reports from the action are still sketchy—even those provided to the military—but one thing is clear: Darth Revan is dead, killed by a Republic relief force as his own fleet attempted to secure Ord Mantell. The war isn't over by any means, because Darth Malak is still at large, however without the man's apparent military genius, it is very possible that the Republic has been given a much-needed reprieve. Which is definitely a good thing considering the overall situation, which had been deteriorating while we were off blasting Sith over Sernpidal. In the meantime, our task force has received new orders: we're to rendezvous with the fleet that engaged the Sith over Ord Mantell—the one I can only assume was responsible for killing the Dark Lord—and head Coreward for rest and reorganization.

    Reeka and I were in the midst of a follow-up interview session when the news hit—the first one had been cut short when we happened upon a small enemy convoy and subsequently destroyed it. It was Mara who passed me the word amidst a tumult of cheering in the companionway outside. The Rodian infantry officer and I agreed to take a short break to fully digest the impact; seems like the perfect time to make a short log entry about it, at any rate.

    So, how do I feel about the demise of Darth Revan? Exhilarated I suppose, but such a task could not have been accomplished without significant losses. I'm certain we'll find out more once we make the appointed rendezvous. Speculation is already circulating throughout the ship, and one petty officer is telling anyone who will listen that it was a trap designed by Darth Malak to depose his supposed "master" and rule the Sith Empire himself. Given that he's just a fire controller for one of the heavy turbolasers in the lower bow superstructure, I wouldn't expect him to have any real information, but it's funny to think about all the same. From what I'm given to understand, Malak isn't nearly the tactical and strategic genius that Revan was, but that's not exactly comforting considering the numbers of ships and soldiers the Sith still command. In any event, this is the first significant dose of good news we've had in a while.

    Some famous general or leader, I forget who exactly, once said that "quantity has a quality all it's own." Given my experiences in this war, I cannot help but concur wholeheartedly. If Sith doctrine follows such a shift to reflect the philosophy of the new Dark Lord, then it's a good thing I'd worked up all those "doomsday scenario" simulator programs for distribution throughout the military. I'd better get Ensign Namane in on a few of them while we've got the time; it's something I've neglected to do since she joined the squadron.

    Well, that's enough introspection. Time to get back to the quite satisfactorily erudite Reeka Chorizzo.

    ______________________________________________________________________
    Thumper09 windu4 Nyota's Heart earlybird-obi-wan TrakNar Findswoman
     
    Nyota's Heart likes this.
  17. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod in Pink star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Definitely exhilarating and encouraging news; nice tie-in with preexisting KOTOR lore (very characteristically Goodwood). :) Astute observation by Chak that the very different leadership style of Malak may necessitate new approaches and tactics (as well as more sim time for all). Even amidst all this wartime upheaval, it's nice that his interviews with Reeka are off to a good start and that they're pleasant for him so far.

    Is the "quantity has a quality" quote one from a real-life military leader, by the way?
     
  18. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Anagrams & Scattegories Host; WIP Month Champ star 8 VIP - Game Winner VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Excellent excellent news. It makes all the losses feel like they were leading to some kind of tangible and meaningful victory. [face_thinking] It makes my tummy ache that Teish isn't there to share the joy. :( But hmmm. Reeka and Chak seem to be getting along swimmingly. It's probably more a feature of having a sympathetic confidante. @};-
     
  19. Goodwood

    Goodwood Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2011
    Indeed it is; it's one of Josef Stalin's most famous quotes.
     
  20. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan WIP Month Champion star 7 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Great news. Darth Revan dead and now the events of KotOR and the big war will be over?
     
  21. Goodwood

    Goodwood Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2011
    Pilot log, entry one oh nine, 3956.3.7 BBY

    We made the rendezvous three days ago with the fleet under the command of Vice Admiral Forn Dodonna—whom I had served with at the Battle of Rodia—and learned more about what had happened in orbit of Ord Mantell. Unfortunately, even with the encryption on my log, the most important details are still too highly-classified to entrust to it, and I was only told of them because the admiral had invited me to the post-engagement dissemination of information. In any event, there was one detail that I can comment on, or more appropriately, lament over: Captain Laera Reyolé and a lieutenant with Republic Intelligence—and former Marine officer—named Silas Dan'kre were reported missing in the aftermath of the battle. It was at that point the reason for my being at that meeting was revealed: the 23rd was to provide escort for a Jedi-led mission to search for the pair of officers.

    Lieutenant Chorizzo wasn't too happy to hear this either; afterward she told me that the two of them had come up through boot camp together, and though I could tell she wanted to help in the recovery effort, it was clear there wasn't much she or her unit would be able to contribute. With our interview sessions concluded, I bade her a sympathetic farewell just before we departed soon after the briefing, though neither of us were sure we would find anything. The mission itself passed without incident, and though we searched the area of the battle as thoroughly as we dared given the continued Sith presence in the system, all we found were a few molecular traces of debris consistent with the type of shuttle the pair had appropriated at the climax of the engagement. Despite the fact they were unable to find definitive proof one way or the other, the two Jedi we escorted agreed that whatever had happened, they felt that the missing officers still lived.

    We've only just returned to the fleet after the conclusion of our search, and with the debrief over I'm looking forward to some rack time; we've been awake and flying for nearly fifty hours now. Lieutenant Chorizzo and the Marines with her have already been redeployed, sent elsewhere to bolster planetary defenses most likely, so I can't even tell her of what we've found. I'm not the only one who feels some sense of loss at the captain's disappearance either, but with so many issues taking radical course changes as a result of recent developments, there's not a whole lot of energy left to deal with the repercussions. It's bad enough that the Sith have renewed offensive operations in a number of sectors, and the Jedi on Dantooine are all but cut off from the rest of the galaxy, without having to wonder where a well-placed Intelligence officer and highly-decorated Marine captain have gone off to. That isn't a criticism, it's just how things are.

    The situation is so precarious that, almost as soon as we reverted to realspace, the two Jedi we had escorted set another course and jumped Rimward; they didn't even take the time to make a comm report to Admiral Dodonna before they were gone. I was never told their names, and didn't even meet them, and the few terse comm interactions we exchanged were filtered through voice modulators, so it was left to me to deliver the news. That particular debrief, attended solely by myself and Admiral Dodonna, was not a pleasant one.

    Anyway, I'm tired, slightly cranky, with a head full of roiling thoughts and feelings, so I'm going to go to sleep before I write something really stupid.

    ______________________________________________________________________
    Thumper09 windu4 Nyota's Heart earlybird-obi-wan TrakNar Findswoman
     
  22. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Anagrams & Scattegories Host; WIP Month Champ star 8 VIP - Game Winner VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    I can understand the tired and the cranky. Seems like things haven't actually smoothed out/evened out for the Republic side in the wake of Revan's demise. The Sith are becoming more last-ditch it looks like. [face_thinking]
     
  23. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan WIP Month Champion star 7 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    he should get some rest before the action
     
  24. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod in Pink star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    "The morning is wiser than the evening"—those classic words from Russian folklore are just as true in the GFFA. Fingers crossed that Laera and Silas will be found with as little incident as possible. (I imagine this is meant to tie in with one or another of your existing Laera stories, right?) Given Reeka's friendship with Laera, perhaps this will be an opportunity for Chak to offer Reeka some emotional support just as she had been able to do for him after Teish'ala's death.
     
  25. Goodwood

    Goodwood Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2011
    Pilot log, entry one ten, 3956.3.13 BBY

    Horseshoe and the 23rd have been detached from Admiral Dodonna's fleet, and we've been ordered to Arkania to await the arrival of two more vessels and their constituent squadrons that would be sent to us, one of which would be carrying the nominal leader of the small force and its orders. We've also been ordered to use only the most well-secured hyperlanes for the trip, and to avoid enemy contact at all costs, which to my mind seemed quite a curious stipulation. Arkania hasn't exactly gotten off light in this war, and I'm reliably told that at least one major push by the Sith in that sector was met with stiff resistance from the Arkanians themselves, forcing the enemy to withdraw with heavy casualties to both sides. Being sent there doesn't bother me at all, even if I'd rather we were deployed to a real combat zone; rather, what has me a little nervous is the fact that we're being sent alone. Even before this war began, SOP called for no less than two warships to make any such trip together when fleet assets were being shuffled around—no matter the reason.

    My gut is telling me that something is up, but there's no information available to base any conclusions on.

    In any case, as I write this log we're about halfway there; because of the detours we've had to take to ensure we don't get jumped by the Sith, the trip will take a total of seven days rather than two or three. And then we're apparently supposed to wait until our consorts show up, which could take who knows how long after that. Not knowing what lies ahead, I've had the squadron continue to practice close aerospace support missions as well as the now-standard (for us, at any rate) lopsided dogfights against large numbers of enemy craft, and even some anti-capital ship missions. Those sim runs have been further fine-tuned since the news of Darth Revan's demise, as Admiral Dodonna has provided recently-released performance schematics for the Sith interceptor, based on a captured example. I didn't even ask where the vehicle had come from or how it had been obtained, and the truth is I don't really want to know. I'm just grateful that I and my people will actually be able to try our hands at flying simulacrums of one of those slim sliver starfighters. This will help us in any number of ways, including gaining a full understanding of what our enemy can—and can't—do against us.

    Since we are out of the fighting, albeit temporarily, I've been giving a lot more thought as to Teish'ala's message and who it might apply to, if for no other reason than to help further dull the ache. Almost as soon as I chose to sit myself down and think about it, however, I remembered when I had first come into contact with Commander Mara Juliso. In addition to other battles, we had helped to secure Foless against the Sith, and had danced at the local celebration of last year's Navy Day together, and for a while afterward she had subtly been trying to gain my attention. At some point, however, she must have realized I had already had someone significant in my life, because eventually that had stopped completely and we'd simply gone about our professional lives as friends and comrades. When I had told her of Teish'ala's death, she had said that others needed me as well...but when I had figured she was referring to the pilots in my squadron, she had almost thrown me out of her office.

    Apparently she still sees something in me, and though part of me feels as though it would be an insult to and betrayal of Teish'ala's memory, the rational part of me thinks—and feels—that perhaps Mara's affections need not be ignored. She's a good woman, intelligent and empathetic both, and she definitely has courage in addition to being a fine officer and capable leader. It's difficult to reconcile my previous relationship with her with the idea of taking it into a different direction, but I think most of that has to do with the muted but still present pain of loss. I would hate to get involved with another woman who could also become a casualty of war just as easily as Teish, or who could lose me just as easily and be subject to similar emotional distress, but if she really does care for me...

    And damn me, but I do care for her as well. It might not exactly be love that I feel for Mara, and if anything were to happen between us, I would rather it wait until the war's end. But perhaps it is time I realize that there really is a second chance for me out there, and that it is closer to hand than I had thought possible. Maybe after our arrival at Arkania, I'll come by and see the captain again, as she had requested I do previously after such consideration. Whatever may happen as a result, at least this time I'll be going in with my eyes open and my mind clear, open to whatever possibilities may be had.

    ______________________________________________________________________
    Thumper09 windu4 earlybird-obi-wan Nyota's Heart TrakNar Findswoman